Colonel Quotes in Men in Black 3 (2012)

Colonel: Where's your partner?

Young Agent K: He's fine, he went back home.

Colonel: How's that work?

Young Agent K: You got me!

Colonel: [watches Apollo 11 take off] Ain't that a sight.

Young Agent K: You want to see more, there's an job opening for you in our agency.

Colonel: I wish I could...

[Noticing Dr. Evil's spaceship on radar]

Radar Operator: Colonel, you better have a look at this radar.

Colonel: What is it, son?

Radar Operator: I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant...

Jet Pilot: Dick. Dick, take a look out of starboard.

Co-Pilot: Oh my God, it looks like a huge...

Bird-Watching Woman: Pecker.

Bird-Watching Man: [raising binoculars] Ooh, Where?

Bird-Watching Woman: Over there. What sort of bird is that? Wait, it's not a woodpecker, it looks like someone's...

Army Sergeant: Privates. We have reports of an unidentified flying object. It has a long, smooth shaft, complete with...

Baseball Umpire: Two balls.

[looking up from game]

Baseball Umpire: What is that. It looks just like an enormous...

Chinese Teacher: Wang. pay attention.

Wang: I was distracted by that giant flying...

Musician: Willie.

Willie: Yeah?

Musician: What's that?

Willie: [squints] Well, that looks like a huge...

Colonel: Johnson.

Radar Operator: Yes, sir?

Colonel: Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this.

Colonel: We've had reports that there's a spy in the Ministry of Defense. The contents of this room are vital to the country. Be on special alert.

Fat Bastard: Yes sir.

Colonel: And, uh, try to lose some weight, for God's sake.

Fat Bastard: Yes sir.

[Under his breath]

Fat Bastard: Mister English Colonel tellin' me to lose weight. "Oh, I'm a hard case" he says.

[louder]

Fat Bastard: Well, listen up, sonny Jim: I ate a baby. Oh, aye, baby. The other, other white meat. Baby, it's what's for dinner.

Colonel: Stop! You're forgetting who the real enemy is! The Politicians who got us into this mess.

Scientist: I see. Why waste your time?

Colonel: It's a Soldier's Duty. You wouldn't understand.

Colonel: We've come a long way since that Apocalypse, but now all they care about is indulging themselves.

Colonel: I'll see you in hell, little girl. Wear something nasty.

Colonel: He's your ah, marito? My apologies. I am not the kind of man that sleeps with a married woman. No.

[shoots them both dead]

Colonel: Oh, but their daughters. Oh, that's a completely different matter.

Mike Ross: Say, Colonel, when are we going to see your face?

Colonel: You have no reason to see my face.

Mike Ross: Oh, yeah? Do you still live at 12 West 58th Street?

Colonel: How do you know?

Mike Ross: [Walks away whistling]

Colonel: This is our coordinator, Maj. Murphy Black. Multi-decorated field officer, better known as "Killzone."

Mascher: Why do they have nicknames?

Colonel: You should know what the group is called. "BAM."

Mascher: BAM?

Colonel: Big Ass Motherfuckers.

Colonel: It's quiet... too quiet. I don't like it.

Pongo: What? 99? Where did they all come from?

Perdita: What on earth would she want with so many?

Spotty: She's gonna make coats out of us!

Perdita: She couldn't!

Seargent Tibs: That's right. Dog skinned coats.

Colonel: Oh, dog skinned coats. Oh, come now, Tibs!

Seargent Tibs: But it's true, sir.

Patch: Horace and Jasper are going to pop us off and skin us!

Perdita: She's a devil! A witch! Oh, what'll we do?

Pongo: We have to get back to London somehow.

Patch: What about the others? What'll they do?

Pongo: Perdy, we'll take them home with us. All of them.

[the puppies start wagging their tails]

Pongo: Our pets would never turn them out.

Colonel: [decoding the Twilight Bark] One long howl... two short... one yip and a woof.

Seargent Tibs: Two yips, sir.

Captain: What's the word, Colonel?

Colonel: It's from London.

Seargent Tibs: Then it must be important!

Colonel: Yes, yes, well I'll get the rest of it.

[barks, listens]

Colonel: Sounds like a number! Three fives are thirteen...

Seargent Tibs: Uh, that's fifteen, sir.

Colonel: Fifteen, of course fifteen!

[listens again]

Colonel: Yes, dot, spot, spotted puddings... poodles... no, puddles.

Captain: [confused] Puddles, sir?

Colonel: Fifteen spotted puddles stolen? Oh, balderdash!

Colonel: They say the ol' place is haunted or bewitched or some such fiddle faddle.

