Chubbs Quotes in Happy Gilmore (1996)
Chubbs: What are you doing?
Happy Gilmore: [while getting pelted with baseballs inside the batting cage] 364 days until next year's hockey tryouts, I have to toughen up.
Chubbs: [hugging him from behind] It's all in the hips. It's all in the hips. It's all in the hips. It's all in the hips.
Happy Gilmore: [embarrassed, pushes him away] Get off of me!
Chubbs: Just easin' the tension, baby. Just easin' the tension!
Happy Gilmore: Yeah, well ease it on someone else.
Chubbs: [standing outside the batting cage] Back in 1965, Sports Illustrated said I was going to be the next Arnold Palmer.
Happy Gilmore: Yeah? What happened?
Chubbs: They wouldn't let me play on the Pro Tour anymore.
Happy Gilmore: Ah, I'm sorry. Because you're black?
Chubbs: Hell no! Damned alligator BIT my hand off!
[Shows Happy his wooden hand]
Happy Gilmore: OH MY GOD!
Chubbs: Yeah. tournament down in Florida. I hooked my ball in the rough down by the lake. Damned alligator just POPPED up, cut me down on my prime. He got me, but I tore one of that bastard's eyes out though. Look at that.
[Shows Happy a small glass jar with an eyeball in it]
Happy Gilmore: You're pretty sick, Chubbs.
[in slow motion, Happy hits a ball a great distance. Soon after, the ball bounces on a green and rolls into the hole, making a hole in one. The crowd goes wild]
Happy Gilmore: [shouts] He shoots, he scores!
[Happy turns to Chubbs]
Happy Gilmore: Oh, man. That was so much easier than putting. I should just try to get the ball in one shot every time.
Chubbs: Good plan.
[Chubbs chuckles as he pats Happy with his wooden hand. The two of them walk away]
Virginia: [to Shooter] Did you see that?
Shooter McGavin: Yes. Nice shot.
Virginia: He just got a Hole-in-One on a *par four*!
Shooter McGavin: I know. I just said I saw it.
Virginia: [laughs] Oh, I hope he *wins*. He's a publicist's *dream*. I mean, a guy who could drive the ball *that* far - oh, he could *really* draw a crowd.
[Virginia walks away smiling]
Shooter McGavin: [under his breath] You know what *else* could draw a crowd? A golfer with an arm growing out of his ass.
[Shooter follows Virginia scowling]
Chubbs: [referring to the man standing in front of them wearing unusual clothing and a straw hat] Thanks for dressing up.
Happy Gilmore: If saw myself in clothes like that, I'd have to kick my own ass.
Chubbs: Spoken like a true asshole.
Chubbs: [Happy visits his happy place one last time, he sees Chubbs] Shut up, Happy. Don't feel bad about me. I got my hand back, see?
[Chubbs plays and sings "We've Only Just Begun" on the piano]
[seeing Happy on TV]
Chubbs: What are you doing Happy? Riding a bull? You're acting like a damn fool!
Happy Gilmore: [to Chubbs] A guy your size, why don't you play a real sport, like football?
Chubbs: My Momma wouldn't sign the permission slip. Said it might be a little too dangerous.
Happy Gilmore: Yeah, good call.
Chubbs: [in the parking lot of the golf course] Golf's no different from Hockey. It requires talent and self discipline.
Happy Gilmore: Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass. You should talk to my neighbor, the accountant. Probably a great golfer... huge ass.
Chubbs: Hey, I'll bet your neighbor the accountant can't drive the ball four hundred yards. I'll bet your neighbor the accountant doesn't have a shot to get on the Pro Tour!
Happy Gilmore: And how would I do that?
Chubbs: You win the Open tomorrow, and you're automatically on the Pro Tour. Then who knows? Maybe you'll win the Tour Championship one day. Get that gold jacket that I never got.
Happy Gilmore: Gold jacket, green jacket, who gives a shit?
Chubbs: You mambo?
Nicky: No, I don't think so.
Chubbs: It's all in the hips, it's all in the hips, it's all in the hips...
[Pest and Chubbs enter an armory]
Pest: Be all you can be!
Chubbs: Yeah, don't ask, don't tell.
Pest: ...What's that supposed to mean?
Chubbs: Oh, nothin'.
Pest: Just checkin...
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