Champ Kind Quotes in Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)

Ron Burgundy: Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast.

Champ Kind: It jumped up a notch.

Ron Burgundy: It did, didn't it?

Brick Tamland: Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart.

Ron Burgundy: I saw that. Brick killed a guy. Did you throw a trident?

Brick Tamland: Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident.

Ron Burgundy: Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.

Ed Harken: A lot of you have been hearing the affiliates complaining about a lack of diversity on the news team.

Champ Kind: What in the hell's diversity?

Ron Burgundy: Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.

Ed Harken: Ron, I would be surprised if the affiliates were concerned about the lack of an old, old wooden ship, but nice try.

Brian Fantana: Don't get me wrong, I love the ladies. I mean they rev my engines, but they don't belong in the newsroom.

Champ Kind: It is anchor*man*, not anchor*lady*. And that is a scientific fact.

Brick Tamland: I don't know what we're yelling about.

Brian Fantana: You're with us, Ron, what do you think?

Ron Burgundy: [shouting] She... Sh... It's terrible. She has beautiful eyes, and her hair smells like cinnamon.

Brick Tamland: [shouts] Loud noises.

Ron Burgundy: Last time I looked in the dictionary, my name's Ron Burgundy. What's your name?

Brian Fantana: Brian Fantana.

Champ Kind: Champ Kind.

Brick Tamland: Brian Fantana.

Brian Fantana: No, you're Brick.

Brick Tamland: Brian.

Brian Fantana: I'm Brian.

Brick Tamland: Veronica.

Brian Fantana: Where is the suit store? We've been walking for forty-five minutes.

Champ Kind: Brick, I thought you said this was a shortcut.

Brick Tamland: Fantastic.

Ron Burgundy: Well, is it a shortcut or not?

Brick Tamland: Okay.

Champ Kind: I will smash your face into a car windshield, and then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again.

Wes Mantooth: Dorothy Mantooth is a Saint!

Ron Burgundy: Hey, let's leave the mothers out of this.

Ron Burgundy: [singing] Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight / Gonna grab some afternoon delight / My motto's always been, "When it's right, it's right" / Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?

Ron Burgundy, Brian Fantana, Champ Kind, Brick Tamland: [singing] When everything's a little clearer in the light of day / And we know the night is always gonna be there anyway.

Brian Fantana, Brick Tamland: [singing] Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite / Looking forward to a little afternoon delight / Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite / And the thought of lovin' you is getting so exciting.

Ron Burgundy, Brian Fantana, Champ Kind, Brick Tamland: [singing] Sky rockets in flight / Afternoon delight.

Ron Burgundy: You guys have it, I think.

Ron Burgundy, Brian Fantana, Champ Kind, Brick Tamland: [singing] Afternoon delight.

Champ Kind: I don't know Ron, That sounds kinda crazy.

Brian Fantana: Sounds like you have mental problems, man.

Brick Tamland: Yeah you got mental problems, man.

Brian Fantana: Yeah, he really does.

Brick Tamland: Man.

Ron Burgundy, Brian Fantana, Champ Kind, Brick Tamland: [singing] Afternoon delight.

Champ Kind: The bottom line is you've been spending a lot of time with this lady, Ron. You're a member of the Channel Four News Team.

Ron Burgundy: That's a given.

Champ Kind: We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much! I miss being with you. I miss being *near* you. I miss your laugh!

[laughs playfully and pulls on Ron's sleeve]

Champ Kind: I miss your scent.

[composes himself, becomes serious]

Champ Kind: I miss your musk... When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together!

Brian Fantana: Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you sit this next one out, stop talking for a while.

Brian Fantana: That was one crazy party. I am *hung ovaaah!*.

Champ Kind: [theatrical version only] I woke up on the floor of some Japanese family's rec room, and they would NOT stop screaming.

Brick Tamland: Oh, yeah. I ate a big red candle.

Champ Kind: [uncut version] Tell me about it. I woke up this morning and I shit a squirrel. I mean it, literally. Hell of it is, damn thing's still alive. So I got this shit-covered squirrel down there in the office. Don't know what to name it.

Brick Tamland: Oh, I'm sorry, Champ. I think I ate your chocolate squirrel.

Brick Tamland: [after a rival news team insults Ron and the team. Brick is standing next to the rival team] Heinie...

[laughs]

Brick Tamland: He said heinie!

Champ Kind: Brick, get back over here!

Ron Burgundy: Go easy on her, guys, she has feelings too, you know.

