Clifford Quotes in Muppets from Space (1999)

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Clifford Quotes:

  • [Gonzo appears on live TV]

    Clifford: Hey, you better get down there, Kerm.

    Kermit: Relax. No one is going anywhere, okay?

    Gonzo: [on TV] You see, I was contacted through my breakfast cereal, and then it was confirmed to me by the Cosmic Fish that I am definitely from outer space.

    Rizzo: So you want to go now, or wait for the commercial?

    Kermit: Now.

  • Clifford: Nah, Baby! Me and Gonzo are very tight. In fact, we're gonna be chillin' in our hot tub later on. Perhaps you'd like to partake in the partay?

  • Kermit: What is he doing up there?

    Rizzo: His breakfast cereal told him to sit up there.

    Clifford: Talk about whole grain and nuts.

  • Annie: Dad, you're going to have to deal with this. You got to think about it, make some decisions.

    Clifford: Annie, I'm going to eat my dinner, and then I'm going to watch some moronic situation comedy, and then I'm going to sleep the sleep of the dead. Can we worry about this tomorrow?

  • Clifford: You don't have a life. You have a schedule.

  • Clifford: [exasperated] How can all the toilets break down at once?

    Dennis: It's not my fault. Hey, it's hard enough to get a plumber to come to your house, and that stays in one place. But you try getting a plumber to come to a bus that's driving all over the countryside. It's impossible.

    Clifford: [frustrated] Well, can't you do something about it?

    Dennis: [confused] Like what?

    Clifford: [he means fix the toilets, not "fix" the girls so they can't pee] Fix them!

    Dennis: Hey man, I love these girls, and I'd do anything for them. But I won't do that.

  • Clifford: Look at this! Front page news, again. Suppose the whole lot of you'd been drowned.

    Ginger Spice: Well, we weren't though, were we?

    Posh: Speak for yourself.

    Clifford: What did you think you were doing? Going off like that?

    Scary Spice: We were just having fun!

    Clifford: What?

    Baby: Fun! You know, like ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

    Sporty: Look, Clifford, we're old enough to take responsibility for our own lives, do you know what I mean?

    Clifford: You don't have a life, you have a schedule! You are part of a well-oiled, global machine! There are people everywhere working their butts off for you! People like Deborah, here.

    Deborah: Oh, can we leave my butt out of this, please?

    Ginger Spice: Oh, just don't be so uptight, Clifford.

    Clifford: Uptight? Uptight? You've got a live gig here tomorrow. It's my job to see that you turn up. My bum is on the line, here!

    Posh: Can you please leave butts and bums out of this, for one minute?

    Sporty: Clifford, some things are more important than gigs, you know.

    Clifford: Like what?

    Ginger Spice: Like self respect and our freedom, for a start!

    Baby: Yeah, and friendship!

    Clifford: What are you saying? You-you don't want to turn up here, tomorrow night?

    Ginger Spice: [defiantly] Well, maybe we don't.

    Baby: What'd you say that for?

    Ginger Spice: I don't know, I just said it.

  • Clifford: They're hot, Chief! They've got fire in their eyes, hunger in their bellies and great big shoes on their feet!

  • Deborah: He didn't mean that!

    Clifford: [defiantly] Oh, didn't I?

    Baby: [Tearfully] Look, can we please stop arguing?

    Posh: When you know exactly what we're supposed to be doing. Will somebody please let me know?

    [she storms off]

    Scary Spice: [Angrily] Oh great, Clifford! Now look what you've gone and done!

    Clifford: Well, that's just too bad!

    Scary Spice: Well yeahj it is too bad cos you know what? I'm going home now, see ya!

    [follows Victoria]

    Clifford: Bye!

    Baby: Look can we stop? All this, this is doing my head in.

    [exits]

    Sporty: [follows her bandmate in concern]

    Sporty: Emma!

    [runs after her]

    Sporty: [a long oause ensues, and only Geri is left]

    Ginger Spice: I hope you know what you're doing, cos if you're looking for a fight. you're gonna lose!

  • Clifford: Well done girls, excellent performance

    Scary Spice: What are you talking about, you weren't even watching Clifford!

