Carter Quotes in Casino Royale (2006)

James Bond: [to Carter through an ear piece radio] Stop touching your ear.

Carter: [nervously, can't understand Bond's transmission] Sorry?

James Bond: [raising his voice] Put your hand down!

Carter: [sees Mollaka in the crowd, watching animals fight] Looks like our man, burn scars on his face.

James Bond: Hmm. I wonder if bomb-makers are insured for things like that.

Ben: [Augie puts a bomb on the floor] What is that?

Augie: It's a bomb.

Carter: What are you, the Taliban?

Ben: [seeing Scout Leader Rogers, now a zombie, on the road] That's Scout Leader Rogers!

Carter: He looks like shit!

Augie: I set him on fire.

[everyone looks at him]

Augie: He tried to eat me!

Carter: [staring at a female zombie police officer's bare breasts] Oh, my Lord...

Ben: Carter, let's go!

Carter: [fondles her breasts and runs away] I touched them! I don't think they were real!

Carter: [Posing in the jail cell trying to take a selfie, one of the zombies grabs his shoulder] Dude, what the fuck? Haven't you had enough to eat? Jesus

Ben: Carter, stop agitating them.

Carter: What? I need a new profile pic.

Carter: [Freaking out after being attacked by zombie, his face covered in blood] Fuck!

Denise: Calm the fuck down!

Ben: Calm down? Are you crazy? We almost just got killed in there!

Denise: [Points to Ben's car] Is that your ride?

Ben: Can you please just tell us what the hell is going on?

Carter: Anyone? I really need to wash off my face right now!

Denise: [Looks back at Ben] Keys, now!

Ben: Not until you tell us what's happening.

Carter: A wet nap! Anyone got a wet nap?

[Pulls a bandana from pocket and uses that]

Denise: What the fuck do you think is happening? Everyone's eating each other.

Ben: Wait... Like a...

Denise: YES! Like that!

Ben: But that's not possible...

Carter: I think it's possible Ben. A dead stripper just tried to eat my face!

Ben: Guys, let's go. We gotta get to the party

Augie: Ben, this is a suicide mission.

Ben: Guys, they're gonna bomb this whole town in less than two hours.

Carter: What if Denise reaches the military in time?

Ben: And what if she doesn't, Carter? Then what? Who's gonna save them? The police? They're gone. The military? They're not coming, either. Guys we're the last line of defense. And so what? Maybe we look like dorks in these uniforms. And maybe we're a big joke to everyone at school. But tonight, we're gonna show them what being a real Scout's all about. So, are we just gonna stand here with our thumbs up our asses? Or are we gonna go out there and save the world?

Carter: Fuck yeah, dude!

Augie: It was a really good speech, Ben.

Ben: Thanks, Augie.

Carter: Let's do it.

Carter: [giving money to a stripper, unaware that she's a zombie] Don't worry, mommy! Daddy's here! This is fucking awesome!

Carter: This relationship - it defies all the laws of nature.

Carter: Oh, I'd suck the tits right off of you.

Sheriff Langston: What's all this then?

Carter: This nigger's breakin' up my place, Sheriff Langston.

Sheriff Langston: I don't like that word much, Carter.

Carter: We don't serve him here and you know it. I asked him to leave and he went crazy! Now he owes me money!

Sheriff Langston: Is that a fact?

Emmett: Afraid not, Sheriff.

[Points at the other two men lying on the floor]

Emmett: These other two fellows started the ruckus.

Sheriff Langston: [Points at Emmett and Paden] Are these your friends?

[Mal shakes his head]

Mal: I wanted a drink and a bed. I guess I came to the wrong place.

Sheriff Langston: Came to the wrong town. I don't tolerate this sort of thing. It's hard on the peace, and it's hard on the furniture. Now, knowing a bit about Carter here, I'm going to let you go without paying for the damages, but go you will, and I mean now.

Mal: Is there a place in town that takes "my kind?"

Sheriff Langston: You misunderstand. I want you out of town. In fact, I want you all the way out of my jurisdiction.

Mal: That ain't right.

Sheriff Langston: I decide what's right in this jurisdiction. Now, move.

[Mal prepares to leave but turns around as he is about to pass Sheriff Langston, heads back to the bar, finishes the drink the female bartender poured for him, and then leaves]

Carter: Hey, who's gonna pay for all this, Sheriff?

Sheriff Langston: Don't press your luck, Carter.

Carter: You don't know nothing about no War.

Lee: Everybody knows War.

[singing]

Lee: War! Huh! Yeah! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing, sing it again, you all!

Carter: It ain't 'you all', it's "y'all"!

Lee: Yaw.

Carter: Y'all!

Lee: Yaw!

Carter: Man you sound like a Karate movie, y'all!

Lee: Yoll.

Carter: That's why I don't have no partner, that's one thing I learned from my daddy.

Lee: Your father was a policeman?

Carter: Fifteen years LAPD.

Lee: My daddy also a policeman.

