Chico Quotes in The Magnificent Seven (1960)
[Britt has just shot a fleeing bandit off his horse]
Chico: Ah, that was the greatest shot I've ever seen.
Britt: The worst! I was aiming at the horse.
Chico: Villages like this they make up a song about every big thing that happens. Sing them for years.
Chris Adams: You think it's worth it?
Chico: Don't you?
Chris Adams: It's only a matter of knowing how to shoot a gun. Nothing big about that.
Chico: Hey. How can you talk like this? Your gun has got you everything you have. Isn't that true? Hmm? Well, isn't that true?
Vin: Yeah, sure. Everything. After awhile you can call bartenders and faro dealers by their first name - maybe two hundred of 'em! Rented rooms you live in - five hundred! Meals you eat in hash houses - a thousand! Home - none! Wife - none! Kids... none! Prospects - zero. Suppose I left anything out?
Chris Adams: Yeah. Places you're tied down to - none. People with a hold on you - none. Men you step aside for - none.
Lee: Insults swallowed - none. Enemies - none.
Chris Adams: No enemies?
Chico: Well. This is the kind of arithmetic I like.
Chris Adams: Yeah. So did I at your age.
Chico: But who made us the way we are, huh? Men with guns. Men like Calvera, and men like you... and now me.
Chico: They're afraid. She's afraid of me, you, him. All of us. Farmers! Their families told them we would rape them.
Chris: Well we might. But in my opinion you might have given us the benefit of the doubt. But just as you please...
Chico: [berating the villagers] Thank you, thank you... you... chickens!
Chico: And who made us the way we are? Men with guns! Men like Calvera... and you... and now me.
Chris: Bring them in.
[refering to the women]
Chico: What for? Let Calvera find them, he'll take good care of them.
Chico: You like sushi, Chinese man?
Johnny Vang: That's Japanese, El Torito. Chinese don't eat that shit.
Chico: Have you thought about your career? About your future?
Rita: Future, what future? The future never gave me anything! All my hopes are set on the past.
Chico: You look like a Yankee!
Rita: But i still like kidney beans...
Chico: I've seen you in magazines. You're headed for Hollywood, right? Aren't you tired of playing Miss Charming?
Rita: Don't you like me sitting by your side, eating kidney beans?
Chico: I like it so much, it frightens me...
Rita: What are you frightened of?
Chico: Same thing as you...
Rita: Why should i be frightened?
Chico: Of listening to your heart for once. Of leaving your cage and not finding your way back.
Rita: You really believe that?
Rita: Come with me!
Ramon: So, do you new brothers have any special skills that could help us out here tonight?
Chico: Like what?
Ramon: Like you know, Tommy's good with knives, Lil Pete's got a bonus nipple, I got a burro, Herm is good at strangling.
Danny: I can hold my breath for six minutes.
Chico: Well, I can play the piano with my dick.
Tommy aka White Knife: Well, we're unstoppable then.
Tommy aka White Knife: Any of you handsome brothers ready to go steal a big hunk of gold?
Chico: I'm ready.
Ramon: I'm hungry.
Danny: I'm drunk.
Lil' Pete: And I'm Lil Pete.
Tommy aka White Knife: Let's get that nugget then...
Tommy aka White Knife: [Running between base plates] Where you going, nobody hit it.
Abner DoubleDay: I stole the base. You weren't looking so I stole it.
Chico: You said you could only advance after you hit the ball!
Abner DoubleDay: Not when you're stealing.
Short Stop: That's bullshit.
Abner DoubleDay: OK, Short Stop.
Abner DoubleDay: Let's play ball. Welcome, my friends, to the first ever playing of a new sport. A sport of my own devising. On this field, two ten-person teams will engage in a battle of... Yes, Qi?
Qi: Only 18 people here.
Abner DoubleDay: Two nine-person teams will engage in a battle of strength, speed, and strategy. One team will go out onto the field to play defense while the other team will take turns hitting this ball... with a stickie.
Chico: What are you gonna call this game?
Abner DoubleDay: What else? Stickie McSchnickens. Now your goal, ball thrower, is to get the ball past me two times without my hitting it. Fire when ready.
Frank Stockburn: Boy, you got your mom's muscles. You a prizefighter?
Chico: No, actually, I'm a... piano player.
Chico: Are you Ms. Grant?
Erin Grant: [sarcastically] No, I'm Barbara Bush.
Chico: [to Shad] And you are?
