Computer Quotes in The LEGO Batman Movie (2017)

Computer: What is the password?

Batman: Iron Man sucks.

[from trailer]

Batman: Hey, 'puter, I'm home.

[echoes]

Computer: Welcome home, sir. Initializing Batcave music. So, did anything exciting happened today?

Batman: I saved the city again. It was off the chain. Anyway, I should probably have some grub.

Computer: Alfred left your lobster thermidor in the fridge.

Batman: Oh, that's my favorite. I can't wait.

[Batman puts the lobster in the microwave, and mistakenly sets it up for 20 minutes]

Batman: Not 20 minutes. Stupid.

[He sets it up for 2 minutes and presses the start button as the microwave heats up Batman's lobster for 2 minutes]

Gaila: Jim, I think I love you.

James T. Kirk: That is so weird.

Gaila: Lights.

Computer: Lights on.

Gaila: Did you just say, "That is so weird"?

James T. Kirk: Yeah, I did, but...

Computer: You've got mail.

Scott Pilgrim: [Turns To Wallace] Dude, this thing claims I have mail.

Wallace Wells: [groggily] It's amazing what we can do with computers these days.

Scott Pilgrim: [Turns back] Dude, now I'm totally reading it.

Wallace Wells: [sarcastic] I'm so happy for you.

Benny: Disable the shield! Come on! You are undermining me!

Computer: Which phrase would you like me to underline?

Benny: Disable the shield!

Metalbeard: Let me try.

[to the computer]

Metalbeard: Be ye disabling of yond shield.

Computer: Disabling shield.

Benny: What?

Computer: Do you identify the word Sanctuary?

Logan 5: Negative.

Computer: Sanctuary is a pre-catastrophe code word. Used for a place of immunity.

Gallaxhar: Now I can finally rebuild my civilization. Any thought on where I can set up shop? Your planet, perhaps?

Susan Murphy: You keep your slimy tentacles off my planet...

Gallaxhar: [Grabs Susan with one of his tentacles] Or what? If you wanted to stop me, you should have done it when you possessed the quantonium. Now you're nothing.

Susan Murphy: There are innocent people down there who didn't do anything!

Gallaxhar: [Throws Susan down to the ground] Bah! There were innocent people in my home planet when it was destroyed.

Susan Murphy: Look, I'm sorry your planet was destroyed.

Gallaxhar: Oh, don't be. I was the one who destroyed it. Confused? After I reveal my tale to you, everything will become crystal clear. Computer, begin cloning machine!

Computer: Yes, Gallaxhar.

[Gallaxhar gets on machine]

Computer: Many zentons ago, when I was just a squidling, I found out my parents had...

[Machine closes; after a moment, it opens again]

Gallaxhar: No child should have to endure that! So I went on the road, with a giant...

[Machine closes and opens again]

Gallaxhar: And soon thereafter was married! Things were going well, until...

[Machine closes and opens again]

Gallaxhar: ...And I was all "no way!", and she was all "yes way!", and I was like...

[Machine closes and opens again]

Gallaxhar: But I've told you too much already! Let the conquest of my new planet, now know as... Gallaxhar's Planet, begin!

Computer: Your busted, tired moves are no match for my security protocols.

Susan Murphy: We can't hold them off much longer!

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: There's one thing you don't know about me, my dear. My PhD is in... dance!

Computer: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

[pause]

Computer: Hmm. Nothing happened. Maybe my count

[the ship explodes]

Computer: Begin reanimation sequence.

Gallaxhar: Who dares to wake me?

Computer: Quantonium has been detected in the proximity of the Omega quadrant.

Gallaxhar: The Omega quandrant? Lame.

Computer: The trajectory of the quantonium meteor leads to a small planet in sector 72-4, a planet locally known as Earth.

Gallaxhar: What a miserable-looking mudball. Send a robot probe. Extract the quantonium with extreme prejudice. I want it all. Every last drop.

Computer: Yes, Gallaxhar.

Gallaxhar: Nothing can stand in my way now.

Gallaxhar: Are you crazy? You could have killed me!