Carter: Your daddy was a cop?

Lee: Not a cop, an officer, a legend all over Hong Kong.

Carter: My daddy a legend too all over America. My daddy once arrested fifteen people in one night by himself.

Lee: My daddy arrested 25 by himself.

Carter: ...My daddy once saved five crackheads from a burnin' building, by himself.

Lee: My daddy once caught a bullet with his bare hand.

Carter: My daddy'll kick your daddy's ass all the way from here to China, Japan, wherever the hell you from and all up that Great Wall too.

Lee: Hey, don't talk about my father.

Carter: Don't talk about my daddy.

Lee: You must take me to see Consul Han right away.

Carter: Man, just sit there and shut up! This ain't no democracy.

Lee: Yes, it is.

Carter: No, it ain't. This is the United States of James Carter. I'm the president, I'm the emperor, I'm the king. I'm Michael Jackson, you Tito. Your ass belongs to me.

[meeting Lee at the airport]

Carter: Please tell me you speak English. I'm Detective Carter. Do you speaka any English? DO-YOU-UNDERSTAND-THE-WORDS-THAT-ARE-COMING-OUT-OF-MY-MOUTH?

[Lee just smiles]

Carter: I cannot believe this SHIT! First I get a bullshit assignment, now Mr. Rice-a-Roni don't even speak American. C'mon, man, my ride over here. Put your bag in the back.

[Lee pauses]

Carter: PUT-YOUR-BAG-IN-THE-BACK!

[Lee hands the bag to Carter]

Carter: No, no, no, you put your own shit in the back! I'm not a skycap!

Captain Diel: Two officers were shot, one man lost a pinkie.

Carter: But didn't nobody die!

Captain Diel: You destroyed half a city block!

Carter: That block was already messed up.

Captain Diel: And you lost a lot of evidence!

Carter: We still got a little bit left.

Carter: This is the LAPD. We're the most hated cops in all the free world. My own mama's ashamed of me. She tells everybody I'm a drug dealer.

Sang: The drop will be made tonight. The amount will be fifty million dollars.

Carter: Fifty million dollars? Man, who do you think you kidnapped? Chelsea Clinton?

Sang: We want twenty million in fifties.

Carter: Okay, twenty million in fifties.

Sang: Twenty million in twenties.

Carter: Okay, twenty million in twenties.

Sang: And ten million in tens.

Carter: Ten million in tens. Okay. Ey d'you want any fives with that?

Lee: Ah! Beach Boys!

Carter: Oh, hell no! You didn't just touch my goddamn radio!

Lee: The Beach Boys are great American music.

Carter: The Beach Boys gonna get you a great ass whuppin'. Don't you ever touch a black man's radio, boy! You can do that in China but you can get your ass killed out here, man!

[Carter is trying to convince Officer Bobby to let him into the prison after-hours]

Carter: Bobby, didn't I look the other way that time you bought that bag of weed?

Officer Bobby: I was splittin' it with you!

Carter: Well, didn't I give you the bigger half?

Carter: How long this flight?

Lee: Fifteen hours.

Carter: Fifteen hours? What are we gonna do for fifteen hours?

Lee: [Puts on head phones and begins to sing] Huh! War! Uh! Good God "yaw."

Carter: Oh, hell no! Stewardess! Get me another seat!

Lee: Why would they not want my help?

Carter: Because they don't give a damn about you! They don't like you! I don't like you!

Lee: I don't care! I'm here for the girl!

Carter: The girl don't like you! Nobody likes you!

Carter: [after killing Sang] Wipe yourself off, man. You dead.

Carter: [sees a man smoking pot] Is this weed?

[starts smelling the joint]

Carter: You got a perscription for this?

Cigaweed Man: Uhh... it's uhh... uhhh...

Carter: Where's it at? I should take your ass to jail, you know that?

Cigaweed Man: For what?

Carter: For what? Look at this!

Cigaweed Man: That's nothing but a cigarette...

Carter: That's cigaweed!

Cigaweed Man: Well it looked like a cigarette...

Carter: You better have glaucoma.

Cigaweed Man: I do.

Clive Cod: Let me tell you something, I don't know anything about that, so you can kiss my fat ass.

Carter: Clive, it would take me all day to kiss your fat ass.

Carter: I've been lookin' for your sweet and sour chicken ass.

Lee: I like to let people talk who like to talk. It lets me find out how full of shit they are.

Carter: What the hell did you just say?

[Carter has ordered Chinese takeout]

Carter: Damn, Chin, this is some greasy shit. You ain't got no better food, like some chicken wings, some baby back ribs, some fries or something?

Chin: Chinese food, no soul food here!

Carter: I didn't say nothin' 'bout no soul food, I said you got some better food. I don't want that greasy shit. How you gonna sell a big box of grease?

[Chin conplains in Chinese]

Carter: [turns cross] I'm chilly a what?

Lee: [grabs Carter] Come on!

Chin: I'm no punk bitch.

