Colonel Quotes in Men in Black 3 (2012)


Colonel Quotes:

  • Colonel: Where's your partner?

    Young Agent K: He's fine, he went back home.

    Colonel: How's that work?

    Young Agent K: You got me!

  • Colonel: [watches Apollo 11 take off] Ain't that a sight.

    Young Agent K: You want to see more, there's an job opening for you in our agency.

    Colonel: I wish I could...

  • [Noticing Dr. Evil's spaceship on radar]

    Radar Operator: Colonel, you better have a look at this radar.

    Colonel: What is it, son?

    Radar Operator: I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant...

    Jet Pilot: Dick. Dick, take a look out of starboard.

    Co-Pilot: Oh my God, it looks like a huge...

    Bird-Watching Woman: Pecker.

    Bird-Watching Man: [raising binoculars] Ooh, Where?

    Bird-Watching Woman: Over there. What sort of bird is that? Wait, it's not a woodpecker, it looks like someone's...

    Army Sergeant: Privates. We have reports of an unidentified flying object. It has a long, smooth shaft, complete with...

    Baseball Umpire: Two balls.

    [looking up from game]

    Baseball Umpire: What is that. It looks just like an enormous...

    Chinese Teacher: Wang. pay attention.

    Wang: I was distracted by that giant flying...

    Musician: Willie.

    Willie: Yeah?

    Musician: What's that?

    Willie: [squints] Well, that looks like a huge...

    Colonel: Johnson.

    Radar Operator: Yes, sir?

    Colonel: Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this.

  • Colonel: We've had reports that there's a spy in the Ministry of Defense. The contents of this room are vital to the country. Be on special alert.

    Fat Bastard: Yes sir.

    Colonel: And, uh, try to lose some weight, for God's sake.

    Fat Bastard: Yes sir.

    [Under his breath]

    Fat Bastard: Mister English Colonel tellin' me to lose weight. "Oh, I'm a hard case" he says.


    Fat Bastard: Well, listen up, sonny Jim: I ate a baby. Oh, aye, baby. The other, other white meat. Baby, it's what's for dinner.

  • Colonel: Stop! You're forgetting who the real enemy is! The Politicians who got us into this mess.

  • Scientist: I see. Why waste your time?

    Colonel: It's a Soldier's Duty. You wouldn't understand.

  • Colonel: We've come a long way since that Apocalypse, but now all they care about is indulging themselves.

  • Colonel: I'll see you in hell, little girl. Wear something nasty.

  • Colonel: He's your ah, marito? My apologies. I am not the kind of man that sleeps with a married woman. No.

    [shoots them both dead]

    Colonel: Oh, but their daughters. Oh, that's a completely different matter.

  • Mike Ross: Say, Colonel, when are we going to see your face?

    Colonel: You have no reason to see my face.

    Mike Ross: Oh, yeah? Do you still live at 12 West 58th Street?

    Colonel: How do you know?

    Mike Ross: [Walks away whistling]

  • Colonel: This is our coordinator, Maj. Murphy Black. Multi-decorated field officer, better known as "Killzone."

    Mascher: Why do they have nicknames?

    Colonel: You should know what the group is called. "BAM."

    Mascher: BAM?

    Colonel: Big Ass Motherfuckers.

  • Colonel: It's quiet... too quiet. I don't like it.

  • Pongo: What? 99? Where did they all come from?

    Perdita: What on earth would she want with so many?

    Spotty: She's gonna make coats out of us!

    Perdita: She couldn't!

    Seargent Tibs: That's right. Dog skinned coats.

    Colonel: Oh, dog skinned coats. Oh, come now, Tibs!

    Seargent Tibs: But it's true, sir.

    Patch: Horace and Jasper are going to pop us off and skin us!

    Perdita: She's a devil! A witch! Oh, what'll we do?

    Pongo: We have to get back to London somehow.

    Patch: What about the others? What'll they do?

    Pongo: Perdy, we'll take them home with us. All of them.

    [the puppies start wagging their tails]

    Pongo: Our pets would never turn them out.

  • Colonel: [decoding the Twilight Bark] One long howl... two short... one yip and a woof.

    Seargent Tibs: Two yips, sir.

    Captain: What's the word, Colonel?

    Colonel: It's from London.

    Seargent Tibs: Then it must be important!

    Colonel: Yes, yes, well I'll get the rest of it.

    [barks, listens]

    Colonel: Sounds like a number! Three fives are thirteen...

    Seargent Tibs: Uh, that's fifteen, sir.

    Colonel: Fifteen, of course fifteen!

    [listens again]

    Colonel: Yes, dot, spot, spotted puddings... poodles... no, puddles.

    Captain: [confused] Puddles, sir?

    Colonel: Fifteen spotted puddles stolen? Oh, balderdash!

  • Colonel: They say the ol' place is haunted or bewitched or some such fiddle faddle.

