Clarence Quotes in RoboCop (1987)

Clarence: [after spitting blood] Just give me my fucking phone call.

[last lines]

Clarence: Go with God, my son, you are forgiven.

Clarence: This is the dumbest thing I've ever done.

Deak De Bleargue: Oh yeah? What about Leon...

Clarence: I thought I asked you not to bring that up again Deak.

Deak De Bleargue: Bring what up?

Clarence: Uh... what's his name.

Deak De Bleargue: Leon?

Clarence: Yeah.

Deak De Bleargue: That's dumb.

Clarence: Yeah... shut up Deak. You're dumb.

Deak De Bleargue: Dumb. Leon. HAHAHahaha...

Clarence: Yeah? You're dumb. Yeah, you're dumb. You're so dumb, you're so dumb I could sell you dirt.

[Deak steps forward menacingly, brandishing his rifle]

Clarence: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I am, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.

Clarence: [Waving a US flag] It's from his Uncle Sam!

Clarence: I be a lowly page, but I'll do what I can.

Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: [Scolding the wardrobe man for having dressed Miss Brice in an inappropriately showy costume] How do you expect Miss Brice to sing a sad song about her man, dressed up like a nightingale? I find personalities, and you try to destroy them. I didn't engage Miss Brice as a showgirl.

Clarence: [after having altered Miss Brice's costume to the bare minimum] Is that all right, Mr. Ziegfeld?

Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Well, it's all right for now. Tomorrow, get her another outfit. And don't make it, buy it. Go to a second-hand store and get her an old dress. She's supposed to be a, an apache, a poor French girl, an urchin!

Clarence: [meekly] Yes, sir.

Fanny Brice: [looking disappointed] So, to work for Mr. Ziegfeld, I gotta' be an urchin. Even in burlesque I was middle class.

Clarence: You know, Sweets, I met Dr. Martin Luther King once.

Sweets: You lyin'. You ain't never met Dr. Martin Luther King.

Clarence: Yeah, I met Dr. Martin Luther King in 1962 in Memphis, Tennessee. I walkin' down the street minding my own business, just walking on. Feelin' good. I walk around the corner, a man walk up, hit me in my chest, right. I fall on the ground, right. And I look up and it's Dr. Martin Luther King. I said 'Dr. King?' and he said 'Ooops, I thought you were some body else.'

Sweets: Oh man, you lyin'. You ain't never met Martin Luther the King.

Clarence: Knocked the wind out of me, yes he did.

Sweets: No, he didn't.

Clarence: Yes, he did.

Sweets: No, he did not!

Clarence: I met Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. one time.

Sweets: Man, you lyin'. You ain't never met no Martin Luther the King.

Clarence: Oh there they go. There they go, every time I start talkin 'bout boxing, a white man got to pull Rocky Marciano out their ass. That's their one, that's their one. Rocky Marciano. Rocky Marciano. Let me tell you something once and for all. Rocky Marciano was good, but compared to Joe Louis, Rocky Marciano ain't shit.

Clarence: Hey, what's up, brother? You a little late for the Christmas pageant.

King Jaffe Joffer: I am King Jaffe Joffer, ruler of Zamunda.

Clarence: Have a seat. Chair number two will be ready in a second.

Saul: [touching the King's clothing, made from a stuffed lion] This is beautiful. What is that? Velvet?

Clarence: You must be outta your God-damned mind! Joe Louis the greatest boxer who ever lived. I'll be with you boys in a minute. He was badder than Cassius Clay, he was better than Sugar Ray, he was badder than - who's that new boy? Mike Tyson! Look like a bull dog! He was badder than him too! He'd whip Mike Tyson's ass, he'd whip all their asses!

Saul: What about Rocky Marciano?

Clarence: Oh, there they go! There they go! Every time I start talking about boxing, a white man gotta pull Rocky Marciano outta their ass! That's they one! That's they one! Rocky Marciano! Rocky Marciano! Lemme tell you something once and for all! Rocky Marciano was good, but compared to Joe Louis, Rocky Marciano ain't shit!

Saul: He beat Joe Louis's ass!

Morris: That's right, he did whip Joe Louis's ass!

Clarence: Joe Louis was seventy-five years old when he fought!

Morris: I don't know how old he was, but he got his ass whooped.

Clarence: Joe Louis had come out of retirement to fight Rocky Marciano! The man was seventy-six years old! Joe Louis always lied about his age! He lied about his age all the time! One time, Frank Sinatra came in here, and sat in this chair. I say, "Frank, you hang out with Joe Louis. Just between me and you, how old is Joe Louis?" Know what Frank told me? He said "Hey, Joe Louis is a hundred thirty-seven years old." A hundred and thirty-seven years old!