Carter: I ain't no punk bitch, neither!

Chin: I'M no punk bitch!

Carter: I'm about to knock that hat off your head, Chin.

Agent Russ: Carter, we're impressed with the great job you did yesterday, so when you get back there's gonna be an FBI badge waiting for you.

Carter: You serious? I don't know what to say. It's like a dream come true. I got an idea though, I got an idea. Why don't y'all take that badge and shove it up your ass. All up in your ass. I'm LAPD.

[Walks towards the plane]

Agent Whitney: Bitch.

[Carter has just been booted in the head]

Carter: ...which one of y'all kicked me?

[Carter has snatched a guard's gun]

Carter: Hahahahaha! You didn't know I could do that, did you? Put your hands up! Put your hands up! I ain't gonna kill you this time. I'm just gonna kick your ass!

[Carter kicks the guard and knocks him out with the gun]

Carter: You tell your friends about me.

Lee: Carter! I can't hold any more! I'm slipping!

Carter: Hang on a minute, I'll go get help!

Lee: [shouts] Carter!

Carter: Ah, I was just playin' wit ya...

Carter: This ain't no Democracy.

Lee: Yes it is.

Carter: No it ain't. This is the United States of James Carter. I'm the President, I'm the Emperor, I'm the King. I'm Michael Jackson, you're Tito. I own yo ass.

Carter: [after watching Juntao fall to his death into a fountain] Whoo! You know he dead.

Carter: We have just received a threat on the building. We ask if you please exit the building as soon as possible and please do not panic.

[dead silence]

Carter: [shouts] Did you hear what I just said? Get your shit and go out the door!

[Carter is riding in a tow truck pulling up to the Consulate; he meets the guard whose ass Lee kicked earlier]

Carter: Hey, man, y'all see a little Asian dude about this height with a steering wheel on his arm?

FBI Gate Guard #1: Go screw yourself.

Carter: What did you say?

FBI Gate Guard #1: I said go screw yourself.

Carter: You take your little sensitive ass up there and let me in. Get out of the way! Don't make me get up out of this truck! Man when I get up in there I'm slappin' somebody, I don't play that.

Captain Diel: Every now and then we have to let the general public know that we can still blow shit up.

Carter: You're God damn right.

[Outtake]

Carter: You know that other stuff but you don't know his name?

Luke: Man, people tell me shit... Achoo!

Carter: What's wrong with you?

Waitress: For one?

Carter: No, for two, I'm here for a meeting with Mr. Juntao.

Waitress: I'm sorry I do not know Mr. Juntao.

Carter: Look maybe you don't understand, I'm Mr. Juntao's lawyer, legal advisor, he got into some shit again and he told me to come down here and I'm a very busy man, ain't got time to be down here this late but I'm down here, my wife want me to come home, my baby is shittin' all over the house, he needs diapers, would you please go get Mr. Juntao?

Lee: Leave me alone. A man like you could never understand.

Carter: A man like me?

Lee: You are devoted only to yourself. You're ashamed of being a police officer, you dishonor your father's name!

Carter: You don't know nothing about my father.

Lee: You said your father is a legend.

Carter: My father WAS a legend. My father was killed making a routine traffic stop in broad daylight by some punk who didn't want no ticket. His partner was supposed to get out of the car and back him up but never did. My father was just as devoted as you, and now he's dead, and for what? A traffic ticket and some punk? You tell me, where's the honor in that?

Lee: You believe your father wasted his life, that he died for nothing?

Carter: Prove me wrong.

Carter: It is not my job to be jumping on and off of buses, I don't do that, I am not Carl Lewis!

Carter: I don't want no partner, I don't need no partner and I ain't never gonna have no partner. Did Kojak have a partner?

Tania Johnson: Yeah the fat guy.

Carter: Well he wasn't ever with him. Did Columbo have a partner?

Tania Johnson: Captain Diel ordered me to go with you on that bust because you needed bomb squad back up but once again you screwed me and you screwed yourself.

Chin: I'm no punk bitch!

Carter: I'm no punk bitch neither!

Chin: *I'm* no punk bitch!

Sang: [Looks at Carter's badge] FBI Huh?

Carter: FBI? No, I'm not FBI, I'm a security guard... at the mall!

Sang: [Motions to kill Carter]

Carter: Oh hell nah, he didn't mean that. He meant cut me loose!

Lee: I didn't know you spoke Chinese.

Carter: I never told you I didn't, you just assumed I didn't.

Carter: I'm still the law around, clean it up... and brush your teeth.

Carter: Man, what you got me eatin'?

Lee: That's eel.

Carter: Is it good?

Lee: Very good.

Carter: What you got?

Lee: Camel's Hump.

Carter: What?

Lee: [enuciates] Camel's Hump

[Carter takes a bite of the eel while Lee eats his Camel's Hump]

Carter: Mmm! Kinda good. Needs a little Hot sauce, but it's kinda good though.

