Chon Wang Quotes in Shanghai Knights (2003)

Roy: Look at you!

Chon Wang: Look at you!

Roy: What brings you to New York?

Chon Wang: My share of the gold.

Roy: Refresh my memory. What gold are we talking about?

Roy: So what did your dad do? Was he an imperial guard?

Chon Wang: No, much more important. He was the Keeper of the Imperial Seal.

Roy: That's what I love about China. Everybody's job description sounds so damn cool!

[after opening the puzzle box]

Roy: It's just a rock with some gibberish on it!

Chon Wang: It's Chinese!

[Lin slaps Chon Wang]

Chon Wang: I just saved you!

Chon Lin: You were late!

Roy: You got any ideas?

[looks down]

Chon Wang: We jump.

Roy: Jump?

[pauses]

Roy: You mean fall?

Chon Wang: Who would leave a pile of stones in the middle of a field?

Roy: I don't know, Chon, these people are nuts.

Chon Wang: The English are not very friendly.

Roy: They're just sore losers.

Chon Wang: What did they lose?

Roy: A little thing called the American Revolution, Chon.

Chon Wang: Never heard of it.

Roy: I'll give you the highlights. They came over with about a million men. We had a bunch of farmers with pitchforks and beat 'em like a drum.

[why Chon should sleep with the woman for money]

Roy: Think about your sister in London.

Chon Wang: What?

Chon Wang: It's a puzzle box. I don't know how to open it.

Roy: What do you mean, you don't know how to open it? You just get a hammer and smash it open so you can see what it says.

Chon Wang: No. I must have patience. By the time I'm able to open it, I will be ready to read the message.

Roy: Oh, come on, Confucius, that's the corniest thing I've ever heard!

Chon Wang: You know what I call him? Not Roy O'Bannon. Roy O'Boloney!

Chon Wang: We are wasting time.

Roy: What do you think I've been doing? Sittin' here and drinking expensive hooch?

[to Charlie]

Roy: Boy, refill.

Chon Wang: For father.

Chon Lin: For father.

Roy: For Old Man Wang.

Roy: There's this new thing they're starting out in California: moving pictures. There's no sound, so we won't have to worry about the language problem, and I think the kung fu stuff could be huge! People are dying for a good action flick.

Chon Wang: Chon Wang...

[sounds like "John Wayne"]

Chon Wang: ...movie star? It could work.

Chon Wang: Roy! The painting! It's looking at me!

Roy: Oh yeah, it looks like it's looking at me too. That's great.

Chon Wang: Roy! There you are. Need anything, buddy?

Roy: A whole lot of "leave me alone."

Roy: Chon, I have a confession to make.

Chon Wang: You are in love with my sister?

Roy: Well, that, but I didn't lose all the money on the zeppelins.

Chon Wang: No?

Roy: Nah. I blew most of it on the Roy O'Bannon novels. I wrote them.

Chon Wang: No, Sage McCallister wrote them.

Roy: That's what I'm saying, buddy. I'm Sage McCallister.

Chon Wang: You wrote those lies?

Roy: I've always had low self-esteem.

Chon Wang: How many books did you print?

Roy: I self-published probably a million copies. We were actually second to the Bible that year.

Roy: [Seeing the Imperial Seal] That diamond is as big as a damn monkey's paw.

Chon Wang: Roy, don't even think about it.

Roy: Just admiring the craftsmanship, Chon.

[Wang is trying to save Roy who is tied up under water. All we can hear are their garbled voices. Subtitles appear on screen]

Roy: Where have you been?

Chon Wang: I was busy.

Roy: Unbelievable!

Chon Wang: Patience, Roy.

Roy: Tell that to the eel swimming up my ass!

[Handing Doyle Roy's watch]

Chon Wang: What else can you tell?

Doyle: The owner of this watch is a bad gambler and a lousy shot. Although he's cheated death several times, he spends most of his life wandering in a rather pathetic and futile search for purpose and respect... oh, yes. He has a penchant for loose women.

