Chev Chelios Quotes in Crank (2006)

Chev Chelios: I'm looking for something that begins with an E.

Pharmacist: England?

Doc Miles: [Chev is running on the street, high on epinephrine and talking to Doc on a cellphone] Chevy?

Chev Chelios: Yep.

Doc Miles: Hey, we're in the air man. Did you get the stuff I told you to get?

Chev Chelios: Got it!

Doc Miles: Did you take it?

Chev Chelios: Took it.

Doc Miles: You took the whole goddamned thing, didn't you?

Chev Chelios: Yep.

Doc Miles: I said a fifth of a syringe. That shit's gonna kill you.

Chev Chelios: Right.

Doc Miles: Is your chest on fire?

Chev Chelios: Check.

Doc Miles: But you're cold?

Chev Chelios: Check.

Doc Miles: And you've got a steel hard-on, don't you?

Chev Chelios: Well let me check. Check!

Doc Miles: Well, that's the stimulation of your blood vessels. Your urinary sphincter's tight as a knot right now. You couldn't piss to save your life.

Chev Chelios: Urinary sphincter? Check!

Chev Chelios: Do you think I've got 'cunt' written on my forehead?

["Cunt" appears on his forehead as he asks]

Chev Chelios: I'm alive! I'm alive!

[last lines]

Chev Chelios: Hey doll, looks like I let you down again. It's like all my life I've just been going, going, going. Wish I'd taken more time to stop and smell the roses so to speak. Guess it's too late for that now. You're the greatest, baby.

Chev Chelios: Don't pop a blood vessel, you little penis.

Chev Chelios: I know what I'm going to have to do.

Orlando: What's that?

Chev Chelios: I'm going to have to kick some black ass.

Chev Chelios: Jesus. Nothing's easy.

[right before he kills Ricky Verona]

Chev Chelios: I told you I'd kill you, you little bitch!

Chev Chelios: You haven't been tight since your brother fucked you in third grade.

Chev Chelios: Does it look like I got cunt written on my head? Who do you think you are fucking with?

Chev Chelios: [after taking coke] I'm gonna kick some black ass!

Chev Chelios: [after chopping off the arm of a bad guy and telling him] How'd you like that one, tough guy? How fricking awesome was that, huh?

Verona: What's up, corpse?

Chev Chelios: Bonjour, douchebag. I thought you might be interested in a little deal.

Verona: Are you a dealer? Is that what you are now?

Chev Chelios: Don't worry about what I am. Listen, I want the antidote.

Verona: Oh... Oh, the antidote?

Chev Chelios: That's right, the antidote.

Verona: What are you prepared to give me, asshole?

Chev Chelios: How about the jewelry I got off that faggot brother of yours, you fucking cocksucker?

Verona: Hmm.

Chev Chelios: Don't pop a blood vessel, you little penis.

Verona: All right.

Chev Chelios: Oh, you like that deal don't you?

Verona: Yeah, whatever.

Chev Chelios: Well. I'll be at the downtown Lint in 20 minutes. You know the spot?

Verona: Yeah I know it.

Chev Chelios: Well don't be late or I'll trade this thing in to some whore for a fuckin' hand-job.

Verona: Look, I said I'll fuckin' be...

[throwing punches everywhere and yelling]

Verona: I'll fuckin' be there!

Chev Chelios: See you later sunshine.

Chev Chelios: What is this stuff?

Doc Miles: Synthetic ephedrine diluted with some saline.

Chev Chelios: Feels sort of good.

Doc Miles: Yeah well. I got a little Meth in there too, so that's the endorphins you feel running to your brain.

Chev Chelios: Wait a minute so I'm not better?

Doc Miles: Fuck no you're not better. You're in such shit shape it's stunning. I can't belive your hearts still beating. Shit should be in a fucking medical journal.

Arab Cabbie: You're not getting into my cab wet.

Chev Chelios: I gave you 200 dollars to wait for 3 minutes.

Arab Cabbie: You're not getting into my car, no way!

[Chev pulls cabbie out of the car and tosses him into the road pointing at him, yelling]

Chev Chelios: Al Qaeda, Al Qaeda!

Arab Cabbie: I love America! I love Bush!

[the local citizens attack the cabbie]

Chev Chelios: [lowers gun] Congratulations.

Don Kim: Did I win something?

Chev Chelios: Your life, jackass.

Chev Chelios: Get a cell phone, honey, please.

Orlando: Hey dude, what's the matter with you?

Chev Chelios: Look, just give me some coke. You got any coke?

Orlando: Okay, now you're just gonna come up here and insult me...

Chev Chelios: Come on, I don't have time. Just give me something, I'm really dying here.

Orlando: I can see that.

Chev Chelios: You don't understand, I'm really fucking dying.

Orlando: You saying this is medicinal use coke, is that what you're saying?

Chev Chelios: That's right.

Orlando: Well...

Chev Chelios: What?