    Clifford: Yes I was!

    Sporty: Don't lie, no you weren't!

    Clifford: I sensed the vibes! I have an excellent vibe sensor right here

    Scary Spice: Yeah right.

    Baby: He just doesn't love us anymore!

    Clifford: Oh yes I do. I love you like a wildebeest loves five lionesses chewing at his legs!

    Baby: Rawr!

  • [Clifford sits silently backstage, panicked that the girls really aren't going to show up for the concert. Finally he speaks to the documentary camera]

    Clifford: Okay. So this is the plan. The band starts up, the fans go wild, the lights come on, and I walk center stage and hang myself.

    [to the camera man]

    Clifford: Oh by the way this is my good side.

    [back to the audience]

    Clifford: My final words are, "The Spice Girls? I hate them!"

    [Suddenly the girls burst through the door shouting and laughing]

    Scary Spice: Hey! What you doing sitting around?

    Baby: Come on! We got a show to do!

    Ginger Spice: How ya doing?

    Sporty: Where are the mics?

    Posh: Where are the clothes!

    Scary Spice: And where are the bacon butties?

    Clifford: I love those girls! I love those girls!

  • Sporty: [after falling into the bus] Victoria!

    Posh: Sorry!

    Graydon: [Describing the events as they are happening] Now they're coming up on the tower bridge.

    Voice of Bridge Keeper: Attention, please. Your attention, please. The bridge will shortly be lifted.

    Graydon: The road is rising right in front of them to let a boat through!

    Posh: The bridge is going up!

    Graydon: They can't believe it!

    Scary Spice: Oh, my god! I don't believe it!

    Graydon: Are they crazy enough to try and jump the gap?

    [Sporty, Baby, Ginger, and Scary put on their "game faces"]

    Posh: Hold onto your knickers, girls!

    Graydon: Hey, baby! These are the Spice Girls, of course they're gonna go for it! Up it goes. A five ton London bus sailing through the air at seventy miles an hour! It's incredible!

    Martin Barnfield: It's expensive!

    [the Spice Bus easily jumps the gap]

    Martin Barnfield: Um... not necessarily.

    Graydon: But then, just when you think they're safe, they discover the bomb.

    Martin Barnfield: What bomb?

    Baby: [Opens up a secret door, looks at the bomb, and screams]

    Graydon: That bomb.

    Scary SpiceGinger SpiceSportyBabyPosh: [All scream]

    Martin Barnfield: Why?

    Graydon: Those are the rules.

    Martin Barnfield: My god, I've had enough of the rules!

    [Attempts to choke Graydon, but Clifford holds him back]

    Martin Barnfield: What are you trying to do, kill them? No more! They've suffered enough! Please!

    Graydon: All right! All right! They... they run up the steps to the Albert Hall, zoom past the guards, hurdle down the corridor, and they burst through that door right there.

    [Points to the door]

    Clifford: [Watches the door, expecting to see the Spice Girls run in. When they don't, he attemspt to choke Graydon. Martin tries to hold him back] You lied to me!

    Martin Barnfield: Hey! Hey! Hey, now! Hey! Hey! That's enough of that!

    Clifford: Where are they?

    Graydon: [Still choking] I'll rewrite it.

  • [the Spice Girls have all just stormed out after a huge row about an incident where they ran off with two competition winners and several of them fall into the River Thames]

    Clifford: So what do you think? No I don't want to hear what you think?

    [pauses]

    Clifford: What do you think?

    Deborah: I think you have definitely, definitely lost

    Clifford: I think I may have just started the breakup of The Spice Girls

    Clifford: [as Deborah stalks off] AAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH!

  • The Chief: The answer is no Clifford.

    Clifford: Chief?

    The Chief: The girls can't have the morning off.

  • Baby: We've got to see Nicola in the morning. The baby's overdue.

    Clifford: Babies are allowed to be overdue you're not.

  • Clifford: I told them before. If they wanted to be spontaneous they had to clear it with me first.

  • Clifford: Now hear this. It is dangerous to leave moisturising cream in the refrigerator, as it could be mistaken for mayonaisse. That is all.

