Claire Cleary Quotes in Wedding Crashers (2005)

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Claire Cleary Quotes:

  • [in a speech at Christina's wedding, quoting what John has just told her]

    Claire Cleary: True love is the soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another.

  • John Beckwith: Claire! Will you wait just a second? All I wanted is was a second alone with you so I could explain things. But I've never gotten that chance. Maybe I don't deserve it, so here goes. For longer than I care to remember, my business has been crashing weddings. I crashed weddings to meet girls. Business was good. I met a *lot* of girls. It was childish and it was juvenile.

    Claire Cleary: And pathetic.

    John Beckwith: Yeah. That's probably the best word to describe it. But you know what? It also led me to you, so it's hard for me to completely regret it. And that person that you met back at your folks' place? That was really me. Maybe not my name, I'm John Beckwith by the way. Or my job. But the feelings we felt; the jokes, the stupid laughs, that was all me. I've changed. I've realized something. I crashed a funeral today.

    Jeremy Grey: [mutters] Oh Jesus.

    John Beckwith: It wasn't my idea, I was basically dragged to it.

    [to Jeremy]

    John Beckwith: I went with Chazz who you forgot to tell me is totally insane. He also might be a genius because it actually does work, he's cleaning up.

    Claire Cleary: John!

    John Beckwith: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That's neither here nor there. Anyway, I saw this widow and she's a wreck. She has just lost the person she loved the most in this world and I realized we're all going to lose the people we love. That's the way it is, but not me. Not right now. Because the person *I* love the most is standing right here and I'm not ready to lose you yet. Claire, I'm not standing here asking you to marry me, I'm just asking you not to marry *him* and maybe take a walk, take a chance.

  • Claire Cleary: So is it just about the money?

    John Beckwith: No no, it's about, uh, investing in companies that are ethically and morally defensible.

    Sack Lodge: Well, like what? Give me an example.

    John Beckwith: Like what? Well, there's the company that we have where we're taking the, the fur or the wool from sheep and we turn it into thread for homeless people to sew. And then they make it into cloth, which they in turn sew, then um... make little shirts and pants for other homeless people to sell. It's a pretty good deal.

    Jeremy Grey: [fumbling his words because Gloria is giving him a hand job under the dinner table] People - People helping people.

    Claire Cleary: That's - that's very admirable.

    John Beckwith: Thank you. Although, don't make me out to be a saint just yet. We do turn a small profit. After all, someone has to pay for the, uh,

    [motions to Jeremy]

    John Beckwith: Lap dancers for the big guy here.

    Jeremy Grey: [laughing pleasurably] Oh, ha ha ha, he's joking around. It feels so good when he jokes.

  • Claire Cleary: [to Sack] I can't marry you.

    Sack Lodge: Secretary. Your daughter's a little...

    Secretary Cleary: Sack, I've always liked you. So I put up with your stories about scallops and otters, and it's all good because you seem to make her happy and that's what matters to me most. But this is *her* decision.

    [he makes a mock salute to her]

    Secretary Cleary: I stand by my daughter.

    Sack Lodge: [waving him off] You don't know shit.

  • Claire Cleary: What is true love?

    John Beckwith: True love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another.

    Claire Cleary: It's a little cheesy but I like it.

    John Beckwith: I read it on a bumper sticker!

  • [Claire enters the bathroom and finds Sack vomiting in the toilet]

    Claire Cleary: Are you okay?

    Sack Lodge: Well, Claire. My head's buried in a toilet. What do you think? You do the math.

    Claire Cleary: Honey, it's ok to be vulnerable sometimes, it's just me.

    Sack Lodge: You know, you can just cut that psycho babble bullshit your mom tells you ok? You wanna help me out? Do ya? Do ya kid? Why don't you go get me a 7Up, ok? All right, 'cause I think I might get vulnerable again.

  • [John walks toward Claire, who is on the swing]

    John Beckwith: You can't marry this guy.

    Claire Cleary: Why?

    John Beckwith: Because I've fallen for you.

  • John Beckwith: Are you going to give a toast?

    Claire Cleary: Yes.

    John Beckwith: Nervous?

    Claire Cleary: A little bit.

    John Beckwith: What are you going to say?

    [Claire pulls a piece of paper from inside her dress]

    John Beckwith: You keep it in your cleavage.

    Claire Cleary: Nowhere else to put it. Normally I'm not very good at these things, but I think this one's pretty good.

    [John reads from Claire's notes]

    John Beckwith: "I never thought my sister would find someone who cared about what other people thought as much as she did - until I met Craig?"!

    Claire Cleary: Yes, that's funny. It's funny because it's true. People like funny.

    John Beckwith: I know, but the whole funny-because-it's-true bit only works if the truth is a *small* thing like "everyone knows Jennifer likes to shop, ha ha ha". I think you're better off going with something from the heart. Honestly.

    Claire Cleary: I think people are going to like this.

    John Beckwith: I think you're going to hear crickets.

    Claire Cleary: I think you're wrong.

    John Beckwith: Sounds of silence. Go walk the plank.

    Claire Cleary: Uh uh. I'm sticking to it.

