Chico Quotes in The Magnificent Seven (1960)


Chico Quotes:

  • [Britt has just shot a fleeing bandit off his horse]

    Chico: Ah, that was the greatest shot I've ever seen.

    Britt: The worst! I was aiming at the horse.

  • Chico: Villages like this they make up a song about every big thing that happens. Sing them for years.

    Chris Adams: You think it's worth it?

    Chico: Don't you?

    Chris Adams: It's only a matter of knowing how to shoot a gun. Nothing big about that.

    Chico: Hey. How can you talk like this? Your gun has got you everything you have. Isn't that true? Hmm? Well, isn't that true?

    Vin: Yeah, sure. Everything. After awhile you can call bartenders and faro dealers by their first name - maybe two hundred of 'em! Rented rooms you live in - five hundred! Meals you eat in hash houses - a thousand! Home - none! Wife - none! Kids... none! Prospects - zero. Suppose I left anything out?

    Chris Adams: Yeah. Places you're tied down to - none. People with a hold on you - none. Men you step aside for - none.

    Lee: Insults swallowed - none. Enemies - none.

    Chris Adams: No enemies?

    Lee: Alive.

    Chico: Well. This is the kind of arithmetic I like.

    Chris Adams: Yeah. So did I at your age.

  • Chico: But who made us the way we are, huh? Men with guns. Men like Calvera, and men like you... and now me.

  • Chico: They're afraid. She's afraid of me, you, him. All of us. Farmers! Their families told them we would rape them.

    Chris: Well we might. But in my opinion you might have given us the benefit of the doubt. But just as you please...

  • Chico: [berating the villagers] Thank you, thank you... you... chickens!

  • Chico: And who made us the way we are? Men with guns! Men like Calvera... and you... and now me.

  • Chris: Bring them in.

    [refering to the women]

    Chico: What for? Let Calvera find them, he'll take good care of them.

  • Chico: You like sushi, Chinese man?

    [Johnny laughs]

    Johnny Vang: That's Japanese, El Torito. Chinese don't eat that shit.

  • Chico: Have you thought about your career? About your future?

    Rita: Future, what future? The future never gave me anything! All my hopes are set on the past.

  • Chico: You look like a Yankee!

    Rita: But i still like kidney beans...

    Chico: I've seen you in magazines. You're headed for Hollywood, right? Aren't you tired of playing Miss Charming?

    Rita: Don't you like me sitting by your side, eating kidney beans?

    Chico: I like it so much, it frightens me...

    Rita: What are you frightened of?

    Chico: Same thing as you...

    Rita: Why should i be frightened?

    Chico: Of listening to your heart for once. Of leaving your cage and not finding your way back.

    Rita: You really believe that?

    Chico: Uh-huh...

    Rita: Come with me!

  • Ramon: So, do you new brothers have any special skills that could help us out here tonight?

    Chico: Like what?

    Ramon: Like you know, Tommy's good with knives, Lil Pete's got a bonus nipple, I got a burro, Herm is good at strangling.

    Danny: I can hold my breath for six minutes.

    Chico: Well, I can play the piano with my dick.

    Tommy aka White Knife: Well, we're unstoppable then.

  • Tommy aka White Knife: Any of you handsome brothers ready to go steal a big hunk of gold?

    Chico: I'm ready.

    Ramon: I'm hungry.

    Danny: I'm drunk.

    Lil' Pete: And I'm Lil Pete.

    Herm: [unintelligible]

    Tommy aka White Knife: Let's get that nugget then...

  • Tommy aka White Knife: [Running between base plates] Where you going, nobody hit it.

    Abner DoubleDay: I stole the base. You weren't looking so I stole it.

    Chico: You said you could only advance after you hit the ball!

    Abner DoubleDay: Not when you're stealing.

    Short Stop: That's bullshit.

    Abner DoubleDay: OK, Short Stop.

  • Abner DoubleDay: Let's play ball. Welcome, my friends, to the first ever playing of a new sport. A sport of my own devising. On this field, two ten-person teams will engage in a battle of... Yes, Qi?

    Qi: Only 18 people here.

    Abner DoubleDay: Two nine-person teams will engage in a battle of strength, speed, and strategy. One team will go out onto the field to play defense while the other team will take turns hitting this ball... with a stickie.

    Chico: What are you gonna call this game?

    Abner DoubleDay: What else? Stickie McSchnickens. Now your goal, ball thrower, is to get the ball past me two times without my hitting it. Fire when ready.

  • Frank Stockburn: Boy, you got your mom's muscles. You a prizefighter?

    Chico: No, actually, I'm a... piano player.

  • Chico: Are you Ms. Grant?

    Erin Grant: [sarcastically] No, I'm Barbara Bush.