Susan Murphy: Then we understand each other. Now open the doors and let my friends go.

Gallaxhar: Or what? Did you really think you could take me?

Computer: Quantonium has been diverted to the bridge. Escape pod is now ready.

Gallaxhar: Like I said before, you should have stopped me when you possessed the quantonium. Have fun exploding!

Computer: [Counting down to self-destruct] 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3...

Gallaxhar: Come on! Come on!

Computer: 2... 1.

[pause]

Computer: Hmm, nothing happened. Maybe my count was...

[Explosion]

Computer: [Gallaxhar drinks a hot liquid like tea through his ear and spits it out his mouth in pain] Careful, it's hot.

[first lines]

Vincent: [checking his pupils] Paul? Paul, can you hear me? Paul? Okay, turn the implant on.

computer: Brain implant activated.

Vincent: Hello. Do you know your name?

Paul Dawson: [no]

Vincent: Do you know what happened?

Paul Dawson: [no]

Lucy: You're a soldier. Your name is Paul Dawson. You were shot in the head and your brain in damaged. We're going to test how well Vincent's implant has repaired that damage.

Paul Dawson: I want my mum.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Initiate auto-destruct sequence. Authorization: Picard, 4 7 Alpha Tango.

Dr. Beverly Crusher: Computer, Commander Beverly Crusher. Confirm auto-destruct sequence. Authorization: Crusher, 2 2 Beta Charlie.

Lt. Commander Worf: Computer, Lieutenant Commander Worf. Confirm auto-destruct sequence. Authorization: Worf, 3 7 Gamma Echo.

Computer: Command authorization accepted. Awaiting final command.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: This is Captain Jean-Luc Picard. Destruct sequence: Alpha 1. 15 minutes, silent countdown. Enable.

Computer: Auto-destruct in 15 minutes. There will be no further audio warnings.

Dr. Beverly Crusher: So much for the Enterprise-E.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: We barely knew her.

Dr. Beverly Crusher: Think they'll build another one?

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Plenty of letters left in the alphabet.

[Violet walks through a scanning device]

Computer: Warning. Warning. Firearms detected.

[Violet's possessions in the "pocket dimension" begin to appear, which happen to be two very long rows of identical handguns]

Computer: Number of weapons found...

[long pause]

Computer: many.

Scotty: [to Kirk about ship status] Ah. All I can say is they don't make them like they used to.

Kirk: You told me you could get this ship operational in two weeks, I gave you three, what happened?

Scotty: I think you gave me too much time, Captain.

Kirk: Very well, Mr Scott. Carry on.

Scotty: Aye, sir.

[Spots a junior engineer nearby]

Scotty: How many times do I have to tell you, the right tool for the right job!

McCoy: [laughs] I don't think I've ever seen him happier.

[They enter the turbolift]

Computer: Le-le-level?

Kirk: Bridge... I hope. I could use a shower.

Spock: [looks at Kirk] Yes.

computer: Echelon is a threat to freedom.

Cooper: [Cooper sits to watch the video messages left for him over the years] Cooper.

Computer: Messages span twenty-three years.

Cooper: Play from the beginning.

[message from Tom starts playing]

Young Tom: Hey, Dad. Checkin' in, sayin' hi. Um... finished second in school, Miss Carlin's still giving me Cs though. Pulled me down, but second's not bad. Grandpa attended the ceremony. Um... oh, I met another girl, dad. I, uh... I really think this is the one. Her name is Lois. That's her right there.

[Tom holds up a photo of Lois, Cooper, overwhelmed with emotion, begins weeping]

Young Tom: Murphy stole grandpa's car. She crashed it, she's okay though.

Tom: [we see another message from Tom showing him as an adult] Hey, Dad. Look at this!

[Tom holds up his baby next to him]

Tom: You're a grandpa. His name's Jesse. I kind of wanted to call him Coop, but, Lois says maybe next time.

Lois: [to Jesse] Say bye-bye Grandpa. Bye-bye Grandpa.

