Charlie Linderman Quotes in Freddy vs. Jason (2003)

[after seeing Jason at the rave]

Kia Waterson: Was that him? The guy you were talking about... Freddy Krueger?

Lori Campbell: No, that wasn't the guy in my dream. That was somebody else.

Charlie Linderman: Who cares about some fucking dream guy, okay? That psycho in the hockey mask was real.

Bill Freeburg: Dude, that goalie was pissed about something.

Deputy Scott Stubbs: I don't know, maybe what we need to do is to offer Freddy a, a sacrifice.

Bill Freeburg: Yeah, yeah, totally. Like a, like a virgin, right? Someone pure.

[Everyone looks at Linderman]

Charlie Linderman: Dude, don't look at me. Even if you pay for it, it still counts.

Deputy Scott Stubbs: I think we're dealing with a copycat here.

Charlie Linderman: No. No. No, no, no. He's not a copycat. I've seen what he can do. He's the real Jason.

Deputy Scott Stubbs: That's impossible, Linderman. Jason is dead.

Bill Freeburg: Yeah, well, you better start thinking outside your little box, dude, 'cause somebody's definitely breaking the fucking reality rules, okay?

Lori Campbell: What is it, Linderman?

Charlie Linderman: Well, I heard what happened, and I just wanna express how - Or tell you how sorry I was.

Lori Campbell: Thank you. That's sweet.

Charlie Linderman: Right. You know, actually if you need anybody to talk to or maybe...

Kia Waterson: Whoa, Linderman, let me give you a tip. Place your hormones back in the box and quit while ahead, okay? We don't have time for date-a-dork right now. Thanks.

[Lori and Kia walk off]

Charlie Linderman: Right. Sorry.

Kia Waterson: I swear, every day is the same thing. He's like one of those fucking froufrou dogs that keeps humping your legs.

Kia Waterson: Linderman, you know, I always pictured you as a straight-up bed-wetter.

Charlie Linderman: You know what, Kia? I used to think you hated me because you thought I wasn't good enough for Lori, but that's not it. You tear me down to make yourself feel better, because you really hate yourself, which is kind of pathetic when you actually stop and think about it. Assuming, of course, you *can* think, with all that make-up weighing down your head.

[Linderman leaves; Kia and Lori look impressed]

Lori Campbell: [to Linderman] What happened to your clothes?

Charlie Linderman: Oh, this?

[gestures to his alcohol-stained clothes]

Charlie Linderman: I was... playing a drinking game with some of the lower primates... and I guess I'm penalized for my ability to read above a fourth-grade level.