    Chico: [to Shad] And you are?

    Shad: George Bush.

  • Johnny Doyle: Bet twenty thousand!

    [the poolhall falls silent]

    Johnny Doyle: Oh, did I stutter? Everybody gone all quiet and shit? About a minute ago it was like an evening at the Apollo up in this motherfucker, now all of a sudden it's quiet as a church. That's all right, Chico, I don't blame you. I've been beatin' this Jimmy Walker lookin' motherfucker all goddamn night, he can't win.

    Chico: You'd better watch your mouth, Johnny!

    Johnny Doyle: You watch my mouth, Chico. 'Cause you sure as hell don't wanna watch me play pool. Unless, of course, I'm blind folded and hand cuffed with a pool cue stickin' out of my ass. Or maybe you'd bet the twenty thousand then?

  • Waiter: Would you like to have anything before lunch?

    Chico: Yes, breakfast.

  • Captain Corcoran: [describing the stowaways] One of them goes around with a black moustache.

    Groucho: So do I; if I had my choice, I'd go around with a little blonde.

    Captain Corcoran: I said, one goes around with a black moustache.

    Groucho: Well, you couldn't expect a moustache to go around by itself. Don't you think a moustache ever gets lonely, Captain?

    Chico: Hey, sure it gets-a lonely. Hey, when my grandfather's beard gets here, I'd like it to meet your moustache.

    Groucho: Well, I'll think it over; I'll talk it over with my moustache. Tell me, has your grandfather's beard got any money?

    Chico: Money? Why, he fell hair to a fortune.

  • Manicurist: Do you want your nails trimmed long?

    Chico: Oh, about an hour and a half. I got nothin' to do.

  • Chico: What's the matter with me? I'm hungry. I didn't eat in three days.

    Groucho: Three days? We've only been on the boat two days.

    Chico: I didn't eat yesterday, I didn't eat today, and I'm not gonna eat tomorrow. That makes a three days.

  • Groucho: ...Columbus was sailing along on his vessel...

    Chico: On his what?

    Groucho: Not on his what, on his vessel. Don't you know what vessel is?

    Chico: Sure, I can vessel...

    [starts whistling]

  • Chico: My father was-a partner's with Columbus.

    Groucho: Your father and Columbus were partners?

    Chico: You bet.

    Groucho: Columbus has been dead 400 years.

    Chico: Well, they told me it was my father.

  • Groucho: You call this a barn? This looks like a stable.

    Chico: Well, if you look at it, it's a barn. If you smell it, it's a stable.

    Groucho: Well, let's just look at it.

  • Chico: Mustard's no good without roast beef.

  • Chico: We're great, huh?

    Joe Helton: You're great.

    Chico: My partner?

    Joe Helton: He's great.

    Chico: My grandfather's great. He's a great-grandfather.

  • Woman Passenger: Where's the Doctor? A doctor! I want a doctor!

    Chico: Sit. Stay calm. We take care of you. Oh, she's got a chill. Cover her up.

    [Harpo sits on her]

    Chico: No, no, no, no. Get up. Get up. Take her pulse. Take her pulse.

    [Harpo takes her purse]

    Chico: No purse! Put it back. Pulse. I think you best take a temperature. That's good. Alright, we take care of you, lady. Alright. Alright. Alright.

    Woman Passenger: Oh, you fools! I'm not the patient!

    Chico: Well, we're not the doctor.

  • Groucho: [Ship stowaways in barrels] Ah, this is the only way to travel boys, the only way. I was going to bring a long the wife and kiddies, but the grocer couldn't spare another barrel.

    Chico: I was going to bring my grandfather, but there's no room for his beard.

    Groucho: Why don't you send for the old swine and let his beard come later.

    Chico: I sent for his beard.

    Groucho: You did?

    Chico: Yes, it's comin' by hair mail.

  • Groucho: Would you mind getting up off that fly paper and giving the flies a chance?

    Chico: Oh, you're crazy. Flies can't read papers.

  • Groucho: Now, Columbus sailed from Spain to India, looking for a shortcut.

    Chico: Oh, you mean strawberry shortcut.

    Groucho: I don't know. When I woke up, there was the nurse taking care of me.

    Chico: What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself?

    Groucho: You bet she could, but I found her out, too late. Well, enough of this. Let's get back to Columbus.

    Chico: I'd rather get back to the nurse.

    Groucho: So would I.

  • Groucho: Now one night, Columbus' sailors started a mutiny.

    Chico: Nah, no mutiny's at night. They're in the afternoon. You know, Mutinies, Wednesdays and Saturdays.

    Groucho: There's my argument: Restrict Immigration!

  • Groucho: Well, now we can eat in peace.