Shad: George Bush.
Johnny Doyle: Bet twenty thousand!
[the poolhall falls silent]
Johnny Doyle: Oh, did I stutter? Everybody gone all quiet and shit? About a minute ago it was like an evening at the Apollo up in this motherfucker, now all of a sudden it's quiet as a church. That's all right, Chico, I don't blame you. I've been beatin' this Jimmy Walker lookin' motherfucker all goddamn night, he can't win.
Chico: You'd better watch your mouth, Johnny!
Johnny Doyle: You watch my mouth, Chico. 'Cause you sure as hell don't wanna watch me play pool. Unless, of course, I'm blind folded and hand cuffed with a pool cue stickin' out of my ass. Or maybe you'd bet the twenty thousand then?
Waiter: Would you like to have anything before lunch?
Chico: Yes, breakfast.
Captain Corcoran: [describing the stowaways] One of them goes around with a black moustache.
Groucho: So do I; if I had my choice, I'd go around with a little blonde.
Captain Corcoran: I said, one goes around with a black moustache.
Groucho: Well, you couldn't expect a moustache to go around by itself. Don't you think a moustache ever gets lonely, Captain?
Chico: Hey, sure it gets-a lonely. Hey, when my grandfather's beard gets here, I'd like it to meet your moustache.
Groucho: Well, I'll think it over; I'll talk it over with my moustache. Tell me, has your grandfather's beard got any money?
Chico: Money? Why, he fell hair to a fortune.
Manicurist: Do you want your nails trimmed long?
Chico: Oh, about an hour and a half. I got nothin' to do.
Chico: What's the matter with me? I'm hungry. I didn't eat in three days.
Groucho: Three days? We've only been on the boat two days.
Chico: I didn't eat yesterday, I didn't eat today, and I'm not gonna eat tomorrow. That makes a three days.
Groucho: ...Columbus was sailing along on his vessel...
Chico: On his what?
Groucho: Not on his what, on his vessel. Don't you know what vessel is?
Chico: Sure, I can vessel...
Chico: My father was-a partner's with Columbus.
Groucho: Your father and Columbus were partners?
Chico: You bet.
Groucho: Columbus has been dead 400 years.
Chico: Well, they told me it was my father.
Groucho: You call this a barn? This looks like a stable.
Chico: Well, if you look at it, it's a barn. If you smell it, it's a stable.
Groucho: Well, let's just look at it.
Chico: Mustard's no good without roast beef.
Chico: We're great, huh?
Joe Helton: You're great.
Chico: My partner?
Joe Helton: He's great.
Chico: My grandfather's great. He's a great-grandfather.
Woman Passenger: Where's the Doctor? A doctor! I want a doctor!
Chico: Sit. Stay calm. We take care of you. Oh, she's got a chill. Cover her up.
[Harpo sits on her]
Chico: No, no, no, no. Get up. Get up. Take her pulse. Take her pulse.
[Harpo takes her purse]
Chico: No purse! Put it back. Pulse. I think you best take a temperature. That's good. Alright, we take care of you, lady. Alright. Alright. Alright.
Woman Passenger: Oh, you fools! I'm not the patient!
Chico: Well, we're not the doctor.
Groucho: [Ship stowaways in barrels] Ah, this is the only way to travel boys, the only way. I was going to bring a long the wife and kiddies, but the grocer couldn't spare another barrel.
Chico: I was going to bring my grandfather, but there's no room for his beard.
Groucho: Why don't you send for the old swine and let his beard come later.
Chico: I sent for his beard.
Groucho: You did?
Chico: Yes, it's comin' by hair mail.
Groucho: Would you mind getting up off that fly paper and giving the flies a chance?
Chico: Oh, you're crazy. Flies can't read papers.
Groucho: Now, Columbus sailed from Spain to India, looking for a shortcut.
Chico: Oh, you mean strawberry shortcut.
Groucho: I don't know. When I woke up, there was the nurse taking care of me.
Chico: What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself?
Groucho: You bet she could, but I found her out, too late. Well, enough of this. Let's get back to Columbus.
Chico: I'd rather get back to the nurse.
Groucho: So would I.
Groucho: Now one night, Columbus' sailors started a mutiny.
Chico: Nah, no mutiny's at night. They're in the afternoon. You know, Mutinies, Wednesdays and Saturdays.
Groucho: There's my argument: Restrict Immigration!
Groucho: Well, now we can eat in peace.
