Connie Milligan Quotes in The More the Merrier (1943)

[Benjamin is trying to convince Connie to rent out the room to him instead of to a woman]

Connie Milligan: ...I've made up my mind to rent to nobody but a woman.

Benjamin Dingle: So, let me ask you something. Would I ever want to wear your stockings?

Connie Milligan: No.

Benjamin Dingle: Well, all right. Would I ever want to borrow your girdle, or your red and yellow dancing slippers?

Connie Milligan: Of course not.

Benjamin Dingle: Well, any woman, no matter who, would insist upon borrowing that dress you got on right now. You know why? Because it's so pretty.

Connie Milligan: I made it myself.

Benjamin Dingle: And how would you like it if she spilled a cocktail all over it... at a party you couldn't go with her to because she borrowed it to go to it... in?

Connie Milligan: She might have something that I could wear.

Benjamin Dingle: Not her.

Connie Milligan: Why not?

Benjamin Dingle: Because she's so dumpy looking. Never has anything clean. That's why she's always borrowing your dresses.

Connie Milligan: How do I know you'd be any better?

Benjamin Dingle: [spinning around and patting the clothes he has on] Well, look at me. I'm neat, like a pin. Ah, let me stay.

Connie Milligan: Well, look, I...

Benjamin Dingle: I tell you what. We'll try it out for a week. End of the week comes, if you're not happy, we'll flip a coin to see who moves out.

Connie Milligan: You've been shushing me for 22 months now. You've shushed your last shush!

Connie Milligan: You - look messy. Don't you ever brush your hair?

Joe Carter: I suppose Mr. Pendergast combs his hair every hour, on the hour.

Connie Milligan: Mr. Pendergast has no hair!

[after Benjamin has moved into her apartment, Connie is explaining to him the morning schedule she has worked out for the two of them]

Connie Milligan: [showing him a map] See, this is a floor plan of the apartment. Here's my room, here's your room, here's the bathroom and here's the kitchen. Now, my alarm goes off at seven o'clock, and we both get up. At seven one, I enter the bathroom. Then you go down to get the milk, and by seven five you've started the coffee. One minute later, I leave the bathroom, and a minute after that, you enter the bathroom. And that's when I'm starting to dress. Three minutes later, I'm having my coffee, and a minute after that at seven twelve, you leave the bathroom. At seven thirteen, I put on my eggs, and I leave to finish dressing. Then you put on your shoes, and take off my eggs at seven sixteen. At seven seventeen, you start to shave. At seven eighteen, I eat my eggs, and at seven twenty-one, I'm in the bathroom fixing my hair, and at seven twenty-four, you're in the kitchen putting on your eggs. At seven twenty-five, you make your bed. Seven twenty-six, I make my bed. And then while you're eating your eggs, I take out the papers and cans. At seven twenty-nine, you're washing the dishes, and at seven thirty, we're all finished. You see?

[Benjamin looks up at Connie with a glazed expression]

Connie Milligan: It's really very simple.

Benjamin Dingle: Do we do all this railroad time or Eastern War time?

[Carter and Dingle are reading a "Dick Tracy" comic strip]

Connie Milligan: Is that the best you can do with your time?

Joe Carter: Mmm. Got to keep up with what's going on.

Benjamin Dingle: I missed two Sundays with "Superman" once, and I've never felt right since.

Connie Milligan: Seems to me you might read something more beneficial.

Joe Carter: Like what?

Connie Milligan: Like the editorials, for instance, or the columns. All well-informed people read the columnists.

Benjamin Dingle: Such as Mr. Pendergast, I suppose.

Connie Milligan: You're right, I suppose. Mr. Pendergast always reads the columnists.

Joe Carter: Are they funny?

Benjamin Dingle: Sometimes, but no pictures.

[Connie doesn't want to rent her apartment to Mr. Dingle, but Dingle has made up his mind]

Connie Milligan: Why don't you go to the YMCA?

Benjamin Dingle: I'm too old.

Connie Milligan: Or the, the veterans' home?

Benjamin Dingle: I'm too young.

Connie Milligan: Well, I don't know what to think.

Benjamin Dingle: Well, sooner or later I'm going to rent half this apartment. Suppose I have a look at it, eh?

Diner Counterman: Here's your fifty-cent blue plate.

Connie Milligan: [Looking at the food, starts crying]

Joe Carter: What kind of fish is this?

Diner Counterman: Catfish.

Connie Milligan: [Crying]

Diner Counterman: Here's your nice boiled rice.

Joe Carter: What's the matter, honey?

Connie Milligan: [Crying] I never thought when they threw rice at me it would be boiled.

Joe Carter: Look, we better hurry up and eat our lunch and get out of here. Let's go.

Diner Counterman: Is there something wrong, mister?

Joe Carter: No, everything's just dandy.

Diner Counterman: Well then why is the young lady crying?

Joe Carter: Because she's so happy.

Diner Counterman: [Smiles] Oh, for goodness sake. Newlyweds.

Joe Carter: What's wrong with newlyweds?

[Connie, home from work, finds Benjamin outside her door. She walks around Benjamin and enters. Benjamin, looking for housing, knocks three times on the door. Connie opens it]

Benjamin Dingle: How do you do?