    Chico: Alright, here's a piece for you.

  • Chico: Hey, you're a nice lookin' a gal, alright. You got "it".

  • Chico: Alright, alright. How much you pay?

    Joe Helton: Well, just how tough are you?

    Chico: Well, you pay a little bit, we're a little bit tough. You pay very much, very much tough. You pay a too much, we're too much a tough. How much you pay?

    Joe Helton: I pay plenty.

    Chico: Well, then we're plenty tough.

  • Boat Passenger: What's the idea of putting your hands in my pocket!

    Chico: Just a little mistake. I had a suit once. Looked just like that and for a minute I thought those were my pants.

    Boat Passenger: How could they be your pants when I I've got them on!

    Chico: Well, this suit had two pair of pants.

  • Zeppo: Hey, do you know who's on this boat? Maurice Chevalier the movie actor. I just ran into him.

    Groucho: Did you hurt him?

    Chico: How do you know it was Chevalier?

    Zeppo: I got his passport. Right there.

    Groucho: Now, he can't get off the boat.

    Chico: [Pointing to Harpo] Hey, he looks like Chevalier. I can look like Chevalier.

    Groucho: I certainly look like Chevalier.

    Zeppo: But, that's not enough. You gotta sing one of Chevalier's songs to get off this boat.


    Zeppo: "If a nightingale, could sing like you, they'd sing much better than you do..."

    Groucho: Outstanding. You sing like that and they'll throw us all off the boat.

  • Gangster: Say, have you guys got an invitation?

    Chico: We give the invitation of Chevalier: "When the nightingale, sing like you..."

  • Butch: Keep outta this loft!

    Chico: Well, its better to have loft and lost, but never to have lofted at all.

    Groucho: Nice work.

  • Chico: Right now I'd do anything for money. I'd kill somebody for money. I'd kill *you* for money.

    [Harpo looks dejected]

    Chico: Ha ha ha. Ah, no. You're my friend. I'd kill you for nothing.

    [Harpo smiles]

  • Hammer: All along the river, those are all levees.

    Chico: That's the Jewish neighborhood?

    Hammer: Well, we'll pass over that.

  • Hammer: What would you like? Would you like a suite on the third floor?

    Chico: No. I'll take a Pollack in the basement.

  • Hammer: What do you want? Do you want a single room?

    Chico: We'd like to double up.

    Hammer: Well, eat some green apples.

  • Hammer: Hey, hey! You know that suitcase is empty?

    Chico: That's all right. We fill it up before we leave.

  • Hammer: Now here is a little peninsula and here is a viaduct leading over to the mainland.

    Chico: Why a duck?

  • Penelope: Where'd you get that coat?

    Chico: That'sa my coat.

    Penelope: That's your coat?

    Chico: That'sa my coat.

    Penelope: But it doesn't fit you.

    Chico: I know. I had it made to order.

  • Chico: I no buy nothing. I gotta no money.

    Hammer: You got no money?

    Chico: I no gotta one cent.

    Hammer: How're you going to pay for your room?

    Chico: Thatsa your lookout.

    Hammer: Oh, you're just an idle rumor?

  • Hammer: You know what an auction is, eh?

    Chico: I come from Italy on the Atlantic Auction.

  • Hammer: I say, I'm holding an auction at Cocoanut Grove. And when the crowd gathers around, I want you to mingle with them. Don't pick their pockets, just mingle...

    Chico: I'll find time for both.

    Hammer: Well, maybe we can cut out the auction.

  • Hammer: Now then, if we're successful in disposing of these lots, I'll see that you get a nice commission.

    Chico: And how about some money?

    Hammer: Well, you can have your choice.

  • Hammer: Now, in arranging these lots, of course, we use blueprints. You know what a blueprint is, huh?

    Chico: It's oysters.

    Hammer: [looking slightly exasperated] How is it you never got double pneumonia?

    Chico: I go around by myself.

  • Hammer: Do you know what a lot is?

    Chico: Yeah, too much.

    Hammer: I don't mean a whole lot. Just a little lot with nothing on it.

    Chico: Any time you gotta too much, you gotta whole lot. Look, I'll explain it to you. Some time you no gotta much; sometimes you gotta whole lot. You know that it's a lot. Somebody else maybe thinka it's too much; it's a whole lot, too. Now, a whole lot is too much; too much is a whole lot; same thing.

    Hammer: The next time I see you, remind not to talk to you, will you?

  • Hammer: Now, look, I'm gonna take you down and show you our cemetery. I've got a waiting list of 50 people at that cemetery just dying to get in. But I like you. You're my friend. I like you and I'm gonna shove you in ahead of all of them.

    Chico: I know you like me.