Sweets: Oh, man, you ain't never meet no Frank Sinatra.

Clarence: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! AND FUCK YOU! Who's next?

Clarence: Heyyy, it's the boys from Africa, how y'all doin this evenin'?

Prince Akeem: Sir, where can one go to find nice women here?

Clarence: You gotta get out and look, they ain't just gonna fall on your lap.

Semmi: We've been to every bar in Queens.

Clarence: Well, that's where you messed up, son, you can't go to no bar to find a nice woman. You gotta go to a nice place, a quiet place like a library, there's good women there and 'erm, church, they're good girls.

Clarence: Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you! Who's next?

Morris: Pound for pound, Sugar Ray Robinson's the greatest fighter that ever lived!

Clarence: Aw, come on, man! What about Joe Louis?

Saul: The Brown Bomber! Now that was a great boxer!

Morris: You damn right!

Sweets: I suppose nobody in here ever heard of Cassius Clay?

Morris: He got a point. Cassius Clay was a bad motherfucker!

Clarence: I ain't saying Clay ain't bad. I'm just saying I stopped liking Cassius Clay once he changed his name to Moh-hammad Ali! What kinda shit is that?

Saul: Wait a second, wait a second! A man has got the right to change his name to whatever he wants to change it to. And if a man wants to be called Muhammad Ali, Goddamit, this is a free country, you should respect his wishes, and call the man Muhammad Ali!

Morris: His Momma named him Clay, I'm gonna call him Clay.

Clarence: Mmm-hmm! That's right!

Sweets: I say Clay.

Saul: Get outta here.

Clarence: Ha-ha-ha! That's right! That's right! He gonna always be Clay to me. I don't give a fuck what he change his name to. He is Clay! He Clay to me. I say Clay.

Saul: Well, then, you're a putz. The three of you. Three putzes. You should change the name outside from My-T-Sharp to The Three Putzes.

Clarence: [Carrying bags up the stairs] What do a valet do?

Norton: [Also carrying bags up the stairs] You mean you don't know?

Clarence: No, sir.

Norton: Then that makes two of us don't know.

Clarence: Boss, if you hear something whizzing by you, it'll be me.

Alexander "Lucky" Downing: Why, Clarence, don't tell me you're afraid.

Clarence: I ain't afraid, but my feets ain't gonna stand around and see my body abused.

Clarence: I'm sorry, now, little lady, but I can't pick up no hitch hikers.

Robin Kitteredge: Um, Praise the Lord Stop! Won't you save me from a couple of Satan-worshiping rapists!

Clarence: Devil, you say!

[as the stage show's end, the ventriloquist's dummy asserts itself]

Jerry Morgan: [speaking of his fiancee] Really, folks, she's a beautiful, wonderful girl. I wish you could see her.

Clarence: Yeah, you should see her. A blonde, blue-eyed, baby-faced purse-snatcher.

Jerry Morgan: Clarence!

Clarence: A peroxide octopus.

Jerry Morgan: Quiet!

Clarence: Fifteen hands and they're all in his pockets.

Jerry Morgan: Clarence! Please!

Clarence: A hundred and ten pounds of well-stacked rattlesnakes!

Jerry Morgan: Clarence!

Martin Moorehouse: Clarence! Bring them to me! Bring them to ME!

Clarence: I will! I will! I will!

Clarence: Are you satisfied now, brother?

[Martin Moorhouse grabs Clarence by the throat]

Martin Moorehouse: Where were you when I NEEDED you, brother?

Newton: You listen to me! And you listen good. Those assholes are cops. Who the fuck are you to judge 'em? Shit, man, you got a green dick. Those two guys have been risking their asses on the street for years. The fucker went for Strom's gun.

Clarence: Bullshit.

Newton: Now, maybe those two guys went too far tonight. Maybe it was all a mistake. But next time it could be you. So, you know, you don't ever roll over... and you never rat out a fellow officer. And you never... never break the code.

Clarence: Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?

Clarence: [In book inscription] Remember, George: no man is a failure who has friends.

Clarence: You see, George, you've really had a wonderful life. Don't you see what a mistake it would be to throw it away?

[George has discovered his brother Harry's tombstone]

Clarence: [explaining] Your brother, Harry Bailey, broke through the ice and was drowned at the age of nine.

George Bailey: That's a lie! Harry Bailey went to war! He got the Congressional Medal of Honor! He saved the lives of every man on that transport!

Clarence: Every man on that transport died. Harry wasn't there to save them, because you weren't there to save Harry.

George Bailey: Look, who are you? Who are you really?