    John Beckwith: Ok, meet me at the back of the room. I'll be the guy waiting to say I told you so.

  • Claire Cleary: Your brother. He's down again.

    John Beckwith: What is his deal?

  • Claire Cleary: Are you OK?

    John Beckwith: Yeah, I'm just swinging the jib for your dad, starboard.

    Claire Cleary: But starboard's *this* way.

    John Beckwith: That's right. What am I thinking? I'm used to sailing Down Under with the Kiwis so everything's backwards. Even the toilets, when you flush them, the water spins the opposite way. Really freaks you out the first time you see it.

  • Claire Cleary: Actually Todd is an amazing painter. He's going to the Rhode Island School of Design.

    John Beckwith: Wow, that's a great school. Congratulations, Todd. That's really impressive. RIS-D!

    Todd Cleary: Yeah, Dad - Dad always thought I'd be a political liability...

    [getting angry]

    Todd Cleary: ...in case he ever ran for President.

    Secretary Cleary: Now, now Todd. Actually, truth be told, polling shows that a majority of the American people would ultimately empathize with our situation.

    Todd Cleary: [sharply, raising his voice] What IS our situation, Dad?

    Grandma Mary Cleary: You're a homo.

  • Claire Cleary: Don't you think that's really soon?

    Secretary Cleary: Well, you know Gloria, she's impetuous. Has to have what she wants, when she wants it. We had to give her a sweet sixteen on her thirteenth birthday!

  • Claire Cleary: Well... you're not that young.

  • John Beckwith: I don't mean to pry.

    Claire Cleary: Yes, you do.

  • Claire Cleary: Oh, so you're hiding I see.

  • [last lines]

    Claire Cleary: We're a folk singing group from Salt Lake City.

    Gloria Cleary: Yeah!

    Jeremy Grey: Yes, we are.

    [Gloria and Claire throw up their arms and scream like rock fans at a concert]

  • John Beckwith: Oh, *you're* gonna cover me.

    Claire Cleary: Like white on rice.

    John Beckwith: All right I like my odds here. Let me give you a little warning, I'm going downtown. Look for me in the endzone after this play, I'll be the guy holding the ball.

  • John Beckwith: And do ya maybe feel the same way?

    Claire Cleary: Maybe.

    John Beckwith: [relieved] Maybe. That's all I needed to know.

    Claire Cleary: [exhales in frustration] But this is crazy, because I don't know any...

    John Beckwith: Why?

    Claire Cleary: I don't know anything about you!

    John Beckwith: What do you mean?

    Claire Cleary: You do investments in New Hampshire, and you have a... crazy brother...

    John Beckwith: Well, actually, I need to talk to you about that. I'm not a big deal, but maybe youn wanna sit back on the swing.

  • [a gunshot is heard from inside the Cleary mansion; Grandma Cleary is chasing Jeremy outside]

    Jeremy Grey: RUN! JOHNNY! She's tryin' to kill me!

    [shouting continues]

    Claire Cleary: Grandma!

    John Beckwith: Whoa! Whoa!

    Jeremy Grey: Get the gun from her!

    Secretary Cleary: Put the gun down! Mother, stop!

    Jeremy Grey: This is the real world, lady! You can't just go shooting people on a whim!

    John Beckwith: [shocked] What did you do?

    Jeremy Grey: [to Father O'Neil] I told you that in confidence. That was a confession!

    Claire Cleary: What are you talking about?

  • Sack Lodge: Why don't you tell her, John?

    John Beckwith: I don't know what goin' on.

    Sack Lodge: [whispers] You don't know?

    John Beckwith: I'm playing Catch-up too.

    [Sack punches John in the chest]

    Claire Cleary: [yells] Sack! What are you doing?

    Sack Lodge: You remembering yet? You remember yet?

    Claire Cleary: [to John] Are you okay? Sack!

    Sack Lodge: They're not who they say they are, Claire. Those aren't even their real names.

    Claire Cleary: What?

    Sack Lodge: No, everything they told you was a lie.

    Claire Cleary: [confused] I-I don't understand what your saying.

    Sack Lodge: Claire, they crash weddings. They crash weddings so that they can sleep with girls. Everything that they told us has been a complete fabrication!

    Claire Cleary: You're joking.

    Sack Lodge: All of it was a - Don't you fuckin' get up!

    Claire Cleary: Sack, will you just stop?

    Sack Lodge: [backs away] Okay. Okay.

  • [Claire demands the truth]

    Claire Cleary: Is that true?

    John Beckwith: [hesitates] No - Well, no, it's... not entirely.

    Claire Cleary: No. It's a "Yes" or "No" question.

    John Beckwith: I know, but it's complicated.

    Claire Cleary: [turns angry] Yes or No?

    [the family looks on John and Jeremy in disbelief]

    Claire Cleary: Yes or No?

    John Beckwith: Yes...

    [the family is shocked and upset; Claire is at a loss for words]

    John Beckwith: with shades of grey.

    Jeremy Grey: [to Gloria] I'm not perfect. But who are we kidding? Neither are you. And you wanna know what? I dig it!

Browse more character quotes from Wedding Crashers (2005)

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