    Hammer: I'm gonna see that you get a steady position.

    Chico: That's a good.

    Hammer: And if I can arrange it, it will be horizontal.

  • Penelope: Tell me, what are you doing tonight?

    Chico: Maybe you gotta good idea, huh?

    Penelope: Well, don't you dare come to Room 320 at eleven o'clock.

    Chico: Awright, I come half-past ten.

  • Hammer: Come over here, I want to see you. Now, listen to me. I'm not going to have that red-headed fellow running around the lobby. If you want to keep him up in the room, you'll have to keep him in a trap.

    Chico: You can't catch him.

    Hammer: Who is he?

    Chico: He's my partner, but he no speak.

    Hammer: Oh, that's your silent partner.

  • Hammer: Look, Einstein. Here's Cocoanut Manor. No matter what you say, this is Cocoanut Manor. Here's Cocoanut Manor. Here's Cocoanut Heights. That's a swamp - right over where the - where the road forks, that's Cocoanut Junction.

    Chico: Where have you got Cocoanut Custard?

    Hammer: Why, that's on one of the forks. You probably eat with your knife, so you wouldn't have to worry about that.

  • Hammer: Look... Suppose you were out horseback riding and you came to the stream and wanted to ford over there, you couldn't make it. Too deep.

    Chico: But what do you want with a Ford when you gotta horse?

  • Hammer: There it is. There it is, over there, right where that cocoanut tree is. Now what am I offered for lot #21?

    Chico: Two hundred dollars

    Hammer: Why, my friend, there's more than two hundred dollars worth of milk in those cocoanuts - and *what* milk, milk from contented cow-co-nuts. Who will say 300?

  • Chico: He say six, I say seven. He say seven, I say eight. He say eight, I say nine. I got plenty a numbers left. When I start, I no stoppa for no-tin'. I go higher, higher, higher, all the time I go higher.

    Hammer: Eh, you'll go higher when I get ahold of ya. Sold to Hiawatha for eight hundred dollars.

  • Hammer: Now, the first musical number on the program will be a piccolo solo, which we will skip. And, eh, the second number will be Signore Pastrami, the Lithuanian pianist.

    [Crowd claps]

    Hammer: Signore, for his first selection, will play "A Cup of Coffee, a Sandwich and You" from the opera Aida. Signore, allow me to escort you...

    Mrs. Potter: Oh, Signore Pastrami, what is the first number?

    Chico: Number one!

  • Chico: He's a big politician, ain't he?

    Lily Powers: He's a big sumpthin'... and it ain't a politician!

    Chico: Ha-ha-ha! Honey, you makes me tickle.

  • Chico: Ohhhhh! Is these the new furs, honey?

    Lily Powers: Not so much honey.

    Chico: Yes, ma'am.

  • Lily Powers: What's this?

    Chico: Oh, that? It come while you was out. Its some books from old Mr. Cragg, back in Erie.

    Lily Powers: You run along and have a good time.

    Chico: I sliced some turkey for you. Its in the ice box.

  • Lily Powers: Bring me that pigskin case on the bed. You know what's in this bag?

    Chico: No.

    Lily Powers: Half a million dollars. Someday I'll have the other half that goes with it.

    Chico: You sure will! You can get anything you put your mind on.

  • Chico: Don't you want to marry me?

    Diane: But you never said... you love me. Couldn't you say it - just once?

    Chico: I can't say it! It's too silly.

    [walks around the room]

    Chico: Well, this way then... Chico - Diane - Heaven!

    Diane: Say it again! Say it again!

  • Chico: Not bad, eh? I work in the sewer - but I live near the stars!

  • Chico: You mustn't be afraid. I'm never afraid. Never look down - Always look up. I always look up. That's why I'm a very remarkable fellow!

  • Chico: Make a tour of the boulevards - then home. Tonight I am the Bank of France!

  • Chico: It's wonderful the things I feel... sometimes I could reach out and touch a star!

  • Chico: Our orders are to make sure he does not die... but also to make sure he regrets the day he was born.

  • [Modesto is attempting to stop Bob from double crossing Rio]

    Bob: I'm real disappointed in you, Modesto; pullin' a gun on an old saddle pal like that.

    Chico: One more word and I will kill you!

    Bob: One more word, huh? Let me see if I can think of one. How about g-r-e-a-s-e-r? Greaser?

    [Modesto pulls his trigger and realizes that Bob has unloaded his gun during the night]

    Bob: Lookin' for these, Modesto? (throws cartridges at him)

    Harvey: (laughing) Eat 'em, greaser.

    Chico: (throws his gun at Bob)Banditos!

    Bob: You had a good life, Modesto. (shoots him)

Browse more character quotes from The Magnificent Seven (1960)