Celeste Talbert Quotes in Soapdish (1991)


Celeste Talbert Quotes:

  • [Reading unrehearsed lines off the TelePrompTer]

    Celeste Talbert: [as Maggie] Dr. Randall, what a surprise! Are you having lunch here?

    Jeffrey Anderson: [as Dr. Randall] I will if it's that sample. Huh... I wish it was that simple.

    Edmund Edwards: [offstage] This guy never heard of contact lenses?

    Jeffrey Anderson: [as Dr. Randall] The test results have come back.

    Celeste Talbert: [as Maggie] And?

    Jeffrey Anderson: [as Dr. Randall] And I'm afraid the results are very disturbing. It seems that Angelique has a rare case of brake fluid...


    Jeffrey Anderson: Bran... fluid. Bran flavor.

    Burton White: What the hell?

    David Barnes: [offstage] Brain fever!

    Edmund Edwards: [offstage, loudly] Say it!

    Celeste Talbert: [as Maggie] Brain fever!

    Jeffrey Anderson: [as Dr. Randall] Yes. Brain fever. Or what we call in Austria...

    [they both goggle at the word]

    Jeffrey Anderson: Kopfgeschlagen. At the current rate of inflation, her brain will laterally explore the...

    Celeste Talbert: [as Maggie] Literally explode?

    Jeffrey Anderson: [as Dr. Randall] Exactly, within the next three houses.

    Celeste Talbert: [as Maggie] Hours?

    Jeffrey Anderson: [as Dr. Randall] Yes, will literally explode within next three hours. I would suggest leaving the restraint.

    Celeste Talbert: [as Maggie] Restaurant?

    Jeffrey Anderson: [as Dr. Randall] Restaurant, yes.

    Celeste Talbert: [as Maggie] Her brain will actually explode?

    Jeffrey Anderson: [as Dr. Randall] Yes, yes, I've, um, seen it happen. It's a dreadful, dreadful thug. Thing.

  • Celeste Talbert: [accepting an award] Ohhh, there's so many people to thank. First of all, my fabulous supporting cast, who gives a new meaning to the word "support"...

    [At their table]

    Ariel Maloney: Bitch!

    David Barnes: Hag!

    Montana Moorehead: I hate her so much!

  • [to her male costar]

    Celeste Talbert: Next time, could you wear a swimsuit underneath the towel? It's a little early in the day for me.

    [walks off]

    Blair Brennan: I can't act in a swimsuit.

    Tawny Miller: I know...

  • Celeste Talbert: David! David! David, David, David, David, David!

    David Barnes: Hey, great scene with Bolt.

    Celeste Talbert: I realize I'm not a young woman; however...

    David Barnes: What do you mean, you're not...

    Celeste Talbert: ...could you PLEASE point out to our new costume designer

    [grabs her]

    Celeste Talbert: whose name I don't quite have yet...

    Tawny Miller: Tawny Miller, Miss Talbert.

    Celeste Talbert: How do you do.

    [to David]

    Celeste Talbert: that I don't feel quite right in a turban. What I feel like is GLORIA FUCKING SWANSON! What am I, 70, David? Am I 70? Why don't you just put me in a walker? Buy a goddamn walker and put me in it!

    David Barnes: [to Tawny] You're fired.

    Tawny Miller: Oh God.

    David Barnes: I'm just kidding.

    [into PA system]

    David Barnes: Attention: no turbans for Miss Talbert!

  • Celeste Talbert: I never said I was the best mother in the world. Give me a little credit, will you, credit for being someone who tried... to love you the only way she knew how?

    Lori Craven: I know that speech.

    Celeste Talbert: You do?

    Lori Craven: Yeah, it was the, uh, the Thanksgiving show, when Maggie meets Bolt's blind nephew.

  • Celeste Talbert: Yes. Yes. Yes. I AM guilty. Guilty of love in the first degree.

  • David Barnes: I was under orders.

    Celeste Talbert: So - was - Hitler! Oh, no, I don't mean Hitler, I mean the other guy, the other one.

    David Barnes: Himmler.

    Celeste Talbert: No, no, no.

    David Barnes: Hess.

    Rose Schwartz: Eichmann.

    David Barnes: Eichmann.

  • Lori Craven: Celeste, I want to act!

    Celeste Talbert: Don't say that, "I want to act", ever, please!

  • Celeste Talbert: What I feel like is Gloria effing Swanson. I'm 42 yrs old, I don't want to be dressed like a dead woman."

  • Jeffrey Anderson: Of course I can kiss her!

    Lori Craven: This is ridiculous! I can kiss who I want!

    Celeste Talbert: No! You can't! You can't kiss her!

    Jeffrey Anderson: Why because she's *your* neice?

    Celeste Talbert: [shouts] No, you nitwit! Because she's my daughter! And your daughter.

    Lori Craven: What?

