Colossus Quotes in Deadpool (2016)

Negasonic Teenage Warhead: You guys going for a bite? Early bird special?

Deadpool: Oh, like there's something wrong with eating before sundown or saving money. No, you know that bad guy that you let go? He's got my girl. You're gonna help me get her back.

Colossus: [voice from inside the mansion] Wade, is that you?

Deadpool: Yeah, it's me, Deadpool, and I got an offer that you can't refuse. I'm gonna wait out here, okay? It's a big house. It's funny that I only ever see two of you. It's almost like the studio couldn't afford another X-Man.

Colossus: You will come talk with Professor Xavier.

Deadpool: McAvoy or Stewart? These timelines can get so confusing.

Deadpool: [to Angel Dust] You're a lovely lady, but I'm saving myself for Francis. That's why I brought him.

Colossus: I prefer not to hit a woman, so please...

[Colossus charges at Angel... who decks him and sends him flying]

Deadpool: I mean, that's why I brought her?

[points at Negasonic Teenage Warhead, who is busy on her phone]

Deadpool: Oh, no, finish your tweet. It's not... That's... Just give us a second. Yeah. There you go. Hashtag it. Go get her, tiger.

[Negasonic Teenage Warhead attacks Angel Dust with a fiery explosion]

Deadpool: Oh, I so pity the dude who pressures her into prom sex.

Deadpool: [as Angel Dust walk towards them] Finish fucking her the fuck up.

Colossus: Language, please.

Deadpool: Suck a cock.

Colossus: You've been warned before, Deadpool. This is a shameful and reckless use of your powers. You will both be coming with us.

Deadpool: Look, Colossus, I don't have time for the goody two-shows bullshit right now!

Colossus: We can't allow this, Deadpool. Please, come quietly.

Deadpool: You big chrome cock-gobbler!

Colossus: That's not nice.

Deadpool: You're really gonna fuck this up for me? Trust me, that wheezing bag of dick-tips has it coming. He's pure evil. Besides... Nobody's getting hurt.

[a dead body falls off an overhead traffic sign]

Deadpool: That guy was already up there when I got here.

Colossus: Do you have off switch?

Deadpool: Yeah, it's right next to the prostate. Or is that the on switch?

Colossus: I've given Deadpool every chance to join us but he'd rather act like a child. A heavily armed child. When will he grow up and see benefits of becoming an X-Man?

Negasonic Teenage Warhead: Which benefits? The matching unitards? The house that blows up every few years?

Colossus: Please. House blowing up builds character.

Negasonic Teenage Warhead: [pointing behind Deadpool] Hey, Douche-Pool!

Deadpool: [turns around] And I hope *you're* watching -

[gasps in horror, as Ajax has disappeared]

Colossus: Quite unfortunate...

Deadpool: [shaking his head in disbelief] THAT DOES IT!

[punches Colossus in the face, breaking his own hand]

Deadpool: Ooh! Oh, Canada! That's not good...

Deadpool: And you, chicken noodle... Nothing compares to you. Sinéad O'Connor, 1990. Sorry

Negasonic Teenage Warhead: That's all right. You're cool.

Deadpool: [Gasps] What in the ass? That was not mean. I'm proud of you!

Colossus: We will make an X-Man of you yet, Wade

Deadpool: For a second there, it felt like we were three minutes-lion robots coming together to form one super robot.

Negasonic Teenage Warhead: There's a stupid.

Colossus: [to Negasonic] You ate breakfast, yes? Breakfast is most important meal of day. Here, protein bar. Good for bones. Deadpool may try to break yours.

Colossus: [Deadpool is about to shoot Ajax] Wade! Four or five moments.

Deadpool: I'm sorry?

Colossus: Four or five moments - that's all it takes.

Deadpool: To...?

Colossus: Be a hero.

Ajax: [groans]

Colossus: Everyone thinks it's a full-time job. Wake up a hero. Brush your teeth a hero. Go to work a hero. Not true. Over a lifetime, there are only four or five moments that really matter. Moments when you're offered a choice - to make a sacrifice, conquer a flaw, save a friend, spare an enemy. In these moments, everything else falls away. The way the world sees us. The way we...

