Coach Byrnes Quotes in Fired Up! (2009)

Nick Brady: Let's bet how many times he says 'shit.' I say seven.

Shawn Colfax: No way. Ten.

Nick Brady, Shawn Colfax: Hey coach!

Coach Byrnes: You shitheads think you're the shit? That you don't need to pay attention out there? I'll kick the shit outta ya! You pumped for football camp?

Shawn Colfax: Eh, I guess so.

Nick Brady: Yeah, two weeks without girls. Who wouldn't be pumped?

Coach Byrnes: Don't mess with me shitdick! I'm gonna push ya like you've never been pushed before. Your muscles will ache, your head will throb. You're gonna shit blood out of holes you never knew you had.

Nick Brady: Well at least we're gonna be in Daytona Beach.

Coach Byrnes: No no. They changed it up this year. Camp's gonna be in El Paso, Texas. Hotter than your shithole. We're gonna get you shits conditioned! Bus leaves Monday at o' shithundred hours.

Nick Brady: Which is...?

Coach Byrnes: 4:45 am.

Nick Brady: Of course.

Shawn Colfax: Unusual.

Nick Brady: Mmhm.

Coach Byrnes: Skip your morning shit and get down there.

Nick Brady: Ten 'shits'. You win. How do you always KNOW?

Shawn Colfax: It's a gift. I'm not proud of it.

Shawn Colfax: So what exactly are we going to say to Coach Shit-for-Words to get out of football camp?

Nick Brady: What every kid says to get out of everything he doesn't want to do.

[speaking to Coach Byrne]

Nick Brady: So not only do I find out yesterday I'm adopted, the people I've been calling 'mom' and 'dad' are actually infertile impostors who bought me outside of a meth clinic in Cincinatti for two boxes of Sudafed, but I also get this news dropped on me: my birth father, Bruce, he needs a kidney and I'm the only match! And apparently Bruce needs it stat. Mhm, you need it stat, Bruce? HUH? Well maybe I needed a father stat, instead of this stay-at-home-dad who showers me with love every day of my life this goddamn spermless liar! So now I gotta be at Kaiser Permanente tomorrow at 6:00 am. I know. Bruce couldn't even afford a real hospital. Managed care. It's ironic, huh? He never managed to care for me.

Coach Byrnes: Are you shittin' me? Are you saying you can't go to football coach?

Nick Brady: Yeah, but don't make me say it, coach. It's eating me up inside.

[sniffle]

Nick Brady: It's eating me up.