CJ Quotes in Dawn of the Dead (2004)

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CJ Quotes:

  • Ana: The bleeding's not gonna stop on its own. I need to stich his arm.

    CJ: What are you, a fucking doctor?

    Ana: No, I'm a fucking nurse.

    -- CJ
  • CJ: Excuse me, not to shit on anyone's riff here, but let me see if I grasp this concept, okay? You're suggesting that we take some fucking parking shuttles and reinforce them with some aluminum siding, and then just head on over to the gun store where we watch our good friend Andy play some cowboy-movie, jump-on-the-covered-wagon bullshit? Then we're going to drive across the ruined city through a welcome committee of a few hundred thousand dead cannibals. All so we can sail off into the sunset on this fucking asshole's boat?

    [Points to Steve]

    CJ: Head for some island that for all we know doesn't even exist?

    Kenneth: Yeah.

    Tucker: Pretty much, yeah.

    Ana: [nods her head]

    Michael: Yeah.

    Steve: [gives a sarcastically enthusiastic "thumb up"]

    CJ: Okay. I'm in.

    -- CJ
  • Michael: So what's the plan?

    CJ: The plan is you drink a nice tall glass of shut the fuck up.

    -- CJ
  • Terry: [Deleted scene/Unrated Version scene]

    [covers the corpses on the floor]

    Terry: Somebody should say something.

    Ana: Yeah.

    Michael: Glen?

    Glen: No.

    Ana: You worked in a church.

    Glen: I played the organ.

    CJ: Come on, man. You must've heard the priest say something about life and death.

    Glen: It was a job. I don't believe in God. I don't see how anyone could.

    -- CJ
  • [his last line]

    CJ: Fucking figures!

    -- CJ
  • Ana: [everyone has run to the roof to watch the BP truck racing around the mall parking lot] What are we gonna do about that truck?

    CJ: We're not gonna do anything about that truck!

    Ana: There's people in there!

    CJ: Yeah, and how do you know they're not all fucked up like everybody else out there?

    Ana: Well, for one thing, they're driving a truck.

    [gunshots coming from truck]

    Ana: Oh, and shooting guns.

    -- CJ
  • Bart: Look, he's a twitcher.

    [C.J. and Terry watch the twitching zombified security guard]

    Bart: TV says you gotta shoot them in the head.

    Terry: TV said a lot of things that aren't true.

    CJ: Well, fuck the fucker. I told him not go to downstairs.

    [C.J. shoots the zombified security guard in head]

    -- CJ
  • CJ: [after everyone enters an elevator to escape the zombies] I like this song.

    -- CJ
  • Bart: Wanna hear something that really sucks? You guys know that chick at Dairy Queen?

    CJ: The fat one?

    Bart: Yeah. She was coming over tonight. I would have tapped that shit for sure.

    Terry: Bart, dude, everybody's dead, okay? Your mom's dead. Your brother's dead. That fat chick at Dairy Queen? Dead!

    Bart: Yeah. That sucks, too.

    -- CJ
  • Steve: Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry. Why does he stay here while I go on the suicide mission to rescue Terry's already-dead girlfriend?

    Terry: Fuck you, man!

    Michael: We don't know that.

    CJ: You know what, asshole? Either way we gotta get over there and get the guns to get out of this parking lot, all right?

    -- CJ
  • Michael: Those things are down there!

    CJ: Well, these are all your problems, not mine.

    Kenneth: If I put my foot up your ass, would that be your problem?

    -- CJ
  • CJ: [to Bart] Hey, dumbass. It's the timers. It's 8:00.

    CJ: [to Terry]

    CJ: Terry. Go shut them off.

    Terry: It's Bart's turn.

    Bart: You're the trainee, man. Shit rolls downhill.

    -- CJ
  • CJ: [to Kenneth] You can take your ass over to the Quality Inn if it's still there, Shaq!

    -- CJ
  • Bart: What's the news?

    CJ: Bad.

    -- CJ
  • Michael: You come with me, or you go back in that cell.

    CJ: All right. I ain't going anywhere without a gun.

    Michael: [Breaks a glass case holding a fire ax, throws it to CJ] Have at them, cowboy!

    CJ: Asshole.