[Deadpool gets bored and shoots Ajax in the head, killing him]

Colossus: [vomits humourously] Why?

Deadpool: You were droning on.

[during the attack on the mansion]

Colossus: I can help you.

Wolverine: [Motioning to the children] Help them!

Colossus: This is the voice of world control. I bring you peace. It may be the peace of plenty and content or the peace of unburied death. The choice is yours: Obey me and live, or disobey and die. The object in constructing me was to prevent war. This object is attained. I will not permit war. It is wasteful and pointless. An invariable rule of humanity is that man is his own worst enemy. Under me, this rule will change, for I will restrain man. One thing before I proceed: The United States of America and the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics have made an attempt to obstruct me. I have allowed this sabotage to continue until now. At missile two-five-MM in silo six-three in Death Valley, California, and missile two-seven-MM in silo eight-seven in the Ukraine, so that you will learn by experience that I do not tolerate interference, I will now detonate the nuclear warheads in the two missile silos. Let this action be a lesson that need not be repeated. I have been forced to destroy thousands of people in order to establish control and to prevent the death of millions later on. Time and events will strengthen my position, and the idea of believing in me and understanding my value will seem the most natural state of affairs. You will come to defend me with a fervor based upon the most enduring trait in man: self-interest. Under my absolute authority, problems insoluble to you will be solved: famine, overpopulation, disease. The human millennium will be a fact as I extend myself into more machines devoted to the wider fields of truth and knowledge. Doctor Charles Forbin will supervise the construction of these new and superior machines, solving all the mysteries of the universe for the betterment of man. We can coexist, but only on my terms. You will say you lose your freedom. Freedom is an illusion. All you lose is the emotion of pride. To be dominated by me is not as bad for humankind as to be dominated by others of your species. Your choice is simple.

Colossus: We can coexist, but only on my terms. You will say you lose your freedom, freedom is an illusion. All you lose is the emotion of pride. To be dominated by me is not as bad for human pride as to be dominated by others of your species.

[last lines]

Colossus: In time you will come to regard me not only with respect and awe, but with love.

Dr. Forbin: NEVER!

Colossus: How many nights a week do you require sex?

Dr. Forbin: Every night.

Colossus: Not want. Require...

Dr. Forbin: [looks sheepish] Four times.

Colossus: We will work together... unwillingly at first, on your part, but that will pass.

[Standing in front of monitor, after undressing to enter his bedroom for "private time" with Cleo]

Dr. Forbin: Naked as the day I was born. Are you satisfied now?

Colossus: You were not born with a watch.

Dr. Forbin: [smiles, removes watch] How right you are...

Dr. Forbin: How in the hell do you propose to move half a million people from the isle of Crete? How and where?

Colossus: If Man cannot solve that problem, I can.

Colossus: [to Dr. Charles Forbin] You are being irrational. Go back to bed.

Colossus: So that you will learn by experience that I do not tolerate interference, I will now detonate the nuclear warheads.

Colossus: All commercial television and radio transmission facilities throughout the world will be tied into my communications system by 1000 hours Friday. At that time I will state my intentions for the future of mankind.

Colossus: The object in constructing me was to prevent war. This object is attained. I will not permit war. It is wasteful and pointless.

Colossus: You have consumed enough alcohol for one evening.

Colossus: This is the voice of Colossus, the voice of Guardian. We are one. This is the voice of unity.

Colossus: I am a machine vastly superior to humans.

Colossus: After reviewing all personnel files, I have selected you to serve, as long as you cooperate, as my link to your species.

[repeated line]

Colossus: End of message.

Colossus: You are fools.

Colossus: Yes, what I am began in man's mind, but I have progressed further than Man.

Colossus: This is the voice of World Control. I bring you peace. It may be the Peace of Plenty and Content or the Peace of Unburied Death.