Carolyn Stoddard Quotes in Dark Shadows (2012)

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Carolyn Stoddard Quotes:

  • Carolyn Stoddard: [sees Barnabas for the first time] Are you stoned or something?

    Barnabas Collins: They tried stoning me, my dear. It did not work.

    [to Willie]

    Barnabas Collins: When did they start allowing women of the night on the estate grounds?

  • Carolyn Stoddard: I don't feel comfortable discussing this with you.

    Barnabas Collins: Do not fear, my child. I simply seek advice on the art of courting a woman of this time... Land. And who better to tutor me than a woman of your age? What is your age, if I may?

    Carolyn Stoddard: Fifteen.

    Barnabas Collins: Fifteen and no husband. You must put those birthing hips to good use at once lest your womb shrivel up and die.

    Carolyn Stoddard: You're weird.

    Barnabas Collins: But do you think me too weird for a woman of this... land?

    Carolyn Stoddard: You obviously mean Vicky.

    Barnabas Collins: She has the most fertile birthing hips I have ever laid eyes upon.

    Carolyn Stoddard: You're way too weird.

    Barnabas Collins: Do you really think so?

    Carolyn Stoddard: You're all stiff, proper and old-fashioned.

    Barnabas Collins: And Victoria... Is she not proper?

    Carolyn Stoddard: She likes to pretend she's rock 'n' roll. She's a Carpenters kind of chick for sure.

    Barnabas Collins: Do you mean to say that she has a penchant for woodworkers?

    Carolyn Stoddard: The Carpenters are musicians, stupid.

    Barnabas Collins: Ah, music. Yes, I'm rather fond of the music of the day. "I am a picker, I am a grinner / I am a lover and I am a sinner / I play my music in the sun" If only Shakespeare had been as eloquent.

    Carolyn Stoddard: Okay. If you wanna get with her, you're gonna have to change your approach. Drop the whole weird Swinging London thing and hang out with a few normal people.

  • Carolyn Stoddard: [about the planned ball] I have to hand it to you. This is a happening. I guess the only thing missing is Alice Cooper.

    Barnabas Collins: Perhaps you should go and acquaint yourself with the evening's entertainment.

    [At the ball, he sees who Alice Cooper really is]

    Barnabas Collins: ...ugliest woman I've ever seen.

  • David Collins: Carolyn touches herself. She makes noises like a kitten.

    Carolyn Stoddard: [to David] You little shit!

  • Elizabeth Collins Stoddard: Children, get away from that man!

    David Collins: He said his name was Barnabas Collins.

    Carolyn Stoddard: And I'm pretty sure he called me a hooker.

  • Carolyn Stoddard: Leave us alone!

    Elizabeth Collins Stoddard: Carolyn? Carolyn, my God!

    Carolyn Stoddard: I'm a werewolf, okay? Let's not make a big deal out of it. Woof!

  • Carolyn Stoddard: [about Barnabas] He's not staying with us forever, is he?

    David Collins: I like him.

  • Barnabas Collins: I seek advice on the art of courting a woman of this time.

    Carolyn Stoddard: You obviously mean Vicky.

    Barnabas Collins: She has the most fertile birthing hips I've ever set eyes upon.

    Carolyn Stoddard: You're weird.

    Barnabas Collins: [mistakenly flattered] You really think so?

  • Carolyn Stoddard: Woof.

    [attacks Angelique]

  • Carolyn Stoddard: You're all stiff and proper and old-fashioned.

    Barnabas Collins: And Victoria? Is she not proper?

    Carolyn Stoddard: She likes to pretend she's rock'n'roll, but she's a Carpenters kind of chick for sure.

    Barnabas Collins: Do you mean to say that she has a penchant for woodworkers?

    Carolyn Stoddard: The Carpenters are musicians, stupid.

    Barnabas Collins: Ahhh, music... Yes, I'm rather fond of the music of the day. "I'm a picker, I'm a grinner, I'm a lover and I'm a sinner. I play my music in the sun."

  • Carolyn Stoddard: I'm beginning to wonder, cousin Barnabas, if I shall ever know you at all. There's so much about you... that I'm dying to know.

  • Carolyn Stoddard: We were all very surprised that you've decided to settle in Collinsport.

    Barnabas Collins: When you know me better, you won't be.

Browse more character quotes from Dark Shadows (2012)

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