Carl Mace Quotes in Airheads (1994)

Carl Mace: I used to come home at night bone tired, sometimes five, six o'clock in the morning. I drop my underwear on the floor one time. Had this teensy weeny little skid mark on them. You would think I had started World War 9.

Chazz: [Carl has grabbed Kayla and is trying to humiliate Chazz in front of the entire Audience by calling him "Chester"] Hey, you stay out of this and get your hands off her!

Kayla: Why did he call you that?

Carl Mace: There's a lot that Chester didn't tell you about, right, Chester?

Rex: What's he talking about Chazz?

Chazz: Um... Kayla, I...

Chazz: It's... uh, he's... awww shit. Kayla, there's something I gotta tell ya. Um... I was a geek in high school. I had really short hair, I played "Dungeons and Dragons", I had a bug collection, I ate my Boogers. My name's not Chazz... it's Chester, and I understand if You don't love me, anymore.

D & D Rocker: I played D & D, too!

School Newspaper Rocker: I was editor of the school magazine!

Corduroy Rocker: I used to wear corduroy pants!

Masturbating Rocker: I used to masturbate... constantly!

[His two friends start hitting him]

Carl Mace: You got any kind of training?

Doug Beech: Well, I was in the Merchant Marines.

Carl Mace: Marines. Yeah, I copy.

[gets distracted for a moment]

Doug Beech: But, I was an accountant.

Carl Mace: Nah, you won't be held accountable.