Chris Thorne Quotes in Nothing But Trouble (1991)

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Chris Thorne Quotes:

  • Chris Thorne: They're Brazillionaires, they have breakfast at 2pm in the afternoon.

  • Miss Purdah: [Chris is chained and Eldona is trying on outfits before him] Eldona, you know he's not supposed to see you this special day?

    Chris Thorne: Special day? What is it - Halloween?

  • Chris Thorne: Thanks for the espresso maker... and the bag of shit.

  • Diane Lightson: Let's just be quiet and let him do his little thing and we'll be on our way.

    J.P.: Oh, I will let you be on your way, and when you go...

    [bellows]

    J.P.: THE CAT'S EYES'LL SPIN! NOW, LISTEN!

    Chris Thorne: Ok, we'll listen!

    J.P.: [calm again] Hey, hey, ha! Ho ha! Heh heh heh heh! Hoola, Hoola, Hoola! The Boola Boola Boola! Look who's got the front seats to the Mexican hat dance now! Just like a bunch of spiders in a birthday cake!

  • Chris Thorne: Alvin, I was just thinking you've got enough vintage steel around here to make a few thousand Toyotas. Ever think of selling the whole place to the Japanese?

    J.P.: There you go. Does the Pope wear a hat? Was Sergeant York's mother an angel? And will a banker grope for money?

    Chris Thorne: I'm not a banker, I'm a financial publisher.

    J.P.: Well, all I know is in '17 after they shipped me off to fight, some New York financier rolled in here one day and hog-glowsered and tub-wankled my grandfather into mining out the whole town in exchange for shares in something called the United Coke Company. Do you know what those stock certificates are worth today?

    [shouts]

    J.P.: JUST ABOUT THE FINEST OUTHOUSE WALLPAPER YOU'VE EVER SEEN! We were forced to become what you drove through today; a burnt out coal field and the biggest icebox graveyard this side of the Ohio foundry belt! And that's why I *never* let a banker go!

    Fausto: So your grandpa made a lousy deal, is that our problem?

    Diane Lightson: Judge, that's a very tragic, tragic story.

    J.P.: I believe it is.

    Renalda: You should do a book.

  • Fausto: Where are we going?

    Chris Thorne: We're going to Atlantic City, Fausto. Get in the trunk.

  • J.P.: You might be interested to know that you are *not* under the jurisdiction of just any old fishing license dispenser and stamp pad jockey! We've always been set to deal with the offenders *once* and for all at their first appearance! Quick as sump grease through a ten-year old goose!

    [whistles]

    Chris Thorne: Congratulations, I'm glad to know thing are running smoothly for you.

    [lights a cigar]

    J.P.: [bellows] PUT OUT THAT DOG ROCKET!

  • Chris Thorne: [after Chris insults the Reeve and falling in a chamber of squeaky toys, Diane punches him; shocked] What was that for?

    Diane Lightson: [furious] How could you be so insensitive?

    Chris Thorne: What do you mean? What are you talking about?

    Renalda: Fausto, you better do something about this!

    Fausto: Niña, you're pulling on my coat, now cool it!

    Diane Lightson: I had us out of here! Then you had to go and open your big mouth!

    [pulls toy out of her shirt]

    Chris Thorne: *You* had us out of here? We would've been here another two hours listening to the history of the Valkenburger farm or wherever the hell we are!

    Diane Lightson: I knew that I couldn't depend on you!

    Chris Thorne: Listen, I don't need this! I was just trying to get us to Atlantic City... for YOU!

    Diane Lightson: [sarcastic] Oh, is that right?

    Chris Thorne: Yeah!

    Fausto: [to Chris] You're no longer our financial advisor! You're fired!

    Diane LightsonChris Thorne: [to Fausto] SHUT UP!

  • J.P.: [asking about Chris' job] Banker?

    Chris Thorne: No, not banker. Financial publisher. "Thorne Weekly"?

    J.P.: Ok, banker.

  • Diane Lightson: How long have you been divorced?

    Chris Thorne: Four years.

    Diane Lightson: Do you still love her.

    Chris Thorne: Nah, been over her for... weeks.

  • Chris Thorne: Fun is actually knowing who half your guests are.

  • J.P.: Welcome to Supper! How 'bout a nice Hawaiian Punch?

    Chris Thorne: Thank you, Judge. You know, there's nothing better at the end of a long day on the road than a nice warm glass of Hawaiian Punch.

  • Diane Lightson: [passing "No Cussing" sign] Oh, and no cussing.

    Chris Thorne: Oh, shit.

  • Mike the Doorman: Evening, Mr. Thorne.

    Chris Thorne: [getting out of the car] 110 blocks in less than 15 minutes, not bad for a one-eyed Russian immigrant.

  • Chris Thorne: I should have known. A Brazillionaire never forgets.

  • Chris Thorne: You may kiss the bride.

    Chris Thorne: Oh, not in front of all these people, your honor.

    J.P.: [yelling] NOW!

  • J.P.: No choice now but house policy.

    J.P.: Fine, house policy! *What's* house policy?

    Chris Thorne: Well, whatever man she touches is the one she keeps!

    Chris Thorne: Aw, no!

    [Eldona carries him off happily]

    Chris Thorne: Oh, come on, all I did run a goddamn stoplight! I just want to get to Atlantic City!

  • [passing two dirty bikers]

    Chris Thorne: Evil Knievel and Mr. Clean.

  • [passing by three half-buried dolphin statues]

    Chris Thorne: So that's where they buried Flipper.

    FaustoRenalda: Flipper is dead?

  • [passing a group of hillbillies]

    Chris Thorne: Morning. Sell pork bellies, buy gold.

  • Chris Thorne: What are you saying, it's death or Eldona?

  • Chris Thorne: [after being stopped by Dennis, a police officer] Folks, meet Andy Griffith!

  • J.P.: [asking Chris if he takes Eldona to be his wife]

    Chris Thorne: [stuttering] I di...

    J.P.: Pardon?

    Chris Thorne: [stuttering] bu...

    J.P.: What?

    Chris Thorne: [stuttering] I can'...

    J.P.: Speak up!

    Chris Thorne: [sweating] I do. I do.

  • Chris Thorne: Come on, death for running a stop sign?

    J.P.: *And* for being a banker! That's the double death.

Browse more character quotes from Nothing But Trouble (1991)

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