Captain Diel: [On the phone with the FBI] Well, even if I said anything, who would want the Bullshit job.

[about Carter]

Captain Diel: He's a disgeace to me, he's a disgrace to my department, he's a disgrace to...

[Seeing Carter coming in]

Captain Diel: Dan, I'm sending someone right over.

[Hangs up]

Carter: Cap'n, Cap'n, I know you read the papers this morning. They lie, you know I don't do nothin' like that, y'know how they exaggerate, they just want a story.

Captain Diel: 2 officers were shot, 1 man lost a pinky.

Carter: But, nobody died.

Captain Diel: You destroyed half a city block.

Carter: That block was already messed up.

Captain Diel: You destroyed a lot of evidence.

Carter: We still have some left.

Captain Diel: What you did was dangerous, and completely against policy, not only that...

[Leans over to him, calmly]

Captain Diel: You did a good job.

Carter: [In disbelief] What?

Captain Diel: Everybody is so image proned, a lot of the cops around here are afraid of their own goddamn shadow, I like an officer that can, lay it on the line.

Luke: [after Lee leaves the room, Carter laughs] Don't come up here in my place of business and scaring me like that, god damn.

Carter: I was just playing, man, gimme a hug.

[Luke and Carter hug]

Carter: I'm just schoolin' that rookie, man, showin' him the ropes. Why you didn't come to church sunday?

Luke: I had some things to take care of, but I made the night service, though.

Carter: Yeah, yeah, look, com'ere, I wanna holla at you.

Luke: What's up?

Carter: I need to know who this guy is runnin' 'round town buying up all these explosives and weapons.

Luke: I know nothin' about that, baby.

Carter: Luke, Look man, I know what you do man, and the only reason why I ain't busted your ass is 'cause you my cousin, and it'd kill Aunt Bootsie.

Luke: Why you gonna put Aunt Bootsie in this?

Carter: Luke, I ain't playing, man. I know she gotta bad heart, but if I have to I will bust your ass. Tell me something.

Luke: The word down in Chinatown is there's this new dude in town. Bad ass dude outta Hong Kong, buying up every god damn thing.

Carter: What's his name?

Luke: Shit, I don't know his name, man, he ain't buyin' shit from me.

Carter: You don't know his name?

Luke: Naw.

Carter: God damn, don't nobody know his name.

Lee: [to Soo Young] And don't worry, America is a very friendly place.

Carter: [cut to]

Carter: [Carter driving erratically on the LA Streets]

Carter: Stupid fool get the hell out of my way!

Carter: [to Griffin] Want to blow something up, huh? Come on push the button. Push the button.

Soo Yung: [to Carter] What are you doing?

Carter: [to Soo Yung] Just playing, play along.

[to Griffin]

Carter: Come on push the button!

Soo Yung: Yeah come on, push the button!

Carter: Blow everybody up!

Soo Yung: Yeah blow everybody up!

Carter: Push the goddamn button!

Soo Yung: Push the goddamn button!

Carter: You heard what she said. Come on you get everybody excited about something being blown up, and look at your punk British-ass!

Carter: We must be... must be a misunderstanding. I was sent down here for the big case. For the kidnapping. The little girl?

Carter: No disrespect, sir, but he's only gonna get in my way. If I'm gonna handle the situation for you, I'm gonna have to work alone.

Agent Russ: Carter, he *is* the situation.

Carter: Get yo big Happy Meal Ass over in the corner!

Carter: I'm gonna kick your ass and then I'll take your ass to jail.

Carter: First Class, I like this, this is tight.

Steward: Can I take your jacket, sir?

Carter: My jacket? No, no, you can take this bag though.

Carter: Don't act like you don't know nothing, I'll take all your ass to the jail, right now if I don't get the answers. Ok. You think I am a fool, you are playin' me like a fool, Ok. Ok... Lee go outside it's gonna be a little dangerous in here.

Carter: I'm lookin' out for you when I reach the top. I'm gonna make you mayor.

Captain Diel: I'd rather you didn't.

[Det. Carter is on the phone with Cptn. Diel complaining about the crappy G-14 classified assingment given to him by the FBI]

Carter: Captain, I don't think this is funny. No, seriously, Captain. Now I ain't playin'. Call the FBI and tell 'em you made a mistake.

Captain Diel: I can't do that, Carter. I'm sure that you and Mr. Lee will have a nice time together!

[Cptn. Diel, Det. Johnson, and other cops laugh]

Carter: [getting angry] I'm warning you, man. You better call the FBI or I'm dropping his ass off at Panda Express.

Captain Diel: You drop this case, Carter, and you're suspended for two months without pay!

Carter: All right. Well, you can forget about bein' Mayor then.

Tania Johnson: Congratulations, Carter. Look like you finally got yourself a partner.

[Johnson hangs up; everyone is laughing]

Carter: C'mon! You got everybody excited about something being blowed up, and look at your little punk British ass.

Carter: My baby's been shitting all over the house.

