Chelsea Quotes in The Watch (2012)

Prom Date: Is it true your dad ripped off your last boyfriend's dick?

Chelsea: Yep.

Morris: You're such a tease.

Chelsea: You're such a pervert!

Morris: And proud of it.

Ryan: All I know is - after the race today - something just... clicked.

Chelsea: Yeah, it's called a concussion.

Roxy: Don't you think this whole idea is a wee bit unfeasible?

Annabelle Fritton: This is St. Trinian's. We don't know the meaning of the word "unfeasible".

Chelsea: That's true.

Lucy: Hah! In your face! In your face! Face of a supermodel. Brain of a super noodle.

Chelsea: Lucy! Do you really think I look like a supermodel?

Lucy: [Chelsea's tapping the brick wall] Chelsea, what are you doing?

Chelsea: Looking for a secret door. Places like this always have a secret door.

[everyone rolls their eyes]

Lucy: Chelsea, you truly are...

Chelsea: [a secret door opens] I truly am a what? Smarter than your average, brainless slapper?

Lucy: [in disbelief] Yeah, smarter that your average, brainless slapper.

Chelsea: You better believe it.

Chelsea: And, therefore, Lucy will always be a virgin.

Lucy: What? As opposed to a brainless slapper, you mean. Seriously, she'd snog a melon if you drew a mouth on it.

Bella: That's not fair! It was a grapefruit, actually, and it was years ago.

Chelsea: Bella! That was a secret.

Annabelle Fritton: Treasure Hunter, Come for naught, It seems your dreams have fallen short.

Chelsea: For pirate though I may have been, I ventured for a change of scene.

Chelsea: Resolving to change my ways, From sailing seas to mounting plays.

Lucy: Writing many in this room, With Shakespeare as my on-De-ploom.

Lucy: In you of gold I humbly pray, You'll kindly take my final play.

Annabelle Fritton: Anound did you find it hard, to credit that I was the bard.

Annabelle Fritton: The timely truth may now unfold, That all the while I was... a girl.

Roxy: [carrying her bag to the beds] Where do I sling my stuff?

Saffy: Well, we can make up some room in our area, I suppose.

Chelsea: [excited] Yeah, you can so totally hang out with us!

[coolly]

Chelsea: I mean, you know, if you wanted. Whatever.

Zoe: Does she look like she'd want to hang out with a bunch of shallow, facile, peroxide-blonde turbo skanks?

[the Emos' St Trinians logo appears on the screen; with creepy music]

Bella: You think she'd rather hang out with *you* and the sulky, sun-dodging Emos?

[Chelsea and Saffy laugh, and the Posh Totties' St Trinians logo dings on the screen]

Lucy: [the girls are in the headmasters' office in the boys' school; and they spot a gold ring hanging with the headmasters' portrait] Look what he's wearing!

Chelsea: Ah, so now, *you're* the Style Queen, are you?

Saffy: Yeah, we're looking for a ring, not fashion tips.

Lucy: But he's *wearing* a ring! Well, an earring, anyway.

Chelsea, Saffy, Bella: [in unison] Yeah. In a painting.

[the Posh Totties put their fingers in and sizzle their fingers together]

Sir Piers Pomfrey: [Geoffrey is in the AD1 meeting, drinking the communion wine, but drank one too many] Kinsman, we've heard nothing from you. What's your proposal?

[Geoffrey drinks more of the wine, and doesn't listen]

Sir Piers Pomfrey: KINSMAN!

Geoffrey Thwaites: [slurs] What?

Matron: [watching from the St Trinians camera] He's absolutely sloshed! What's happened?

Sir Piers Pomfrey: What's your take on these women?

Geoffrey Thwaites: [slurring] Women?

[scoffs and sputters]

Geoffrey Thwaites: Eh? I'll tell you what I realise right? I've had enough of them!

[slurs]

Geoffrey Thwaites: I... I... I'm sick to the hind bloody teeth, the whole lot of them!

Chelsea: [the girls scoff and gasp at what he said] Scumbag!

Geoffrey Thwaites: [continues slurring] Yak, yak, yak in your all day about...

Camilla: [through camera microphone] That's gratitude for you.

Geoffrey Thwaites: [continues slurring] Gratitude!

Camilla: After I rescued him from the dung heap!

Geoffrey Thwaites: [continues slurring in the meeting] Dung!

AD1 Member: [to himself, quietly] Dung?

Geoffrey Thwaites: [resumes slurring] Just bitching and moaning about this and that and whatever! It's time for them to SHUT UP!

Miss Dickinson: With your girlish wiles and your minxy ways and now your criminal cunning, you know what you are?

Chelsea: A washed up slapper.