Clarence: I told you, George. I'm your guardian angel.

George Bailey: Yeah, well what else are you? Are you a hypnotist?

Clarence: No, of course not.

George Bailey: Then why am I seeing all these strange things?

Clarence: Don't you understand, George? It's because you were never born.

George Bailey: Well, if I was never born... who am I?

Clarence: You're nobody. You have no identity.

George Bailey: What do you mean no identity? My name is George Bailey!

Clarence: There is no George Bailey.

[George searches his pockets for identification, finds none]

Clarence: You have no papers, no cards, no driver's license, no 4F card, no insurance policy.

[George finally searches his watch pocket for the rose petals from Zuzu]

Clarence: They're not there either.

George Bailey: What?

Clarence: Zuzu's petals... You've been given a great gift, George: A chance to see what the world would be like without you.

George Bailey: Well, you look about the kind of angel I'd get. Sort of a fallen angel, aren't you? What happened to your wings?

Clarence: I haven't won my wings, yet. That's why I'm called an Angel Second Class. I have to earn them. And you'll help me will you?

George Bailey: [sarcastic] Sure, sure. How?

Clarence: By letting me help you.

George Bailey: I know one way you can help me. You don't happen to have 8,000 bucks on you?

Clarence: No, we don't use money in Heaven.

George Bailey: Well, it comes in real handy down here, bud!

Clarence: [hearing Nick's cash register ding] Oh-oh. Somebody's just made it.

George Bailey: Made what?

Clarence: Every time you hear a bell ring, it means that some angel's just got his wings.

Nick: Hey look, mister. We serve hard drinks in here for men who want to get drunk fast, and we don't need any characters around to give the joint "atmosphere". Is that clear, or do I have to slip you my left for a convincer?

George Bailey: [intervening] Nick, hold on. Just give him the same as mine. He's no trouble.

Nick: Okay.

[Nick walks away to tend to the bar]

George Bailey: [to Clarence] What's the matter with him? I never saw Nick act like that before.

Clarence: You'll see a lot of strange things from now on.

George Bailey: Now, come on, get your clothes on, and we'll stroll up to my car and get... Oh, I'm sorry. I'll stroll. You fly.

Clarence: I can't fly! I haven't got my wings.

George Bailey: You haven't got your wings. Yeah, that's right.

George Bailey: Clarence?

Clarence: Yes, George?

George Bailey: Where's Mary? If this is all real and I was never born, what became of Mary?

Clarence: [hesitates] Well... I don't... I can't...

George Bailey: [grabs Clarence by his collar] Look, I don't know how you know these things, but if you know where my wife is, you'll tell me.

Clarence: I... I'm not supposed to tell.

George Bailey: Please, Clarence, where's my wife? Tell me where my wife is.

Clarence: You're not going to like it, George.

George Bailey: Where is she? What happened to her?

Clarence: She became an old maid. She never married...

George Bailey: [desperate] Where is she? WHERE IS SHE?

Clarence: She's... she's just about to close up the library!

[George throws Clarence to the ground and runs off]

Clarence: [more frustrated] Ohh... there must be some easier way for me to get my wings.

George Bailey: Well, maybe I left the car up at Martini's. Well, come on, Gabriel.

Clarence: Clarence!

George Bailey: Clarence. Right... Clarence.

House owner: I mean Pottersville. Don't you think I know where I live? What's the matter with you?

[He proceeds toward his house. George is completely bewildered]

George Bailey: Oh, I don't know. Either I'm off my nut, or he is...

[to Clarence]

George Bailey: ... or you are!

Clarence: It isn't me!

Clarence: I'm Clarence Oddbody, AS2.

George Bailey: Oddbody... Hey, what's an AS2?

Clarence: Angel, Second Class.

[the bridgekeeper, overhearing it, falls backwards in his chair completely spooked]

Senior Angel: Hello Joseph, trouble?

Joseph - Angel: Looks like we'll have to send someone down. There are a lot of people asking for help for a man named George Bailey.

Senior Angel: George Bailey? Yes! Tonight's his crucial night. You're right. We'll have to send someone down immediately. Whose turn is it?

Joseph - Angel: That's why I came to see you, sir. It's that clock maker's turn again.

Senior Angel: [chuckles] Oh, Clarence. Hasn't gotten his wings yet, has he?

Joseph - Angel: We passed him up right along. Because, you know sir, he's got the IQ of a rabbit.

Senior Angel: Yes, but he's got the faith of a child. Simple. Joseph, send for Clarence.

Clarence: You sent for me, sir?

Senior Angel: Yes, Clarence. A man down on earth needs our help.

