Clark Quotes in Cloverfield (2008)

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Clark Quotes:

  • Clark: How are you going to survive without Rob? He's like your main dude.

    Hud: Yeah, I don't know.

    [sees Rob passing by]

    Hud: Hey Rob, how am I gonna survive without you?

    Rob Hawkins: I don't know. I'm like your main dude.

    Hud: Straight up!

  • Clark: Dude, I wanted to tell you. You were hilarious today in Drama Class.

    Angie Anderson: Seriously, your Jeff Goldblum impression made me piss my pants.

    Clark: Oh, I wish.

  • Clark: It's time to suck today's dick!

    Dale Denton: Yeah, suck dick!

  • Gus: [looking at baseball cards] We've got statistics! I got 30 homeruns!

    Richie: I got 11 foul ticks!

    Clark: I got 20 eyes-closed strike outs, 5 broken windshields, and 6 dead birds! I'm freakin' awesome!

  • Gus: Man! I haven't even been on a baseball field in over 10 years.

    Clark: I've never been on a baseball field, if I did, the kids in my neighborhood would spit loogies on my forehead.

    Gus: Thats horrible, baseball's America's past time... thats like saying you've never had apple pie.

    Gus: You've never had apple pie?

    Clark: My mom said it would give me diarrhea.

    Gus: That's ridiculous, Clark! You have to try it at least once!

    Clark: Diarrhea?

    Gus: No! Baseball!

  • Richie: He just did that steroid free!

    Clark: What's steroids?

    Richie: Something that makes your 'pee-pee' smaller.

    Clark: Ohh... there must be steroids in macaroni!

  • Mel: Have you even known the joys of having children?

    Richie: Never had a date.

    Clark: Never talked to a girl.

  • Brad: Bring it!

    Clark: Suck it!

  • Clark: Shut up, Number 7!

    Number 7 Robot: You shut up!

    Clark: I'll kill you!

  • Richie: Clark, we don't play baseball.

    Clark: I told Gus that we would be there, and if we don't show up, that makes me a liar... and that's not what I'm about... Not now, NOT EVER!

    Richie: Okay, Okay Daytime Emmy

  • Clark: Hold on I got a text from my mom... NO WAY we're having maccroni tonight that means garlic bread! Yes!

  • Clark: That nerd makes me look like Rambo.

    Richie: No.

    Clark: John Stamos?

    Richie: Warmer.

  • Richie: Clark! You kissed a girl before I did?

    Clark: This is way better than macaroni!

  • Brad: So I heard from Jerry you tools think you're athletes now?

    Richie: That's funny, I didn't know athlete had three syllables, A-tha-lete? That's ama-za-zing.

    Brad: You think you're hot shit 'cos you know words.

    Clark: Hey Brad, why don't you be a stud and point us towards the register, or... Register... er...!...

  • Gus: Clark, could you not pick your nose in front of me?

    Clark: I'm not picking, I'm scratching.

    Gus: Scratching what? Your brain?

    Clark: Yeah, 'cause it's huge.

  • Kyle: I'm gonna call the cops!

    Clark: We are cops!... We're navy seals!

    Kyle: Navy seals aren't cops!

    Troy: Aren't you our paperboy?

    Clark: ...I'm undercover

  • Kyle: Time to meet your makers!

    Clark: Makers of what? POOP?

  • Richie: [after Gus hits a homerun] Wow and he did it without steroids.

    Clark: What's steroids?

    Richie: Something that makes your pee-pee smaller.

    Clark: There must be steroids in macaroni!

  • Clark: We could still win this thing.

    Richie: Wha-how?

    Clark: If we use the force.

    Richie: Let's try not to be too geeky, Clark.

    Clark: The Force is powerful, my young padawan.

    Howie: He's right. It is.

  • Gus: I think this is a sign that you should get a car.

    Clark: My mom said I should hold off on getting my license for another year.

    [extends arms forward and then retracts]

    Clark: She wants to make sure my reflexes are fully developed.

  • Clark: Is bad ass one or two words?

  • Gus: [to Nelson] Hey. Are you the kid who got farted on earlier?

    Mel: Yes. This is my son Nelson. He's become quite the fart magnet for the neighborhood bullies.

    Nelson: I also get a healthy smear of animal turds twice daily.

    Clark: When I was your age, Fairy Jerry dumped a bucket of dog poop on me.

    Nelson: His son just did that to me last week.

  • [looking at Mel's Pontiac Firebird Trans Am]

    Clark: This car is so radical. Looks just like K.I.T.T. from the show Knight Rider.

    Mel: It is K.I.T.T. from Knight Rider. Watch this.

    [Mel activates the car with his watch]

    K.I.T.T.: Allow me to introduce myself. I'm K.I.T.T.

    Richie: [to Mel] Who are you?

    Mel: Oh, I'm just one of those nerds who grew up... to make billions.

  • Howie: Richie?

    [hands out a bottle of urine]

    Richie: Okay, buddy.

    Clark: Is that apple juice?

    Richie: Nooo.

  • Mel: Richie, do you have any kids?

    Richie: Never had a date.

    Mel: Clark?

    Clark: Never spoke to a girl.

    Mel: Gu-Gus?

    Gus: Ugh, My wife and I are kinda working on it.

  • Clark: [a ball hits Richie in the head] Duuuuhhhr!

    Richie: You just lost your membership at video world!

    Clark: Dang it!

  • Clark: [where someone has recently farted] Oh! I love beef stew!

  • Gus: [shouts] Clark! Try to hit the ball in the strike zone.

    Clark: Well where's the strike zone?

    [he gets a bit distracted during the pitch]

    Umpire: Strike two!

    Gus: Right there.

  • Clark: Circular error probability zero. Impact with high-order detonation. Have a nice day.

  • Clark: Hey, get out of my chopper!

    Jack Ryan: No, no - *my* chopper.

    [Hands Clark receipt]

  • Captain Ramirez: The chicken is in the pot, over.

    Clark: Cook it!

  • Ecks: You rise for the ashes with a license to do whatever you want.

    Clark: Power and profit. It's what we do. Where are my wife and son?

    Ecks: Last time I checked they were not yours.

  • Clark: I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. You're gonna have fun, and I'm gonna have fun... We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we're gonna need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of your assholes! I must be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit!

