Cheryl Quotes in Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous (2005)

Cheryl: [after Gracie rescues her from the sinking ship] You must be really tired of saving my life.

Gracie Hart: No no, it's good exercise

Cheryl: We've been kidnapped and there?s two men here who say they're going to kill us by Friday at midnight. But I don?t want anyone to pay them any money. Because that would be giving into terrorism and I?m Miss United States and I stand for fairness, decency and the American Way

[starts to sing]

Cheryl: ?From sea to shining sea...?

Cheryl: We've been kidnapped and there's two men here who say they're going to kill us by Friday at midnight. But I don't want anyone to pay them any money. Because that would be giving into terrorism. And I'm Miss United States and I stand for fairness, decency and the American Way.

[Starts to sing]

Cheryl: From Sea to Shining Sea!

Cheryl: [on the video] We can all learn from our older generations. I remember I learned a lot from my grandmother, specifically, how to kill chickens. It's not something I would like doing. I'll never forget the sounds of their death squawks. But if I ever needed to kill a chicken, I'd know how!

Cheryl: We've been kidnapped and theres two men here who say they're going to kill us by Friday at midnight. But I don't want anyone to pay them any money. Because that would be giving into terrorism. And I'm Miss United States and I stand for fairness, decency and the American Way.

[sings]

Cheryl: # From Sea to shining sea! #

Cheryl: Fifty's no good to me Doctor, because Abby doesn't have fifty daddies.

Will: [taken back] What did you say?

Cheryl: [pointing a gun with a silencer on it at Will] Your daughter was kidnapped three hours ago, and if you want her to live through the night you're gonna let me in that room right now.

Cheryl: No! You don't change the plan!

Cheryl: You're in a whole new world Dr. Jennings

Jimmy Tong: You are very smart. Good speller.

Cheryl: Thanks, I graduated top two-thirds of my sixth grade class.

Jack Spade: Mr. Big is gonna pay. And if I see those little Evans midgets, they ass is mine. I'm - it's payback! It's payback And Lois Mitchell? You know, she snuck me! She snuck me! In fifth grade, you - I was eatin' my Jello when you hit me, baby, but...

Cheryl: Jack, they were just kids!

Jack Spade: Look, a family full of midgets is not considered kids. That's a gang!

Cheryl: Jack, wait a minute! Jack, getting yourself killed is not gonna prove anything!

Jack Spade: It proves I can beat a woman and some midgets.

Cheryl: Well, after you left, he started getting into drugs and stuff. Things got really bad when he...

Jack Spade: Well, what? Cheryl, come on!

Cheryl: He started wearing gold chains, Jack.

Jack Spade: Oh, God, no!

Cheryl: They were going to sell me like an animal!

Cheryl: This is quite possibly the most important discovery in the history of marine biology! It needs to be protected.

Spencer Northcut: Protected? Who was there to protect my family?

[from trailer]

Cheryl: Life is about courage and going into the unknown.

Cheryl: I wanted to tell you, that song "Major Tom" and that beard guy... he doesn't know what he's talking about. That song is about courage and going into the unknown. It's a cool song.

Cheryl: God, you're noteworthy!

Walter Mitty: I just live by the ABCs: Adventurous, Brave, Creative.

Walter Mitty: [with Spanish accent] The ice, yes? She moves like a woman. I'm Walter. Mitty.

Cheryl: Cheryl. Melhoff. Where have you been?

Walter Mitty: Testing the limits of the human spirit.

Cheryl: I'd like to climb your hair, test that out.

Walter Mitty: Perhaps I can contact you, possibly through my poetry falcon.

Stacey: You get lonely?

Cheryl: Honestly? I'm lonelier in my real life than I am out here. I miss my friends, of course, but it's not as if I have anybody waiting for me at home. How about you?

[pause]

Cheryl: Why are you here?

Stacey: I don't know. I just need to find something in myself, you know? I think the trail was good for that. I mean, look.