  • Clifford: Dennis pull over.

    Dennis: [rolls his eyes and pulls over]

    Clifford: The girls need to go to the bathroom again.

  • Graydon: [Describes what's going on throughout the entire scene] He crashes to the ground. And now the girls come face-to-face with their tabloid tormentor. The evil reporter has been unmaksed and in that moment, Damien's whole worthless life flashes before his eyes because, the girls have made him realize that he's been living a meaningless lie.

    Damien: [Lying on the ground, in pain] Oh, d'you know what, girls... you've made me realize... I've been... living a meaningless lie.

    Graydon: It's his character's one defining moment, and there isn't a dry seat in the house.

    Martin Barnfield: I'm wet already.

    Clifford: So, then what? Is that the end?

    Graydon: No! Damien goes after the really big evil boss, McMaxford.

    Clifford: Well, what about the girls?

    Graydon: Well, the girls, they've gotta get to Albert Hall, right? I mean, they've been at the hospital for twelve hours.

    Baby: Dennis!

    Posh: Out of the ways girls?

    Scary Spice: What are you doing?

    Posh: Fasten your seatbelts.

    [Gets in the driver's seat of the Spice Bus, puts her seatbelt on, presses down on the gas pedal, and starts driving like a lunatic]

    Dennis: [Getting up off the ground] Hey! That's my bus!

    Posh: Come on! What are you doing? What's the matter, are you blind? Come on, what are you doing? Get out of the way! Get out of the way! Sunday drivers! It's only Saturday!

    Graydon: And now the Spice Bus is racing across London, through Trafalger's Square. Pigeons are flying up. Guys are diving into fountains. And as it zooms through them all, past Bukingham Palace, Prince William is there. He's looin' at the window through a curtain. He turns to the Queen! The Queen, man! And he says "Oi, granny, look. It's the Spice Girls. They're on telly in a minute". And the Queen looks out and says "Oh, you're right. Isn't that the Posh one drivin'?"

    Baby: Look, there's the Queen! Hi, William!

    Ginger Spice: Hi, Charlie.

    Scary Spice: Hello, Harry.

    Graydon: And then, suddenly, they're on top of the bus.

    Clifford: Why?

    Martin Barnfield: The rules!

    Graydon: Right, right, the rules. Anyhow, there they are, standing in gale-force winds. Holding on for dear life. Emma slips, but Geri grabs her. But then Geri slips, so Mel B grabs her. But then, she slips, so Mel C grabs her. Four? Wait, that's four. Oh, there's one driving, right. Anyway, they're standing on top of a bus, whiplashing back and forth, about to be turned into Spice Jam!

    Martin Barnfield: Oh, my god!

    Clifford: And...?

    Graydon: Two old nuns in a mini-metro pull up right in front of them. The braking tumbles the girls back into the bus.

  • Enzo: Your mother.

    Clifford: My mother?

    Enzo: Si.

    [through his megaphone]

    Enzo: Your mother.

  • Deborah: Come on, Clifford. Don't you remember being a kid?

    Clifford: [glares] What?

    Deborah: You know? Fooling around on the playground, scrapping your knee.

    Clifford: Deborah, what planet are you from?

  • Sporty: Why Milan, Clifford?

    Clifford: Just a TV special. Italians, screaming fans, the usual thing.

    Scary Spice: Are we there yet?

  • Deborah: [finding Clifford alone in a bar] I thought i'd find you here.

    Clifford: Sorry, there's only room for one depressed personality here.

    Deborah: Come on, Clifford. At least you're still alive.

    Clifford: That's the bit that depresses me.

    Deborah: If it makes you feel better, I have a degree in politics, philosophy and economics, and I spend my entire life worrying wether Mel C. is wearing the right Nike Air Max.

    Clifford: By the way, did you sort them out yet?

    Deborah: Yes.

    Clifford: Whoo.

    Deborah: Mind you, I'd rather be us than the girls. Fame is such a fickle thing.

    Elvis Costello: So, what can I get you?

    Deborah: Gin and Tonic, please. Wait a minute. Make that a double.

