Cornelius Quotes in Beneath the Planet of the Apes (1970)

Cornelius: They will dissect you! And they will kill you! In that order!

Cornelius: If you are caught by the gorillas, you must remember one thing.

John Brent: What's that?

Cornelius: Never to speak!

John Brent: What the hell would I have to say to a gorilla?

Chairman of the President's Committee of Inquiry: [testing Lewis's assertion that the apes can speak] What is your name?

Dr. Zira: Zira.

Chairman of the President's Committee of Inquiry: One might as well be talking to a parrot.

Dr. Zira: A parrot?

Chairman of the President's Committee of Inquiry: What did I tell you? Mechanical mimicry. Unique in an ape, vocally, without a doubt, but... does the other one talk?

Cornelius: Only when she lets me.

Cornelius: They became alert to the concept of slavery. And, as their numbers grew, to slavery's antidote which, of course, is unity. At first, they began assembling in small groups. They learned the art of corporate and militant action. They learned to refuse. At first, they just grunted their refusal. But then, on an historic day, which is commemorated by my species and fully documented in the sacred scrolls, there came Aldo. He did not grunt. He articulated. He spoke a word which had been spoken to him time without number by humans. He said 'No.' So that's how it all started.

Reporter at Hotel: Dr. Cornelius, tell me: ho do you find our women?

Cornelius: Very human.

Cornelius: By the time the plague was contained, man was without pets. Of course, for man this was intolerable. I mean, he might kill his brother, but he could not kill his dog!

Milo: [after Zira has spoken the first time in the presence of humans] Zira, are you mad?

Cornelius: Please don't call my wife mad!

Milo: I'm not, I'm just merely asking her: Zira, are you mad?

Dr. Zira: [to Dr. Dixon] You're the second human I have kissed.

Cornelius: [to Dr. Branton] And you are the first.

Dr. Lewis Dixon: Can you read a map?

Cornelius: I'm an archaeologist. I can even draw one!

Tailor: May I measure your inside leg, sir?

Cornelius: No.

Cornelius: If we are caught, we will almost certainly be killed. Please give us the opportunity... to kill ourselves?

Dr. Lewis Dixon: I shouldn't do this, but I guessed you'd ask.

[Dr. Dixon hands Cornelius a gun]

Chairman of the President's Committee of Inquiry: [referring to Cornelius] Does the other one talk?

Cornelius: [indicating Zira] Only when she lets me.

Lisa: [upon finding a playing dead Cornelius] Cornelius, are you alright?

Cornelius: No, Mother, I'm just dead.

Cornelius: [reading from the sacred scrolls of the apes] Beware the beast Man, for he is the Devil's pawn. Alone among God's primates, he kills for sport or lust or greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him; drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of death.

[Taylor ties up Dr. Zaius]

Dr. Zira: Taylor! Don't treat him that way!

George Taylor: Why not?

Dr. Zira: It's humiliating!

George Taylor: The way you humiliated me? All of you? YOU led me around on a LEASH!

Cornelius: That was different. We thought you were inferior.

George Taylor: Now you know better.

George Taylor: There's your Minister of Science; honor-bound to expand the frontiers of knowledge...

Dr. Zira: Taylor, please!

George Taylor: ...except that he's also chief Defender of the Faith!

Dr. Zaius: There is no contradiction between faith and science... true science!

George Taylor: Are you willing to put that statement to the test?

Cornelius: Taylor, I would much rather...

George Taylor: Take it easy... you saved me from this fanatic, maybe I can return the favor!

Cornelius: Well Taylor, we're all fugitives now.

George Taylor: Do you have any weapons, any guns?

Cornelius: The best, but we won't need them.

George Taylor: I'm glad to hear it. I want one anyway.

Cornelius: Taylor, you are not in command here. Put down that gun!

George Taylor: Shut up!

Dr. Zira: But what about your theory? The existence of someone like Taylor might prove it.

Cornelius: Zira, do you want to get my head chopped off?

Dr. Zira: Oh, don't be foolish. If it's true, they'll have to accept it.

Cornelius: [chuckles] No, they won't.

Franny: [just before Lewis is about to leave to go back to the past] Wait Lewis, one more thing.

[Franny approaches Lewis]

Lewis: Yeah?

Franny: Just a little tip for the future, I am always right. Even when I'm wrong, I'm right.

[taps Lewis's nose]

Franny: [Lewis gives confused look then looks at Cornelius]

Cornelius: She's right. I would just go with it if I were you...