[They look up at the sunset]

Stacey: This has the power to fill you up again, if you'll let it.

Cheryl: My mother used to say something that drove me nuts. There is a sunrise and a sunset every day and you can choose to be there for it. You can put yourself in the way of beauty.

Stacey: My kind of woman.

[last lines]

Cheryl: [voiceover] It took me years to be the woman my mother raised. It took me 4 years, 7 months and 3 days to do it, without her. After I lost myself in the wilderness of my grief, I found my own way out of the woods.

[pause]

Cheryl: And I didn't even know where I was going until I got there, on the last day of my hike. Thankyou, I thought over and over again, for everything the trail had taught me and everything I couldn't yet know.

[pause]

Cheryl: Now in 4 years, I'd cross this very bridge. I'll marry a man in a spot almost visible from where I was standing. Now in 9 years, that man and I would have a son named Carver and a year later, a daughter named after my mother, Bobbi. I knew only that I didn't need to eat with my bare hands anymore. That seeing the fish beneath the surface of the water would enough, that it was everything. My life, like all lives, mysterious, irrevocable, sacred, so very close, so very present, so very belonging to me. How wild it was, to let it be?

Cheryl: [voiceover] What if I forgive myself? What if I was sorry? But if I could go back in time, I wouldn't do a single thing differently. What if I wanted to sleep with every single one of those men? What if heroin taught me something? What if all those things I did were the things that got me here? What if I was never redeemed? What if I already was?

Cheryl: [Cheryl's first inscription on the trail guestbook] "If your Nerve, deny you - Go above your Nerve" - EMILY DICKINSON and Cheryl Strayed.

Cheryl: I know only that I didn't need to reach with my bare hands anymore. That seeing the fish beneath the surface was enough. That it was everything. My life -like all lives- mysterious, irrevocable and sacred, so very close, so very present, so very belonging to me. How wild it was, to let it be.

Cheryl: She died a famous woman, denying her wounds, denying her wounds came from the same source as her power.

Cheryl: I'd rather be a forest than a street.

Cheryl: God is a ruthless bitch.

Cheryl: Ash body. I prefer the ashes of the body. Soft and silver. As a pale light falling to earth.

Cheryl: Fucking Saint Patrick. Go to hell, all you saints.

Cheryl: [after finding a sign] Thank you, God, for showing me the way... As if he gives a shit... I'm sorry, but God is a ruthless bitch.

Paul: [on phone] I'm sorry that you have to walk 1000 miles just to...

Cheryl: Finish that sentence. Why do I have to walk 1000 miles?

[pause]

Jonathan: Don't worry, I don't bite.

Cheryl: I don't mind biting. Oh, my God. I can't believe I just said that. I'm so sorry. I've been on my own for a little while.

Cheryl: You guys! I have been tracking you for hours! Why did you leave me back there?

Peter Gaulke: Well, we... we thought you ran off with Gus Hayden.

Cheryl: You really think I'd do that?

Fred Wolf: Yeah.

Cheryl: Gross! I'd want to fuck even you guys before I'd want to fuck him!

Mark O'Brien: What happens when...?

Cheryl: What happens when what?

Mark O'Brien: When people become attached to each other.

Cheryl: What people?

Mark O'Brien: Just people.

Mark O'Brien: What's the chemistry in it all? When people are attracted to each other.

Cheryl: Are you attracted to me?

Mark O'Brien: God, no.

Cheryl: Ha-ha-ha.

Mark O'Brien: I'm just talking hypothetically.

Cheryl: Hypothetically... they write poems. They have sex.

Mark O'Brien: And what happens next?

Cheryl: After poetry and sex? Nothing or everything. The rest is by negotiation, as it were.

Mark O'Brien: What do you mean?

Cheryl: I mean, you can leave it at love and attraction... or you can make things complicated, like most people do.

Mark O'Brien: Have you?

Cheryl: Yes.

Cheryl: Hi Mark O'Brien!