Charlie Chaplin: [reading an invitation] "Lord Nelson Rathbone requests the pleasure of your company at a gala affair celebrating her Majesty's 50th year on the throne."

Chon Wang: Sounds good.

Roy: Yeah, it doesn't address the issue of security. They're not just gonna let me and Chon waltz into the castle.

Charlie Chaplin: All you need is a proper disguise.

Roy: I do like a good disguise...

Chon Wang: Who loves you, baby?

Chon Wang: I look like a fool.

Roy: What? You're a Maharajah! That's Indian royalty!

Chon Wang: But I'm Chinese.

Roy: It's the same thing.

Chon Wang: Wu Chow!

Roy: Wu who?

Chon Wang: If you break her heart, I break your legs.

Roy: That's fair.

Chon Wang: What do you see?

Roy: He just pulled a fancy dragon key out of his desk.

Chon Wang: That was my father's! I must avenge his honor.

Roy: Slow down, Tiger. Slow down. Quit going all Chinese on me.

Chon Wang: Slow down, slow down!

Roy: I'm a bat out of hell! Besides, I don't know where the brake is.

Roy: Can I tell you something?

Chon Wang: What?

Roy: This is a hell of a damn adventure we're on and I'm having an absolute ball with you.

Chon Wang: Roy come on!

[last lines in outtakes]

Chon Wang: Roy! Roy! My ass is on fire.

Roy O'Bannon: Ooooh... who's the pretty lady?

Chon Wang: That's my wife!

Roy O'Bannon: How long you been in this country?

Chon Wang: Four days.

Roy O'Bannon: Nice work.

[Reading a reward poster]

Roy O'Bannon: The Shanghai Kid. This is terrible!

Chon Wang: I know. I'm not from Shanghai.

Roy O'Bannon: [to Chon] If people start looking at you funny then just say, "Howdy, partner."

Chon Wang: ...Howdy... partner?

Roy O'Bannon: Say it a little faster than that or people'll think you're slow in the head.

Chon Wang: Hi, horsey!

Chon Wang: We stick together. We are partners.

Roy O'Bannon: That's beautiful.

Chon Wang: See! I told you so!

Roy O'Bannon: No, you said "wet shirt don't break," not "piss shirt bend bar"!

[Chon gives Roy a pair of chopsticks to dig with]

Chon Wang: Dig.

Roy O'Bannon: Hey!

Chon Wang: Don't talk. Just dig.

Chon Wang: I got an idea: why don't I pretend I'm sick, and then you can attack the guard when they come in?

Roy O'Bannon: Oh, you mean the sick prisoner routine? Does that still work in China? 'Cause here it's sorta been done to death.

Roy O'Bannon: [adjusting Chon's cowboy hat] There, sort of a rakish angle.

Chon Wang: How do I look?

Roy O'Bannon: I think you look great! I think you look like a real cowboy. Very dapper - red bandana.

[holding out his hand]

Roy O'Bannon: Roy O'Bannon.

Chon Wang: [shaking his hand] My name is Chon Wang.

Roy O'Bannon: John Wayne?

Chon Wang: Chon Wang.

Roy O'Bannon: That's a terrible cowboy name!

Chon Wang: Why?

Roy O'Bannon: No, come on. That's not gonna work. That's horrible; that's so bad! And so's the ponytail!

Chon Wang: He took the gold.

Roy O'Bannon: Is that all you care about, the gold? Shame on you.

Chon Wang: What happened?

Roy O'Bannon: Oh nothing I just killed him, how'd you do?

Chon Wang: You gave me bad directions!

Roy O'Bannon: No, I gave you wrong directions.

[Holds up Chon's chopsticks]

Roy O'Bannon: Want your toothpicks back?

Chon Wang: This is the West, not the East. The sun may rise where we come from... but here is where it sets.