Chico: Alright, here's a piece for you.
Chico: Hey, you're a nice lookin' a gal, alright. You got "it".
Chico: Alright, alright. How much you pay?
Joe Helton: Well, just how tough are you?
Chico: Well, you pay a little bit, we're a little bit tough. You pay very much, very much tough. You pay a too much, we're too much a tough. How much you pay?
Joe Helton: I pay plenty.
Chico: Well, then we're plenty tough.
Boat Passenger: What's the idea of putting your hands in my pocket!
Chico: Just a little mistake. I had a suit once. Looked just like that and for a minute I thought those were my pants.
Boat Passenger: How could they be your pants when I I've got them on!
Chico: Well, this suit had two pair of pants.
Zeppo: Hey, do you know who's on this boat? Maurice Chevalier the movie actor. I just ran into him.
Groucho: Did you hurt him?
Chico: How do you know it was Chevalier?
Zeppo: I got his passport. Right there.
Groucho: Now, he can't get off the boat.
Chico: [Pointing to Harpo] Hey, he looks like Chevalier. I can look like Chevalier.
Groucho: I certainly look like Chevalier.
Zeppo: But, that's not enough. You gotta sing one of Chevalier's songs to get off this boat.
Zeppo: "If a nightingale, could sing like you, they'd sing much better than you do..."
Groucho: Outstanding. You sing like that and they'll throw us all off the boat.
Gangster: Say, have you guys got an invitation?
Chico: We give the invitation of Chevalier: "When the nightingale, sing like you..."
Butch: Keep outta this loft!
Chico: Well, its better to have loft and lost, but never to have lofted at all.
Groucho: Nice work.
Chico: Right now I'd do anything for money. I'd kill somebody for money. I'd kill *you* for money.
[Harpo looks dejected]
Chico: Ha ha ha. Ah, no. You're my friend. I'd kill you for nothing.
Hammer: All along the river, those are all levees.
Chico: That's the Jewish neighborhood?
Hammer: Well, we'll pass over that.
Hammer: What would you like? Would you like a suite on the third floor?
Chico: No. I'll take a Pollack in the basement.
Hammer: What do you want? Do you want a single room?
Chico: We'd like to double up.
Hammer: Well, eat some green apples.
Hammer: Hey, hey! You know that suitcase is empty?
Chico: That's all right. We fill it up before we leave.
Hammer: Now here is a little peninsula and here is a viaduct leading over to the mainland.
Chico: Why a duck?
Penelope: Where'd you get that coat?
Chico: That'sa my coat.
Penelope: That's your coat?
Chico: That'sa my coat.
Penelope: But it doesn't fit you.
Chico: I know. I had it made to order.
Chico: I no buy nothing. I gotta no money.
Hammer: You got no money?
Chico: I no gotta one cent.
Hammer: How're you going to pay for your room?
Chico: Thatsa your lookout.
Hammer: Oh, you're just an idle rumor?
Hammer: You know what an auction is, eh?
Chico: I come from Italy on the Atlantic Auction.
Hammer: I say, I'm holding an auction at Cocoanut Grove. And when the crowd gathers around, I want you to mingle with them. Don't pick their pockets, just mingle...
Chico: I'll find time for both.
Hammer: Well, maybe we can cut out the auction.
Hammer: Now then, if we're successful in disposing of these lots, I'll see that you get a nice commission.
Chico: And how about some money?
Hammer: Well, you can have your choice.
Hammer: Now, in arranging these lots, of course, we use blueprints. You know what a blueprint is, huh?
Chico: It's oysters.
Hammer: [looking slightly exasperated] How is it you never got double pneumonia?
Chico: I go around by myself.
Hammer: Do you know what a lot is?
Chico: Yeah, too much.
Hammer: I don't mean a whole lot. Just a little lot with nothing on it.
Chico: Any time you gotta too much, you gotta whole lot. Look, I'll explain it to you. Some time you no gotta much; sometimes you gotta whole lot. You know that it's a lot. Somebody else maybe thinka it's too much; it's a whole lot, too. Now, a whole lot is too much; too much is a whole lot; same thing.
Hammer: The next time I see you, remind not to talk to you, will you?
Hammer: Now, look, I'm gonna take you down and show you our cemetery. I've got a waiting list of 50 people at that cemetery just dying to get in. But I like you. You're my friend. I like you and I'm gonna shove you in ahead of all of them.
Chico: I know you like me.
