Clayton Quotes in Shadowboxer (2005)

[after shooting two people]

Clayton: Eddie, what'd I tell you about talking when I'm fucking, huh?

Clayton: Give 'em a lei, blow 'em away.

[Tarzan takes Clayton's gun and aims it at him]

Clayton: Go ahead. Shoot me.

[chuckles]

Clayton: Be a man.

[a shot is heard, but not from the gun; it's Tarzan mimicking a gunshot]

Tarzan: Not a man like you!

[after being returned to camp by Tarzan]

Jane Porter: Oh, my goodness! Daddy, I was walking. There was... was a little baby, little baby monkey, and I drew a picture!

Professor Porter: Yes, go on.

Jane Porter: Suddenly, the monkey starts crying.

Professor Porter: Oh, poor thing.

Jane Porter: But, I turn around and there's a whole FLEET OF THEM. An ARMY of monkeys! A huge tree full of monkeys, screaming at me!

[imitates a monkey screaming at him]

Professor Porter: [laughing at her] That's theropithecus baboonus! She's very good at this!

Jane Porter: Terrified! I was terrified! Suddenly, I was swinging, on a vine, in the air! Swinging, in the air!

Professor Porter: With the monkeys!

Jane Porter: I was in the air! And then, I was all surrounded!

Professor Porter: What did you do?

Jane Porter: And, Daddy! They took my boot!

Professor Porter: Your boot - those are the ones I bought you.

Jane Porter: And I was SAVED. I was saved by a flying, wild man in a loincloth.

Professor Porter: Loincloth? Good Lord.

Clayton: What is she talking about?

Professor Porter: I haven't the foggiest idea. Takes after her mother, you know. She came up with stories like that. Not about men in loincloths, of course.

Clayton: [Draws a crude gorilla on Jane's chalkboard and points to it with the chalk] Gorilla.

Tarzan: [Takes the chalk and examines it] Gor-illa.

Professor Porter: [Excited] Oh! Oh! He's got it!

Tarzan: Gor-illa!

[Proceeds to scribble wildly on the chalkboard]

Tarzan: Gorrrrr-illllla!

Professor Porter: Oh, perhaps not...

Professor Porter: Looks like a man but walks like an ape. He could be the missing link!

Clayton: Or our link to the gorillas.

Clayton: Even if you hadn't grown up a savage, you'd be lost. There are no trails through a woman's heart.

Clayton: Hiding, are we? Good! I could use a challenge, because after hunting you, gathering up your little ape family will be all too easy!

[repeated line]

Clayton: Have we met?

Jane Porter: And there were gorillas.

Professor Porter, Clayton: Gorillas?

Clayton: You found the gorillas? Where, Jane? Where?

Jane Porter: He left with them.

Professor Porter: Who did? Who?

Jane Porter: Tarzan.

Clayton: Tarzan?

Jane Porter: The ape man.

Clayton: If I can teach a parrot to sing "God Save the Queen," I can certainly teach this savage a thing or two.

Clayton: Sorry for the rude welcome, but I couldn't have you making a scene when we put your furry friends in their cages.

Tarzan: Why?

Clayton: Why? For 300 pounds sterling a head. Actually, I have you to thank, old boy. Couldn't have done it without you.

Jane Porter: [after Clayton fires in the air] Mr. Clayton, please. What if it's a gorilla?

Clayton: It's no gorilla.

Clayton: Ah, yes. I remember you. I think this one would be better off stuffed.

Jane Porter: [telling her father about Tarzan] The point is, think about what we could learn from him. We must find him.

Clayton: [frustrated] Professor! You're here to find gorillas. Not indulge some girlish fantasy!

Jane Porter: [also frustrated] Fantasy? I didn't imagine him! Tarzan is...

[Tarzan suddenly appears right between them. Clayton gasps in surprise and Jane smiles]

Jane Porter: Real.

General Aladeen: I know there's nothing more annoying than a backseat torturer, but please, come on.

Clayton: This is great stuff.

General Aladeen: It's not great stuff. That's like 1972, hello...

Clayton: You won't be talkin' smack so much with this up your butt.

General Aladeen: That's the Anal Umbrella. It's a good device, I grant you, but where's the splash guard? You're going to kill me and your white shirt.

Clayton: I kinda liked Bubba Ho-Tep.

Jeff: *Everyone* liked Bubba Ho-Tep.

Clayton: So uh, why haven't I seen you around school?

Big Debbie: It's 'cause I'm never there.

Clayton: Cool. You seeing anybody?

Big Debbie: No.

Clayton: Cool.

Clayton: Oh. It's no use. I'll never make a good pirate. I can't even scare kids away. Grandpa LeRouge is gonna kick me out for sure.

Emily: LeRouge is your grandfather?

Clayton: Well, more like my great-great-great-grandfather. But, family is family.

Toddster: Wow, your Thanksgiving must be really weird.

Clayton: Not really, just lonely. Yeah. I'm the last LeRouge left.

Toddster: Who could you possibly talk to on the phone? Captain Hook?

Clayton: No. It's for emergencies. Stuff. Pizza deliveries.

Ronald: Hey, it's the pirate.

Clayton: Who was you expecting, matey? Santa Claus?

Clayton: I ain't never worked on no ranch before. Is it hard?

Andrew Gates: It's torture.

Clayton: Live from the bunkhouse, it's torture time!

Clayton: The name is Clayton. One of the doctor's more hopeless cases. Come in!

Clayton: Most of me is dead. The rest of me is damned.

Clayton: The great scientist's assistant, washing up a coffee pot!

Dr. Clare Wyatt: When did you wash it last?

Clayton: Never.

Dr. Clare Wyatt: You didn't like me coming here, didn't you?

Clayton: [Petulently] You don't like me!

Dr. Clare Wyatt: I'm sorry for you.

Clayton: I wonder which revolts you most - my miserable body or my perverted mind.

Clayton: It's the first time you've taken any interest in food since you've been here.

Dr. Laurience: It's the first time there's been any!

Clayton: This may amuse you.

[gives Laurience a newspaper with a gossipy article about his experiments.]

Dr. Laurience: You told them all this!

Clayton: Me? Why me?

Dr. Laurience: How should I know? Your mind is just as twisted as your body. Don't forget, if I leave out one injection...

Clayton: I don't mind dying, but to be accused of journalism!

Lord Haslewood: [after proposing to sponsor his experiments] May I take it then, Dr. Laurience, that you agree?

Clayton: [In a cautionary tone] You'll be sorry if you do.

Dr. Laurience: [Insistent] I must work in my own way.

Lord Haslewood: [Looking around at the seediness of the setting] How can you work in this atmosphere?

Clayton: [Sarcastically] If you refer to the smell of bacon, it is no obstacle to scientific research.