Chi Fu Quotes in Mulan (1998)

Shang: Let me see your conscription notice.

[Reads it]

Shang: Fa Zhou? The Fa Zhou?

Chi Fu: I didn't know Fa Zhou had a son.

Mulan: Well, he doesn't talk about me much.

[Tries to spit, but ends up with a glop of spit hanging from her lip]

Chi Fu: I can see why. The boy is an absolute lunatic.

Chi Fu: [singing] I've a girl at home who's unlike any other...

Yao: [singing in whisper to Mulan] Yeah, the only girl who'd love him is his mother.

Chi Fu: Insubordinate ruffians! You men owe me a new pair of slippers! And I do not squeal like a girl.

[a panda eats his slipper; he squeals like a girl]

Mushu: [disguised as a messenger riding the panda] Urgent news from the General.

[beat]

Mushu: What's the matter? Never seen a black-and-white before?

Chi Fu: Who are you?

Mushu: Excuse me? I think the question is, who are *you!* We're in a war, man! There's no time for stupid questions! I should have your hat for this, snatch it *right* off your head. But I'm feeling gracious today, so carry on before I report you.

Chi Fu: Order. People, order.

Citizen: I'll have a pan-fried noodle.

Chien-Po: Ooh, ooh, sweet-and-pungent shrimp.

Citizen: Moo goo gai pan.

Chi Fu: That's not funny.

Fa Zhou: I am ready to serve the emperor.

Mulan: Father! You can't go!

Fa Zhou: Mulan!

Mulan: Please, sir. My father has already fought for...

Chi Fu: Silence! You would do well to teach your daughter to hold her tongue in a man's presence.

Fa Zhou: Mulan, you dishonor me.

Chi Fu: Be careful, Captain. The General may be your father, but I am the Emperor's counsel. Oh, and by the way, I got that job on my own.

[Li Shang walks out of his tent and passes Mulan]

Mulan: Hey. I'll hold him, and you punch!

Shang: What's your name?

Mulan: Uh... I, I, uh...

Chi Fu: Your commanding officer just asked you a question.

Mulan: Uh, I've got a name. Ha! And it's a boy's name, too.

Mushu: [whispering in Mulan's ear] Ling. How 'bout Ling?

Mulan: [looking toward Ling] His name is Ling.

Shang: I didn't ask for *his* name. I asked for *yours!*

Mushu: Try, uh, uh, ah, Chu.

Mulan: Ah Chu.

Shang: Ah Chu?

Mushu: Gesundheit.

Mushu: [chuckles] I kill myself.

Mulan: Mushu...

Shang: Mushu?

Mulan: No!

Shang: Then what is it?

Mushu: Ping! Ping was my best friend growin' up.

Mulan: It's Ping.

Shang: Ping?

Mushu: Of course, Ping did steal my girl...

[Mulan muffles him]

Mulan: Yes, my name is Ping.

Shang: Captain Li Shang. Hm. Leader of China's finest troops. No, the greatest troops of all time.

[exits his tent to find the troops fighting each other; we see one soldier with a black eye salute Shang, then promptly faint]

Chi Fu: Most impressive.

The Emperor of China: Chi Fu.

Chi Fu: Your Excellency?

The Emperor of China: [indicating Mulan] See to it that this woman is made a member of my council.

Chi Fu: A member of... what?

[sputters]

Chi Fu: But... there are no council positions open, your Majesty.

The Emperor of China: Very well.

The Emperor of China: [to Mulan] You can have HIS job.

[Chi Fu faints]