    Rusty Griswold: [Grabs Clark's shoulder] Dad, you want an aspirin?

    Clark: Don't touch!

  • Motorcycle Cop: Do you know what the penalty for animal cruelty is in this state?

    Clark: No, sir, I don't.

    Motorcycle Cop: Well... it's probably pretty stiff.

  • Rusty Griswold: Wow dad, we must have jumped that rail by like 50 yards.

    Clark: Nothing to be proud of Russ...

    [pauses as Rusty walks away]

    Clark: [proudly] ... 50 yards...

  • Clark: Excuse me, could you please tell me how to get back on the express way?

    Pimp: Fuck yo mama!

    Clark: Thank you very much.

  • [Delivering the eulogy for Aunt Edna, flatly]

    Clark: O God, ease our suffering in this, our moment of great dispair. Yea, admit this good and decent woman into thine arms in the flock in thine heavenly area, up there. And Moab, he laid its down by the band of the Canaanites, and yea, though the Hindus speak of karma, I implore you: give her... give her a break.

    Ellen Griswold: Clark... Clark... This is a serious matter. I'll do it myself.

    Clark: Honey, I'm not an ordained minister; I'm doing my best, OK?

  • Aunt Edna: I was afraid you'd get pulled over, Clark. You've been exeeding the speed limit for thousands of miles!

    Rusty Griswold: Dad wasn't speeding. The cop stopped us because Dad forgot to...

    Ellen Griswold: He was speeding, Rusty!

    Rusty Griswold: No he wasn't, Mom. He...

    Clark: Rusty! Listen to your mother. I was speeding. I was driving like a maniac. We can all be grateful for this man for stopping us. You see kids...

    [the motorcycle cop appears at the car window with the dog leash]

    Motorcycle Cop: Here's the leash, sir. I'm going back to get the rest of the carcass off the road.

  • [Clark punches the Marty Moose statue]

    Ellen Griswold: Clark, what are you doing?

    Clark: We watch his program... We buy his toys, we go to his movies... he owes us. Doesn't he owe us, huh? He owes the Griswolds, right? Fucking-A right he owes us!

  • Cousin Eddie: I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself, huh? I like it better than tuna helper myself, don't you, Clark?

    Clark: You're the gourmet around here, Eddie.

  • Ellen Griswold: Clark, let's just skip the house of mud. I think Dodge City was enough fun for one day. Besides, Catherine and Eddie are expecting us.

    Clark: It's living history Ellen. But if you'd rather see your cousins. Personally I'd rather see a pile of mud than Eddie.

  • Ellen Griswold: The next time you have one of your outbursts, I'd really appreciate it if you think about the consideration of our kids.

    Clark: What are you talking about?

    Ellen Griswold: You don't know? After everything that happened, you still don't get it?

    Clark: I'm just trying to treat my family to a little fun.

    Ellen Griswold: Oh spare me, Clark! I know your brand of family fun. Tomorrow you'll probably kill the desk clerk, hold up a McDonalds, and drive us 1,000 miles out of the way to see the world's largest pile of mud!

  • [Clark has just been pulled over by a Colorado motorcycle cop]

    Clark: Hi officer, what's the problem?

    Motorcycle Cop: Get out of the car!

    [Clark exits from the car]

    Clark: I don't think I was speeding. Was I weaving or something?

    Motorcycle Cop: Shut your mouth, sir! You know, if I weren't in uniform, I'd split your skull with the butt of this revolver faster than you can say, "police brutality!"

    Clark: Well whatever I did, I'm sure I can explain...

    [the motorcycle cop forcibily takes Clark by the arm and leads him to the rear of the car, which has a dog leash still tied to it]

    Motorcycle Cop: Explain this, you son-of-a-bitch!

    Clark: Oh my God...

  • Clark: Could I do your back, honey?

    Ellen Griswold: I've already done my back.

    Clark: Could I do your front?

    Ellen Griswold: Go do your own front.

  • Clark: We're from out of town.

    Man Giving Directions: No shit.

  • Clark: Hey, hey, easy kids. Everybody in the car. Boat leaves in two minutes... or perhaps you don't want to see the second largest ball of twine on the face of the earth, which is only four short hours away?

  • Clark: Real tomato ketchup, Eddie?

    Cousin Eddie: Oh, nothing but the best.

  • Aunt Edna: Why don't you just ask him for the money, Eddie? He sure as Hell can't take a hint.

    Cousin Eddie: Well, I didn't want to ask you, Clark, you know, but could you maybe spare a little extra cash?

    Clark: Sure, Eddie, how much do you need?

    Cousin Eddie: About $52,000.

  • [In Cousin Normy's backyard in the pouring rain]

    Ellen Griswold: We can't leave her on the patio!

    Clark: Would you rather I slipped her in the night deposit box at the funeral home?

  • [In the middle of a desert. Clark is going crazy as he trots through the hills. Two native Americans on horses watch him]

    Clark: We pass a damn gas station every hundred yards for a thousand miles, but when you really need one, you end up walking your ass off. This is no way to run a desert!

    [Coughs and continues to rant]

    Cowboy: What an asshole.

  • Clark: Oh, you can't think I'd do this on purpose? Look... I tied him to the rear bumper while I was packing the car. It was very confusing. I must have forgot. I'm very sorry, I feel terrible.

    Motorcycle Cop: How do you think that little dog feels?

    Clark: Look, I told you I was sorry. It really was an accident.

    Motorcycle Cop: Well, I guess I can buy that, sir. But it is a shame. I had a pooch like this when I was a kid.

    [both Clark and the motorcycle cop sorrowfully look at the empty road behind them]

    Motorcycle Cop: Poor little guy. Probably kept up with you for a mile or so.

    [tearing up]

    Motorcycle Cop: Tough little mutt...

  • Ellen Griswold: I honestly don't think you're going to find the Grand Canyon on this road.

    Clark: Jesus, it's only the biggest damn hole in the world.

    Aunt Edna: Clark, watch your language!

    Clark: Make that the second biggest.

  • Lasky, Guard at Walleyworld: That's not a real gun, is it Clark?

    Clark: Are you kidding? This is a Magnum P.I.

    Lasky, Guard at Walleyworld: It's a BB gun!

    Clark: Don't tempt me. I could put an eye out with this thing.