[answering a fruit-based quiz question]

Matron: Papau.

Chelsea: Um...

Matron: Papau!

Chelsea: Um...!

Quiz host: I will have to hurry you, I'm afraid

Matron: PAPAU! PAPAU!

Chelsea: [tentatively] Is it... Pineapple?

Matron: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Quiz host: That is Correct!

Matron: [quietly] Oh.

Chelsea: Oh my god! You want us to steal Scarlett Johansson?

[loud fart echoes from the St. Trinians quiz team]

Chelsea: I am so sorry... its a side effect of my raisin-and-ryvita diet!

[disgusted looks]

Quiz host: Contrary to popular belief... better in than out.

Kelly: [the girls are trying to decide what to steal to save their school from foreclosure] What about that?

Kelly: [Points at copy of "Girl With Pearl Earring"]

Chelsea, Chloe, Peaches: [Gasp] Oh my God.

Chelsea: You want to steal Scarlett Johansson?

Kelly: You are so blonde, Chelsea.

Chelsea: [the earpieces Chelsea, Chloe and Peaches are using to help cheat during the quiz show are suddenly shut off, causing them to generate feedback right into the girls' ears] That hurt worse than a Brazilian wax.

Chelsea: All I ever wanted to do was spend my life loving you, you disgusting sack of shit.

Seth: If that's all you wanted, then why did you hire the sleaziest lawyer in town, you pathologically deluded, morally bankrupt, in-denial, self-esteem-deficient bitch on wheels?

Chelsea: I am NOT in denial.

Chelsea: I really like this guy. I think that Seth could be the one.

Holly: Are you serious? Does he feel the same way?

Chelsea: Please, he's a man. He has no idea how he's feeling.

Holly: We're going to go over strategy. Now, remember, Chelsea, it took me three breakups, seven ultimatums, and God knows how many not-so-thinly veiled threats before Larry coughed up this ring.

Chelsea: Oooh. Okay, whatever it takes, I'm gonna marry that man.

Seth: But we agreed to $100,000. We shook on it. We had sex on it.

Chelsea: Hate sex.

Seth: [in the shower] Oh my God! My hair is falling out!

Chelsea: You know stress will do that to ya!

Seth: Holy shit! It's really falling out!

[hair begins to fall out rapidly]

Seth: Oh my God! AHHH! OH! OOOHH!

[steps out of shower and looks into mirror]

Seth: AHHHHHHHHHHH! What did you do to me?

Chelsea: I didn't do anything! You must have used my hair remover instead of your conditioner

Seth: Noo! YOU PUT SOME IN THERE TO FUCK WITH ME!

Chelsea: No, I didn't! I swear!

Seth: Ooooohhhhh you are the fuckin' devil! THE DEVIL!

Chelsea: Can I make it up to you?

Seth: What did you have in mind?

Chelsea: Back rub, blow-job, breakfast in bed.

Seth: The three B's! It has a chance at working.

Chelsea: [Sleeping in bed with Seth, he farts and the pets disperse] Ugh, you are such a pig!

Seth: Oh... man, I am so sorry! You know I had beans and broccoli for dinner and I washed them down with some crab cakes...

[farts loudly]

Seth: OH!...

Chelsea: [simultaneously] EWWW! Ew! Ew!

Seth: Goodness! I am so sorry. Would you like to spoon me? Because, I feel like I'm past the worst of it, and I need some cuddle-time - Oh, wait, no, I was wrong. Incoming!

[farts]

Seth: OH!...

Chelsea: [simultaneously] Ugh, you're sick! Ew!

Seth: My goodness! Keeping the neighbors up, huh? Feet are on fire. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!

[farts rapidly, four times]

Seth: Oh man! I've got skills! I've got game! Ah... mmmm - oh!

[farts loudly]

Seth: Ole!

Chelsea: [voice-over] On October 25th, I met with Dennis. We had lunch at Nobu and then went to a hotel room. During lunch, he talked about the financial crisis. When we got back to the hotel room, he immediately got on the phone and ordered some Macallan 25. I put on a Kiki de Montparnasse corset, panties and gloves. The shoes were basic Zara. After he got off the phone, we made out for a while and then he asked me to masturbate, which I did. Then he masturbated while watching me. He made another appointment for November 3rd.

Chelsea: Sometimes clients think they want the real you, but at the end of the day, they say they don't. They want what... they want what you want to be. They want you to be something else. They don't want you to be yourself.

Interviewer: Suppose I'm that rare client that really wants to...

Chelsea: If they wanted you to be yourself, they wouldn't be paying you.