Mark O'Brien: Your money is on the desk over there.

Cheryl: Yes it is! Thank you!

Mark O'Brien: I didn't know whether to pay you now or after.

Cheryl: I'm not a prostitute, so you don't have to pay me up front.

Mark O'Brien: That was the wrong way to start off.

Cheryl: It really was! Shall we start again?

Cheryl: I understand you're able to have an erection.

Mark O'Brien: Not by choice.

Cheryl: Now I'm converting to Judaism.

Mark O'Brien: Well, it's good to have some kind of insurance.

Cheryl: You're a fully-fledged male Homo sapien endowed with a handsome and substantial penis, which now has a proven track record.

Cheryl: I'm going to rub the tip of your penis around my vulva. And when it's ready, I'll guide you in. Breathe slowly and think of something delicious.

Cheryl: Shall we get undressed?

Mark O'Brien: Sure!

Cheryl: Viola, darling. Remember, chew like you have a secret...

Cheryl: [making bizarre arm gestures] Who's ready to come out?

Viola: [imitating her expression] Kill me.

Rhonda: I had cancer... it's all right, they cut it out.

Cheryl: You were so full of life.

Rhonda: I'm not DEAD, Cheryl.

Nicole: Muriel...

Cheryl: Wait. Let her finish her Orgasm.

Tania: He says they're not sleeping together. She only sucks him off.

Cheryl: Why?

Tania: Out of respect for me.

Nicole: Bitch.

Cheryl: I don't believe it!

Christie: What?

Cheryl: THAT!

Kelly: They're back!

Christie: Nice outfits. Post-it's must be really lucrative!

Michele: Romy, are you sure you wanna do this?

Romy: Oh yeah, Michele. I am SO sure!

[they approach Christie, Cheryl, & Kelly]

Romy: What the hell is your problem, Christie? Why the hell are you always such a nasty bitch? I mean, okay, so Michele and I did make up some stupid lie! We only did it because we wanted you to treat us like human beings. But you know what I realized? I don't care if you like us, 'cause we don't like you. You're a bad person with an ugly heart, and we don't give a flying fuck what you think!

[Cheryl and Kelly laugh sarcastically]

Romy: Come on Michele.

Michele: Okay, and... YEAH!

Christie: Unbelievable! They're as deluded about their lives as they are about those HIDEOUS clothes

Lisa Luder: Actually Christie. They have nice lines. A fun, frisky use of color. All and all, I'd have to say they're really... NOT BAD!

Christie: Well, WE still think they're ridiculous. Don't we girls?

Lisa Luder: Why don't you just let them think for themselves for once?

Christie: You're just jealous. Because unlike a certain ball-busting dried up career woman, I might mention, we're all HAPPILY MARRIED!

Lisa Luder: That's right, Christie. Keep telling yourself that.

Cheryl: I play recorder.

Elizabeth: Recorder's not really rock and roll.

Cheryl: It is when I play it.

Cheryl: You did what?

Nedra: With who?

Kenya Denise McQueen: I know. But... it was raining and we were hiking and...

Cheryl: You were hiking?

Kenya Denise McQueen: And we just got carried away.

Nedra: All right. Well, can he bone?

Cheryl: Nedra!

Nedra: What?

Cheryl: Don't be so crass!

Nedra: Oh, please.

Cheryl: Well, can he?

Nedra: See.

Kenya Denise McQueen: Well, yes.

Nedra: [Nedra, Cheryl, and Suzette all become excited] Now you're talking, girl. He got a big...

Kenya Denise McQueen: Yes!

Cheryl: Let's go.

Kenya Denise McQueen: We just got here. You got something else to do?

Cheryl: Yes! I could be at home pleasuring myself -

[to passing guests]

Cheryl: Hello! Lovely party!

