Chantal Quotes in Joyride (2005)

Chantal: It's your dead body!

Grandma Klump: Cletus, have you ever heard of the expression 'mercy hump'?

Papa Klump: Say what?

[Chantel laughs loudly]

Grandma Klump: 'Cause that's what you've been getting all these years - mercy humps.

Mama Klump: Mama, don't start! Stop it!

Papa Klump: You outta your goddamn mind. Let me tell you something...

Chantal: [laughs] He ain't got nothin' but a limp doodle!

[Anna gasps as Cletus grows offended, Chantel stops laughing]

Chantal: Oops, sorry.

Grandma Klump: [to Cletus, laughs] God'll getcha!

Mama Klump: Clesius!

[to Chantal and Grandma]

Mama Klump: Oh, look what you've done! Oh.

Chantal: Oh... I...

Papa Klump: You girls are crazy. I'm leaving. I don't believe it.

[storms out]

Mama Klump: Oh, Clesius, Clesius, wait! Clesius! Oh, Clesius! Cletus, I only told her 'cause she's got so much experience in sexual matters.

Papa Klump, Mama Klump, Chantal: [furiously] I ain't nothin' but a big damn joke to you, ain't I, Anna! Why don't you tell the whole world: 'my husband ain't nothin' but a big ol' pile of worthless crap'!

[Cletus leaves]

Mama Klump: [sadly] Cletus! Cletus! Oh!

Miss Clavel: What's going on, girls?

Girls: Nothing!

Chantal: We're not hiding anything.

Madeline: I'll tell you what's going on. Lord Cucuface...

Miss Clavel: Covington.

Madeline: Cucuface! He's going to sell the school.

[several girls gasp]

Madeline: I heard it!

Aggie: Is it true?

Miss Clavel: [sighs softly] Yes, girls. Lord Covington intends to sell the school.

[the girls talk indistictly among themselves about Lord Covington, then Miss Clavel silences them]

Miss Clavel: Please... please... please.

[the girls get silent]

Miss Clavel: All of this is no reason for us to stop acting like proper young ladies. We will not fall to pieces, we will maintain composure. Lord *Covington* is showing the house tomorrow, and *I* intend for it to be spot... spotle -...

[sneezes]

Miss Clavel: Spotless.

Aggie: Bless you.

Miss Clavel: Thank you. Good night.

[walks to the doorway to give the girls one last warning]

Miss Clavel: And another thing: all of you young ladies know that there is a strict rule against pets in the school. What you do not know is that I'm highly allergic to dogs. Your new friend can sleep in the garden shed. Now to...

[sneezes again]

Miss Clavel: Bed.

Chantal: I give you Swami Bu.

Vijay: Swami, you're on.

[a drunk Swami collapses]

Vijay: Swami Bu has gone to another dimension.

Chantal: [Edwin in her bedroom] What's wrong? You haven't been up here since the Reagan administration.

Edwin: [undresses] It's Bush time.

[Chantal freaks out]

Lexi: Mother, when you realize that not all people of color were put here to serve you?

Chantal: Lexi, darling, how can say that? I've served food to the homeless. Good food. Food I'd eat myself if I still ate carbs.

Chantal: Lexi, can I see you in the kitchen?

Lexi: Do you know where it is?

Chantal: A man is a man until he marries, then he becomes a husband!

Chantal: He's your idea, you dreamed him up, you make him go away!

Chantal: [Cooking over the stove] Oh, mama, what's the use? Whom am I ever gonna get a chance to cook *for*? Do you realize that nobody's asked me to marry him in a week?

Chantal: No, no, Mr. Wright. Even thought I am half-French, when a perfect stranger tells you that his interest in you is purely physical... Mon dieu!

Eugene: Yeah, but you didn't let me finish. I'd like you to come over to my place tomorrow at 2 o'clock. Ten dollars an hour.

Chantal: [slaps him]

Chantal: Oh, mama, I am so afraid.

Germaine Stacy: Of love?

Chantal: Of being disappointed in it.

Germaine Stacy: Shoo-shoo, if you come to love and say to it "If you're so wonderful, please me, satisfy me, fulfill me", then you probably will be disappointed. It all depends on what you yourself bring to it. Don't you disappoint love.