Interviewer: We agreed to meet here and have this kind of situation, which is a transactional situation like the one you deal with all the time in your business, right? Now, we're up to this part where I'm asking you something that would actually be intresting to me, and I feel that you're holding out on me. I mean, the thing is that the inner you is really... I mean, there's... in this business it's all about appearance, right? If you weren't beautiful, nobody would be paying to bang you, right? To put it grossly, right? So the thing is that if you weren't beautiful, you wouldn't be in this business. Is that right? Do we agree on that? So, suppose I like your looks, but I'm really much more intrested in the real you because I get a sense from looking at your picture on your web site... I'm not talking about myself, but I'd say somebody else... I got a feeling looking at your picture and also looking into your eyes right now and the way your doing that with your hair and the way you're wearing your little outfit there and all that other stuff... and I like your earings. And here's someone I really would like to get to know a little better. So, is that iron door of yours always gonna be closed?

Chelsea: For most people, yes.

Interviewer: Most? For some people, is it possible that there might be a crack in that little door you could walk through? This kind of thing that you could possibly get through? I assume the armor in your situation must be very thick just because it has to be, right? So, what kind of guy would it have to be?

Chelsea: [voice-over] I met with Phillipe on October 5th and 6th. I wore a Michael Kors dress and shoes with La Perla lingerie underneath, and diamond stud earrings. We met at 7:30 PM at the hotel, and had a drink downstairs. He liked my dress but didn't go into detail why, and didn't mention anything else about my appearance. We ate dinner at Blue Hill. Phillipe didn't ask for a menu and had the chef serve us a five-course meal, a different wine with each course. We went to the 9:40 PM showing of 'Man on Wire' at the Sunshine Cinema, and he liked the movie. We went back to the hotel and talked for half an hour. Mostly about a friend of his that keeps borrowing money from him and not paying it back. Then we had sex for about an hour. After that, we talked for about 15 minutes and he fell asleep. At breakfast, he briefly told me his worries regarding the economy, and he said I should invest my money in gold. He also mentioned a book about how the Federal Reserve works. He didn't make another appointment.

Interviewer: What I'm trying to build up to here is to see the role this guy plays in your life. Not necessarily your relationship between you... I'm not intrested in the intimate details between these two people... you and your boyfriend. I'm intrested in the kind of relationship somebody in your business would have with someone they actually love.

Chelsea: You'll have to ask him on that.

Chelsea: [into a phone] So, what are you looking forward to? Do you have anything specific in mind?

David: [voice] Well... you know, after looking at your web site I'd just really love to get together with you. I'm just kind of feeling stressed out. I should probally see a shrink, but it seems more fun to see you.

Chelsea: Why don't you tell me about yourself? Are you married? Do you have kids? What kind of screenplay are you working on?

David: Yes and yes, and no comment.

Chelsea: How many kids do you have?

David: I have two little girls. Don't make me feel bad, though.

Chelsea: I woun't.

Chelsea: This David and I clicked. There was something there. And I told him that...

Chelsea's Girlfriend: You told him that?

Chelsea: I told him that I was going out of town for the weekend. And he didn't like that at all, and what really set it off was when he insulted me about my... you know. All about my personology books. I had a feeling he didn't support me in my belief. And I found out last night for sure.

Chelsea's Girlfriend: So he found out last night that he doesn't like your astrology?

Chelsea: It's not astrology. Are you goint to do this to me too?

Chelsea's Girlfriend: It kind of is.

Chelsea: It's not. I mean 20,000 people... that's more than just reading star signs.

Chelsea's Girlfriend: I definitely think it's important. It's critical to have someone who supports you. But it's important to you know... I don't want to be negative, 'cause I think that feeling when you connect with a client is the best feeling in the world, and I don't want to be sort of down on that.

Chelsea: It's funny because I wanted to get away from my parents. I didn't want to depend on them. I didn't want their money. And that's more than half the reason I started doing this profession in the first place. I now have a lot of money saved up, and I woun't completely feel like I'm dependent on him. Monetarily at least.

Chelsea: [voice-over] On October 18th, I met with Dan. I wore a vintage black cashmere sweater, earnest sewn jeans, and Pour la Victoire boots. Dan talked the entire time. We didn't have sex. He was very upset about a contract his firm lost to I.M. PEI. He set another date for Tuesday, October 21st.

Lawrence: I got business I gotta do this weekend.

Chelsea: What business?

Lawrence: Music. I'm trying to start a label.

Chelsea: Oh, yeah? Like what kind? Like rap?

Lawrence: Why you gotta go racial? Look, don't put me in a box, all right? What, because I'm black I can't listen to Green Day?

Chelsea: You're right, that was dumb. So, what kind of music?

Lawrence: Rap.

[from trailer]

Chelsea: What are you doing, Nolan?