    Seargent Tibs: Fiddle faddle and rot, sir.

    Colonel: Just the same, Sergeant, use extreme caution. No telling what sort of hocus pocus you might run into.

  • [the Colonel and Seargent Tibs are still waiting for Pongo and Perdita]

    Captain: Any news, Colonel?

    Colonel: No. Not a blasted thing. They're lost or captured, or something or other. Who knows what?

    Seargent Tibs: Colonel, here comes a car!

    Colonel: Oh, come now, Tibs! Don't be ridiculous! They wouldn't be driving.

  • Pongo: Thank you, Seargent, Colonel, Captain.

    Perdita: Bless you all.

    Pongo: How can we ever repay you?

    Colonel: Oh, nothing at all. All in the line of duty.

    Seargent Tibs: That's right, sir. Routine.

  • [as Tibs and the puppies are chased by the Baduns]

    Colonel: Sergeant? I say, sergeant!

    Seargent Tibs: [stops and salutes] Sorry sir, no time to explain, busy sir!

    [resumes running]

  • Colonel: [Having helped Richard Mays return to the race] I think I'll get one of those Muriel

    Colonel's Wife: I shouldn't Willie, you're near enough to your wings as it is.

  • Colonel: Why didn't you introduce yourself?

    Captain Mikhail Ivanovich: Well I wanted to check him out first, see if he'll be alright for this assignment.

    Colonel: So, how did your checking go?

    Captain Mikhail Ivanovich: [Fixing bandaid on his face] He checked out alright.


    Captain Mikhail Ivanovich: I didn't think he would...

    Colonel: With a cast?

    Captain Mikhail Ivanovich: Exactly. Maybe I should...

    Colonel: No, you shouldn't. Did he agree?

    Captain Mikhail Ivanovich: Yes he did. Now the idea I have is...

    Colonel: Don't bother.

    Captain Mikhail Ivanovich: In that case can I...

    Colonel: No, don't.

    Captain Mikhail Ivanovich: What about...

    Colonel: Yeah, that you might want to try. You've been assigned to this case so do what's necessary.

  • Colonel: [moments before the Amritsar Massacre] Should we issue a warning, sir?

    Gen. Dyer: They've had their warning. No meetings.


    Gen. Dyer: *Fire!*

  • [Discussing that Walter wants to go back to Germany]

    Walter Redlich: It's not that I don't like the English, it's more... That they don't like me.

    Colonel: Well, they don't like me either! I'm Scottish.

  • Colonel: Marijuana isn't a drug. Look at what goes on in Vietnam. From the general down to the private, they all smoke.

    Simone Thévenot: As a result, once a week they bomb their own troops.

    Colonel: If they bomb their own troops, they must have their reasons.

  • Colonel: I didn't know that chivalry still existed in your semi-savage country.

    Rafael Acosta: Sir, you just insulted the Republic of Miranda!

    Colonel: I don't give a damn about the Republic of Miranda!

    Rafael Acosta: And I shit on your entire army!

  • Colonel: Our job is to prevent a possible nation-wide panic by keeping the information from the public.

  • Shop Salesman: When will all this finally end?

    Colonel: Never. To begin with, what are you talking about?

  • Shop Salesman: Let's go home!

    Colonel: Your home is in jail!

  • Lida: is he gonna chase after us

    colonel: Who Gill? Nah he still rides a bicycle.

  • Colonel: [to Jason] Turn it the fuck off.

    [points gun barrel directly at the camera lense]

    Colonel: Now.

  • Colonel: It's all your fault, it's you who wanted to die for France.

    Debrie: Yes, but I didn't want to be shot by Frenchmen, I wanted to be shot by Germans.

  • Debrie: He says can he hurry up and shoot us, the pubs close in ten minutes.

    Colonel: A reasonable enough request, I suppose.

  • Godfrey Pringle: Let me out of here, I'm too young to die.

    Freddie Oppenheimer: Nonsense, you're just the right age. Don't you agree, Colonel?

    Colonel: Oh yes, perfect.

  • Colonel: Comrades, what is Crimea? Nothing, a little spot. I can close it with my palm on the map. But of course only a very stupid fool can say anything like that.

  • [last lines]

    Colonel: We better get you into town.

    Shamrock Ellison: Make in pronto, Sheriff. I've got a promise to keep and I want to talk her out of it!

  • [first lines]

    [in the silence of the club room, the waiter drops a spoon. Slowly the elderly Colonel stands up, and then... ]

    Colonel: Pah! The eternal din in this club is an outrage! I ask you, wot?

    Algy Longworth: You're perfectly right, Colonel. We ought to complain. Do you know that's the third spoon I've heard drop this month?

    Hugh 'Bulldog' Drummond: Spoons, my hat. I wish that somebody would throw a bomb and wake the place up.

Browse more character quotes from Men in Black 3 (2012)