Chowder Quotes in Monster House (2006)

Jenny: There!

[waves flashlight at chandelier]

Jenny: Well, if those are the teeth, and that's the tongue, then that must be the uvula!

Chowder: Oh, so it's a *girl* house...

Jenny: [looks at him] *What?*

Chowder: My dad is at the pharmacy and my mom is at the movies with her personal trainer.

DJ: Oh my god!

Chowder: What?

DJ: You're a dork!

Chowder: My cousin's a cop in Milwaukee. I mean, he's kind of a cop... he's got a gun.

Chowder: I paid 28 dollars for that ball! I had to mow ten lawns and ask my mom for a dollar 26 times!

Chowder: [whispering] It mocks us with its... *house-ness*!

Chowder: [pretending to talk to his father] Well, Dad, why don't you kiss my hairy butt?

[turns around]

Chowder: Hey, DJ, you got any beer?

[noticing Jenny]

Chowder: Well, hello there...

DJ: [to Jenny] This is... Chowder...

Chowder: Charles, to the ladies...

Jenny: [interrupting] Um, Jenny Bennett. Two-term class president at Westbrook Prep.

DJ: That's a tough school to get into.

Chowder: Yeah, I got in but decided not to go.

Jenny: It's a girl's school.

Chowder: [nervous pause] ... Which is why I didn't...

[another nervous pause]

Chowder: ... You know there's a... there's a great taco stand near there...

DJ: I've just... murdered a guy!

Chowder: Naw... when it's an accident, it's called manslaughter.

Chowder: We're dead.

[to DJ]

Chowder: You've killed us, and now we're dead!

DJ: Questions?

Chowder: Yes, umm, are you nuts? I don't wanna steal drugs from my Father, I don't wanna go inside a monster, and I don't wanna die!

Jenny: I say its worth a shot.

Chowder: Yes I agree. Let's do it.

DJ: [running back to the house] Don't look back!

Chowder: Aah! I looked back!

[Jenny emerges from the closet after calling her mother on the phone]

Jenny: [rolls her eyes] She didn't believe me.

Chowder: [sighs] Authority can be so...

[makes armpit noises]

Jenny: Okay, normally I don't spend time with guys like you, but a house just tried to eat me, so... you've got one hour.

Jenny: Is this pee? Because if it is, that's really gross!

Chowder: DJ?... You pee in bottles?

DJ: What are you talking about? That one's your pee.

Chowder: All right, vacuum cleaner dummy, I'm setting you down on the lawn. Don't be scared, that's not how you were trained.

[slight pause]

Chowder: I love you, vacuum cleaner dummy.

[the house taunts Chowder by scratching a scary face on his basketball]

Chowder: It's gonna be a bloodbath.

Chowder: You're really crazy right now, you notice that? I think you're just freakin' out because you killed a guy today.

[after watching the house eat the two cops]

Chowder: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, I think I'm having a stroke!

Chowder: Relax. Just be cool, like me.

[Chowder accidentally leans on lever, which starts the machine]

Chowder: AAAAAH!

Chowder: [house comes alive] Detectable movement!

Chowder: We're dead. You've killed us, and we're dead!

DJ: Shh! I don't think the house knows that we're in here. I bet it thinks we're still in the car.

Jenny: Listen.

[rumbling sound]

Jenny: Sounds like it's sleeping.

DJ: The only way that we're gonna get out of here alive, is if we find the heart, and put out the fire.

Chowder: Maybe we should examine our other options?

DJ: Sure. Other option: we wait here and do nothing until it wakes up and eats us.

Chowder: Find the heart, put out the fire. Got it.

Chowder: It's time for an in your face disgrace!

[basketball ricochets off the hoop and hits Chowder in the face]

DJ: Are you okay?

Chowder: My nose is in my brain!

DJ: Let me see - Oh my God!

Chowder: What?

DJ: You're a dork.