    Lasky, Guard at Walleyworld: You couldn't even break the skin with that thing.

  • Clark: Why aren't we flying? Because getting there is half the fun. You know that.

  • Clark: I just want you to ask yourself one thing. If you were... if you were me, wouldn't you do the same thing for your children?

    Roy Walley: No.

  • Clark: I don't give a frog's fat ass who went through what. We need money! Hey, Russ, wanna look through Aunt Edna's purse?

  • Clark: I'm making this out for one thousand dollars. All you have to do is give me 300 dollars in cash and keep 700 dollars, all for doing nothing more than acting like a total creep.

  • Clark: [Edited TV version] Excuse me. Could you please tell how to get back on the expressway?

    Pimp: Man, who do I look like, Christopher "Columbo"

    Clark: Thank you very much.

  • Aunt Edna: You're the ones who sent me the fruitcake for Christmas. It made me so sick!

    Ellen Griswold: Oh - we're sorry. We thought you enjoyed fruitcake.

    Aunt Edna: Do you enjoy throwing up every five minutes Claude?

    Clark: Clark.

    Aunt Edna: I thought so. Whew! Well am I gonna eat, or am I gonna starve to death?

  • Lasky: Has your father ever killed anyone?

    Rusty: Just a dog. Oh and my Aunt Edna.

    Clark: Hey you can't prove that Russ.

  • Mechanic 2: Ain't never seen anyone so shit-all stupid as you driving off that road. You musta got manure for your brains.

    Clark: Yeah, well, I'm from out of town. So, what's the bill? Come on, come on, how much?

    Mechanic 1: How much you got?

    Clark: No, I'm asking how much the repairs are.

    Mechanic 1: And I'm asking how much you got!

    Clark: You're out of your mind. Look, I don't have time to play around, OK? So how much is it?

    Mechanic 1: [waving a wrench] All of it, boy!

    Clark: What does your sheriff think of your business practices?

    [Mechanic 1 laughs and shows Clark his sheriff's badge]

  • Clark: Oh Ellen, the old west was dirty. Everything isn't like home. If everything were like home, there would be no reason for leaving home. Right, Rusty?

  • [the kids are playing Pacman while Clark is designing a map on the computer]

    Clark: Russ, please don't eat the Truckster.

  • Clark: I've spent the last 15 years of my life developing newer and better food additives. I guess I've missed an awful lot. At first, I didn't want to take this vacation. But, now I'm glad I did. It's given me a chance to spend a lot more time with you and... uh...

    Rusty: Audrey.

    Clark: Audrey, yeah.

  • Aunt Edna: Clark, Dinkums needs a long walk and a bath.

    Clark: Rusty take care of Dinkums.

    Rusty: Dad he bites.

    Clark: Bite him back.

  • Cousin Eddie: Yeah, I bet you could use a cool one, eh?

    Clark: Now you're talking!

    [Eddie hands Clark his opened beer he'd been drinking and opens the last fresh one for himself]

  • Rusty Griswold: Dad, this is not the car you ordered!

    Clark: Settle down Russ. Let me handle this. Ed, uh... this is not the car I ordered. I distinctly ordered the Antartic Blue Super Sports Wagon with the C.B. and optional rally fun pack.

    Ed, the car salesman: You didn't order the Metallic Pea?

    Clark: Metallic Pea?

  • Clark: [after being in the desert for too long, Clark begins to go insane] Taxi! Taxi! Taxi! Dead. I'm dead. Taxi! Here boy! The heat. Darn. I'm dead. I'm finished. Hot! Hot!

  • Clark: [to the campground cashier] 37 dollars for three tents?

  • Ellen Griswold: Clark, I need my vanity case. We've got to go back and look for it. All my credit cards are in it.

    Clark: Honey, Number 1: I've already called the bank and told them you lost them. B: there's no way we're going to find it when we don't even know where it fell off. And 3: I've got my credit cards and we've still got plenty of cash. OK?

  • Ellen Griswold: No, we don't. You gave $500 to Eddie, and everything on this safari has cost twice as much as you figured out.

    Clark: Honey, there's nothing in that luggage that can't be replaced. Except for your... diaphragm. We can always cash a check down the road. Don't you trust me?

    Ellen Griswold: As long as you don't tie me to the rear bumper.

    Clark: That hurt, Ellen.

  • [after jumping into the freezing-cold pool]

    Clark: Aaaaaah! Jesus! Fuck!

  • Clark: I don't give a frogs fat ass who went through what. We need money.

  • Cousin Eddie: How do you like yours, Clark?

    Clark: Oh, medium rare, a little pink inside.

    Cousin Eddie: No, I mean your bun.

  • Clark: This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy!

  • Clark: Roll 'em up!

  • Clark: Aah, what d'ya say honey? Ohh. Despite all the little problems, it really is fun isn't it?

    Ellen Griswold: No. But with every new day there's fresh hope.

  • Rusty Griswold: That was a crummy Wyatt Earp dad. He was wearing jogging shoes.

    Clark: They used to Rusty.

  • Ellen Griswold: This is so dangerous, Clark. We have no business being in this neighborhood.

    Clark: Oh I don't know, hun. It gives us a chance to see a part of America we don't get to see.

    Ellen Griswold: That's a GOOD thing!

    Clark: Not it's not. We can't just ignore the plight of the inner cities. See the plight kids?

    [gun shots and a scream are heard]

    Clark: Roll em' up!

  • Clark: [during filming for Good Will Hunting 2] You're just no longer any good, Will Hunting. Now how do *you* like *them apples*?

    Ben Affleck: [in huddle with Damon] I don't like the sound of them apples, Will. What are we gonna do?

    Matt Damon: Chucky, it's hunting season.

    [Will pulls out his shotgun and blows the guy away]

    Ben Affleck: Applesauce. Bitch.

  • Clark: Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

  • Clark: Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?

  • Eddie: You surprised to see us, Clark?

    Clark: Oh, Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now.

  • Ellen: What are you looking at?

    Clark: Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer...

    [Eddie, in the driveway, is draining the RV's toilet]

    Eddie: Shitter was full.

    Clark: Ah, yeah. You checked our shitters, honey?

    Ellen: Clark, please. He doesn't know any better.

