Cookie Quotes in RocknRolla (2008)

Cookie: Have you ever bought a ticket to the Junkie's Boneyard, Roman? It's an unpleasant place, called "Curl up and die". Might sound like a hair salon, but it don't fucking look like one, I could tell ya. It's a terrible sight, and a horrible sound listening to a man,

[sucking noise]

Cookie: suck in his soul through the hole in the pipe. It's even worse when he tries to tear it back. I've been there, and I've done that. And then I nailed that Demon in a smoke proof coffin, and I did it all with Johnny. I love that man, he's what you call class. And if you had any fucking brains, Roman, you'd love him too. You know his music sales have gone up 1000% in two weeks. You see, Johnny the crackhead knows that a rocker is worth more dead than alive, silly world, isn't it? Mr. Quid does not get his gear from me, he has to travel, far and wide. But do leave me a number, and if the dead feels like calling, you'll be the first to know.

Mumbles: You were missed in court this morning.

Cookie: Not very compassionate, is it? Not turning up to your amigo's funeral.

Fred the Head: Yeah, everyone else was there, except you. And I got a feeling that the only person that Handsome really wanted to see... was you.

Cookie: I got your four basic food groups! Beans, bacon, whisky and lard.

Cookie: You're so skinny, if you turned sideways and stuck out your tongue, you'd look like a zipper.

Preston B. Whitmore: Now, let's go over it again, just so we got it straight: you didn't find anything.

Vinny: No. Just a lot of rocks. And fish, little fish. Sponges.

Preston B. Whitmore: What happened to Helga?

Cookie: Well, we lost her when a flaming zeppelin come down on her...

[Audrey hits him with her parasol]

Cookie: Uh, missing.

Preston B. Whitmore: That's right. And Rourke?

Dr. Sweet: Nervous breakdown. You could say he went all to pieces.

Cookie: In fact, you could say he was transmogrified and then busted into a zillion...

[Audrey raises her parasol]

Cookie: He's missing too.

Cookie: Dang lightnin' bugs done bit me on my sit-upon. Somebody's gonna have to suck out this poison. Now don't everybody jump up at once.

Cookie: [Serves everyone the same, nondescript slop] For the appetizer, Caesar salad, escargot, and your Oriental spring rolls.

Cookie: Blondie, I've got a bone to pick with you.

Helga: [to Milo] Hold that thought.

[to Cookie]

Helga: What is it this time, Cookie?

Cookie: You done stuffed my wagon full to bustin' with nonessentials. Look at all this. Cinnamon, oregano, ci-lantro. What in the cockadoodle is ci-lantro?

Cookie: Main course!

[all quickly refuse]

Cookie: Don't you worry. It'll keep, and keep, and keep.

[upon seeing Atlantis]

Cookie: Sweet mother of Jefferson Davis!

Audrey: [about an Atlantean] Wow. Look at all those tattoos.

Cookie: Shoot. That ain't nothin'. Look here what I got.

[lifts up shirt, grossing Audrey out]

Cookie: All 38 United States. Watch me make Rhode Island dance.

[wiggles his belly]

Cookie: Go on, baby, dance. Dance.

Cookie: I seen this back in the Dakotas. They can smell fear just by lookin' atcha.

[whispers]

Cookie: So keep quiet.

Cookie: Another one of them new worlds. No beer, no women, no pool parlors, nothin'. Nothin' to do but throw rocks at tin cans, and we gotta bring our own tin cans.

Cookie: And then, I was everyone's friend.

Princess Fiona: And when the smoke clears... Wait, what's this?

Cookie: That's my chimichanga stand.

Princess Fiona: Um, no, Cookie. We won't be needing that.

Cookie: Trust me, Fiona. Y'all gonna be really hungry after this ambush, OK? Now go and finish your little speech.

Shrek: Sorry, but this order's to go.

Cookie: But I haven't taken out his gibblets yet.

Shrek: Trust me, you don't want to eat this one.

Donkey: I go down smooth, but I come out fightin'!

Cookie: Cookie's bringing the heat out of the kitchen!

Radio: Hey, New York, you ever been to that there Cotton Club?

Rayford Gibson: The Cotton Club in Manhattan? Many times, man, I damn near lived in the Cotton Club. I tell you, the Cotton Club is all right. But it ain't got nothin' on The Boom Boom Room. If you ever go to New York, go to Ray's Boom Boom Room

Willie Long: Hey there, Ray! What's that you talkin' about, the Boom-Boom Room?

Rayford Gibson: That's my spot, Ray's Boom-Boom Room, the most happening space in all of Manhattan.

Cookie: Ha ha, so you got your own nightclub?

Rayford Gibson: Well, right now it's kinda in the development stage, but I'm workin' on it, I'll get it.