Lee: [handcuffs Lee to the steering wheel] Hey, what are you doing?

Carter: You ain't the only one with quick hands now, right? Wah!

Carter: [after suitcase opens and money falls from ceiling] Thank you God!

Carter: [out-take, to Consul Han] What is this shit about your daughter?

[after Clive refuses to answer Carter, Lee steps in his way]

Clive Cod: Oh, you want some too? I'll give you all you want.

Lee: Give me a name.

Clive Cod: I ain't telling you shit.

[Lee takes out Soo-Yung's picture]

Lee: She's only eleven years old. I don't want her to die.

[Clive shifts his gaze]

Lee: Look at the picture! I don't care about him, I don't care about you! I care about the little girl. Give me the name.

[pause]

Clive Cod: [lowers voice] The guy's name is Juntao. I never seen him.

Lee: Where can I find him?

Clive Cod: Foo Chow Restaurant, Chinatown.

[He heads back to his cell]

Carter: Foo Chow Restaurant? Thank you, Clive!

Clive Cod: [to Lee] Get rid of this guy, he's gonna get you killed.

Alex Munday: Marshal Ray Carter. I'm Alex Munday. I'll be your rescuer today.

Carter: I didn't think you'd find me. How many men do you have?

Alex Munday: I've got two girlfriends in the bar.

Carter: They have fifty armed men.

Alex Munday: I know. It hardly seems fair. C'mon!

Porter: Who makes the decisions?

Carter: Well, a committee would make the decision in this case...

Porter: One man... you go high enough you always come to one man... who?

Carter: Stitch this mutt up, Phil.

Phil: Any Polaroids or trophies?

Carter: No, not this time.

Carter: There's an old expression that's served me well: "Do not shit where you eat."

Carter: The Outfit is not unreasonable, Porter... but no corporation in the world would agree to what you're asking.

Carter: There's something you want from me.

Porter: Val Resnick gave you a hundred and thirty thousand dollars...

Carter: He paid us. It was a debt.

Porter: Seventy thousand dollars of it is mine, and I want it back.

Carter: I'm sorry. Resnick told me, but I seem to have misplaced your name.

Porter: Porter.

Carter: Porter, right. I won't forget it again.

Carter: There are three ways we can handle this. One: we can help you. Two: We can allow you to help yourself. And Three: We can have you replaced... We have an investment in you Resnick, of time, money and training. So assisting you would be, in a way, protecting our investment. And THAT is always good business policy.

Carter: Do you understand your value to the organization, Resnick?

[pause]

Carter: You're a sadist. You lack compunction. That comes in handy.

Carter: I don't want Mr. Bronson hearing about this... he'll think I'm getting soft. One of his principles has always been: if you don't understand it, get rid of it... a stitch in time, so to speak, so... stitch this mutt up, Phil.

[Porter has just shot Carter]

Carter: You just don't get it, do you, you dumb... fuck.

[dies]

[as soon as Porter enters Carter's office, he knocks out his two bodyguards, and takes one of their guns]

Carter: Bravo. Sit down.

[Porter does]

Carter: My compliments. They were two of my best.

Porter: No, they weren't. They lull too easily.

Coffy: The only cop I know to get a dislocated toe, while run over by his own squad car, while writing a ticket because the hand brake wasn't set.

Carter: Come on, Coffy, don't tell stories like that.

Coffy: And I had to hold your hand while they set it.

Carter: The man is an absolute testicle.

Sam: [Carter and Sam are driving back towards the diner and Carter drives slow with his Dad's Mercedes] Carter, you could have totally made that light.

Carter: Uh, FYI Sam, yellow means slow down, not speed up.

Sam: I need the Fast and the Furious, not Driving Miss Daisy.

Sam: Carter, what are you wearing?

Carter: What? This is my Snoop-dizzle look!

Carter: Have no fear! Zorro is here! And he's got the keys to his dad's Mercedes!

Carter: How do you feel?

Sam: I'll let you know when I can catch my breath.

Carter: You gotta love high school.

Rhonda: [to Carter] Call me girlfriend one more time.

Carter: Okay, sorry.

Carter: [Talking on the phone] What was she on the Clydesdale Scale...? That's how many Clydesdale's it would take to tear her off your face.

Carter: Let's go girls!

Bodie: What do you m-m-mean by that?

Carter: It's a f-f-f-figure of speech, Bodie.

Headmaster: [while having sex with his wife, notices Carter is playing with something] Carter?

Carter: Yes sir?

Headmaster: What is it Carter?

Carter: An ocarina, sir...

Humphrey: Now, sex. Sex, sex, sex. Where were we?

[pupils can't remember]

Humphrey: Well, had I got as far as the penis entering the vagina?

Pupils: Uh, no, sir. No, sir.

Humphrey: Well, had I done foreplay?

Pupils: Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Humphrey: Ah. Well, as we all know all about foreplay, no doubt you can tell me what the purpose of foreplay is. Biggs.

Biggs: Um, don't know. Sorry, sir.