    Clark: He oughta know it's illegal. That's a storm sewer. If it fills with gas, I pity the person who lights a match within ten yards of it.

  • [Todd and Margo Chester, the Griswold's yuppie neighbors, appear]

    Todd: Hey Griswold. Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big?

    Clark: Bend over and I'll show you.

    Todd: You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that Griswold.

    Clark: I wasn't talking to you.

  • Eddie: Don't go puttin' none of that stuff on my sled, Clark. You know that metal plate in my head? I had to have it replaced, cause every time Catherine revved up the microwave I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for a half hour or so. So over at the VA they had to replace it with plastic. It ain't as strong so I don't know if I should go sailin down no hill with nothing between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic.

    Clark: You really think it matters, Eddie?

  • Clark: Hey, Kids, I heard on the news that an airline pilot spotted Santa's sleigh on its way in from New York City.

    Eddie: [after a pause] You serious, Clark?

  • Ruby Sue: Rocky bit my thumb. Him's nervous.

    Clark: Nervous or excited?

    Ruby Sue: Shittin' bricks.

    Clark: You shouldn't use that word.

    Ruby Sue: Sorry. Shittin' rocks

  • Clark: Since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the saying of Grace.

    Aunt Bethany: [turns to Lewis] What, dear?

    Nora Griswold: Grace!

    Aunt Bethany: Grace? She passed away thirty years ago.

    Uncle Lewis: They want you to say Grace.

    [Bethany shakes her head in confusion]

    Uncle Lewis: The BLESSING!

    Aunt Bethany: [they all pose for prayer] I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

    Clark: Amen.

  • Bethany: Is your house on fire, Clark?

    Clark: No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.

  • Ellen: Clark, I think it'd be best if everyone went home... before things get worse.

    Clark: WORSE? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We're at the threshold of hell.

  • Clark: Russ, we checked every bulb, didn't we?

    Rusty Griswold: Sure, Dad.

    Clark: Hmm... Maybe we ought to just go up there and check...

    Rusty Griswold: Oh, woo. Look at the time. I gotta get to bed. I still gotta brush my teeth, feed the hog, still got some homework to do, still got those bills to pay, wash the car...

  • Clark: Burn some dust here. Eat my rubber.

    Rusty Griswold: Dad, I think you mean burn rubber and eat my dust.

    Clark: Whatever, Russ. Whatever.

  • Uncle Lewis: Hey Grizz, Bethany and I figured out the perfect gift for you.

    Clark: Aw, you didn't have to get me anything.

    Uncle Lewis: Dammit, Bethany, he guessed it.

  • [as an entourage of suits - lead by Clark's boss - passes by single file]

    Clark: Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.

  • Clark: So, when did you get the tenament on wheels?

    Eddie: Oh, that uh, that there's an RV. Yeah, yeah, I borrowed it off a buddy of mine. He took my house, I took the RV. It's a good looking vehicle, ain't it?

    Clark: Yeah, it looks so nice parked in the driveway.

    [Raises glass to his mouth]

    Eddie: Yeah, it sure does. But, don't you go falling in love with it now, because, we're taking it with us when we leave here next month.

    [Clark nearly chokes on his drink]

  • Bethany: Don't throw me down, Clark.

    Clark: I'll try not to, Aunt Bethany...

  • Clark: Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?

    Eddie: Naw, I'm doing just fine, Clark.

  • Clark: [Revealing his Christmas "bonus"] It's a one year membership to the Jelly of the Month Club.

    Eddie: Clark, that's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.

  • Uncle Lewis: [Clark is cleaning up the garbage off the kitchen floor after the dog went through it] Hey Gris, you're not doing anything constructive. Run into the living room and get my stogey.

    Clark: Is there anything else I can do for you, Uncle Lewis?

    Ellen: He's an old man. This may be his last Christmas.

    Clark: If he keeps it up, it WILL be his last Christmas.

  • Rusty Griswold: Dad, this tree won't fit in our back yard.

    Clark: It's not going in the yard, Russ. It's going in the living room.

  • Clark: Catherine, if this turkey tastes half as good as it looks, we're all in for a real treat!

    Eddie: Save the neck for me, Clark.

    Clark: Okay Eddie...

  • Clark: We're kicking off our fun old fashion family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.

    Audrey: We're not coming all the way out here just to get one of those stupid ties with Santa Clauses on it are we?

    Clark: No, I have one of those at home.

  • Clark: The most enjoying traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin. Thith tree is a thymbol of the thpirit of the Griswold family Chrithmath.

  • Clark: [Clark is about to cut the rope holding the branches of his huge Christmas tree] I give you the Griswold family Christmas tree.

    [He cuts the rope, and the branches fly out, breaking windows and surrounding Clark]

    Clark: Lotta sap in here! Mmmm... Looks great! Little full, lotta sap.

  • Ellen: Clark, Audrey's frozen from the waist down.

    Clark: That's all part of the experience, honey.

  • Art: The little lights... they aren't twinkling.

    Clark: I know, Art. Thanks for noticing.

  • Clark: No, Eddie. It was my fault. I lost my temper when I got my bonus and I guess I said a few thing I shouldn't have.

    Mr. Frank Shirley: Bonus? How did you get a bonus? I cut out bonuses this year.

    Clark: Yeah. Thanks for telling us. I was expecting a check. Instead I got enrolled in a jelly club. 17 years with the company. I've gotten a Christmas bonus every year but this one. You don't want to give bonuses, fine. But when people count on them as their salary, well what you did just plain...

    Rusty Griswold: Sucks.

    Clark: Thank you, Russ. My cousin-in-law, whose heart is bigger than his brain...

    Eddie: Appreciate that, Clark.

    Clark: Is innocent. I'll be more than happy to take the rap on this, on behalf of myself and every other employee you rear-ended this Christmas.

  • Clark: Well I'm gonna park the cars and get check the luggage, and well, I'll be outside for the season.

  • Eddie: I don't know if I oughta go sailin' down no hill with nothin' between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic.

    Clark: Do you really think it matters, Eddie?

  • Clark: [a squirrel is loose in the house] Where is Eddie? He usually eats these goddam things.

    Cousin Catherine Johnson: Not recently, Clark. He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol.

  • Clark: Our holidays were always such a mess.

    Clark Sr.: Oh, yeah.

    Clark: How'd you get through it?

