Cook Quotes in The Musketeer (2001)

Cook: We need more bread. Can you get some, please?

Aramis: Does he mean you or me?

Athos: Me.

Aramis: I thought I was the baker.

Athos: There's blood on your apron. You think that came from a croissant?

Cook: You better watch your step, Arlene!

Abbot: A piece of gold or pile of mud, which is more useful?

Cook: The gold, of course.

Abbot: But to a seed? Never underestimate yourself. Everyone has a purpose.

Cook: [to Huo Jie] I don't know an of this, all i know is it's worthless to train just the moves without the spirit.

Cook: Water! Thirsty! Sick man!

Santosh Patel: [in French] She asked if you have something vegetarian.

Cook: [in French] Ah. The cow that produced this liver was vegetarian. The pigs that went into these sausages were vegetarian.

Duchess: [sings] Speak roughly to your little boy, and beat him when he sneezes / He only does it to annoy, because he knows it teases.

Cook: [sings] Wow! Wow! Wow!

Duchess: [sings] I speak severely to my boy, I beat him when he sneezes / For he can thoroughly enjoy the pepper when he pleases.

Cook: [sings] Wow! Wow! Wow!

Cook: What kind of meat is this?

Philippe d'Orleans, 'Monsieur': [sampling it] Unicorn.

Larita Whittaker: Cook, I can't call you a verb, your name?

Cook: Beatrice.

[Everyone stares]

Cook: All right, all right, it's Doris. Sorry madam. Always wanted to be called Beatrice.

Clouseau: This is a very serious matter, and everyone is this reum is under the suspicions.

Cook: Reum?

Clouseau: What was that?

Cook: You said 'reum'?

Clouseau: Yes, I know that!

Harley Sullivan: I've eaten mighty good food in my life, but this weren't part of it.

Cook: Yeah, well, I ain't heard no complaints from none of the others.

Harley Sullivan: Yeah, well, they ain't as well-bred as I am.

Driver: If I drive for you, you get your money. You tell me where we start, where we're going, where we're going afterwards. I give you five minutes when we get there. Anything happens in that five minutes and I'm yours. No matter what. Anything a minute on either side of that and you're on your own. I don't sit in while you're running it down. I don't carry a gun. I drive.

Cook: You look like you're hard to work with.

Cook: The world wants to be deceived.

Cook: [from trailer] Help me, I have a condition. I can't be left alone.

[the cook is juggling eggs]

Princess Zora: Have you seen my uncle, the king? Or Henrietta?

Cook: No! Can't you see I'm busy scrambling my eggs?

Matthew Bennell: [Bennell has just removed a small indistinct object from a stock pot with a pair of tweezers] What is that?

Cook: A caper.

Matthew Bennell: Nope.

Restaurant Owner: You presume to tell me what is in the stock?

Matthew Bennell: It's a rat turd.

Restaurant Owner: A what?

Matthew Bennell: A rat turd!

Restaurant Owner: [sniffs the "caper"] A caper!

Matthew Bennell: A rat turd.

Restaurant Owner: [sniffs again, now angry] A CAPER!

Matthew Bennell: If it's a caper, eat it.

[the restaurateur sheepishly demurs]

Cook: [to Starman] You're not from around here, are you?

Cook: What's your line?

Starman: [imitates Cook's gruff affect] Line?

Cook: Work. Whaddya do when you're not hitchin' rides?

Starman: Oh, I make maps.

Cook: Make any money?

Starman: [pauses] I make maps.

Cook: Well, you don't get rich cookin' either!

Oliver: What do we do with this stuff?

Cook: What do you think you do with it? Take it to the General.

[last lines]

Cook: Well... if it ain't the snitchers.

[bends knife back causing it to make SFX]

Cook: I've got my knife.

[chases Laurel & Hardy]

Cook: Junket is junket. No matter what you do with it, it still tastes like swill and swallows like slime.