Hammer: I'm gonna see that you get a steady position.
Chico: That's a good.
Hammer: And if I can arrange it, it will be horizontal.
Penelope: Tell me, what are you doing tonight?
Chico: Maybe you gotta good idea, huh?
Penelope: Well, don't you dare come to Room 320 at eleven o'clock.
Chico: Awright, I come half-past ten.
Hammer: Come over here, I want to see you. Now, listen to me. I'm not going to have that red-headed fellow running around the lobby. If you want to keep him up in the room, you'll have to keep him in a trap.
Chico: You can't catch him.
Hammer: Who is he?
Chico: He's my partner, but he no speak.
Hammer: Oh, that's your silent partner.
Hammer: Look, Einstein. Here's Cocoanut Manor. No matter what you say, this is Cocoanut Manor. Here's Cocoanut Manor. Here's Cocoanut Heights. That's a swamp - right over where the - where the road forks, that's Cocoanut Junction.
Chico: Where have you got Cocoanut Custard?
Hammer: Why, that's on one of the forks. You probably eat with your knife, so you wouldn't have to worry about that.
Hammer: Look... Suppose you were out horseback riding and you came to the stream and wanted to ford over there, you couldn't make it. Too deep.
Chico: But what do you want with a Ford when you gotta horse?
Hammer: There it is. There it is, over there, right where that cocoanut tree is. Now what am I offered for lot #21?
Chico: Two hundred dollars
Hammer: Why, my friend, there's more than two hundred dollars worth of milk in those cocoanuts - and *what* milk, milk from contented cow-co-nuts. Who will say 300?
Chico: He say six, I say seven. He say seven, I say eight. He say eight, I say nine. I got plenty a numbers left. When I start, I no stoppa for no-tin'. I go higher, higher, higher, all the time I go higher.
Hammer: Eh, you'll go higher when I get ahold of ya. Sold to Hiawatha for eight hundred dollars.
Hammer: Now, the first musical number on the program will be a piccolo solo, which we will skip. And, eh, the second number will be Signore Pastrami, the Lithuanian pianist.
Hammer: Signore, for his first selection, will play "A Cup of Coffee, a Sandwich and You" from the opera Aida. Signore, allow me to escort you...
Mrs. Potter: Oh, Signore Pastrami, what is the first number?
Chico: Number one!
Chico: He's a big politician, ain't he?
Lily Powers: He's a big sumpthin'... and it ain't a politician!
Chico: Ha-ha-ha! Honey, you makes me tickle.
Chico: Ohhhhh! Is these the new furs, honey?
Lily Powers: Not so much honey.
Chico: Yes, ma'am.
Lily Powers: What's this?
Chico: Oh, that? It come while you was out. Its some books from old Mr. Cragg, back in Erie.
Lily Powers: You run along and have a good time.
Chico: I sliced some turkey for you. Its in the ice box.
Lily Powers: Bring me that pigskin case on the bed. You know what's in this bag?
Lily Powers: Half a million dollars. Someday I'll have the other half that goes with it.
Chico: You sure will! You can get anything you put your mind on.
Chico: Don't you want to marry me?
Diane: But you never said... you love me. Couldn't you say it - just once?
Chico: I can't say it! It's too silly.
[walks around the room]
Chico: Well, this way then... Chico - Diane - Heaven!
Diane: Say it again! Say it again!
Chico: Not bad, eh? I work in the sewer - but I live near the stars!
Chico: You mustn't be afraid. I'm never afraid. Never look down - Always look up. I always look up. That's why I'm a very remarkable fellow!
Chico: Make a tour of the boulevards - then home. Tonight I am the Bank of France!
Chico: It's wonderful the things I feel... sometimes I could reach out and touch a star!
Chico: Our orders are to make sure he does not die... but also to make sure he regrets the day he was born.
[Modesto is attempting to stop Bob from double crossing Rio]
Bob: I'm real disappointed in you, Modesto; pullin' a gun on an old saddle pal like that.
Chico: One more word and I will kill you!
Bob: One more word, huh? Let me see if I can think of one. How about g-r-e-a-s-e-r? Greaser?
[Modesto pulls his trigger and realizes that Bob has unloaded his gun during the night]
Bob: Lookin' for these, Modesto? (throws cartridges at him)
Harvey: (laughing) Eat 'em, greaser.
Chico: (throws his gun at Bob)Banditos!
Bob: You had a good life, Modesto. (shoots him)
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