Clifford Stern Quotes in Crimes and Misdemeanors (1989)

Clifford Stern: [to his wife] Honey, you're the one who stopped sleeping with me, ok. It'll be a year come April 20th. I remember the date exactly, because it was Hitler's birthday.

Clifford Stern: Listen, I don't know from suicides. Y'know, where I grew up, in Brooklyn, nobody committed suicide. Y'know, everyone was too unhappy.

Clifford Stern: [on receiving his love letter back] It's probably just as well. I plagiarized most of it from James Joyce. You probably wondered why all the references to Dublin.

Clifford Stern: Show business is, is dog-eat-dog. It's worse than dog-eat-dog. It's dog-doesn't-return-other-dog's-phone-calls, which reminds me. I should check my answering service.

[On Lester]

Halley Reed: He wants to produce something of mine.

Clifford Stern: Yeah. Your first child.

Clifford Stern: [on Professor Levy's demise] He left a note. He left a simple little note that said "I've gone out the window." This is a major intellectual and he leaves a note that says "I've gone out the window." He's a role-model. You'd think he'd leave a decent note.

Clifford Stern: A strange man... defecated on my sister.

Wendy Stern: [pause] ... why?

Clifford Stern: While we're waiting for a cab I'll give you your lesson for today. Don't listen to what your teachers tell ya, you know. Don't pay attention. Just, just see what they look like and that's how you'll know what life is really gonna be like.

Halley Reed: After all, he is an American phenomenon.

Clifford Stern: Yeah, but so is acid rain.

Clifford Stern: [after being handed a box of Milk Duds] Great. Now I can get rid of my few remaining teeth.

Halley Reed: [on the philosopher Lewis Levy] He was very eloquent on the subject of love, didn't you think?

Clifford Stern: I wish I had met him before I got married. It would've saved me a gall bladder operation.

Clifford Stern: [on Lester] When he tells you he wants to exchange ideas, what he wants is to exchange fluids.

Clifford Stern: What is the guy so upset about? You'd think nobody was ever compared to Mussolini before.

Clifford Stern: [on Lester's sitcoms] I can't watch his stuff. It's submental.

Clifford Stern: [referring to Lester] I love him like a brother... David Greenglass.