Claude Perkins Quotes in The Ritz (1976)

Claude Perkins: Ya really know how to mess up an act, you know that mister?

Carmine Vespucci: You know what they call people like you?

Claude Perkins: Fashionable.

Claude Perkins: [to Brick] Hey! What do you need, a brick wall to fall on your head? Resting! It's a euphemism for not interested... Skinny!

Claude Perkins: [to Carmine] You know Mister, you really know how to break up an act.

Abe Lefkowitz: I thought you'd sworn off this place.

Claude Perkins: I thought I had, too.

Abe Lefkowitz: You got homesick for us, right?

Claude Perkins: Well, I didn't have much choice. I've been barred from the Athenium.

Abe Lefkowitz: Come on! No one gets barred from the Athenium.

Claude Perkins: Well, there was this man there...

Abe Lefkowitz: A fat man, right?

Claude Perkins: Fat? He was the Magic Mountain! He threw me into one of my frenzies. I went beserk and kicked his door open, so they threw me out and told me never to come back again. I was willing to pay for it. I just wanted to talk to him. You know how I am.

Claude Perkins: It's good to be back, Abe! I feel strangely optimistic about this evening.

Claude Perkins: [trying to seduce Gaetano] You'll never guess what I had for dinner tonight, so I'm just going to tell you.

Gaetano Proclo: I beg your pardon?

Claude Perkins: A nice ground-pork meatloaf with mozzarella, mashed potatoes covered with gobs of gravy, carrots floating in butter and chunks of avocado with roquefort dressing. Couldn't you just die?

Gaetano Proclo: [confused] I don't know what I could just.

Claude Perkins: And then for dessert German choclate cake with two scoops of mocha walnut ice cream.

Claude Perkins: [frequent refrain] Jelly Roll, baby! You're my Jelly Roll man!