Claus von Bülow Quotes in Reversal of Fortune (1990)

Alan Dershowitz: You are a very strange man.

Claus von Bülow: You have no idea.

Alan Dershowitz: You do have one thing in your favor: everybody hates you.

Claus von Bülow: Well, that's a start.

Claus von Bülow: I'm not afraid, Alan. Let the chips fall where they may.

Alan Dershowitz: That's what an innocent man would say.

Claus von Bülow: I know.

[last lines]

Pharmacist: Anything else?

Claus von Bülow: Yes, a vial of insulin... Just kidding.

Alan Dershowitz: I'm not a hired gun. I've got to feel there's some moral or constitutional issue at stake.

Claus von Bülow: But I'm absolutely innocent, and my civil liberties have been egregiously violated!

Alan Dershowitz: I've got two black kids facing the electric chair for a crime they did not commit. THEY are innocent.

Claus von Bülow: Well, before you assume I'm guilty, won't you hear my story?

Alan Dershowitz: No. Never let defendants explain; puts most of them in an awkward position.

Claus von Bülow: How do you mean?

Alan Dershowitz: Lying.

Claus von Bülow: Well, so much for the first coma. The second, of course, was much more theatrical.

Alan Dershowitz: Theatrical? What is this, a fucking game? This is life and death; your wife is lying in a coma. You, you don't even make a pretense of caring, do you?

Claus von Bülow: 'Course I care, Alan. It's just, I don't wear my heart on my sleeve.

Claus von Bülow: What do you give a wife that has everything?

[silence]

Claus von Bülow: An injection of insulin.

[seating Claus and Alan]

Maitre D': Professor Dershowitz, Dr. von Bulow.

[he leaves]

Claus von Bülow: When I was married to Sunny, we never got this table. Now, two injections of insulin and I'm a doctor.

Alan Dershowitz: Claus, did you hear what I just said?

Claus von Bülow: Of course I did! Did you hear the judge sentence me?

Alan Dershowitz: Uh, yeah, thirty years, that's tough.

Claus von Bülow: Twice trying to murder one's wife? Anything less would be monstrous.

Claus von Bülow: Oh, I've been meaning to mention. Our understanding about... my extracurricular activities...

Sunny von Bülow: Mmm?

Claus von Bülow: I've been involved with someone who... falls outside the parameters of our agreement.

Sunny von Bülow: Well, just because she had all the money before I had all the money does not mean she is my lord and master.

Claus von Bülow: 'Course not. I am your lord and master.

[Sunny glares at him]

Claus von Bülow: Just kidding.

Claus von Bülow: How - ah, my prawns - how do you define a fear of insulin?

[silence]

Claus von Bülow: Claus-traphobia.

Alan Dershowitz: I gather that the older children denied that Sunny had a problem with pills and alcohol?

Claus von Bülow: A spectacular understatement.

Alan Dershowitz: Your mother's death wasn't reported for five full days.

Claus von Bülow: True.

Alan Dershowitz: Where were you during that time?

Claus von Bülow: In the flat.

Alan Dershowitz: Where the body was?

Claus von Bülow: [Nods] My mother is my own business.

Claus von Bülow: Oh, come on, Sunny, your father worked! Do you want the children to grow up thinking a male's place is in a deck chair?

Sunny von Bülow: Claus, you marry me for my money then you demand to work! You're the prince of perversion!

Alan Dershowitz: This is the most dangerous case I have ever worked on.

Claus von Bülow: You find that exhilarating?

Alan Dershowitz: No, I do not. I am breaking every rule. 'Cause the best way to win is to proclaim your innocence, and I have never done that for anybody. And the problem I got is, I see who you are. You'd do anything to win.

Claus von Bülow: So would you.

Alan Dershowitz: Yeah, but you don't trust the legal system.

Claus von Bülow: You're saying I'd manufacture... witnesses? Affidavits?

Alan Dershowitz: No. But you would sacrifice me.

Claus von Bülow: Oh, please.

Alan Dershowitz: See, the more I believe that you are innocent, the more nervous I am. I go out on a limb for you, you're proven guilty, I look like an asshole. My reputation, my credibility, my career, destroyed.

Claus von Bülow: That's the risk you're taking, isn't it?

Alan Dershowitz: Well, fuck you, fuck you, man... I'm glad we understand one another.

Alan Dershowitz: All right, my friend...

Claus von Bülow: "Friend"? I like that.

Alan Dershowitz: Nothing personal.

Alan Dershowitz: A priest? Well, a priest is the ideal witness: it's like getting the word of God.

Claus von Bülow: I checked. God is unavailable.

Claus von Bülow: [warmly shaking his hand] Professor Dershowitz, how good of you to come!

Claus von Bülow: There's a big difference between knowing about an affair, and have love letters crammed down your throat.