[chuckles]

Cornelius: and I am.

Lewis: Then you're absouletly right.

Lewis: [Wilbur honks the horn repeatdly] Alright, alright, I'm coming.

[heads over to the time machine and climbs in]

Wilbur: [Looks at Lewis] Well, it's not like you're never going to see them again. They are you're family after all.

[Lewis looks at the Robinson family all smiling at him]

Wilbur: [Wilbur closes the hatch and starts the time machine which takes off, Lewis waves good-bye to the Robinsons as Wilbur and Lewis go back to the past]

Lewis: How did you end up like this?

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: Well, it's a long and pitiful story, about a young boy with a dream. a dream of winning a Little League championship.

Bowler Hat Guy: [flashback to a Little League baseball game, Yagoobian is asleep in the outfield; a sleepy Yagoobian fails to catch a ball headed his way] A dream that was ruined in the last inning. We lost by one run because of me.

Baseball player: Get him!

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [the scene changes to Yagoobian in the orphanage] If I hadn't fallen asleep, I would have caught the ball! And we would have won! Do you understand?

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: For some reason, no one wanted to adopt me.

Reporter: [over the radio] Whiz kid Cornelius Robinson graduates from college at age 14 - This year's Nobel Prize goes to a young Cornelius Robinson.

Student 1: Hey Goob, what's up?

Student 2: Cool binder, want to come over to my house today?

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: They all hated me. Eventually, they closed down the orphanage and everyone left... except me.

Reporter: [on radio] Cornelius Robinson rebuilds Inventco - Rrobinson reaches out to - Cornielius Robinson - Cornelius Robinson is now - Now here's another amazing...

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: It was then that I realized it wasn't my fault. It was yours! If you hadn't kept me up all night working on your stupid project, then I wouldn't have missed the catch, so I devised a brilliant plan to get revenge.

[Yagoobian throws eggs at the Robinson Industries building]

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: Robinson, you stink!

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: Then, just as I was on the brink of destroying Robinson Industries, I met 'her'.

[Doris chirps]

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: We retreated to our villainous lair, where Doris spun a tale of deception and woe. Apparently, you invented her to be a helping hat, a slave to humankind... But Doris knew she was capable of so much more!

[Doris pulls herself over the lab assistant's eyes]

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: However, you didn't see her true potential...

Cornelius: Got it!

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: So you shut her down... or so you thought.

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [Doris breaks out of her holding cell] We both had a score to settle with you, and while my plan for revenge was brilliant, Doris's was... well, we went with Doris's, but I made a very, very important contribution. Together we made the perfect team.

Franny: [Doris activates her night vision goggles] Wilbur, make sure you shut that door tight, or else the alarm won't engage.

Wilbur: Yeah, Mom.

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [Wilbur leaves the door ajar] I went to your house, snuck in the garage, and stole the time machine. All thanks to that pointy-haired little kid who forgot to lock the garage door.

[Adult Yagoobian cackles as the flashback ends]

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: And now, all that's left is to return to Inventco, where I'll pass off your little gizmo as my own.

Bowler Hat Guy: [Bowler Hat Guy turns on a light, revelaing an abandoned bedroom] Allow me to shed some light on the subject.

Lewis: [gasps] My old room!

Bowler Hat Guy: I think you mean 'our' old room.

Lewis: What?

Bowler Hat Guy: [Bowler Hat Guy removes his cloak, revealing his old Little League baseball uniform] Ye-es! Yes, it is I, Mike Yagoobian!

Lewis: Ugh!

Bowler Hat Guy: I know, I'm disgusting, but one learns to love it.

Lewis: How did you end up like this?

Bowler Hat Guy: [Bowler Hat Guy puts his cloak back on] Well, it's a long and pitiful story, about a young boy with a dream, a dream of winning a Little League championship.

Bowler Hat Guy: [Flashback to a sandlot baseball stadium where a young Mike Yagoobian is asleep in the outfield; a fly ball lands next to a sleepy Yagoobian] A dream that was ruined in the last inning. We lost by one run because of me.

Baseball Player: Get him!

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [at the orphanage] If I hadn't fallen asleep, I would have caught the ball, and we would have won! Do you understand?

Bowler Hat Guy: For some reason, no one wanted to adopt me.

Reporter: [over the radio] Whiz kid Cornelius Robinson graduates from college at age 14... This year's Nobel Prize goes to a young Cornelius Robinson...

Twin student 1: Hey Goob, what's up?