    Elvis Costello: Yes.

    Deborah: You know what happens now, don't you?

    Clifford: What's That?

    Deborah: We sit here more and more self-pitying, telling tragic tales of lost lovers, and deaden the night with bursting passion and ruining our professional relationship.

    Clifford: I'm up for that.

  • Clifford: Just a minute.

    Deborah: [turns around]

    Clifford: I love you.

  • Clifford: Next stop. Publicity party. Beautiful people, reporters, lots of finger food, have fun. That is all.

  • Clifford: Your ass is grass, and I'm the lawnmower.

  • Clifford: Uncle Martin, save me!... Uncle Martin?

    Martin Daniels: I'm thinking it over!

    Clifford: Please?, I'm scared!

    Martin Daniels: Well I'm scared about what might happen if I save you. You know, I should do mankind a tremendous favor and let that dinosaur eat you. I mean, who knows what horrors you might unleash, or what if you got your hands on some plutonium?

    Martin Daniels: [mocking Clifford] I just made the bestest nuclear bomb in the whole wide world.

  • Martin Daniels: [gets furious again] I suppose Sarah's father also put the hot sauce in my drink!

    Clifford: That I don't know.

    Martin Daniels: You don't?

    Clifford: No.

    Martin Daniels: [yells] You don't?

    Clifford: No.

    Martin Daniels: You DONT?

    Clifford: No!

    Martin Daniels: [yells] You have no idea who did that?

    Clifford: I would suspect the bartender. Theory.

    Martin Daniels: [screams] Well, you know, I WOULD SUSPECT SOMEONE ELSE! Now who could that be?

    Clifford: If you are about to say what I think you're about to say, then I don't wanna hear it! Because Sarah Davis loves you, Uncle Martin. She wouldn't do that. Oh, she has problems with you, but every relationship goes with that.

    [Martin turns a frown as he doesn't believe Clifford, citing him as the perpetrator]

    Clifford: Oh. Oh, y-you don't think it was me.

    [tries to grab him]

    Clifford: Oh, Uncle Martin...

    Martin Daniels: Ah!

    [pulls away from him; screams again]

    Martin Daniels: And I had to be made naked in the jail! I was strip searched! I was humiliated!

    Clifford: [sobs] I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I made the tape. Oh, God, it was wrong, Uncle Martin. Then why did I do it? Why? I think I know why. Because I was so angry at you for having promised that you would take me to Dinosaur World and then breaking that promise, Uncle Martin.

    Martin Daniels: [yells] What is it with you and Dinosaur World? It's a sick thing! It's like you're obsessed with this Dinosaur World!

    Clifford: I believe that Dinosaur World is the only place where a boy like me can be happy.

  • Clifford: Don't reject me, Uncle Martin!

  • Sarah Davis: See Clifford, didn't I tell you everything would be alright?

    Clifford: Yes you did Miss Sarah, but I don't like those men. They're liars, and everybody knows that liars eventually get caught.

    Martin Daniels: Yeah that's right you little peckerhead.

  • Clifford: Any luck with that chocolate?

    Martin Daniels: [mocking Clifford] Any luck with that chocolate? Any luck with that chocolate?

  • Clifford: I think you're the bestest uncle in the whole wide world!

  • Martin Daniels: Well there it is, Clifford, Dinosaur World. Are you happy?

    Clifford: I'd say I'm the happiest boy in the whole wide world, Uncle Mental Case.

    Martin Daniels: I'm the mental case? You're the one in the strait jacket.

    Clifford: I imagine when they put you in yours, you'll need a much larger one, sir.

    Martin Daniels: That's cute.

  • Woman on Plane: Would you please stop hitting the back of my chair? I am trying to sleep!

    Clifford: I'm sorry, Miss Nice Older Person, but I don't know what you're talking about. Perhaps you were just having a nightmare about your early days in the circus.

    Woman on Plane: One more word out of you and I'll call the flight attendant.

    [Throws Stephen back at Clifford]

    Clifford: Wasn't nice of the mean old lady to smash your collarbone was it, Stephen?