Brian Fantana: Listen to Burgundy, he sounds like some school-boy bitch.

Champ Kind: You sound like a gay.

Ron Burgundy: Hey, this is me - Papa Burgundy. As far as I'm concerned Corningstone's fair game. Let the games begin. Wey-ho. Wey-ho.

Brian Fantana: There he is, there he is... I'm very aroused

Champ Kind: Champ here! I'm all about havin' fun. You know, get a couple cocktails in me, start a fire in someone's kitchen. Maybe go to SeaWorld, take my pants off. Anyway, I kinda known for my catch phrase WHAMMY! As in Gene Tenace at the plate... iiittt WHAMMY! WHAMMY!

Champ Kind: What do you say if we go out on a date? Have some chicken, maybe some sex... You know, see what happens.

Champ Kind: He's standing in the middle of the baseline saying, "You gotta take home plate from me!" So there I go head first...

Champ Kind: What's it like, Ron?

Ron Burgundy: The intimate times? Outta sight, my man.

Brian Fantana: No, the other thing - love.

Brick Tamland: Yeah, what is that?

Champ Kind: I believe in two things: Chicken, and that the census is a way for the UN to make your children gay.

CBC News Anchor: There's not gonna be any fight without Scott Riles and the incredibly polite Canadian news team.

Canadian Anchor: What about the French-speaking Quebec News? The real voice of Canada!

CBC News Anchor: Give it a rest, eh?

Champ Kind: Give me a break! They can't have news. Nothing happens in Canada!

Canadian Anchor: That's not true! Sometimes people's feelings get hurt.

CBC News Anchor: And sometimes the lake freezes.

Brick Tamland: I like your ginger ale!

[At Madison Square Park, Ron runs into Jack Lime and his team]

Ron Burgundy: [shocked] What the hell?

Jack Lime: Well, hello, Ron. You out for a jog?

Ron Burgundy: Jack Lime!

[Parents and children scatter away]

Ron Burgundy: Where's everyone going? Please, I don't have time to talk, okay? I have to be somewhere.

Jack Lime: Well, that's funny. 'Cause I got nowhere to be because you pretty much destroyed my career. Do you realize what it did to me, by making myself call me "Jack Lame"?

[yells]

Jack Lime: It was a living hell!

[panting]

Ron Burgundy: I'm telling you, you have to let me go!

Jack Lime: Oh, don't worry. Four against one. This'll be over fast.

Brian Fantana: Maybe not so fast!

[Champ, Brick, and Brian appear to the rescue]

Ron Burgundy: My news team! Thank God!

Champ Kind: Ain't a day that will be or has been that we don't Ron Burgundy's back.

Jack Lime: Not a problem. When I done with these mutts, I gonna wipe my shoes on the curb.

Brick Tamland: Oh, yeah, Jack Lime? When I'm done with you, my mom's gonna pick me up and take me home.

Champ Kind: We use mainly bats.

[giving the sports recap, featuring several home runs in rapid succession]

Champ Kind: Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Back to you Ron.

Brian Fantana: [referring to Jill and Wendy] I like the way they're put together.

Champ Kind: I like fighting girls.

Jill Janson, Entertainment Tonight Reporter: I like to cunt punt cowboys.

Wendy Van Peele, Entertainment Tonight Reporter: You eat pussy?

Jill Janson, Entertainment Tonight Reporter: You're gonna.

Freddie Shapp: Oh, hey Linda. I wanna introduce you to Ron Burgundy.

Linda Jackson: Hello Mr. Burgundy.

Ron Burgundy: Oh, black. You're black.

[Linda laughs awkwardly]

Ron Burgundy: I'm terribly sorry, I don't know why I can't stop saying: black.

Linda Jackson: Is this for real?

Freddie Shapp: I'm sorry.

Linda Jackson: [angry] No it's okay. Okay. So you have a black boss. And it's freaking you out. Is it freaking you out?

Ron Burgundy: A little bit.

Linda Jackson: Are you freaked out?

Ron Burgundy: To be honest

Linda Jackson: [yells] Is it freaking you out?

Champ Kind: Oh! She's got a knife!

[Brick hides behind a couch]

Ron Burgundy: I think you scared him. You can't shout at Brick.

Linda Jackson: We're not all here to hold hands and sing Kumbaya. So as long as you guys get numbers, we are gonna get along just fine. Now if you don't, I am gonna be icy and unpleasant. You dig?

Ron Burgundy: I dig. We all dig.