Humphrey: Carter?

Carter: Oh. Uh, was it taking your clothes off, sir?

Humphrey: Well, a-and after that?

Wymer: [Misunderstanding] Oh! Putting them on a lower peg, sir.

[Humphrey chucks an object at Wymer for his stupidity]

Humphrey: The purpose of foreplay is to cause the vagina to lubricate so that the penis can penetrate more easily.

Reverend Flavel: Blaspehmy! Shakespeare must go! So sayeth the Shepherd!

The Flock Members: SO SAYETH THE FLOCK!

Reverend Flavel: And what sayeth you, Mr. Carter?

Carter: [very angry at this point] Get the Flock out of here!

[the students all start cheering]

Reverend Flavel: This means war! HOLY WAR! Flock! FOLLOW!

Carter: Do you know that you're acting exactly like Malcolm?

Jack: What's wrong with that?

Carter: Nothin'. It's just... kind of creepy.

Jack: Well, if I'm acting like Malcolm at all, you should be grateful.

Carter: Well, uh, yeh, Malcolm got himself killed.

Carter: The cheese stands alone!

Carter: I eat cheese.

Shmally: I know you do. I've seen you.

[first lines]

Karen: [Karen tries to put the jacket on her boy Sam at the park] Let me put your jacket on.

Sam, Karen's son: No, no, no, no.

Karen: Come on.

Sam, Karen's son: I don't want to.

Carter: [Carter comes strolling up beside Karen] You taking off, Karen?

Karen: Trying to.

Carter: Need a hand?

Karen: Would you mind?

[Carter asks Karen if she knows about child development]

Carter: Do you realize how important these early years are in Sam's development?

Karen: Are you kidding? I've read all the books. And, of course, I get all the expert advice I can handle from my mother-in-law.

Carter: [Carter chuckles] I know what you mean.

[Carter talks to Karen about the importance of child development]

Karen: Don't you have any know-it-all relatives?

Carter: Oh, listen, my father wrote the book on child development. Unfortunately, it's in Norwegian!

Karen: [Carter chuckles as Karen smiles] What does he have to say on the subject? In English!

Carter: What does he not have to say?

Karen: That bad?

[Carter tries to talk to Karen about his dad's clinic in Norway]

Karen: Well, what's so visionary about your dad's clinic anyway?

Carter: Well... first of all, it's in a beautiful, natural, country setting. Amy will be supervised by a team of child psychologists... who record her progress hourly. But the thing is, you can't study child development and think anyone is going to take it seriously... if you only have one subject. It's just another case history. So, what we're setting up is a control group of gifted children. We'll need at least five. None of them older than three years old. That's why I wanted to talk to you about Sam, being one of...

Karen: Being one of your guinea pigs? Oh, Carter, you gotta be kidding!

Carter: [Carter shakes his head side-to-side with a smile on his face] No.

Karen: Nobody's gonna let their kid go to some snake pit in Norway... to be part of some development study.

Carter: [Carter looks away pulling on his tie] It's not a snake pit.

[Carter tells Karen about the importance of personality development]

Carter: Karen, do you realize that no one really knows anything about personality development. Everything up to now has been pure conjecture. All we psychiatrists do is-is chase cows after the barn door has been opened.

Carter: [Carter fake sneezes into his hand] Here, for the first time, we'll have an opportunity to observe what happens... when it happens and precisely monitor the psychological consequences.

Karen: Well, not with my kid, you don't.

[Carter knocks out Karen in the car as two joggers come jogging down the street in slow-motion]

Cain: [Carter hears a wicked laugh, as Cain appears outside the passenger window of the parked car] Kiss her.

Carter: What?

Cain: You got about five seconds before those guys are in your face. And what do you think you look like, killer? Go on, kiss her!

Cain: [Carter kisses Karen's unconscious lips, as the joggers smile and keep jogging] Oh. Well done.

Carter: When did you get out?

Cain: Move over.

[Cain sits in the car with Carter and talks to him about what he observed]

Carter: What are you doing here?

Cain: I'm saving your ass, that's what. I was just supposed to come along as an observer. Right now, what I'm observing is very odd. Twin brothers chatting in the front seat of a car... while the driver is slumped over the wheel. What is wrong with this picture?

Carter: I don't need you!

Cain: [Cain imitates Carter] 'I don't need you!'

Cain: [Cain chuckles] Let's get out of here, Carter, before we're seen. Because, believe me... we'll be remembered.

[Carter talks to Cain, upset that Cain had to show up]

Cain: You can drop me off at the next corner. I can use a drink.

Carter: And don't follow me anymore.

Cain: 'Don't follow me anymore.'

Carter: Stop that!

Cain: 'Stop that!'

Carter: Stop it!

Cain: [Cain chuckles while smoking in the car] All right. All right.

[Cain asks Carter about what he was going to do with Karen's body]

Cain: Ah, Carter, you're a thankless dope. I was only trying to help. Which, of course, I did. This thing you're doing means everything to the old man. And you can't fuck it up.