    Clark Sr.: I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.

  • Clark: Oh, I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - browsing. I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't... Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they - HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn't it?

    Mary: You have your coat on.

    Clark: Yes, oh do I? Yeah, it is a bit nipply out. I mean nippy. What am I saying, nipple?

  • Clark: [the newel post is wobbly so Clark cuts it off with a chain saw] Fixed the newel post.

  • Ellen: You set standards that no family activity can live up to.

    Clark: When have I ever done that?

    Ellen: Parties, weddings, anniversaries, funerals, holidays...

    Clark: Goodnight Ellen

    Ellen: Vacations, graduations...

  • Clark: I think you've made a terrible mistake.

    SWAT Commander: I told you to freeze, mister.

    Clark: May we blink?

  • Eddie: If only I had that money Catherine and I gave to that TV preacher who was screwin' that hockey player.

    Clark: What about the kids?

    Eddie: His kids can fend for themselves.

  • Clark: [the Christmas dinner table shudders, and loud gagging noises come from underneath. Clark looks to see where its coming from] Edward, what's wrong with the dog?

    Eddie: [Looks underneath the table] Oh, he's just yakkin' on a bone.

    [Grotesque barfing noises]

    Eddie: He's got it up!

    [Winks at Clark that everything's okay]

    Clark: Maybe if you wouldn't feed him from the table?

    Eddie: No. No, he's probably just been nosing through the trash.

    [Shows kitchen, which looks like the city dump]

  • Art: [after Clark has flipped out] You're goofy.

    Clark: [Still flipped out] Don't piss me off, Art.

  • Clark: I dedicate this house to the Griswold Family Christmas.

  • [talking about Snot, Eddie's dog]

    Eddie: If you scratch his belly, Clark, he will love you till the day you die.

    Clark: I really shouldn't, Eddie. My hands are all chapped.

  • Clark: Russ, go get the hammer.

    Ellen: Clark, what do you need a hammer for?

    Clark: I'm gonna catch it in the coat... And smack it with the hammer.

  • Ruby Sue: Uncle Clark, are you sure you ain't Santa Claus?

    Clark: I'm sure... I can't even afford to be an elf.

  • Clark: Later dudes! Let 'er rip, hang ten!

  • Eddie: Your company kill all them people in India not too long ago?

    Clark: No, we missed out on that one.

  • Ellen: [sees Clark standing up and looking out the window] Aren't you having any breakfast?

    Clark: I'm not in the mood.

    Ellen: What are you looking at?

    Clark: Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn; the clean, cool chill of the holiday air; and an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.

  • [Uncle Lewis lights his cigar accidentally burns the Christmas tree]

    Clark: Lewis? My tree!

    Uncle Lewis: So what's the matter with you?

    Clark: Look what you've done to my tree!

  • Clark: 'Tis the season to be merry.

    Mary: That's my name.

    Clark: No shit.

  • Clark: Whew, it's warm in here.

    Mary: Well you have your coat on.

    Clark: Ah yes I do, why is that?

    Mary: Because it's cold out.

    Clark: Yes it is, it's a bit nipply out. I mean nippy out, what did I say, nipple? Huh, there is a nip in the air.

  • Clark: My cousin in-law, whose heart is bigger than his brain...

    Eddie: I appreciate that, Clark.

    Clark: ...Is innocent.

  • Clark: [realizes his bonus is a jelly-club membership] If this isn't the biggest bag-over-the-head, punch-in-the-face I ever got, GOD DAMN IT!

    [kicks wildly at the presents under the tree]

  • Clark: [Clark and Eddie are carrying the chair outside after the cat was electrocuted] You smell something?

    Eddie: Fried pussycat.

  • Clark: I simply solved the problem. We needed a coffin... Er, a tree. There are no lots open on Christmas Eve. Lewis burned down my tree so I replaced it as best I could. Voilà.

    Ellen: Are you okay?

  • Clark: [Clark looks down at the jello and sees that it's trimmed with cat food] Aunt Bethany, does your cat eat jello?

    Eddie: I don't know about the cat, but *I* sure am enjoying it.

  • Clark: I can't believe you're standing here in my living room, Eddie. Never thought the day would come.

    Eddie: Yeah I'm excited about it too.

  • Clark: Ooh the Crunch Enhancer? Yeah, it's a non-nutritive cereal varnish. It's semi-permeable, it's not osmotic, what it does is it coats and seals the flake and prevents the milk from penetrating it.

  • Clark: I did it

  • Mary: These are cut really high in the hip. Look, I'm wearing something similar. See, you can't see the line.

    Clark: Can't see the line, can you Russ?

    Rusty Griswold: Nope.

  • Chris: I can't compete with this guy!

    Clark: You can't compete? Are you kidding? You're Chris Brander. You're Hollywood, you date models! He's Jersey, he skis in his jeans. It's Dinkleman. It's Dusty Dinkleman.

    Chris: Dinkleman?

    Clark: Dinkleman.

    Chris: Dinkleman?

    Clark: *Dinkleman.*

    Chris: Dinkleman.

    Clark: Dinkleman's going down.

    Chris: Dinkleman is going *way* down.

  • Clark: We're married!

    Chris: Married?

    Samantha James: MARRIED!

    Darla: We have a son, his name is TJ!

    Samantha James: TJ!

  • Clark: How'd the big date go?

    Chris: It was terrible. I went in for a kiss, but she wants a hug, okay? Then I get caught in a sort of kiss-hug limbo type thing. I don't know what that is, then I ended up *shaking* her entire body!

    Clark: So you gave her a body shake?

    Chris: Oh, God! I should've just kissed her! What am I doing?

    Clark: It looks like you picked up right where you left off. You're back in the friend zone.

  • Chris: Look, I know you hate me, but I need to speak with Jamie... Where is she?

    Mr. Palamino: She's gone off with Mr. Lee.

    Clark: The drycleaner?

    Mr. Palamino: No, Dusty, you jackass!

  • Clark: [Chris changes his mind about leaving New Jersey and grabs the wheel and runs the car into midair and back onto the highway] This is a PONTIAC GRAND PRIX!

  • Clark: [Chris and Clark are discussing how Chris didn't have sex with Jamie the night before] Are you guys on the same menstrual cycle yet, or what?