Clarence: Splendid. Is he sick?

Senior Angel: No worst. He's discouraged. At exactly 10:45 pm earth time, that man will be thinking seriously about throwing away God's greatest gift.

Clarence: Oh, dear, dear. His life. Then I've only got 1 hour to dress. What are they wearing now?

Senior Angel: You will spend that hour getting acquainted with George Bailey.

Clarence: Sir, if I should accomplish this mission, I mean... um. Might I perhaps win my wings? I've been waiting for over 200 years now, sir, and people ARE beginning to talk.

Senior Angel: What's that book you've got there?

Clarence: Oh, oh, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer.

Senior Angel: Clarence, you do a good job with George Bailey and you will get your wings.

Clarence: So... you still think that killing yourself would make everyone feel happier, eh?

George Bailey: Oh, I don't know. I guess you're right. I supposed it would have been better if I'd never been born at all.

Clarence: What did you say?

George Bailey: I said I wished I was never born!

Clarence: Oh, you mustn't say things like that... Oh, now wait a minute. That's an idea now, isn't it?

[looks upward]

Clarence: What do you think? Ahhh... that will do it. All right, George... you've got your wish: you've never been born.

[Wind begins to blow violently outside the shack; Clarence yells out the door]

Clarence: You don't need to make all THAT fuss about it!

Clarence: [mimicking Mr Clark] Let me give you the key to my office.

Francesca: Ooh, your office!

Clarence: [puts his hand in his gym shorts] Whoa, THAT ain't the key!

Leonna Barrett: [as the crowd is chanting "FREE MR. CLARK"] Listen to me! People, please! You must all disperse and return to your homes! Your presence here is helping no one! Why don't you use your brains and listen?

Clarence: [stepping up to take the megaphone and turn on the siren] Everybody, come on, listen up, listen up! Now let's just settle down, give her a chance to talk. She might actually have something to say. Now everybody just chill, settle down and let's listen to the old loudmouth wench!

[Everyone laughs and cheers as he hands her back the megaphone]

Leonna Barrett: [as she is talking on the megaphone, Mr. Clark approaches the doorway at the top of the City Hall stairs] You can call me what you want, but the simple fact is Mr. Clark has broken the laws in this state and exposed you all to grave danger.

[Everyone boos and protests]

Leonna Barrett: His behavior is irresponsible. Chaining those doors was a criminal act. Why do you think they call him Crazy Joe?

Thomas Sams: Because you all don't understand him!

Maria: Yeah that's right! He chained those doors to keep out the drug dealers. To make us all feel safe. You talk about the law but you're twisting the law. The laws are made to protect the people and that's what he's doing for us

[Everyone applauds in agreement]

Reggie: The thing you don't understand is that Mr. Clark believes in us. He's provided an environ...

Kaneesha Carter: [to Reggie] He don't believe in you, 'cause you don't take care of your responsibilities!

[everyone points and laughs at him]

Leonna Barrett: Despite what he himself may believe, Mr. Clark is not Eastside High!

Kaneesha Carter: Mr. Clark is not only Eastside High! Mr. Clark is like a father! He's the only father that some of us who don't have fathers know. You don't know a thing about Mr. Clark!

Leonna Barrett: People, just hear me! The school board is meeting right now and I promise you, we will give you what Eastside High deserves- a good principal!

Thomas Sams: We don't WANT a good principal! WE WANT MR. CLARK!

Edward: [whining] I used to have a room with Paddington Bear wallpaper.

Clarence: Yeah, well I used to have a beautiful wife and all my own teeth. Your life changes, master, and not always for the best. Your life accumulates regrets and they stick to you like old bruises.

Edward: [Reading a headstone] "Samuel Peet. Not Dead. Only Sleeping."

Clarence: Huh. He's gonna be pissed off when he wakes up.

Clarence: I'd like to come back as a badger.

Edward: Why?

Clarence: They're bad-tempered, but they look good - and you can make sporrans out of badgers.

Clarence: Now for those of you who have never before sat in a seance, there is absolutely nothing to be fearful of. Ghosts... are very friendly sorts. They like a nice chin wag. But they're very scared of loud noises and sudden movements. Which is the reason why they're very rarely to be sighted in discos and wrestling matches, for example.

Edward: You shouldn't joke. It'll make 'em vengeful.

Clarence: [raises hand in supplication] Spirits... please accept my mortal apology.

Edward: Sorry for setting the fire before. Sorry I put a lot of talcum on the floor in there. Sorry for not saying when you ran me over. And that time I put dirt on your head.

Clarence: That's an awful lot of things to be sorry for at such a young age.

Edward: Sorry.