Roy O'Bannon: Yes, John, I've heard all about the Emperor. Must be one hell of a man.

Chon Wang: He's only twelve.

Roy O'Bannon: Are you kidding me? You're sitting here, waiting to die for someone whose balls haven't even dropped?

Roy O'Bannon: So who are you?

Chon Wang: I'm an Imperial Guard to the Emperor of China.

Roy O'Bannon: China... what's with the book?

Chon Wang: The book belongs to Princess Pei Pei. She was kidnapped from the Forbidden City.

Roy O'Bannon: I like that, Forbidden City, a princess, kidnapped! It's so mysterious.

Chon Wang: Let me out! Give me the book back! I have to go to Carson City to rescue the Princess! You've got the wrong person, I don't belong here!

[yells in Chinese]

Roy O'Bannon: [sarcastically] Keep going with the Chinese, I think that's working. I think they're just about to let you out.

Chon Wang: You killed my uncle!

Roy O'Bannon: Bull! That was Wallace! All the way!

Chon Wang: He was one of your bandits.

Roy O'Bannon: He wasn't part of my gang! He was a new guy! And he's crazy as a road lizard!

[Roy is watching Chon attempt to saddle his horse. The horse keeps pulling the saddle blanket off before Chon can get the saddle on]

Roy O'Bannon: Well, best of luck to you. Guess this is what your people call "sayanora." Looks like Fido's giving you some problems there. You want me to, uh, give you a hand?

Chon Wang: No, I can do it.

Roy O'Bannon: *Sure* you can. H-How is a greenhorn like you gonna make it to Carson City and rescue this princess?

["Fido" pulls the saddle blanket off again. Roy sighs]

Roy O'Bannon: Stop, stop, stop, stop. I can't take it any more. Watch me do it.

[He takes the saddle blanket]

Roy O'Bannon: You get it like this and you put it up high

[demonstrates]

Roy O'Bannon: . See, it'll drift back when you're riding.

[pause]

Roy O'Bannon: All right, I'll do it.

Chon Wang: Do what?

Roy O'Bannon: Take you to Carson City, help you rescue Princess Pee Pee.

Chon Wang: Pei Pei! You do not care about the princess.

Roy O'Bannon: You don't know me very well, do you? Tell you one thing: I hate to think of an innocent member of Chinese nobility suffering, I'll tell you that.

[pause]

Roy O'Bannon: You people believe in Karma over there, right? Well I've been thinking... there must be a reason why we keep running into each other. Now I've ridden with some terrible men, just people I couldn't trust, but when I look at you, there's something different about you. And I can see it, I can see it in your eyes. It's what the Indians call... chipichawa.

Chon Wang: What's that?

Roy O'Bannon: Chipichawa is nobility. And you have it, in spades. You got yourself a partner, and this has nothing to do with gold, okay?

[Spits in his hand and offers it to Chon]

Roy O'Bannon: Shake on it.

Chon Wang: Why are you spitting in your hand?

Roy O'Bannon: Well, it's, uh, customary to seal the deal. Come on, let's go

[Chon spits into Roy's hand]

Roy O'Bannon: . No, you -

[wipes of his hand on his shirt]

Roy O'Bannon: this is going to be a long journey.

Chon Wang: Fight with honor. You will win.

Chon Wang: Never touch my queue.

Roy O'Bannon: I'm so lost, Chon. Ninety percent of the time I don't even know what I'm doing out here in the West.

Chon Wang: No, you're a good outlaw.

Roy O'Bannon: Stop, please. I'm a screw-up.

Chon Wang: What happened my horse? Is he dead?

Roy O'Bannon: No, but we are, Chon.

[Chon Wang pees on a shirt, planning to use it to bend the jail bars]

Roy O'Bannon: Okay, I like your energy but I'm not with you...

Chon Wang: When the shirt gets wet, it doesn't break.

Roy O'Bannon: ...I don't know what that means.