  • Clifford: You wouldn't lie to me, would you Uncle Martin? 'Cause if you did I'd be so angry I don't know what I'd do.

  • Martin Daniels: I have a criminal record. But you know what you're gonna have? You're gonna have a one-way ticket back to your parents!

    Clifford: Don't send me back to my parents, they hate me!

    Martin Daniels: Not as much as I do!

  • [Clifford procures Stephen from Uncle Martin]

    Clifford: He says please don't hurt him, he's the only one left in his family.

    Martin Daniels: Just go to your room and write your confession! Pretty soon there won't be anyone left in his family!

  • Clifford: Oh Uncle Martin, I am so glad you're here. I got on the train to run away, but a person tried to touch my no-no special place! And when I got back, there were bikers here. And they tied me up, Uncle Martin, and then they told me stories that they do on their bikes. Some of them were fun but some of them were scary!

  • Clifford: I'm sorry

    Martin Daniels: [pushes Clifford away as he tries to hug him] NO, NO, Clifford don't, I don't want to hug you. I can't imagine anyone ever wanting to hug you.

    Clifford: But I really am sorry.

    Martin Daniels: You really are sorry?, you know sorrow is a human emotion, and as we know, you are not a human boy, you're just, this, this destructive thing who everyone will eventually get to hate you... LET'S GO!

    Clifford: Well if you really feel that way, then why should I go with you?

    Martin Daniels: THEN DON'T!... it's your choice.

  • [Martin and Clifford are waving goodbye to Sarah as she heads for San Francisco]

    Martin Daniels: [growls angrily under his teeth] Get in the car!

    [Back at Martin's house, Martin is furious with Clifford for getting him charged for a crime he didn't commit]

    Martin Daniels: [furious] I am now out on bail. Are you listening to me?

    [yells]

    Martin Daniels: Are you?

    Clifford: [solemn] Yes, I am.

    Martin Daniels: I have a criminal record. But you know what you're gonna have?

    Clifford: What?

    Martin Daniels: You're gonna have a one-way ticket back to your parents!

    Clifford: [freaks out] Don't send me back to my parents! They hate me!

    Martin Daniels: [screams] Not as much as I DO!

    [Clifford sobs]

    Martin Daniels: Oh, stop with the fake tears!

    Clifford: I'm not faking! I am sorry! I'll admit anything! Just don't send me back to my parents! I'll even tell Miss Sarah that I was the one who put the lipstick in your pocket, which I didn't. It was her father. He wanted to embarass you. He said that you were a simple-minded moron.

    Martin Daniels: Sarah's father called me a moron?

    Clifford: Simple-minded moron.

    Martin Daniels: And Sarah's father put the lipstick in my pocket?

    Clifford: Yes.

    Martin Daniels: [calms down briefly] Why would he do that?

    Clifford: 'Cause he hates you! I don't know why. I surely think you're a nice-enough sort.

  • Martin Daniels: Listen to me. Listen to me a minute.

    [Places Stephen in the center of the table]

    Martin Daniels: Just leave the dinosaur there, I'm trying to tell you something. When I... When I was a little boy... You know, you touch the dinosaur, I'm gonna kill you.

    Clifford: Stephen wanted to stand here.

    Martin Daniels: Give it to me! I'll rip its head off! Give it to me! God almighty, Boy! Now listen to me, I'm trying to tell you something to help you. When I was a little boy growing up in Chicago, there was this great amusement park called Riverview. Your father tell you about it?

    Clifford: Yes.

    Martin Daniels: I thought that was the only place where a boy like me could be happy but my father never took me there. And then one day, they tore it down before I ever got a chance to go. I understand how you feel.

    Clifford: Does it ever get easier, Uncle Martin?

    Martin Daniels: Not really.

  • Martin Daniels: Here's the deal: Go to your room, write a confession that I'll take to the police, I will not send you back to your parents, and you tell Sarah that you and I are the best of friends.

    Clifford: And we are, aren't we?

    Martin Daniels: Shut up.

  • Clifford: I love you, Uncle Martin.

    Martin Daniels: And I love you too, Clinton.

    Clifford: Clifford.