Twin student 2: Cool binder. Hey Goob, wanna come over to my house today?

Bowler Hat Guy: They all hated me. Eventually they closed down the orphanage and everyone left... except me.

Reporter: [over the radio] Cornelius Robinson rebuilds Inventco... Robinson reaches out to... Cornelius Robinson... Cornielus Robinson is now... Now here's another amazing...

Bowler Hat Guy: It was then that I realized it wasn't 'my' fault... it was yours! If you hadn't kept me up all night working on your stupid project, then I wouldn't have missed the catch! So I devised a brilliant plan to get my revenge.

[Bowler Hat Guy throws eggs at the Robinson Industries building]

Bowler Hat Guy: Robinson, you stink! Then, just as I was on the brink of destroying Robinson Industries, I met... her.

[Doris extends her metal claw and drags Bowler Hat Guy away]

Bowler Hat Guy: We retreated to our villainous lair, where Doris spun a tale of deception and woe. Apparently, you invented her to be a helping hat, a slave to humankind... But Doris knew she was capable of so much more... However, you didn't see her true potential...

Cornelius: Got it!

Bowler Hat Guy: So you shut her down... or so you thought.

[Doris breaks out of the storage area]

Bowler Hat Guy: We both had a score to settle with you, and while my plan for revenge was brilliant, Doris's was... well, we went with Doris's. I made a very, very important contribution. Together, we made the perfect team.

Lewis: How did you end up like this?

Bowler Hat Guy: Well, it's a long and pitiful story, about a young boy with a dream. a dream of winning a Little League championship.

[flashback to a Little League baseball game at a sandlot where Yagoobian is asleep in the outfield; a sleepy Yagoobian fails to catch a fly ball that lands next to him]

Bowler Hat Guy: A dream that was ruined in the last inning. We lost by one run because of me.

Baseball Player: Get him!

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [the scene changes to Yagoobian in the orphanage] If I hadn't fallen asleep, I would have caught the ball, and we would have won! Do you understand?

Bowler Hat Guy: For some reason, no one wanted to adopt me.

Reporter: Whiz kid Cornelius Robinson graduates from college at age 14... This year's Nobel Prize goes to a young Cornelius Robinson...

Twin student 1: Hey Goob, what's up?

Twin student 2: Cool binder, want to come over to my house today?

Bowler Hat Guy: They all hated me. Eventually, they closed down the orphanage and everyone left... except me.

Reporter: Cornelius Robinson rebuilds Inventco... Robinson reaches out to... Cornielius Robinson... Cornelius Robinson is now... Now here's another amazing...

Bowler Hat Guy: It was then that I realized it wasn't 'my' fault. It was yours! If you hadn't kept me up all night working on your stupid project, then I wouldn't have missed the catch. So I devised a brilliant plan to get my revenge.

[Bowler Hat Guy throws eggs at the Robinson Industries building]

Bowler Hat Guy: Robinson, you stink!

Bowler Hat Guy: Then, just as I was on the brink of destroying Robinson Industries, I met... her.

[Doris extends her metal claw and drags Bowler Hat Guy away]

Bowler Hat Guy: We retreated to our villainous lair, where Doris spun a tale of deception and woe. Apparently, you invented her to be a helping hat, a slave to humankind... But Doris knew she was capable of so much more... However, you didn't see her true potential...

Cornelius: Got it!

Bowler Hat Guy: So you shut her down... or so you thought.

[Doris breaks out of her holding cell]

Bowler Hat Guy: We both had a score to settle with you, and while my plan for revenge was brilliant, Doris's was... well, we went with Doris's, but I made a very, very important contribution. Together we made the perfect team.

Franny: [Doris activates her night vision goggles] Wilbur, make sure you shut that door tight, or else the alarm won't engage.

Wilbur: Yeah, Mom.

Bowler Hat Guy: [Wilbur leaves the door ajar] I went to your house, snuck in the garage, and stole the time machine. All thanks to that pointy-haired little kid who forgot to lock the garage door.

[Bowler Hat Guy cackles]

Bowler Hat Guy: And now, all that's left is to return to Inventco, where I'll pass off your little gizmo as my own.

Lewis: Goob, I had no idea!

Bowler Hat Guy: Shut up! And don't call me 'Goob'! How many evil villains do you know that can pull off a name like 'Goob'? Bleh!

Lewis: Look, I'm sorry your life turned out so bad. But don't blame me you messed it up yourself. You just focused on the bad stuff when all you had to do was... let go of the past and keep moving forward...