Carter: I'm not fucking anything up.

Cain: Oh, really? What were you planning to do with the little missus here?

Carter: I'm gonna... take her back to the park and leave her there.

Cain: Very good! I see you've got this all thought out. 'Take her back to the park and leave her there.' Uh-huh. And then what?

Carter: Then, when the chloroform wears off, she'll be fine.

Cain: And when you get home, the cops will be sitting on your doorstep.

Carter: I won't hurt her!

Cain: You won't hurt her! She'll hurt you!

[Carter follows his wife Jenny into the park woods, where he watches her have sex with Jack]

Cain: [Carter hears a wicked laugh, as Cain appears next to him behind the tree] Jesus! Come on, be a peeping Tom on your own time. We're gonna lose that kid.

Carter: That's my wife!

Cain: [Cain frowns looking back at Jenny having sex] No shit?

Carter: I married her too soon. She never got over him.

Cain: [Cain laughs to Carter] No question of that!

[Jenny returns home and fights Carter for trying to kill her, who doesn't remember a thing]

Jenny: [Jenny holds a knife to Carter's throat] Wake up! Don't move or I'll cut it.

Carter: Jenny, what are you doing? I'm bleeding. Oh my god, I'm bleeding!

Jenny: [Jenny sarcastically replies with a smile, being a doctor] And I can help you.

Carter: Don't let me die, Jenny!

Jenny: [Jenny screams back] I want to know what you've done with Amy!

Carter: Amy? What are you saying?

Jenny: [Jenny pulls on Carter's shirt] I want answers, Carter!

Carter: Jenny!

Jenny: How could you let me drown like that?

Carter: Drown? What's happening?

[Cain talks to Carter as Jenny holds Carter down with a knife]

Cain: [Cain stands over Jenny's shoulder] She wants to know where her brat is. So why don't you tell her before you get your throat cut.

Carter: [Carter replies back looking to Cain] But I don't know where she is.

Cain: [Cain imitates Carter] 'I don't know where she is.'

Carter: I don't!

Jenny: [Jenny looks over her shoulder] Who are you talking to?

Cain: I do. I took her to dear ol' dad.

Carter: Where is she?

Jenny: [Jenny looks behind herself again seeing that nobody's there] Who are you talking to?

Carter: Reverend, look, if by some miracle I can get you out of this mess, you have got to give me your word that you'll close down the White Lighting still.

Grady: Don't listen to him! He's sided with them!

Carter: I don't care what you think, Grady! I'm trying to help.

[police cars are approaching]

Carter: Here they come!

[to Boone]

Carter: What's your answer?

Rev. Roscoe Boone: Well, boy, if you can put oil on the water, I ain't gonna set that oil on fire.

Lyndel: They would have invited you if they wanted you here, Bill.

Mic: Bill, she's right. They're all talking about you, they're pissed off.

Bill Holt: Well, let them talk. Didn't you know talk was a form of flattery?

Carter: Not if they call you an asshole.

George Bailey: We're all excited around here. My brother just got the Congressional Medal of Honour. The President just decorated him.

Carter: Well, I guess they do for those things.

Carter: I trust you've had a good year?

George Bailey: A good year? Well, between you and me Mr Carter we're broke.

Carter: Very funny.

Carter: [on being shot] What the fuck was that?

Leah: Beanbag non lethal round.

Bird: What's the water for?

Carter: For drinking

Jack: You cherish her?

Carter: Of course.

Jack: Cherish her.

Carter: Can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em, right?

Annie: [discussing Enzo and Hayley's proximity while shooting a video] Hey! This is awkward, huh?

Carter: Yeah. You know, if he wasn't gay I might just have to kill him.

[during a battle]

Carter: I never seen nobody get so peevish over a cow before

Carter: You can have your chance tonight, if you want to take it.

Boy Anderson: Chance for what?

Carter: To run. They don't waste men on prisoner duty and they're usually the worst of the lot. They plan on herdin' us onto that sternwheeler and some of us don't fancy no sightseein' tour up North. When they open that gate tonight, you stay as close to me as a flea on a hound dog. Somethin' else. Once we get goin', you're on your own. I gotta forget you ain't nothin' but a lap baby.

Mitchell: What the hell are you doing, driving us through the middle of nowhere?

Carter: We're taking the scenic route, remember?

Mitchell: By scenic I was thinking, I don't know, more trees, mountains, people.

[indicating the map]

Mitchell: Dots a lot closer together.

Carter: By scenic I meant... rarely seen.

[breaths deeply]

Mitchell: I'm gonna get you a dictionary when I get back.

Mitchell: Blech! Oh, what flavor is this?

Carter: Bacon and margarita.

Carter: You look like a goddamn horror movie extra!

Mitchell: Let's remember why I look like this. This, this was your idea. Oh, "what am I afraid of, what could it hurt." Well, there ya go. That is exactly why you can't have a Mohawk in the real world.