  • Clifford: Hi, this is Clifford. I can't tell you where my Uncle Martin is right now but I'll give you a hint: kaboom!

  • Clifford: How many years you think you'll get for kidnapping me, Uncle Ten-Most-Wanted?

    Martin Daniels: Life. Let's go a little faster shall we?

  • Martin Daniels: That was so embarrassing with Mr. Ellis. Please don't ever tell someone that they have a nice wig.

    Clifford: I said it was the bestest-looking wig I ever saw. It was a compliment.

    Martin Daniels: He says he doesn't wear a wig, and a person doesn't take it as a compliment if you say, "Nice wig".

    Clifford: But I didn't say "Nice wig", Uncle Martin, I said "Bestest-looking wig". I believe there is a difference.

  • Parker: What do you want to be when you grow up, Clifford?

    Clifford: A dinosaur!

  • [as Martin and Clifford hug, Clifford steals Stephen the plastic dinosaur from Martin's back pocket and has him pretend to walk back to him]

    Clifford: Stephen walked back!

  • Clifford: Oh, you mean Uncle Martin... Scary... *Scary* Uncle Martin.

  • Clifford: Tell me when this is all over, how many years do you think you'll get for kidnapping me, Uncle 10-Most-Wanted?

    Martin Daniels: Life. Let's go a little faster, shall we?

  • Martin Daniels: Climb abord Clifford!, are you excited, Clifford?

    Clifford: Yes, cause it has always been my dream, Uncle Martin

    Martin Daniels: Yeah, the same way as building a transit system was always my dream.

    Clifford: Why do you say was?, did something happen to it?

    Martin Daniels: [mocking Clifford] HAD SOMETHING HAPPENED TO IT?, we'll see how you feel about your dream after being on the ride for ten hours.

    Clifford: Ten hours!, I'd say i'd like it even more!

    Martin Daniels: Then we'll see how you would feel after 100 hours.

  • [Clifford finishes going through a fast version of the Larry the Scary Rex ride]

    Martin Daniels: Was that scary?

    Clifford: Not at all, you know a thought occured to me. You think that Miss Sarah and Mr. Ellis, perhaps would name their first child Martin?

    Martin Daniels: That is so cute. You know Clifford, I really shouldn't put this in hyperdrive but I just can't seem to help myself, OH WELL!

  • [Martin is still scolding Clifford]

    Martin Daniels: Let's just forget about the wig. But I gotta punish you, and that means Dinosaur World is out!

    Clifford: I don't understand.

    Martin Daniels: I've got a bombshell for you, young man: I happen to be the boss in this house and you cannot fight City Hall.

    Clifford: But you know, Uncle Martin, someone as wise and worldly as you would realize that breaking a little boy's promise and punishing him for it would be a terrible, terrible thing. I imagine that little boy wouldn't be responsible for what he was gonna do next.

    Martin Daniels: [turns angrier] See now, that sounds like a threat to me and I don't like threats. So you're gonna spend the rest of the day in your room. Now you march up there, young man. March!

  • Clifford: My heart... it hurts!

  • Clifford: When we land in Los Angeles, can we then immediately go to Dinosaur world?

    Julien: How many times do I have to tell you, son. The plane does not go to Los Angeles. It goes directly to Honolulu.

    Clifford: But how can that be, pappy?

    Julien: How can what be?

    Clifford: That my birthday of all days, I can be so close to Dinosaur world and yet so far away?

    Julien: Don't you start with me. You're birthday was 6 months ago.

    Theodora Daniels: Clifford. Daddy's on a business - a business trip. And this is not a vacation. No.

    Julien: So will you drop this Dinosaur world thing for 5 seconds? Huh? Would you do that for me? Huh? Would you? Oh, boy. You're driving me crazy!

  • CeCe: And we never pay for parking. And we never carry cash, it's bad luck.

    Margo: And we never buy our own drinks.

    Clifford: Words to live by.

    Margo: And we never wait in line.

  • Clifford: It's not been a great night for Clifford

  • Clifford: [to Sonora] Thanks for... spittin' on me.

Browse more character quotes from Muppets from Space (1999)

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