  • [repeated line]

    Clark: Chris Brander, ladies and gentleman!

  • Mack: So... what goes on at Julie's?

    Clark: Nothing.

    Mack: Come on Clark, you can tell me.

    Clark: Well, we watch stuff, grab ass.

  • Lisa: [to Maxxx] You pig, you're responsible for degrading all of those women.

    Clark: Equally degradable in pornographic films.

    Lisa: Men are always in a position of power.

    Rodgers: They're the ones who want the product so bad, they're the victims.

    Lisa: Well, it exploits men by exploiting women.

    Clark: Hence, it exploits people.

    Maxxx Orbison: [pissed off] SHUT UP!

    Clark: Yeah.

    Maxxx Orbison: I do what i do and i make a lot of money and i don't care what i do to people because they're all idiots.

    Clark: Yeah.

    Maxxx Orbison: Especially you Clark, you pig fucking hunk of shit!.

    Clark: Yeah.

  • Saffi: Oh, give it to me, you big stud!

    Rodgers: I'm not a stud!

    Saffi: Huh?

    Rodgers: I am not a stud! I'm...

    [takes off his mask to reveal Clark]

    Clark: ...JIZZ MASTER ZERO!

  • Clark: They're sending Henry in!

    George: Yeah, we're gonna go sit closer so you can see better.

    Mary Rowengartner: Come on, let's go get seats.

    Bob Carson: Seats? You mean down on the field level?

    Mary Rowengartner: Yeah.

    Bob Carson: No, no, no. Please, that's too dangerous.

    Mary Rowengartner: Why?

    Bob Carson: Me, the owner of the Cubs sitting down with the fans? They'd kill me.

  • Phil Weston: So when i took over for Coach Benson...

    Clark: [interrupting] I hear he's a woman now!

    [laughter from the party guests]

    Buck Weston: Yeah.

    Phil Weston: Actually uh, truth be told, *no one* knows where he is right now. A lot of people are... concerned.

    [more laughter]

    Phil Weston: I don't know *why* that's funny.

    [applause]

  • Clark: Amazing things happen in the bathroom.

  • [Concerning the cafeteria food]

    David Leary: What is this?

    Clark: Hot Dish.

    David Leary: What's Hot Dish?

    Clark: Well, last week we had lasagna, then it become spaghetti and when it's finally unrecognizable, they call it Hot Dish.

  • Clark: Do you think I'm homophobic?

    Will: Because you made out with a guy?

    Clark: [while lighting pot] No, because I made out with a guy, and then threw up.

  • Clark: Oh, and don't let anyone convince you to eat the placenta afterwards.

  • Jeff: You left my daughter!

    Clark: She was safer after I left, dude. Consuela's from Venezuela. She probably has like 8 kids.

  • Eriksson: You sick son of a bitch!

    Clark: I told you, cherry. What happen...

    [Clark is hit in the face by Eriksson with a shovel]

    Eriksson: Nobody cares, Meserve. I told everybody. I told them. You don't have to worry. You don't have to try to kill me, man. I told them, and THEY DON'T CARE!

  • Clark: The army don't wanna surprise us.

    Meserve: Leave it to the dinks for that, huh?

  • Eriksson: Give me a minute on this thing we're doing. I mean, what we're doing. What are we doing, sarge?

    Meserve: We have a VC suspect. Is that what you mean? She's a VC whore and we're gonna have fun with her.

    Eriksson: She's just a farm girl.

    Meserve: You're the cherry here, right? So lighten up.

    Clark: -Let me carry the weight. -What's the problem, sarge?

    Meserve: He don't think our VC whore is a VC whore.

  • Eriksson: Can you imagine that? You escape Viet Nam and you die from an airline fatality.

    Clark: Never happen, Cherry. You survive the Nam, you get to live forever, man.

  • Prosecutor: So you don't feel responsible for the rape and murder?

    Clark: No, sir. I don't.

    Prosecutor: Is it your feeling, Corporal Clark that you are wrongly brought to trial by the U.S. Government?

    Clark: I don't have anything against the government. But I just think soldiers like Tony Meserve and me... belong out in combat... not here. Throw us in the stockade and you're helping nobody but the Viet Cong.

    [Cct to Private Hatcher]

    Prosecutor: When Sergeant Meserve called you, did you go willingly into the hootch and rape the girl Tran Thi Oahn? Please answer the question.

    PFC. Herbert Hatcher: Y-yes sir.

    Prosecutor: Have you any idea why Eriksson stayed out of the hootch?

    PFC. Herbert Hatcher: Well, he was brand-new, sir. I was there a lot longer than him. At least three weeks longer than him.

    [cut to Private Diaz]

    Prosecutor: You're saying, then you involved yourself in rape to avoid being ridiculed?

    PFC. Antonio Diaz: When you go out on a patrol, sir you're not gonna be as good as you wanna be. These guys aren't helping you do anything. There's gonna be four people on that patrol, and an individual. And so I did what I did, and I got remorse about it. But I also got remorse about talking at this trial. I have a loyalty to the men I was out there with.

    [cut to Sergeant Meserve]

    Prosecutor: Is it standard for U.S. personnel to have sex with prisoners and kill them?

    Meserve: The prisoner tried to give away the squad's position.

    Prosecutor: She was ill and coughing from the abuse of you and your men. She shouldn't have been there to jeopardize your position! You dragged her out and raped her! And then you blame her for coughing, so you kill her! Does that about sum it up?

    Meserve: Well, sir... I've seen a lot of killing... which it's our duty to do, because it's kill or be killed. Sometimes you hate the enemy so badly... About two ops back... Operation Turner... we saw a hootch that had been burned down. Some Vietnamese were carrying kids out of a bunker. They suffered from smoke inhalation. I gave one small child mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. That just shows you we ain't all combat over here.

  • [the squad watches the storm after raping the girl]

    Clark: When's the last time you had a real woman, Sarge?

    Meserve: She was real. I think she was real.

  • George: He was right. You are stupid.

    Clark: You talk?

    George: Yeah.

    Clark: Why didn't you talk before?

    George: I'm not a verbal chick.

    Clark: Lewis was right. After... shit!

    George: And I'd stay and chat and all but I gotta get back on the road.

    Clark: [Talking to Lewis's dead body] You were right buddy. It was stupid. I fucked up.