Orlando: This shit ain't free nigga.

Chev Chelios: [Eve abruptly stops a blow job as he drives] What's the matter?

Eve: So you can fall asleep like you always do? I don't think so.

Chev Chelios: [screams and hits the gas pedal] Jesus, fuck!

Chev Chelios: [during a fight with several Black gang members] Who wants white meat? Huh? Who wants it?

Chev Chelios: [talking on cell phone to Kaylo about Verona] I'm going to get that little fucker if it's the last thing I do.

[pauses]

Chev Chelios: It may actually be the last thing I do.

Pharmacy Stoner: Nasal Spray.

Chev Chelios: What?

Pharmacy Stoner: The Nasal spray. It's got epinephrine in it. It'll give you a tweak, man.

Chev Chelios: [hears Orlando's voice from Asian man in elevator] Orlando?

Orlando: You a persistent motherfucker, Chev Chelios. I'll give you that. They pop you and you just keep getting up?

Chev Chelios: I'm the Terminator.

Chev Chelios: [aims his finger like a gun at Carlito's head] Not so fast, motherfucker.

Verona: [laughs] He's gone dipsy-doodle, yo.

[moves his finger at Verona]

Verona: Yeah, whatever, psycho.

Carlito: I'm afraid the Houdini act is over, my friend.

Chev Chelios: Boosh.

[shoots Carlito's bodyguard in the head]

Verona: Our Father, who art in heaven...

Carlito: Shut up, Verona!

Don Kim: [from behind Chev] So this is how it is?

Carlito: It's Don Kim! You're supposed to be dead!

Chev Chelios: Presto.

Chev Chelios: [calmly] Well, I'm glad to hear that. Listen, I've been fatally poisoned, there's probably a psychopath heading over there to torture and kill you as we speak, but don't bother getting out of bed, I'll be there in a flash... Maybe you could fry me up a waffle or something, kay?

Chev Chelios: I wonder how many steaks I could make out of you?

Eve: You're so stressed out. Do you want some pot?

Chev Chelios: Yeah. No!

Chev Chelios: [to Eve who is giving him a blow job while driving and being shot at] Stay down!

Verona: Hey CHELIOS! You know I been thinkin' about doing in your mystery girl too! yea? Yeah thats RIGHT! I know about HER! And then...

[interrupted]

Chev Chelios: [Sarcastically] Yea, yeah, your gonna rape my grandmother, then your gonna do her in, blah, blah, fucking blah!

[He's driving recklessly while she abruptly stops performing fellatio on him]

Chev Chelios: Hey, you can't stop! I'm not finished!

Eve: And have you fall asleep? No way!

Haitian Cabbie: Hey man. What's the matter with you? You a crackhead?

Chev Chelios: Right... just step on it, alright?

Haitian Cabbie: Hey, you not gonna die in my cab, crackhead.

[the HAITIAN CABBIE opens up his glove compartment and takes something out. CHEV'S eyes widen. A gun?]

Haitian Cabbie: I got something for you.

[as the CABBIE turns around CHEV experiences a FLASH HALLUCINATION: The CABBIE'S face is painted like a PSYCHEDELIC VOODOO SKULL in GLOWING BLACK LIGHT PAINT. He is grinning crazily. CHEV flinches in horror, but just like that the CABBIE is back to normal. He hands CHEV a vial of liquid]

Haitian Cabbie: You drink this Haitian shit, crackhead. This right here is some hardcore shit. Made from plant shit.

Chev Chelios: [laughing] Nice.

Chev Chelios: Wanna hold hands?

[throws severed hand]

Carlito: I'll kill you for this, Chelios.

Chev Chelios: Too late.

Warehouse Hood Leader: Verona's got nothing to do with this.

Chev Chelios: What?

Warehouse Hood Leader: Don Carlos wants you off the streets.

Chev Chelios: Carlito?

Warehouse Hood Leader: You've totally lost your shit, dog. you're all over TV, destroying property, making unauthorized hits... you're causing the organization a great deal of embarrasment.

Chev Chelios: You're telling me Carlito wanted this?

Warehouse Hood Leader: Look, don't worry, we'll take care of Verona. Best thing for you to do is find some nice, dark, quiet place and... just die.

Chev Chelios: Just die. You think I've got "cunt" written on my forehead?

Chinese Doctor 1: [following exchange the two Chinese doctors was in Chinese possibly Mandarin/Cantonese.Subtitles shown] How long can we keep him alive?

Chinese Doctor 2: Maybe long time.He die hard with a vengeance.

Chinese Doctor 1: Big Boss need to harvest his cornucopia of organs for later. Lungs,pancreas,bladder...

Chinese Doctor 2: What comes out next?

Chinese Doctor 1: Boss gave specific order.

[the doctor takes out a diagram of a body showing all the organs they are going to take out and circles Chev's penis as the next thing to be removed.At this point Chev is looking at the diagram and realizes whats going on]

Chev Chelios: Fuck that.