Connie Milligan: How do you do?

Benjamin Dingle: I'm Benjamin Dingle.

Connie Milligan: You certainly are.

Benjamin Dingle: Now about that apartment...

Connie Milligan: I'm sorry, I've already rented it.

Benjamin Dingle: Just a moment, young lady. Do you think you know me well enough to lie to me?

Connie Milligan: Yes.

Benjamin Dingle: Even so, you shouldn't do it. Do you realize that practically most of the trouble in the world comes from people lying to people? Just take Hitler, for instance. He's...

Connie Milligan: I'm sorry, Mister, but I prefer sh...

Benjamin Dingle: Uh, Mr. Dingle.

Connie Milligan: Mr. Dingle. I prefer sharing my apartment with a lady.

Benjamin Dingle: That's fine, so would I.

Connie Milligan: Uh, I'm sure you'd be happier someplace else.

Benjamin Dingle: I've been there.

Connie Milligan: Do you smoke in bed?

Benjamin Dingle: No, I sleep in bed.

Connie Milligan: Do I smell smoke?

Benjamin Dingle: Only the smoke of burning memories, Miss Milligan, rising from the smoldering embers from my romantic youth.

Connie Milligan: I can't take one man's bag on another man's honeymoon.

Connie Milligan: Now, look, please, will you think of my position. I can't go around just renting my apartment to anybody.

Benjamin Dingle: I'm not just anybody.

Connie Milligan: Besides, I'm only doing this because of the housing congestion in Washington.

Benjamin Dingle: You said it.

Connie Milligan: I-I think its my patriotic duty to take somebody in; because, everything is so overcrowded.

Connie Milligan: Really, you wouldn't be happy here at all.

Benjamin Dingle: Home is where you hang your hat.

Benjamin Dingle: You're a very systematic girl, aren't you?

Connie Milligan: I used to work in the office of facts and figures.

Benjamin Dingle: Miss Milligan, by the way, why aren't you married, Miss Milligan?

Connie Milligan: Well, really!

Benjamin Dingle: Some high type, clean cut, nice young fella?

Connie Milligan: If you don't mind, Mr. Dingle...

Benjamin Dingle: Of course, there's not many men about nowadays; but, there's always one if you're out to get one.

Connie Milligan: Maybe I don't want to get married.

Benjamin Dingle: Well, don't you? Well, maybe you do. Well, come, come, Miss Milligan, make up your mind.

Connie Milligan: Make up my mind?

Benjamin Dingle: You know, Damn The Torpedoes, Full Steam Ahead!

Connie Milligan: If you expect to get along here, Mr. Dingle, you'll have to learn to mind your own business.

Benjamin Dingle: These times, Miss Milligan, everybodies' business is everybodies' business. War brings people closer together, you know.

Connie Milligan: Not you and me, Mr. Dingle. Good night.

Connie Milligan: One more thing, we better not leave the apartment together in the morning.

Benjamin Dingle: You mean because people might think...

Connie Milligan: Well, not exactly, but, people are so...

Benjamin Dingle: Me?

Connie Milligan: Of course.

Benjamin Dingle: Thank you, Miss Milligan. I thank you, in deed.

Connie Milligan: What are you gawking at?

Joe Carter: You. You look nice.

Joe Carter: I hope I haven't upset your routine here?

Connie Milligan: Just - stick to the schedule, that's all I ask.

Benjamin Dingle: Rather nice having a high type, clean cut, nice young fellow at table. Better than nobody.

Connie Milligan: I'm used to nobody.

Connie Milligan: Where are you going to, where you came from?

Joe Carter: Where they send me.

Connie Milligan: Who's they?

Joe Carter: The government.

Connie Milligan: He just happens to be the assistant regional coordinator of OPL, that's all.

Joe Carter: Is that good or bad?

Connie Milligan: Eighty-six hundred dollars a year.

Benjamin Dingle: That's good.

Connie Milligan: Of course, you don't realize that Mr. Pendergast is the type of man who has twice been to the White House for dinner.

Benjamin Dingle: Worst food in Washington.

Connie Milligan: There's some things that are private, Mr. Dingle. And when people go po-poking their nose its just too much, that's all. And you have a very long nose, Mr. Dingle!

Connie Milligan: Who taught you to Rhumba? Some girl, I bet. Is she nice?

Joe Carter: Not half so nice as you.

Miss Chasen: Hello Betty.

Miss Allen: Oh, hello. Miss Milligan. - Mr. Carter - Miss Harper. Miss Chasen. Miss Bilby. Miss Ewing. Miss. Dalton.

Miss Bilby: This is Miss Finch. Miss Dalton. Miss Geeskin. And Miss Harper. - Mr. Carter.

Joe Carter: How do you do?

Miss Chasen: Miss Allen. Miss Geeskin. Miss Finch. - Mr. Carter.

Connie Milligan: I'm Miss Milligan.

Joe Carter: Another thing, don't take in any more roomers.

Connie Milligan: Why?

Joe Carter: Why? You can pick up a lot of riffraff that way, that's why.

Connie Milligan: Well, I was only tryin' to be patriotic.

Connie Milligan: What happened? Nothing. I'm not the kind of person anything happens to.