Constable Slobotham Quotes in Carry on Screaming! (1966)

Constable Slobotham: Happen to know what Doris was wearing?

Albert: Yes, a sort of white frilly jacket with a dark green jacket and a long green skirt.

Det Sgt. Bung: Did you get that down.

Albert: Oh no, as I said, I've only known her for a year.

Det Sgt. Bung: I was talking to my assistant!

Det Sgt. Bung: A young lady has disappeared and we're anxious to trace her whereabouts.

Dr. Watt: Oh? Whereabouts?

Det Sgt. Bung: Hereabouts.

Albert: At ten o'clock.

Det Sgt. Bung: Or thereabouts.

Constable Slobotham: In this vicinity.

Det Sgt. Bung: Or roundabouts.

Constable Slobotham: We're police officers.

Albert: Or layabouts.

[Slobotham and Bung have found Emily in the crate]

Constable Slobotham: Sarge, she's as hard as a rock!

Det Sgt. Bung: You don't have to tell me that, I've been married to her for fifteen years!

Det Sgt. Bung: Now then, your name please.

Dr. Watt: Doctor Watt.

Constable Slobotham: Doctor who, sir?

Dr. Watt: Watt. "Who" was my uncle, or was - I haven't seen him in ages!.

Constable Slobotham: Sorry, Sergeant ! I thought it was that horrible thing again.

Det Sgt. Bung: What horrible thing ?

Constable Slobotham: I don't know. It was something unspeakable.

Det Sgt. Bung: Unspeakable ?

Constable Slobotham: Yes. Never said a word.

Constable Slobotham: I'm a police officer and I must warn you that I'll take down anything you say.

Dan Dann: Alright then, trousers.

Constable Slobotham: Just a minute Mr Potter, where were you last night?

Albert: My bed.

Constable Slobotham: Any witnesses to corroborate that?

Albert: My landlady.

Constable Slobotham: Who?

Albert: She came up with a bottle.

Constable Slobotham: Sounds like a pretty loose-living place you're lodging in.

Albert: She always comes up with a hot water bottle.

Constable Slobotham: Sarge, it's just possible he and the landlady are in collusion

Albert: Don't be disgusting, she's over 60.

Albert: Marvellous! But we're not looking for a house. We're looking for Doris.

Det Sgt. Bung: I know, but this is right in the middle of the woods. They might have heard or seen something suspicious. We can't afford to leave any stone unturned. What's the name of this road, Slobotham ?

Constable Slobotham: Avery Avenue.

Det Sgt. Bung: Then we must explore Avery Avenue !

[Albert rolls his eyes]

[Mr Jones reveals that the only thing missing is the duummy that looked like Doris]

Det Sgt. Bung: You haven't guessed who took it?

Constable Slobotham: I've only been on the job an hour, Sergent!

Det Sgt. Bung: Well, you take a week to think it over, while I go and get him!

Mr. Jones: What difference does it make whose bed it was.

Constable Slobotham: Might make a difference to someone.

Albert: We felt like getting a bit of fresh air and that.

Constable Slobotham: What's that?

Det Sgt. Bung: Same as the other.

Constable Slobotham: [Running into the police lab with Albert] Here sarge, we've got a lead!

Albert: This note was pushed through my letterbox

[reading from the note]

Albert: If you want to know what happened to those girls, I can tell you. I am the cloakroom attendant in the One by the Park and you can see me any time, at my convenience.

[hands the note to Bung]

Constable Slobotham: Do you think it's genuine, Sarge?

Det Sgt. Bung: [Examining the note] Interesting notepaper - perforated at both ends. Could be - Come on!