[Chev proceeds to beat the crap out of the two doctors]

Chev Chelios: I lost the belt battery, doc.

Doc Miles: How long ago?

Chev Chelios: Over an hour.

Doc Miles: Jesus Christ, that's not fucking possible Chevy! You should be dead... fine, nevermind.

Venus: You're Chev Chelios, right? The sickest, most wicked-ist motherfucker that ever vaporized motherfuckers in cold-blood, right?

Chev Chelios: Yeah, that's me.

Chev Chelios: A man who calls himself The Ferret.

Venus: El Huron.

Chev Chelios: You know him?

Venus: No. It means The Ferret in Spanish.

Chev Chelios: [upon seeing guys using a shock collar on their dog] You pair of sausage nigels! How do you sleep at night?

Chev Chelios: [before crashing in limousine] Chicken and broccoli.

Chev Chelios: [while Chico pisses on him] Massive homo cunt!

[Doc Miles' cell phone rings]

Doc Miles: Hello, Doc Miles.

Chev Chelios: Yeah, Doc. It's Chev.

[Doc Miles spits out his drink and ice shaking his head rapidly]

Doc Miles: Jesus H. Chelios! You've gotta be kidding me!

Chev Chelios: Fucking useless.

Venus: Yeah? Well, you ain't no Ralph Macchio yourself, Chev!

Chev Chelios: Just juice me!

Long Beach Nose Punch Triad: [points a two tone Springfield XD pistol at Chev] Lost?

Chev Chelios: Nope.

[parries the gun out of the gunman's hand and slams his forearm in his face knocking him out]

Ria: [to Triad, about Chev] This dude my Kevin Costner! He going to beat you off!

Cypress Triad Hood #1: What?

Chev Chelios: Where's Johnny Vang?

Cypress Triad Hood #1: You looking to get your ass killed dawg?

Ria: You ask for it, he's gonna tap your ass!

Chev Chelios: Wrong expression.

Don Kim: You know what you are, Chev Chelios?

Chev Chelios: Tell me.

Don Kim: You... are a shit magnet.

Chev Chelios: [looking into Johnny's cooler] What is that? What kind of sick freak carries around something like this in a box? I am shocked to my fuckin' core. You have got some big problems, motherfucker. What the fuck is that?

Low Rider #1: Damn, dog. You good, ese?

Chev Chelios: Tiger fucking Woods. Never better. Greatest day of my fucking life.

Chev Chelios: [Holding Ricky's head] Why do we keep going on like this, Ricky? Hurting each other?

Ricky Verona: [Weakly] Water...

Chev Chelios: H20? Coming right up!

[Kicks Ricky's head into the nearby pool]

Chev Chelios: [Holding Ricky's head] Why do we keep going on like this, Ricky? Hurting each other all the time?

Ricky Verona: [Weakly] Water...

Chev Chelios: H20? Coming right up!

[Kicks Ricky's head into the nearby pool]

Chev Chelios: Where's my fucking pumper?

Chev Chelios: [catches up with Johnny Vang after chase] Did I just drop some change

[grabs Johnny Vang by neck]

Chev Chelios: or did I hear a chink?

Chev Chelios: Who's got my fucking strawberry tart?

Ria: What the fuck? I'm clean like baby!

Chev Chelios: What's that? Fucking Cunt-a-nese?

Chev Chelios: Alright, Chow Mein. Who do you work for?

Shot Gun Triad: Fuck you, Chelios!

[Chev whacks him with the butt of the shotgun]

Chev Chelios: Fucking grunt.

[dips shotgun barrel in oil, pulls down the thug's pants, and shoves the shotgun up his ass]

Chev Chelios: You found me in quite an unpleasant mood this morning, mate. Now I'm going to ask you this question one time. Who's got my fucking strawberry tart?

[the thug looks at him confused and Chev points to his heart while an on-screen subtitle says "strawberry tart=heart"]

Chev Chelios: Capische?

[the thug starts stuttering]

Chev Chelios: J-j-j-j-just spit the fucking name out!

[sticks the shotgun further up the thug's ass and starts wiggling it]

Shot Gun Triad: Johnny Vang!

Chev Chelios: Johnny fucking Vang? Johnny fucking Vang? Good boy. Where?

Shot Gun Triad: Cypress Social Club!

Chev Chelios: Cypress-Cypress Social Club? Now you're sure about that, ain't ya?

[thug nods head]

Chev Chelios: Good boy. Thanks for coming. Now you can keep that.

[leaves the shotgun up the thug's ass and walks away]

Chev Chelios: [after being told by Doc Miles about finding someone to rub against, he starts rubbing a spectator's arm and the spectator pushes him off] Terrific race.

[Points to the horse he picked]

Chev Chelios: That's a great horse, mate.

[continues rubbing his arm]

Hollywood Park Guy: What the fuck, man? What the fuck?

Chev Chelios: You did it! Mate, that was all you.