Tom: [Cooper continues to watch his messages, the next one shows Tom looking despondent] Sorry it's been a while. Just... what with Jesse and all. Uh... grandpa died last week. We buried him out in the back plot next to mom and... Jesse. Just where we would've buried you if you'd ever... come back. Murph was there at the funeral. We don't see her that much, but she came for that.

Tom: [Tom hesitates] You're not listening to this, I know that. All these messages are just... drifting out there in the darkness. Lois says that, uh... I have to let you go. And, uh... so, I guess... I'm letting you go. I don't know where you are, Dad. But I hope that wherever you are you're at peace. Goodbye.

[Tom turns off the camera, Cooper touches the screen not wanting to let go when suddenly a message from a now adult Murph comes up]

The Radio: Why, I don't believe I've ever seen quite so many smiles before.

Kirby: I've never seen contraptions with so many buttons and knobs and dials before.

Computer: Naturally, we are on the cutting edge of technology.

Lampy: Wow.

The Radio: Well, what does that mean?

Lampy: I don't know. What's that mean?

Chorus: [singing] Since you came here uninvited/We all knew you'd be delighted./This is not the time or place to hedge./ No one here would be so bold to,/But since you asked and no one's told you,/Let us take you to the cutting edge!

Computer: [rapping] I can process words, accounting too./And my pixel screen displays for you./Computer graphics locked into your memory.

Phone: [rapping] With fiber optics cast in plastic/For natural sights and sound fantastic./Just reach out and talk to your dear old Uncle Emery!

Chorus: [singing] More, more, more!

Computer: Everything you wanted and more.

Chorus: [singing] More, more, more!

Sewing Machine: [singing] Let me tell you what it's for./Here's the printout with the score./Get yourself together on the edge.

Chorus: [singing] You want to go to old Rio De Janeiro, my dear?/You want to join in any Club Paradise?/You'd really rather stay at home, where the picture is clear./You get it on the stereo./And you don't even have to go./More, more, more!/ Everything you wanted and more!/More, more, more!

Plugsy: Any time or place you wish,/You might meet up with some dish./Pull yourself together on the edge!

Mixer: [rapping] If you want a lean machine/ To whip you up some mean cuisine,/I'm on ze scene, totally automatic.

Microwave: [rapping] Hey, I can bake your biscuits, too./ Pop some dough, boy, out for you./I'm micro-solid state and that's no static!

Chorus: [singing] More, more, more!/ Everything you wanted and more!/More, more, more!/ We're the bytes and chips to call./You just have yourself a ball./ It's all hyperactive on the edge!/From LEDs to CRTs,/ Woofers, tweeters, antenna trees,/ And ultra-nylon life of ease./Everything you dreamed of on the edge!

Computer, Plugsy: And more!

Computer: What's your name?

Shaye Saint John: Up.

Computer: What's your last name?

Shaye Saint John: Yours!

Shaye Saint John: Up yours!

Computer: Sorry to interrupt your recreation, fellows, but it is time for Sgt. Pinback to feed the alien.

Sgt. Pinback: Awww, I don't wanna do that!

Computer: May I remind you, Sgt. Pinback, it was your idea to bring the alien on board in the first place... If I may quote you, you said the ship needed a mascot.

Sgt. Pinback: [walking away in disgust] Awwwwww, I gotta do everything around here...

Computer: You are now leaving the emergency airlock. Thank you for observing all safety precautions.

Talby: Wooohoooo!

[Talby shoots out of the ship at ludicrous speed]

[repeated line]

Computer: Searching for long-range comms.

Seth Brundle: Brundle, Seth. Give me a disc. Uh, I need first the teleportation S. Brundle.

Computer: [displays presence of primary and secondary teleportation elements]

Seth Brundle: [typing] If primary element is Brundle, what is secondary element?

Computer: Secondary element is not-Brundle.

Seth Brundle: Run sequence.

Computer: [identifies secondary element as a fly]

Seth Brundle: [typing] If secondary element is fly, what happened to fly?

Computer: Fusion.

Seth Brundle: [typing] Assimilation? Did Brundle absorb fly?

Computer: Negative. Fusion of Brundle and fly at molecular-genetic level.