Chaz Quotes in Fanboys (2009)

Chaz: [to Star Wars fans dressed as Boba Fett] All right, let's move it, Boba Fags. End of the line.

Chaz: [to Hutch and Windows] Holy shit. If it ain't C-3Penis Face and R2-Dickhead.

Hutch: What did you just say, you giant bastard?

Hahn: Say, we got any candy corn left back there?

Chaz: Nah man, you ate that all before we even got into Mexico.

Hahn: That's right... Shoot. Yeah... I never bring enough.

Chaz: Enough what?

Hahn: Candy corn.

Chaz: Okay. Oh well.

Wren: Where are we?

Chaz: I'm trying to figure that out.

Chaz: How 'bout a joke?

Wren: Let's hear it.

Chaz: What do you call a buffalo with two sons?

Chaz: A bison.

Wren: That's funny.

Chaz: It's pretty funny.

Wren: We're gonna have to climb that mountain way out there in the morning to see where we are. Do you know which one I mean?

Chaz: That big one that's shaped like a tombstone?

Wren: Yeah. I'd rather not think of it that way though.

Chaz: You know, if you think about it, doctors are kinda like the gatekeepers between life and death. Takes a special kind of person to do that. To stand at the gates as the last chance some person has at living. I don't think I could do that. I don't think I could be a gatekeeper.

Sara: You know, he asked me to marry him.

Chaz: He's not the first...

Sara: No, but it was the first time I wanted to say "Yes".

Chaz: Now, don't forget, dinner is at eight. It's dressy because we are going to eat and we are going dancing.

Sara: Wooh.

Chaz: We're gonna see if Last of the Mohicans here's got rhythm.

Chaz: This isn't a dress, this is a sequined sensation.

Nelson: Wow. Wow. Very, uh, Pink Flamingos.

Chaz: Oh my god. Sweetheart! He says I look like Divine!

[Brandon comes in with a tray wearing a dress]

Brandon: Ugh! That's awful. Although you could lose a few pounds.

Chaz: Stop it.

Brandon: You stop it.

Chaz: Bitch.

Chaz: Did you change the beans or something?

Sara: Yep, it's hazelnut. You don't like it?

Chaz: Honestly, it tastes like camel piss. Lets stick to the classics in future.

Chaz: Three hours sleep last night. Took Valerian root, melatonin, the Shoping Channel. You know what did the trick in the end?

Sara: What?

Chaz: Jimmy Cagney. Public Enemy. Violence is a tranquiliser. How twisted is that.

Chaz: I do believe that is my favourite sweatshirt I see.

Sara: Uh huh.

Chaz: You must be November.

Nelson Moss: I must be November?

Sara: That's Nelson.

Chaz: Hey Nelson, how are you? I'm Chaz.

Nelson Moss: Hey.

Chaz: You know what? Keep the sweatshirt. It looks better on you.

Nelson Moss: Is this some kind of uh, communal, culty, squeaky charlie type a deal?

Brandon: A little lovin' from the oven. Cous cous for everyone.

Sara: Wow. Did you make that?

Brandon: Uh huh.

Chaz: Excuse me. What did you just say?

Brandon: Well making, buying, it's all a very thin line.

Chaz: Very impressive set of pecs you've got there Nelson. You work out then? Me, I haven't got time. Your pecs on the other hand, darling, are just edible.

Nelson Moss: Oh my god, you're Chaz Watley.

Brandon: Oh look, baby's famous.

Chaz: Don't even go there.

Chaz: Besides, I never mess up a kid's head, especially when his mom's in the shop.

Honey: [Chuckles] He's eight. That would have made me 14. I'm not that kind of girl.

Chaz: My bad.

Honey: We just peoples.

Raymond: Yeah, we peoples.

Chaz: You peoples? Playa, playa, how'd you swing that? I've been tryin' to be her peoples for weeks. Ain't had no luck.

Raymond: I got flow.

[All laughing]

Chaz: I got flow too. You don't think I got some flow?

Raymond: Maybe not as much as me.

Chaz: ...I found something that I truly love, that truly makes me happy. That's a million times better than something that makes you rich.

Chaz: [watching Kit and Rob through binoculars] Respectable young Quaker couple returning from a quiet afternoon of nonviolent sex.

Chaz: Hey guy, your fly is open and your Hostess Twinkie is hanging out.

Chaz: Boy Muffy, you really know how to make a guy look forward to... dessert.

Arch: Please God, let it be Ding-Dongs!

Arch: You're telling me! When I was out there swinging in the woods, I nearly crapped my pants.

Ferryman: What do you mean "nearly"?

Chaz: Arch? You browned your trou?

Arch: Well, uh... you know, I was...

Constable Potter: It's all right, Arch, they'll be out of the dryer soon.

[first lines]

Nikki: My name is Mary O'Reilly O'Toole O'Shea. Somewhere out there is the island my friend Muffy owns. It's spring break and she's invited us over there for the weekend and we're waiting for the ferry now to take us there, and... I don't know what else to say.

Chaz: [voice] Why don't you tell us something about yourself?

Nikki: Oh, all right, something about myself. Um, I wanna work with handicapped children, and my parents are my best friends. Oh, and I start convent school next semester... and I fuck on the first date. April Fool's!

Chaz: [stands close to Nan and coughs exaggeratedly] Hi, what're you reading?

Nan: Milton's Paradise Lost, for Professor Russo's course in English epic. You know, it's a shame; it's a dying form.

Chaz: Dying...

Nan: Not too many people read it nowadays, even in college.

Chaz: [feigning interest] Really?

Nan: What about you?

Chaz: Oh, uh, Treasure Island - the history of pornography in America.

Eddie: Two guys got murdered in their car last night.

Chaz: Holy shit! Were they boning each other?

Eddie: Yes, Chaz, they were boning each other.

Chaz: Ha ha! At least they died doing it, right?