Goldmouth: So it don't exist.

Rayford Gibson: It exists in my mind, Goldmouth; that's where it starts. It starts in your brain first. You know, it got to exist up here first. "As a man think it, so then shall he get", you know, some shit like that. You know you read the Bible.

Cookie: [Ray is getting beat by Goldmouth for not giving up his cornbread] I appreciate you going through all the trouble over my cornbread; you don't get a lot of compliments around here.

[Cookie is asked to say something at Curly's burial]

Cookie: Lord, we give you Curly. Try not to piss him off.

Cookie: You ain't gonna get any nouveau, amandine, thin crust, bottled water, sauteed city food. Food's brown, hot, and plenty of it.

Cookie: Oh, I heard about him. They call him the Santa Claus Crook or the Santa Claus Crip or something like that. He robbed a lady out in the parking lot last night, called her a "ho ho ho" and kept on running.

Day-Day: Who the fuck are you?

Miss Edie: [Edie wakes up in her playpen and sees Cookie for the first time] Hey, pretty little face! Pretty little face you got there.

Cookie: Hi I'm Cookie, I understand you're Edie, Crackers' grandmother?

Miss Edie: Edie Schmeedie Heedie, HA HA HA HA!

Connie Marble: Hello, Cookie! I do hope you're hungry.

Cookie: I could go for a sandwich. Mmm, baloney!

Cookie: [Crackers is thrusting live chickens at her naked body] Noooooooo!

Crackers: Hold it! Hold these goddamn chickens!

Cookie: Ugh, CHICKENS, God! Chickens, all these chickens, these fuckin' chickens hurt! These fuckin' things HURT!

Cookie: [referring to her sexual humiliation with a chicken] You have no idea what I had to go through to get that information!

Cookie: [to taxi driver] You can shove two thirty, hack!

Cookie: You know you better get back here and fuck me you bastard, if you wanted me to come up with any kind of dinner!

Cookie: Who called on the *God damned phone?*

Spider Mike: I don't know *you fucking asshole!*

Dawn Weiner: [opening lines]

[walks up to Lolita]

Dawn Weiner: Can I sit here?

Lolita: If you feel like it.

[looks at Dawn eating her lunch]

Lolita: Someone barfed there fourth period.

Cookie: [walks up with cheerleaders] Hi, Dawn, sorry to bother you, but we were just wondering... Are you a lesbian?

[camera cuts to Dawn]

Cookie: Well, are you?

Dawn Weiner: No.

Lolita: Liar. She made a pass at me.

Cookie: [with group] Lesbo, Lesbo, Lesbo.

Harry: Cookie, do you know what a black hole is?

Cookie: Sure, that's how I make my livin'!

Cookie: How come you got all this money?

Harry Block: I always keep hooker money around, you know, 'cause I once paid by check years ago and the I.R.S. killed me.

Captain Monica Stark: Strange that the victim had only one testicle stuffed in his mouth. I believe they usually come in pairs.

Cookie: Well, that's cuz he only had one. I checked. Plenty of meat, only one potato.

[Opening narration]

Cookie: I don't know about you, but it always makes me sore when I see those war pictures... all about flying leathernecks and submarine patrols and frogmen and guerillas in the Philippines. What gets me is that there never w-was a movie about POWs - about prisoners of war. Now, my name is Clarence Harvey Cook: they call me Cookie. I was shot down over Magdeburg, Germany, back in '43; that's why I stammer a little once in a while, 'specially when I get excited. I spent two and a half years in Stalag 17. "Stalag" is the German word for prison camp, and number 17 was somewhere on the Danube. There were about 40,000 POWs there, if you bothered to count the Russians, and the Poles, and the Czechs. In our compound there were about 630 of us, all American airmen: radio operators, gunners, and engineers. All sergeants. Now you put 630 sergeants together and, oh mother, you've got yourself a situation. There was more fireworks shooting off around that joint... take for instance the story about the spy we had in our barracks...

Doc Murdoch: Can you cook lamb?

Cookie: There are nine different ways to cook mutton. And I know them all!

Homer Kettle: Never mind that! Do you cook it with the hair on?

Cookie: I should say not!

Crowd: Hurray!

Homer Kettle: Then you're hired!

Cookie: My parents let me choose my name... when I was three!

Cookie: [see numerous pills of Ecstasy] ... Is that 'E'?

Cookie: [tripping on ecstasy] ... I just loooove Gretchen's accent... oh, and Jack's the SWEETEST!

Joe Skopapoulos: [after finding a horseshoe in a pillowcase]

Joe Skopapoulos: I got it.

Cookie: What's the idea?

Ed Hatch: Search me. Maybe he's saving up for a horse.

Cookie: Bacon is in the pan. Coffee is in the pot. Get it if you can, get it while it's hot.