Chad Quotes in Charlie's Angels (2000)

Chad: Is it the eggs?

Dylan: It's not the eggs.

Chad: Is it the boat?

Dylan: No, it's not the boat, I have to go though.

Chad: Is it the Chad?

Dylan: It might be the Chad.

Chad: The Chad... It's the Chad!

[Chad falls into the water]

Chad: The Chad... is stuck.

Chad: Starfish, I would just like to say that I'm honored, honored to see you taking an interest in my work and I also think you're very pretty and... (sees girls getting scuba gear on) Starfish? Where are you going? Starfish are you going swimming? Where are you going? Where are you going again Starfish? Was it the Chad?

Dylan: No the Chad was great.

Chad: The Chad was great.

[Natalie, Dylan, Alex, and Chad are on a boat]

Natalie: Hey Chad, does this thing go any faster? We're kind of in a hurry, and I could really open her up, and if you wanted me to drive.

[turns to Dylan]

Natalie: I could drive, right?

Chad: I'm sorry, friend of Starfish, but there's only one captain of this love boat. That captain is me. The Chad.

Natalie: The Chad.

[both Natalie and Dylan are giggling]

Natalie: Chad, captain of the love boat-

Chad: [correcting Natalie] *The* Chad.

Natalie: We're kind of in a hurry.

Chad: [repeating] *The* Chad.

Chad: Good morning Starfish.

Dylan: Good morning Chad. Sweet Chad.

Chad: Where are you going, Starfish and Friends?

Chad: [seeing Ryan with a box of fliers to pass out] Haha - that sucks.

[Ryan shoves the box at him]

Chad: No way! This sucks more!

Chad: [greeting girls at the pier] Hey Chloe. Sam. Friend with nipples.

[talking to Ryan on a payphone]

Chad: Dude, I have no idea what just happened. One minute I'm talking to nipples, next thing you know, I'm wearing a whale costume handing out flyers.

Ryan: [laughs] That sucks. Sounds like she got you.

Chad: I mean, I'm not saying it doesn't have its benefits.

[to two girls that pass him by]

Chad: Hey, you guys know that a blue whale's got an 11-foot penis? Heal the Bay.

Ryan: It's Chloe!

Chad: No, dude, don't do this! Don't do this!

Ryan: I'm just gonna say "hi."

Chad: You're not gonna say "hi."

Ryan: No "hi"?

Chad: No "hi."

Ryan: I can't say...

Chad: [shouts] Come on, man! Hold it together! This girl, she *dumped* you, all right? Have some self-respect, have some dignity!

Ryan: You're right.

Chad: Be strong.

Ryan: You're right.

Chad: Yeah.

Ryan: Thank you.

Chad: All right.

[he gets distracted by girls in bikinis]

Chad: Oh! What's goin' on, ladies?

[Ryan leaves to go talk to Chloe]

Ann Marie: What can I do to improve?

Chad: Moving would help.

Faye: But I thought you already decided on The Echoes.

Jimmy: Nah, some band in Buffalo's the Echoes. And I wasn't wild about that.

Lenny: Let's just call us The - Band You're About To Hear.

Chad: How about The Corvettes?

Jimmy: Is that The Corvettes, or the Chordvettes?

Chad: No, Corvettes, like the car.

Jimmy: Well see, I was thinking like the Chord...

[writes Chordvettes]

Jimmy: *Chord*vettes, like chords in our music.

Lenny: [Guy walks in] Is that "Skitch" Patterson?

Chad: Here he is, Erie's lone beatnik.

The Bass Player: How about the Tempos? Ya know, tempos?

Lenny: Not the Tempos, Tempos. I was in a band already called The Tempos, and we were... terrible.

Chad: Hey Guy, weren't you the drummer for the Tempos?

Guy: Heard that.

Chad: So Todd, how does one get into the hedgehog business anyway?

Todd: Oh, it's actually hedge funds.

Chad: [seething] You think you're better than me?

Allison: Wait, wait! Everyone just stop for a second and let's talk this out, okay? Nobody wants to hurt anyone.

Tucker: [as he favors the hand with the fingers that Chad cut off] You could've fooled me!

Chad: Fuck off, hillbilly!

Tucker: Eat shit, body perm!

Allison: Wait! Wait! How 'bout I make some tea and we all sit and talk this out.

Tucker: S-s-sounds like a good idea. I'll provide the finger sandwiches!

Chad: [Comes up to Tucker, who is hanging upside down] I've never stood so close to pure evil before.

Chad: [Sniffs close to Tucker's face] It kinda' stinks.

Tucker: It said it was 24-hour protection!

Chad: It's time for you to feel *my* pain!

Dale: I'm ready, frat bitch!

Chad: It's time for you to feel my pain!

Dale: Bring it, frat bitch!

Chad: There is no truth! Everything is a lie!

Chad: You're like the woman from The Omen. You've given birth to a demon, and now it's gonna kill you.

Liza Weld: You probably identify with the kid from The Omen, right?

Chad: Ooh!