Carter: I gave you a haircut, not a lobotomy!

Mitchell: Are you telling me that you're not at all suspicious that things have gone so smoothly?

Carter: Suspicious? No, I'm stunned, I'm impressed. But I'm not suspicious.

Mitchell: Well, maybe you should be. I mean, think about it, things could be just a little too good to be true, you know what I mean?

Carter: Believe me, if I was making this up, there would be a lot more lottery winning and super models.

[last lines]

Carter: [on the phone] If we're still out in the middle of desert somewhere, I just finished an imaginary book.

Mitchell: Wow, that's really, really fast. So tell me how it ends.

Carter: Well, that's the funny thing.

[click]

Mitchell: Carter? Carter... Piece of shit!

[throws the phone done, and it starts ringing but there is no display]

Carter: I'm never gonna die!

Carter: As far as I know, this shit can circle around and get us all again. But for right now, I'm the safest fucker in the world, because you're still NEXT.

Carter: What are you God now?

[in Carter's car]

Billy Hitchcock: Stay below the speed limit. And, oh: don't pass on the right.

Carter: Wait a minute. I'm havin' a vision here.

[to Billy]

Carter: You're the next one man.

Billy Hitchcock: Hey, man. Why'd you say something like that?

Carter: Because if you don't shut up, *I'm* gonna fuckin' kill you!

Carter: We blow half a day in Paris, all because Browning had a bad fucking dream?

Alex Browning: You should be fucking dead!

Carter: Well, you're the fucking devil!

Carter: [mocking Alex] The plane, it's gonna blow up. It's gonna blow up!

Tod Waggner: Hey, fuck you, Horton, okay? Fuck you!

Val Lewton: Tod!

Alex Browning: The only trip you're taking is to the fucking *hospital*!

[He attacks Carter and they start to fight]

[last lines]

Carter: So who's next?

Carter: Well, we made it.

Clear Rivers: Paris, I can't believe it.

Alex Browning: I just can't believe we got on a plane again, you know what I'm saying?

Carter: You have a responsibility to tell me!

[Having just been jolted out of his premonition, Alex is wild-eyed and hyperventilating as he verifies that the tray table latch is broken, which means his vision was real]

Flight Attendant: Is there a a problem, sir?

Carter: What's your fuckin' problem?

Mr. Larry Murnau: [Speaking in French] What is it?

Alex Browning: [screaming] This fuckin' plane's gonna explode!

Billy Hitchcock: That's right! You're next, Carter! I'm staying the fuck away from you!

Carter: Shut up, Billy!

Clear Rivers: Billy, we don't need this shit right now!

Billy Hitchcock: I don't need it ever! Get away from him! He's next!

Carter: Fuck you, Billy! I'm not dead!

Billy Hitchcock: Oh, you will be. You're dead... you're dead and you ain't taking me with you!

Carter: I can't believe you rented a dog.

Carter: Too young.

Pat: Not Forever.

Erin: It's just sex. You have the whole rest of your life to be monogamous.

Carter: That's just it Erin. I'm ready for the whole rest of my life to begin. I want to be in love with the next person I sleep with. I was the next person I sleep with to be the last person I sleep with.

Erin: No guy hopes for that.

Carter: [He's just been shot] Do you have any good drugs?

Cmdr. Wilson: Damn Hippie

Jared Stone: [as Carter sacrifices himself so the others can get clear in time] Good luck on the other-side

[last lines]

Carter: Watch your first step... it's a big one

[salutes Wilson as he closes the hatch as their space station begins re-entry]

Carter: aye... aye sir

Carter: Well... weren't *we* jacking *him*?

Murray: Uh... Yeah!

Murray: [to Shark] From what I can see, you're the boss because you threaten, you manipulate and you intimidate. You're a bully. It's how Hitler got into power.

Carter: Yo! You calling us Nazis?

Murray: Well hey, if the jackboot fits, shorty...

Carter: Shows what you know! My grandpa faught the Nazis.

Murray: Oh yeah? Well, I bet your grandpa is just bursting with pride in you now.

Carter: Fuck you!

Murray: Good answer!

Shark: Look, look. Don't nobody talk to the squirrel no more.

Murray: See, censorship! Next, he'll be shutting down our newspapers!

Murray: Sorry, I, uh... I didn't catch your name.

Carter: [in pain] Carter.

Murray: Carter. You got a first name?

Carter: James... ow...

Murray: [laughing] Jimmy Carter? No kiddin', huh?

[takes his wallet back]

Murray: Well, thank you, Mr. President, but you can forget about a reward.

Carter: Now what?

Murray: Well, if the past is any indication, Sharky will rant and rave about how he's gonna kill me, and then... I'll try and muster a little fear, but it's getting kind of tough, because, you know, he's proving to be quite the useless little turd.

Murray: Please, James. Let them kill me. Give Shark the gun. Just walk away.

Carter: Walk away?

[voice breaking]

Carter: Walk away where?