    George: He was wrong about one thing.

    Clark: Oh, whats that?

    George: I didn't sell you out.

    Clark: Oh you didn't?

    George: I may be bad - but I'm not a bitch.

    Clark: This is a joke right?

    [George pulls the trigger]

  • Chuckie: [in a bar] Are we gonna have a problem here?

    Clark: No, no, no, no! There's no problem here. I was just hoping you might give me some insight into the evolution of the market economy in the southern colonies. My contention is that prior to the Revolutionary War, the economic modalities, especially in the southern colonies, could be most aptly described as agrarian pre-capitalist.

    Will: Of course that's your contention. You're a first-year grad student; you just got finished reading some Marxian historian, Pete Garrison probably. You're gonna be convinced of that 'till next month when you get to James Lemon. Then you're going to be talking about how the economies of Virginia and Pennsylvania were entrepreneurial and capitalist way back in 1740. That's gonna last until next year; you're gonna be in here regurgitating Gordon Wood, talkin' about, you know, the pre-revolutionary utopia and the capital-forming effects of military mobilization.

    Clark: Well, as a matter of fact, I won't, because Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social...

    Will: "Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social distinctions predicated upon wealth, especially inherited wealth"? You got that from Vickers' "Work in Essex County," page 98, right? Yeah, I read that too. Were you gonna plagiarize the whole thing for us? Do you have any thoughts of your own on this matter? Or do you, is that your thing, you come into a bar, read some obscure passage and then pretend - you pawn it off as your own, as your own idea just to impress some girls, embarrass my friend?

    Will: See, the sad thing about a guy like you is, in 50 years you're gonna start doin' some thinkin' on your own and you're going to come up with the fact that there are two certainties in life: one, don't do that, and two, you dropped 150 grand on a fuckin' education you could have got for a dollar fifty in late charges at the public library!

    Clark: Yeah, but I will have a degree. And you'll be servin' my kids fries at a drive-thru on our way to a skiing trip.

    Will: That may be, but at least I won't be unoriginal. But I mean, if you have a problem with that, I mean, we could just step outside - we could figure it out.

    Clark: No, man, there's no problem. It's cool.

  • Will: [talking through the outside of the glass windows at Dunkin Donuts] Do you like apples?

    Clark: [talking through the glass on the inside] Yeah.

    Will: Well, I got her number. How do you like them apples?

  • Clark: [talking to Freddy about Doris during a test] She got rid of you, right? She saw you for what you are. Selfish. And alone. You should go into the hospital with your mother. 'Cause that's where you belong. 'Cause you're sick. And you're tired. And you need to be alone, away from people.

  • Clark: I don't think Freddie is as committed to the cause as the cause is committed to him.

  • Clark: I dunno what the hell's in there, but it's weird and pissed off, whatever it is.

  • Dr. Blair: Clark?

    Clark: Yeah?

    Dr. Blair: Did you notice anything strange about the dog? Anything at all?

    Clark: Strange? No.

    Dr. Blair: What was the dog doing in the rec room?

    Clark: I don't know. It's just wondering around camp all day.

    Dr. Blair: Are you sayin' to me the dog wasn't put in the kennel until last night?

    Clark: Right.

    Dr. Blair: How long were you alone with that dog?

    Clark: I don't know. An hour... hour-and-a-half maybe. What the hell you looking at me like that for?

    Dr. Blair: [pause; now nervous] I don't know.

    Clark: What?

    Dr. Blair: I don't know. It's probably nothing. It's nothing at all.

  • [Holding the others at bay with a flamethrower, MacReady tosses a coil of rope amongst them]

    Clark: What have you got in mind, MacReady?

    MacReady: A little test. Windows, you and Palmer tie everybody down real tight.

    Childs: What for?

    MacReady: For your health!

  • Garry: I don't know about Copper... but I give you my word I did not go near that blood!

    [Garry lowers his gun and places it on a crate]

    Garry: But I guess you'd all feel a little easier if somebody else was in charge. Norris, I can't see somebody objecting to you.

    Vance Norris: [after a pause; nervous tone] I'm sorry fellas, but I-I-I'm not up to it.

    Childs: [goes for the gun] I'll take it.

    Clark: [pulls out his knife] Like hell you will!

    MacReady: [takes the gun] It should be somebody a little more even-tempered, Childs.

  • Anna: What if my party guests show up?

    Clark: Anna, I don't know if you know this, but there is some seriously insane shit going on out there right now. People are losing their minds.

    [Clark goes to turn off the TV]

    Clark: There's a bad sector in the electromagnetic spectrum which is causing a rift in logical thinking. Rational behavior has given way to primal... primordial action.

    [Anna sees someone on fire outside]

    Clark: We've reached a critical juncture in the consistency of everyday living. Societal norms are being completely abandoned. Anarchy has replaced etiquette. Chaos is the ruling class of this civilization, so I think coming to a goddamn New Years Eve party is the last thing on people's minds!

    [doorbell rings]

  • Clark: Anna, I need a couple of things that Ken borrowed, namely my hatchet... and some garbage bags.

  • Lewis Denton: The TV must've gotten into his head and told him to kill you.

    Anna: Yeah, that's what happened to Ken. He was watching TV and it made him go bad.

    [two people run from a man chasing them with a chainsaw in the background]

    Clark: This is without a doubt the most fucked up day in the history of mankind. We should go back inside.

    Anna: [cheerful] Who wants cocktails?

  • [doorbell rings]

    Clark: God in heaven!

    Lewis Denton: [grabbing a shovel] Just open the door and I'll take them down.

    Clark: No. That's not the way to play this.

    Lewis Denton: We can't be sure. We have to exterminate with extreme prejudice.

    Clark: It might be somebody who could help us. We don't know.

    [doorbell rings again]

    Lewis Denton: We can't risk it. I'm killing whoever walks through that door.

    Clark: [looking through the peephole] It's Jim. It's Jim Parsons.

    Lewis Denton: Trust no one!

    Clark: You were the one watching the TV!

    Lewis Denton: I told you I wasn't watching the TV! Listen, if I had it, I would've killed you by now, right?

    Clark: I guess.

    Lewis Denton: I'm fine, and you're fine, and she's fine. This we know. But he may not be, and probably isn't.