Liza Weld: See, you're an only child, aren't you?

Chad: I gotta say, I don't understand how my parents' limited reproductive ability reflects badly on me. I'm the sperm that made it!

Chad: Liza? Everyone is so hot for this paper, I just wanted to let you know. I'm about to run off another ten copies.

Liza Weld: Just stop.

Chad: It's like a Harry Potter book, if Harry Potter made people really, really angry. You're in hot water, you're lobsterising. Do you smell lobster? Because I smell lobster. Strong... bisque wafting this way.

Liza Weld: How far would you go with Linton, you freaky little stalker? Downtown? Or all the way up Brokeback Mountain?

Chad: Smells like bisque.

Liza Weld: Smells like bisque?

Chad: Smells like bisque.

Mr. Burke: Now, when I say "Romeo and Juliet," who comes to mind?

Dana: Claire Danes?

Mr. Burke: That's right, Claire Danes. Who else?

Chad: Leonardo DiCaprio.

Mr. Burke: Right. Who else? Well, you know someone else was involved in that movie who in some ways is as famous as Leonardo Di Caprio. And his name is William Shakespeare. And some great movies have been made based on his plays: Hamlet, West Side Story, The Talented Mr. Ripley, Waterworld, Gladiator, Chocolat...

Shaun: Hey guys, what's up?

Chad: Hey, what's up dude? Hey dude, check this out. Last night we're at this party, and little Arlo here,he decides to like confess his undying love to me. Did I tell ya he was a fruitcake or what?

Arlo: Bro, that's not true. This is the real story dude. Chad crashed at my house right, and I woke up in the night, he wa fondling my...

Chad: Dude, I lost my keys. I was looking for 'em.

Chad: Where the fuck is the administrations office?

Older Female Donor: Are you fucking with me?

Chad: What?

Older Female Donor: What?

Chad: Where the fuck is the administrations office?

Elya Carlson: [from trailer] If Mr. Thomas every gets tired of me and spends his evenings with other ladies...

Chad: You'll cut his own throat.

Chad: Hey, man. Who's Victor Crowley?

Layton: Well, he's nothing. A local bogeyman story about a retarded maniac who haunts Honey Island. People just use it to keep kids away from the swamp.

Chad: You mean like a Jason Voorhees or something?

Layton: Something like that.

Chad: When I was eight, I lived in this town called Glen Echo. Our ghost story is about this man named Leslie Vernon...

[last lines]

Chad: Goodnight, movie girlfriend.

Michelle: Goodnight.

Chad: You're like Michael Jordan, I'm Bill Lambier! I've got no game!

Chad: What did you call me?

Nick: You heard me. I called you a "Hostess Twinkie motherfucker," motherfucker!

Chad: Hey Wolf, is this my mark?

Wolf: Until you fucking change it.

Chad: Roll that motherfucking camera, Wolfie!

Wolf: Kiss my ass!

Chad: YEAH!

Chad: Let's hurt somebody.

Chad: No matter what happens after it - jumped over for promotions, wife runs off with some biochemist, who knows what... But we would always have this thing to fall back on. We could always say, "Yeah, fine, but they never got me like we got her."

Chad: Never trust anything that can bleed for a week and not die.

Chad: Life is for the taking, is it not?

Chad: Never lose control, that's the key.

Chad: Let me give you a professional tip. The word is ASK.

Chad: Fuck her! Let's get a sandwich!

Chad: What's the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot? I'll spend twenty minutes looking for a golf ball!

Chad: [Snaps his fingers then Yells] Hey!

Chad: Women. Nice ones, the most frigid of the race, it doesn't matter in the end. Inside they're all the same meat and gristle and hatred just simmering.

Chad: [on killing Ryan] He came at me with a knife... what did you expect?

Chad: I'd rather feel like total shit sometimes, and God the rest of the time, than just like - ok all the time, you know? Fuck mediocrity

Chad: Sex is meaningful.

Dr. David Monroe: [disbelief] You've had sex?

[group laughs]

Chad: That's gotta be the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my entire life!

Sara: Don't fucking call me stupid.

Chad: I didn't say you were stupid, butch, I said your opinion was stupid, because it is!

Sara: Wolverine has steel plates in his bones

Chad: [interrupting] So what?

Sara: And Batman has a little fucking belt and a little fucking cape. What the hell is he gonna do with that? Wolverine would take him down in 2 seconds.

Chad: Batman is so much smarter, and so much more of an intelligent fighter then like

Sara: [interrupting] What is he gonna do? Throw fucking razors?

Chad: he knows like 8 different types of martial arts, he's like a ninja...

Sara: Batman is fucking homo.

Chad: Batman is not a homo. Batman bangs the hottest chicks in Gotham city, left and right, okay? He's a PLAYER!

Chad: All the greatest artists are fucked up.

Hannah: You asshole, how could you?

Chad: I mean, have you seen your body?

Chad: She's sick.

Dace: She's eating him!

Chad: She needs help.

Dace: She's fucking eating him.

Chad: Can I buy you a hot dog?