Chinese Waiter Quotes in eXistenZ (1999)

Ted: [points gun at Allegra's head] Death to the demoness, Allegra Geller.

Allegra: That's not funny.

Ted: Sorry.

[lowers the gun]

Ted: But you know, I do feel the urge to kill someone here.

Allegra: Who?

Ted: I need to kill our waiter.

Allegra: Oh. Well that makes sense. Um, waiter! Waiter!

[she calls over waiter]

Allegra: When he comes over, do it. Don't hesitate.

Ted: But... everything in the game is so realistic, I-I don't think I really could.

Allegra: You won't be able to stop yourself. You might as well enjoy it.

Ted: Free will... is obviously not a big factor in this little world of ours.

Allegra: It's like real life. There's just enough to make it interesting.

Ted: [looking at approaching waiter] He's too nice! I won't do it.

Chinese Waiter: What can I do to make your lunch more pleasant?

Ted: I found this in my soup.

[holds up gun]

Ted: And I'm very upset.

[shoots waiter]

[last lines]

Chinese Waiter: Hey, tell me the truth... are we still in the game?

Chinese Waiter: Four scorpion bowl in five minute? That's got to be a restaurant record.

Chinese Waiter: Ha! I love it! Now you go to jail and marry big smelly man!

Whitey: Your honor, if it pleases the court, I'd like to interject for a moment.

Chinese Waiter: What the hell was that? Did anybody else hear a parakeet and have I gone crazy?

Chinese Waiter: Congratulations! Now please excuse me while I go take shower!

Chinese Waiter: [during "Bum Biddy"]

[singing]

Chinese Waiter: How could you all be so mean to Whitey? Sound to me like you are all on crack!

Eleanor Duvall: You're an animal.

Davey Stone: And you're bald!

[rips her wig off]

Eleanor Duvall: Not again.

[faints]

Whitey: You're not welcome in my house.

Davey Stone: Good, your house SUCKS!

Jennifer: Do you have to be mean to everybody who tries to help you?

Davey Stone: That's my problem!

[tosses wig which hands on the Waiter's head]

Chinese Waiter: He just a no-goodnik, and *I* am the real Kristi Yamaguchi

Narrator: Wow. Just when you started to really like Davey, he goes and has a butthole relapse.