  • Ben: Listen to me. The car, the one that's wrecked, the one's that outside. The girl inside of it... where did she go?

    Clark: I told you already!

    Ben: Not me, that wasn't me. We've got to find her.

    Clark: I don't know. I don't know. Maybe he knows.

    [Clark points towards a decapitated head on the floor]

    Clark: He was with her!

    Ben: Man, he's not gonna be able to talk to us!

  • Anna: Are you mad at me for killing your friend?

    Clark: What?

    Anna: I know he's your friend and all.

    Clark: We weren't that close.

  • Lewis Denton: What do you have here?

    Clark: [nervously] Ken... napping.

    Lewis Denton: He looks dead.

    Anna: He is.

    Lewis Denton: I see.

  • Clark: It was self defense.

    Anna: You chopped his head off!

    Lewis Denton: He had it coming... probably. These are wild times. Everybody's been driven to desperate measures. I guess this happens to everybody.

  • Anna: Clark killed somebody too.

    Clark: I did not... I did.

  • [doorbell rings]

    Anna: [cheerful] Party guests!

    Clark: [holding bloody shovel] Act natural.

  • Clark: This is getting to be ridiculous!

  • Jim Parsons: Are Ken and Anna around?

    Clark: Anna's, uh, getting ready. And Ken is just lying down for... a second.

    Lewis Denton: He's dead tired.

    [Clark nervously laughs]

  • Rod: The fuck you want?

    Clark: Can you hear me?

    Rod: Got a smoke?

    Clark: I don't smoke.

    Ben: Ask him about the girl.

    Rod: You want to know about the girl, give me a c-c-cigarette.

    Clark: He wants a cigarette.

    Ben: What? You're kidding me? You got to be fucking kidding me.

  • Ben: Listen to me. Do you hear that? Listen. It's past the noise in your head. That is the natural world. That has been here a long time before us. It's going to be here a long time after we're gone. That is real. And that is what we focus on.

    Clark: Past the noise...

    Ben: Yeah.

    Clark: [laughing] This calls for a radical reassessment of all the facts.

  • Lewis Denton: What do you have here?

    Clark: [whimper] it's Ken... napping.

    Lewis Denton: He looks dead.

    Anna: He is.

    Lewis Denton: I see. Who did this?

    Anna: I did. I didn't want to!

    Lewis Denton: You killed him?

    Anna: Well, Clark killed somebody too!

    Clark: I did no- I did... but it was self-defense!

    [cut to Clark's apartment with the three looking down at Rod's dead body]

    Anna: You chopped his head off!

    Lewis Denton: He had it coming... probably. These are wild times.

  • Anna: [doorbell rings] Party guests!

    Clark: Act natural.

    [Anna and Lewis line up behind Clark at the door with weapons ready]

    Laura: You gotta help me! My mom is trying to kill me and so I ran over her in the car and my dad was in the house and he made the dog die because he tried to bite me and I left in the car and I didn't know where to go and I remembered that Anna and Ken lived here and I'm Laura.

    Anna: Laura!

    Laura: Anna!

    [Laura pushes her way into the apartment past Clark]

    Clark: [Lewis smacks Laura in the head with the pesticide can, knocking her down] What the Fuck?

    [Lewis continues to beat Laura to death]

    Anna: You killed Laura!

    Lewis Denton: She was coming at you!

    Anna: Stay away from me! You killed Laura!

    Lewis Denton: She was heading straight for you with that knife!

    Anna: She doesn't have a knife!

    Clark: That's a keychain...

  • Anna: [doorbell rings] Party guests!

    Clark: Act natural.

    [Anna and Lewis line up behind Clark at the door with weapons ready]

    Janice: You gotta help me! My mom is trying to kill me and so I ran over her in the car and my dad was in the house and he made the dog die because he tried to bite me and I left in the car and I didn't know where to go and I remembered that Anna and Ken lived here and I'm Laura.

    Anna: Laura!

    Janice: Anna!

    [Laura pushes her way into the apartment past Clark]

    Clark: [Lewis smacks Laura in the head with the pesticide can, knocking her down] What the Fuck?

    [Lewis continues to beat Laura to death]

    Anna: You killed Laura!

    Lewis Denton: She was coming at you!

    Anna: Stay away from me! You killed Laura!

    Lewis Denton: She was heading straight for you with that knife!

    Anna: She doesn't have a knife!

    Clark: That's a keychain...

  • Clark: I've got an idea that's bigger than anything you've ever heard. It'll take time... and it'll take brains.

    Charles E. Boles: I got plenty of time.

  • Clark: Are you in trouble?

    Charles E. Boles: In Nevada and everywhere east of there I am. Here, I'm all right.

  • Clark: I'm an obsessive-compulsive disorder.

    Casey Heinz: So what's the problem?

  • Casey Heinz: [Discussing bob's murder] It wasn't a thief. I'll tell you that right now.

    Clark: I agree.

    Casey Heinz: I mean why stab a guy thirty times? Bob, he'd piss in his pants if you showed him a knife. You know that?

    Sondra Dorio: What are you saying?

    Casey Heinz: I'm saying Sondra, that you have to really hate a person to stab him that many times.

    Casey Heinz: [to Bill] You're a shrink, right? You know what kind of power people hand over to shrinks. Well, maybe sometimes they hand over more than they want too!

    Clark: That is absolutely correct. A thief would not stick around to stab someone thirty times!

    Buck: Since when did you become such an expert on robbery?

    Sondra Dorio: It's not the robbery he's an expert on. It's the rage!

  • Dr. Bill Capa: Six weeks ago, I spoke harshly to a patient and she committed suicide. Right in front of me. Perhaps she would have done this anyway. That's what my colleagues say. But I don't know.

    Sondra Dorio: Oh, I'm so sorry.

    Dr. Bill Capa: And my patient, her name was Michelle, jumped out of a window in my office.

    Clark: Oh.

    Dr. Bill Capa: So much blood. So red, and I... and right, uh, before my eyes the red, uh, disappeared. Just turned to gray, and so I don't see... red now. But, see, I was her doctor. And I failed. So I cannot help you. I don't think that you want someone like me around right now.

    Buck: I think I do.

    Richie: Me too.

    Casey Heinz: Why don't you give us a try for a month?

Browse more character quotes from Cloverfield (2008)

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