    -- CJ
  • Steve: [Waiting by the trucks, sees everybody running to them] Hey, what the hell happened to you guys?

    Michael: Give me the keys!

    Ana: [Running past] Prick!

    CJ: [Pushes Steve] I'll deal with you later, motherfucker!

    -- CJ
  • Luda: Excuse me, please? Is there a restroom?

    CJ: No. You're staying here.

    Andre: So then why don't you tell us which spot in here you'd like us to take a piss?

    -- CJ
  • Terry: [about the people in the truck] You can't just turn them away, CJ, you'll kill them!

    CJ: Tough shit. Self-defense.

    Terry: I'm not killing anybody!

    CJ: [Points his gun at Terry] You know what? I'll kill you!

    -- CJ
  • Bart: [In the parking garage] What the fuck was that? I just saw something.

    CJ: You didn't see shit, Bart. Shut the fuck up.

    Bart: Oh, shit. Here it comes.

    [a dog turns the corner]

    Bart: Jesus Christ! It's a fucking dog.

    Michael: [to dog] Come here, boy. Well, at least you know nothing's down here. It would've eaten him.

    Bart: See? I told you I saw something!

    -- CJ
  • CJ: [locking others into store for the night] I don't want anybody sneaking around and stealing shit.

    [shuts gate]

    CJ: Comprende? Sweet dreams.

    -- CJ
  • CJ: America always sorts its shit out.

    -- CJ
  • [repeated line]

    CJ: Fucking nursery school.

    -- CJ
  • CJ: [waving a gun at fellow survivors] I'll kill each and every one of you to stay alive. You hear me?

    -- CJ
  • Terry: I wish somebody was working Hallowed Grounds.

    CJ: How hard is it to make a cup of coffee?

    Terry: I wanted a soy mocha latte with foam.

    Bart: Faggot.

    -- CJ
  • Mahalik: I heard Jamal from 90th street watched that tape last week and this mornin' he woke up dead!

    CJ: How the hell do you wake up dead?

    Mahalik: Cause' you're alive when you go to sleep.

    CJ: So you're telling me you can go to bed dead and wake up alive?

    Mahalik: You can't go to bed dead! That shit would've been redundant.

    CJ: No it would'nt cause' you can go to bed and not be dead, and you can die and not be in the bed.

    Mahalik: But you are in the bed. That's how you wake up dead in the first place fool!

    CJ: Damn! that's some quantum shit right there man! You should be teaching classes!

    -- CJ
  • George: You guys ever wonder what it would be like to stop livin' up here

    [puts hand up in the air]

    George: and start livin' down here?

    [puts hand down low]

    Mahalik: Or what if we stop livin' over here

    [puts his hand out to the side]

    Mahalik: and start livin' over there?

    [puts his hand to the other side]

    CJ: Shit, my aunt Shaneequa used to live over there! But that bitch got evicted though.

    Mahalik: For what?

    CJ: Mice.

    Mahalik: I thought she had rats?

    CJ: No, rats are outside, mice are inside.

    Mahalik: But what if a mouse goes outside does it become a rat, and if a rat is in the house, is it a mouse?

    CJ: I ain't seen no mouse outside. That's what I'm sayin'.

    Mahalik: That's because it's a rat, fool!

    CJ: Damn! You mighta just made fact. That's some real shit right there! A-Ha!

    George: Guys, I really don't see what this has anything to do with anything...

    -- CJ
  • U-God: You stepped on my shoe, bitch!

    Redman: Man, call me a bitch again and I'll park your truck - dead in yo ass.

    Macy Gray: DAMN, HOMEY!

    CJ: Hey yo, they comin! Over here!

    RZA: If I was you, son, I'd bust this shit right now.

    Method Man: Ya Momma!

    U-God: I got your number, too, homey.

    Master P: He ain't gonna bust nuthin. I got nuts bigger than him.

    RZA: Oh, yeah, I'll roll up on you too - country ass maple syrup eatin' nigga.

    Master P: Ya'll want some biscuits? You want some biscuits?

    [Macy Gray kills everybody, including herself, with a bazooka]

    President Harris: These men died for their country. Send flowers to their bitches and hos.

    -- CJ

Browse more character quotes from Dawn of the Dead (2004)

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