Sen. Jay Billington Bulworth: Yo, everybody gonna get sick someday / But nobody knows how they gonna pay / Health care, managed care, HMOs / Ain't gonna work, no sir, not those / 'Cause the thing that's the same in every one of these / Is these motherfuckers there, the insurance companies!

Cheryl, Tanya: Insurance! Insurance!

Sen. Jay Billington Bulworth: Yeah, yeah / You can call it single-payer or Canadian way / Only socialized medicine will ever save the day! Come on now, lemme hear that dirty word - SOCIALISM!

Sen. Jay Billington Bulworth: It's up to the people to decide what the state of California and the nation will do.

[starts rhyming]

Sen. Jay Billington Bulworth: Ooh, what we'll do, the nation we'll do. It's up to you, what'll we do / What we'll do, well, it's up to you

[starts rapping]

Sen. Jay Billington Bulworth: You know, it ain't that funny, you contribute on my money/ You make a contribution, and you get a solution/ As long as you can pay, I'm gonna do it all your way/ Yes, the money talks and the people walk.

[Tanya puts some background rap music]

Sen. Jay Billington Bulworth: Yeah!/ Now, let me hear you say it/ Big Money! Big Money! Big Money! Big Money! Big Money! Big Money! One man, one vote/ Now, is that really real? The name of our game is "let's make a deal"/ Now, people got their problems, the haves and have-nots/ But the ones that make me listen pay for 30 seconds spots.

Cheryl, Tanya: 30, 30 seconds! 30, 30 seconds!

Sen. Jay Billington Bulworth: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! / Yo, Bank of America, this table over here, Wells Fargo and Citibank, you're really very dear/ Loan billions to Mexico, and never have to fear, cause taxpayers, taxpayers take it in the rear!/

[Brenda and Cheryl repeats "take it in the rear"]

Sen. Jay Billington Bulworth: And over here, we got our friends from oil/ They don't give a shit how much wilderness they spoil/ They tell us they are careful, we know that it's a lie/ As long as we keep driving cars, they'll let the planet die/ Exxon, Mobil, the Saudis and Kuwait, if we still got the Middle East, the atmosphere can wait/ The Arabs got the oil, we buy everything they sell/ But if the brothers raise the price, we'll blow them all to hell./ Now let me hear you say it: Saddam! Hussein! Saddam! Hussein! Hmmm! Hmmm!

Cheryl, Tanya: Saddam! Hussein!

Eric: Look, just tell me one thing. I'm not a vain person. Was the sex any good at all?

Cheryl: No. I'm sorry. It was bad.

Paul Matthews: How do you synthesize a methylated alkaloid?

Cheryl: [short pause] I don't know.

Paul Matthews: Too bad.

Bruce Campbell: God, I miss you and the kids.

Cheryl: What kids?

Bruce Campbell: The ones we would have had, if you'd have just hung on!

Cheryl: You wanna know the truth about us, Bruce? It wasn't the cheating, or the boozing, or even the endless whining that killed our marriage. You just couldn't commit. To your career, to our relationship, or really to much of anything.

Bruce Campbell: [pause] So, the cheating, boozing and endless whining were ok? Ahahahahaha-AH!

[falls off his chair]

Cheryl: [going at it doggystle] Give it to me Daddy!

Hezekiah: What's my name?

Cheryl: Hezekiah.

Hezekiah: Yeah!

Cheryl: Ahhh ahhh...

Hezekiah: When was I born?

Cheryl: June 8th, 1924.

Hezekiah: Yeah-ha!

[keeps pumping]

Hezekiah: What's the capital of Maryland?

Cheryl: Baltimore, baby!

Cheryl: Come on girls. This is supposed to be upbeat, not uptight. Get happy.

Andy: Didn't your mother teach you to break up with some style?

Cheryl: You just... you just have to get over it.

Andy: "Get over it?" It's been four days.

Andy: Didn't your mother teach you to break up with some style?

Cheryl: You gotta just... get over it.

Andy: Get over it? It's only been four DAYS.

