Charlie Tweeder Quotes in Varsity Blues (1999)

Charlie Tweeder: Will you listen to me? Bitches are all just panty droppers. You understand? That's it.

Mox: What?

Charlie Tweeder: Listen. You give 'em a Percocet, two Vicodin and a couple of beers, and the panties drop. It's very nice.

Mox: [laughing]

Charlie Tweeder: [emphatically] It's nice.

Mox: Tweeder, you think you'll enjoy prison?

Charlie Tweeder: [not paying attention] I don't know.

Charlie Tweeder: [looks into his jockstrap] The fuck is that?

Charlie Tweeder: [singing] "She broke my heart, so I broke her jaw."

Charlie Tweeder: Ladies, shut up and hold on to your nipples!

Charlie Tweeder: Jonathan Moxon your are under arrest for not being naked with some sophomore chick who wants to bathe you with her tongue, now take off your god damn clothes and get in the car.

Charlie Tweeder: Hey you wanna see the new Tweeder end zone dance?

[Tweeder dances]

Charlie Tweeder: You know what it's called?

Mox: What?

Charlie Tweeder: The New Tweeder End Zone Dance.

Charlie Tweeder: [Mox lines up the second string offense in an unusual formation] What the hell kind of offense is that? Kilmer's gonna eat his ass, watch this...

[Kilmer blows his whistle]

Charlie Tweeder: [Mooning Mox and Billy Bob through the truck window] Good moonin, boys! Good moonin! I have been up since the crack of dawn and I had to *ass* you a question.

Charlie Tweeder: Say I'm stupid and I'm about to get hit in the nuts.

Billy Bob: That's funny.

Charlie Tweeder: Ain't it funny? That's what I mean. See they need to change the name of the show to America's funniest shots in the nuts.

Charlie Tweeder: [after stealing a cop car] I'm gonna go to jail!

Police Officer: Congratulations.

Charlie Tweeder: Congratulations to you, too.

Police Officer: Congratulations for what?

Charlie Tweeder: For getting to wear such cute "mountme" hats.

Police Officer: Mount me?

Charlie Tweeder: Not right away. After a few drinks...