Cmndt. Eric Lassard Quotes in Police Academy (1984)

Cmndt. Eric Lassard: [Presenting a slide show just as a hooker begins to give him a blow job] Now this first SLIIIDE... shows a very, very interesting thing: our main building. On slide... TWO! We see other view... of... IT! Oh, my God, you wouldn't believe it!

[Mahoney and Thompson, both in full dress uniform, are kissing passionately before the graduation ceremony]

Cmndt. Eric Lassard: You men stop that!

[Thompson turns around, removes her cap and smiles, showing her face and long hair to Lassard]

Cmndt. Eric Lassard: Oh... OHHH! Well. That's more like it, Mahoney. Good man. Keep up the good work!

Carey Mahoney: Yes, sir!

Chief Hurnst: [Lamenting the newly relaxed admission requirements for the Academy] They all used to be the right color, the right height, the right weight. And they all had Johnsons, Lassard!

Cmndt. Eric Lassard: Johnsons?

Chief Hurnst: You know...

[motions to his groin]

Cmndt. Eric Lassard: Oh, yes.

Chief Hurnst: There were Johnsons as far as the eye can see.

Cmndt. Eric Lassard: Yes. And what a lovely sight it was.

Cmndt. Eric Lassard: [Seeing Tackleberry banging his head on the squad car hood] What's wrong with this man?

Cadet Leslie Barbara: There was gunplay, sir, and he missed it.

Cmndt. Eric Lassard: What is the most frustrating thing about police work?

Tackleberry: Not being able to carry hand grenades, sir.

Lt. Debbie Callahan: Separate locker rooms, sir.

Mahoney: Icky blue uniforms.

Cmndt. Eric Lassard: [Accompanied by his host family, Lassard exits train while holding balloons as they all laugh] Great, great subway. Terrific! I mean, New York is a shithouse, but this is great.