Bowler Hat Guy: Hmm, let's see... take responsibility for my own life or blame you? Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding! Blame you wins hands down!

Cornelius: Well, what do you have to say?

Edgar: Uh... sorry we're late?

Michelle: Uncle Cornelius, why do you look so sad?

Cornelius: My goodness!

The Furlings: Michelle!

Cornelius: Oh, Michelle! You're all right!

Michelle: Of course, I am! I just had...

[yawns]

Michelle: ... a long nap!

Michelle: What's that?

Cornelius: Great Honk!

[sees the Flapper-Wing-A-Ma-Thing]

Cornelius: My Flapper-Wing-A-Ma-Thing! But how did you get it here?

Abigail: We built it.

Russell: And we flew it!

Cornelius: Marvelous! Magnificent! Stupendous! You three have changed so much these past few days, I hardly recognize you.

[happily]

Cornelius: You're no longer my Furlings. You've grown up.

Michelle: Look, Uncle Cornelius! All the mommies & daddies are coming back!

Cornelius: Not all of them, my dear. I'll never be able to replace your mummy & daddy, but I'll do my best.

[Michelle sniffles]

Michelle: I guess nothing will ever be the same again, will it, Uncle Cornelius?

Cornelius: Well, my dear, if we all work as hard to save Dapplewood as your three friends worked to save you, it will.

Cornelius: Well, Furlings, there are times when we must learn to accept... setbacks.

Michelle: Looks like one of those times, doesn't it?

Cornelius: Russell, your mouth is hanging open!

Russell: Oh, I want to fly it! PLEASE?

Abigail: Don't be silly, you'll crash it!

Cornelius: Correct, Abigail. It's far too delicate for Furlings.

Abigail: Huh? I didn't mean me!

Russell: I guess we wrecked the big surprise.

Cornelius: No, you just wrecked months & months of work!

Michelle: Uncle Cornelius, what's "ru-rumertism"?

Cornelius: Rheumatism, Michelle.

[his back snaps]

Cornelius: Russell, you are one lucky hedgehog. It's far too rare for a Furling to survive an encounter with... with...

Michelle: A monster?

Cornelius: That is a good name for it.

Cornelius: Oh dear heavens, not here.

Michelle: What happened? Where is everyone? MOMMY! DADDY!

Cornelius: Michelle!

[to Furlings]

Cornelius: We must stop her! It's not safe!

Gentleman Brown: If an army couldn't get this treasure out, what makes you think that we can?

Cornelius: The General was too ambitious. We just need to eliminate a certain... person.

Gentleman Brown: You mean murder?

Cornelius: Justice. Kill one pompous fool...

Gentleman Brown: Let's see now: You're out, he's in - and *he's* the fool?

Schomberg: The Captain of this ship is... do you know Gentleman Brown?

Cornelius: For this sort of work, we don't need any gentlemen.

Schomberg: [laughs] This "Gentleman" Captain Brown has given more business to Death than the bubonic plague. From Java to Fiji, he's wanted for piracy, slavery, mutiny, rape, murder, and some things that aren't even mentioned in the Bible!

Gentleman Brown: Now, where is this gold kept, is it guarded, if so, how, and by whom?

Cornelius: How do I know I can trust you?

Gentleman Brown: You don't know.

Cornelius: What do you think?

Schomberg: [shrugs] I'm a silent partner.

Cornelius: Then I suppose we'll have to take each other's word as gentlemen?

Gentleman Brown: [sighs] I suppose.

Cornelius: [talking about his abdomen] Oh, I feel a gripping pain here, probably something I ate.

The General: Probably a precious stone perhaps. Like all thingsgreat and small, it will pass, and when it does, give it back.

Cornelius: Do their spears not frighten you?

The General: Fools frighten me.

Cornelius: What do you think of before a battle? Death? Killing? God? A woman!

The General: I think only of what the enemy is thinking.

Cornelius: Out of the question, it's a historical artifact.

Raymond: True, but it doesn't belong to you.

Cornelius: You're father gave it to me, that makes it a donation.

Becca: And there's nothing I can do to help persuade you?

[Becca makes a fellatio gesture]

Cornelius: [Scoffs] Him. What about him?

[Raymond looks at Becca]

Raymond: What about me?

Cornelius: [Serving Stephen a mug of beer] Here. Drag that over your tonsils.

J.T.: I want to go back to the city.

Cornelius: And I want you back. Your special brand of cruelty will always have a place in our organization.