Cheryl: Andy's been pumping the nutritionist who bought him at the auction.

Cheryl: Attention, shoppers. There's a Retail Rodeo special on aisle 3. Liquid Drain Cleaner, 2 12-ounce cans for $5.00. Liquid Drain Cleaner has churning power and it will churn right through your pipes. Ladies, you need female plumbing. Shove something clean and new up your filthy pipes. That's Liquid Drain Cleaner on aisle 3. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Retail Rodeo.

Cheryl: Sit right down here, ma'am. We're going to make you pretty. Now how do you like your hair?

Big Haired Woman: What? Are you going to do my hair?

Cheryl: No, I just need to know if that's your usual way of wearing it, all big and high. If it is, I'll just put more makeup on your chin to offset it. You're going to want to take a whole bottle of this home with you. It's got quite a lot of ingredients in it, so you're getting a good deal. It's got ginkgo extract in it. Do you know what that is?

Big Haired Woman: No.

Cheryl: It's extract of the ginkgo, and it makes your skin real slick so that any liquid will roll right off you, be it water, or lemon juice, or urine. I'll put it in a bag for you.

Cheryl: And fuck you very much.

Shopper: What?

Cheryl: Thank you very much.

Cheryl: You didn't bring this into the store with you?

Heavy Set Woman: No.

Cheryl: Then I'll go ahead and charge you for it. This is a hand lotion, so don't put it on any other part of your body, even if that part needs lubrication. We try to keep frivolous lawsuits to a minimum, unless, of course, the customer is at fault.

Cheryl: Happy Halloween, Retail Rodeo shoppers. There's a Retail Rodeo special on all bulk candy on aisle 4. Ghouls and goblins, witches and warlocks, wandering these aisles day after day, I put a Halloween curse on your hellish heads.

Old Woman: I look too white, don't you think?

Cheryl: Not at all. I'm just trying to match your face with your hair. I was thinking you're not white enough.

Old Woman: I think I look kind of weird.

Cheryl: The first rule of fashion is you have to look weird. What I'm doing has come straight here from France.

Old Woman: Oh?

Cheryl: It's called Cirque du Face, meaning "Circus of the Face", and it's all the rage with the Frenchies, ma'am.

Old Woman: Well, you're the professional.

Cheryl: [after Jack, the store manager plays a song in memory of Holden] I thought we're gonna get a day to grieve and go to the movies.

[Shorty sees his girlfriend, Cheryl, talking to another man]

Shorty: Cheryl!... Cheryl!... CHERYL! . . .

Cheryl: Don't be callin' my name out all loud like that!

[as the Deadites take possession of Mia]

Cheryl: You will die! Like the others before you, one by one, we will take you!

[Mia becomes eerily calm]

Mia: You're all going to die tonight.

Cheryl: [possessed] Soon all of you will be like me... And then who will lock you up in a cellar?

[cackles]

Cheryl: Kill her if you can, loverboy.

Cheryl: [Cheryl's possessed body's attacking Ash] I'm all right now, Ashley! Come unlock this chain and let me out! I'm all right now! It's your sister Cheryl!

[Cheryl has become possessed]

Cheryl: Why have you disturbed our sleep; awakened us from our ancient slumber?

[shouts]

Cheryl: You will die! Like the others before you, one by one, we will take you.

[falls to the floor]

Cheryl: [Mocking Scotty] You're not gonna leave me here, are you? Are ya, Ash?

[Begins to cackle]

Scotty: [Taunting Cheryl by whispering] Dead bodies in the cellar. Dead bodies in the...

Cheryl: Will you stop it!

Cheryl: Uh, are you dressed like this for the promotion of the film?

Cheryl: I don't know how to explain it, but it's the movie that's making this happen!

Tony the Pimp: She's right. She put on that mask and scratched herself, get it? Because of that scratch, she became a demon. An instrument of evil, like they said in the damn movie, you heard it. We got to stop it I tell you, we got to stop the movie!