Chris "Oz" Ostreicher Quotes in American Pie (1999)
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher Quotes:
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Jim: Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?
Kevin: You want to take this one?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Like warm apple pie.
Jim: Yeah?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yeah.
Jim: Apple pie, huh?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Uh huh.
Jim: McDonald's or homemade?
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Steve Stifler: [at choir practice] What did you cocks do to him?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: You came to see me in action?
Jim: Yeah man, I thought you sounded really good!
Steve Stifler: Yeah man, I think you need your balls reattached!
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Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: [On being sensitive] You ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit.
Steve Stifler: I dunno, man, that sounds like a lot of work.
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Kevin: Separately we are flawed and vulnerable, but together we are the masters of our sexual destiny.
Jim: [imitating dubbed martial-arts dialogue] Their tiger-style kung fu is strong, but our dragon-style kung fu will defeat it!
Kevin: Guys...
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: The Shaolin masters of East and West must unite! Fight! And find out who is number one!
Kevin: GUYS! I'm serious!
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Steve Stifler: Choir chick! What the hell are you doing here?
Heather: Well, uh, I was asking Chris to the prom. So do you wanna go?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yeah, that would be great.
Steve Stifler: Well, just don't expect Oz to pay for the limo.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Stifler, fuck! I mean, why do you gotta be so insensitive all the time?
Steve Stifler: What? Whatever.
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Steve Stifler: You actually said that?
[laughs hysterically]
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Shut up!
Jim: You did better than me Nova.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Don't call me that any more. I'm a fraud.
Steve Stifler: You guys are pathetic. I'm gonna find myself a little hottie.
[shouts]
Steve Stifler: *suck me beautiful!*
[walks off, laughing]
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Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Suck me beautiful.
College Girl: What did you just say?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Suck me beautiful!
[girl laughs]
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Friends call me Nova as in Casanova.
College Girl: That's pathetic!
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Jeez you don't have to laugh at me.
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Jim: Did you see 'The Little Mermaid' on TV yesterday? Ariel, she's so hot!
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: She's a mermaid dude.
Jim: Yeah, but not when she's on land, Oz.
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[Deleted Scene. Jim, Oz and Kevin walk down the corridor]
Jim: Oh man...
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Shit dude, the 'L' word?
Jim: And what did you say?
Kevin: Nothing - I mean I hugged her back.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Good, then you're still safe.
Jim: You think she was serious?
Kevin: Well, well, she could have meant like "I love you Grandma" or "I Love you Cornell"
Jim: Yeah, yeah.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Hey, don't worry about it bro, I got the solution; It never happened. Forget about it. Don't mention it again and just lay low and hopefully - hopefully - she won't mention it again.
Jim: Yeah.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yeah, no Sweat.
Jim: I couldn't have said it better myself
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: [snorts] You couldn't have said it at all Jim...
Jim: Hey.
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[Deleted Scene. Jim and Oz walk outside]
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: She's a cartoon dude.
Jim: She's a hot cartoon.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Dude, is ther anything you don't jerk off to?
Jim: Of course there is. C-Span.
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[Deleted Scene. The boys sit by the lockers]
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: She's a college chick.
Jim: Cassanova!
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Debbie.
Steve Stifler: Bullshit - from where?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: She works part-time at my dad's store.
Steve Stifler: Yeah right Oz, I bet it's more like your dad works at her store.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Dude, come on, he does not.
Kevin: Really Stifler, he's the manager.
Steve Stifler: Hey, I'm not making fun - I'm fucking impressed! I mean, "Hi, six inch or foot-long, white or wheat?" - that's some serious shit to master!
Kevin: Stifler, you're such an asshole!
Steve Stifler: [chuckles] Myers... I mean, what's the deal with you and Vicky anyways? I mean you guys have been going since homecoming for God's sakes and all she's do is blow you? Shit, I'd drop her like a steaming turd!
Finch: Do you commonly grasp warm pieces of stool?
Steve Stifler: I do when I'm throwing them at your mom, you damn freak!
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[Deleted Scene. The boys are in Dog Years]
Jim: Guys guys guys - here's an easy one, okay: "Attractive single white female, fun-loving, youthful mind seeks outgoing companion". Okay; Attractive: ugly.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Fun Loving: Insane.
Kevin: Okay, 'unlisted age' plus 'youthful mind' equals 'Old'.
Jim: No, no no no - 'Charming' is old; 'Older' is really old; 'Youthful mind' is dead.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yes, yes.
[High-fives with Jim]
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: [to Finch] You're still eating that damn imitation hot dog?
Finch: It's not an imitation. Removing the actual 'dog' from the Ultra Dog makes a better hot dog.
[Holds up a roll full of salad, onion and mustard]
Finch: Behold Ultra Dog - No dog.
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[Deleted scene. The boys are in Dog Years]
Finch: Is that legal? Can you do that?
Jim: I did it. Don't care.
Kevin: Maybe we'll just have to call you two-ply.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: I personally enjoyed the double-bagging part myself.
Jim: Well I'm very happy to entertain you Oz. So how you doing Kev, you okay?
Kevin: [pauses] Yeah.
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