Seargent Tibs: Fiddle faddle and rot, sir.

Colonel: Just the same, Sergeant, use extreme caution. No telling what sort of hocus pocus you might run into.

[the Colonel and Seargent Tibs are still waiting for Pongo and Perdita]

Captain: Any news, Colonel?

Colonel: No. Not a blasted thing. They're lost or captured, or something or other. Who knows what?

Seargent Tibs: Colonel, here comes a car!

Colonel: Oh, come now, Tibs! Don't be ridiculous! They wouldn't be driving.

Pongo: Thank you, Seargent, Colonel, Captain.

Perdita: Bless you all.

Pongo: How can we ever repay you?

Colonel: Oh, nothing at all. All in the line of duty.

Seargent Tibs: That's right, sir. Routine.

[as Tibs and the puppies are chased by the Baduns]

Colonel: Sergeant? I say, sergeant!

Seargent Tibs: [stops and salutes] Sorry sir, no time to explain, busy sir!

[resumes running]

Colonel: [Having helped Richard Mays return to the race] I think I'll get one of those Muriel

Colonel's Wife: I shouldn't Willie, you're near enough to your wings as it is.

Colonel: Why didn't you introduce yourself?

Captain Mikhail Ivanovich: Well I wanted to check him out first, see if he'll be alright for this assignment.

Colonel: So, how did your checking go?

Captain Mikhail Ivanovich: [Fixing bandaid on his face] He checked out alright.

[pause]

Captain Mikhail Ivanovich: I didn't think he would...

Colonel: With a cast?

Captain Mikhail Ivanovich: Exactly. Maybe I should...

Colonel: No, you shouldn't. Did he agree?

Captain Mikhail Ivanovich: Yes he did. Now the idea I have is...

Colonel: Don't bother.

Captain Mikhail Ivanovich: In that case can I...

Colonel: No, don't.

Captain Mikhail Ivanovich: What about...

Colonel: Yeah, that you might want to try. You've been assigned to this case so do what's necessary.

Colonel: [moments before the Amritsar Massacre] Should we issue a warning, sir?

Gen. Dyer: They've had their warning. No meetings.

[pause]

Gen. Dyer: *Fire!*

[Discussing that Walter wants to go back to Germany]

Walter Redlich: It's not that I don't like the English, it's more... That they don't like me.

Colonel: Well, they don't like me either! I'm Scottish.

Colonel: Marijuana isn't a drug. Look at what goes on in Vietnam. From the general down to the private, they all smoke.

Simone Thévenot: As a result, once a week they bomb their own troops.

Colonel: If they bomb their own troops, they must have their reasons.

Colonel: I didn't know that chivalry still existed in your semi-savage country.

Rafael Acosta: Sir, you just insulted the Republic of Miranda!

Colonel: I don't give a damn about the Republic of Miranda!

Rafael Acosta: And I shit on your entire army!

Colonel: Our job is to prevent a possible nation-wide panic by keeping the information from the public.

Shop Salesman: When will all this finally end?

Colonel: Never. To begin with, what are you talking about?

Shop Salesman: Let's go home!

Colonel: Your home is in jail!

Lida: is he gonna chase after us

colonel: Who Gill? Nah he still rides a bicycle.

Colonel: [to Jason] Turn it the fuck off.

[points gun barrel directly at the camera lense]

Colonel: Now.

Colonel: It's all your fault, it's you who wanted to die for France.

Debrie: Yes, but I didn't want to be shot by Frenchmen, I wanted to be shot by Germans.

Debrie: He says can he hurry up and shoot us, the pubs close in ten minutes.

Colonel: A reasonable enough request, I suppose.

Godfrey Pringle: Let me out of here, I'm too young to die.

Freddie Oppenheimer: Nonsense, you're just the right age. Don't you agree, Colonel?

Colonel: Oh yes, perfect.

Colonel: Comrades, what is Crimea? Nothing, a little spot. I can close it with my palm on the map. But of course only a very stupid fool can say anything like that.

[last lines]

Colonel: We better get you into town.

Shamrock Ellison: Make in pronto, Sheriff. I've got a promise to keep and I want to talk her out of it!

[first lines]

[in the silence of the club room, the waiter drops a spoon. Slowly the elderly Colonel stands up, and then... ]

Colonel: Pah! The eternal din in this club is an outrage! I ask you, wot?

Algy Longworth: You're perfectly right, Colonel. We ought to complain. Do you know that's the third spoon I've heard drop this month?

Hugh 'Bulldog' Drummond: Spoons, my hat. I wish that somebody would throw a bomb and wake the place up.