    Jeffrey Anderson: What are you talking about?

    Celeste Talbert: We're her parents! *You* and I!


    Celeste Talbert: We're her Mommy and her Daddy.

  • Celeste Talbert: Oh, I'll tell you why I'm here! I'm here because... I... I...

    Jeffrey Anderson: Come on, say it! "I want you, Jeffery. I'm consumed with jealousy for my neice, because I want you."

    Celeste Talbert: Oh, please!

    Jeffrey Anderson: Admit it, you have feelings for me.

    Celeste Talbert: My feelings are ABOUT you, not FOR you. There's a big difference!

  • Celeste Talbert: Even for an actor, you're an egomaniac!

  • Celeste Talbert: I'm not a genius. I'm just a working actress.

  • Lori Craven: Get out!

    Celeste Talbert: [crying] Please try to understand what I am going through.

    Lori Craven: I don't give a *shit* what you're going through!

    Celeste Talbert: There's no need to use that kind of language.

    Lori Craven: [shouts] Get out! Now!

  • Celeste Talbert: Why are you here?

    Jeffrey Anderson: This is my apartment. I live here. Why are YOU here?

  • Celeste Talbert: What are you doing here?

    Jeffrey Anderson: This is my apartment, I live here, what are YOU doing here?

  • Celeste Talbert: This is my husband, Bolt.

  • [scene switch back and forth of Celeste, Lori, and Jeffrey in Edwards' office]

    Celeste Talbert: I never worked in an atmosphere like this before.

    Jeffrey Anderson: This whole pregnancy thing is a scam! I resent being treated like a leper!

    Lori Craven: Having to work with these two is a personal nightmare for me. I'm on the verge of a breakdown!

    Celeste Talbert: I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown!

    Jeffrey Anderson: I could conceivably have a breakdown.

    Lori Craven: I mean, can you imagine what it's like having to face them on the set every single day?

    Celeste Talbert: It just seems to get harder and harder, even though I devoted my entire life to this show.

    Jeffrey Anderson: [walks back and forth lost for words] Uh...

    Lori Craven: Mr. Edwards, it's them or me, that is the bottom line here. They go or I go!

    Edwards: This is the toughest decision I ever have to make, but I get paid 1.2 million dollars to make these kind of command decisions. So here it is...

    [eats a cracker]

  • [Jeffrey is about to prepare the brain transplant]

    Lori Craven: MOTHER!

    [Celeste sits up]

    Lori Craven: No, I can't let you do this!

    Burton White: She spoke?

    Jeffrey Anderson: She spoke!

    Montana Moorehead: Sudden speech, the last stages of brain fever! She can blow up any moment!

    Lori Craven: I can always speak! Mother...

    Montana Moorehead: She's MY mother!

    Celeste Talbert: MONTANA, SHUT UP!

  • Celeste Talbert: Next time could you wear a swimsuit underneath the towel? It's a little early in the day for me.

    Blair Brennan: I can't act in a swimsuit.

  • Celeste Talbert: Why is he back? You've got to kill him off. Get him out of town. Give him a disease.

  • Celeste Talbert: Jeffrey! Help me please.

    Jeffrey Anderson: You're kidding?

    Celeste Talbert: Jeffrey, please?

  • Jeffrey Anderson: I hope you're wearing underwear. Dare I ask?

    Celeste Talbert: I'm lost. I'm not familiar with the neighborhood.

    Jeffrey Anderson: Well you get a nice view of it from up here.

  • Jeffrey Anderson: You sure that's why you're here?

    Celeste Talbert: Get your hands off my-God you're so disgusting.

  • Jeffrey Anderson: Lori, get your clothes on! Your aunt's here.

    Celeste Talbert: You lowlife, lecherous-Lori?

    Jeffrey Anderson: She left ten minutes ago.

    Celeste Talbert: Don't insult my intelligence.

  • Celeste Talbert: Why are you here?

    Jeffrey Anderson: This is my apartment. I live here. Why are you here?

    Celeste Talbert: I'll tell you why I'm here. Oh I'll tell you why I'm here. I'm here because...

    Jeffrey Anderson: Go on, go on, say it!

    Celeste Talbert: I...

    Jeffrey Anderson: I want you Jeffrey. I'm consumed with jealousy for my niece because I want you for myself.

    Celeste Talbert: Oh please.

    Jeffrey Anderson: You still have feelings for me. Admit it.

    Celeste Talbert: My feelings are about you, not for you. There's a very big difference.

  • Celeste Talbert: I didn't know it was your drainpipe, I thought it was somebody else's drainpipe.

    Jeffrey Anderson: Your eyes, they're burning.

    Celeste Talbert: I've got the flu.

    Jeffrey Anderson: No, they're burning with passion.

    Celeste Talbert: You're full of shit.

    Jeffrey Anderson: Of course I'm full of shit but not about that.

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