Carl Fredricksen Quotes in Up (2009)

Carl Fredricksen: This is crazy. I finally meet my childhood hero and he's trying to kill us. What a joke.

Dug: Hey, I know a joke! A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for the winter and now I am dead." Ha! It is funny because the squirrel gets dead.

[Carl, in his once-again airborne house, suddenly hears a knock at the front door]

Carl Fredricksen: Russell?

[opens the door to find Dug on his doorstep]

Carl Fredricksen: Dug!

Dug: I was hiding under your porch because I love you. Can I stay?

Carl Fredricksen: Can you stay? Why, you're my dog, aren't you? And I'm your master!

Dug: You are my master? Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

[lunges forward and covers Carl in slobbery kisses]

Carl Fredricksen: [laughing] Good boy, Dug. You're a good boy.

Carl Fredricksen: Hey, let's play a game. It's called "See Who Can Be Quiet the Longest".

Russell: Cool! My mom loves that game!

Russell: [reading from his scout handbook in monotone] Good afternoon. My name is Russell, and I am a Wilderness Explorer in Tribe 54, Sweatlodge 12. Are you in need of any assistance today, sir?

Carl Fredricksen: No.

Russell: I could help you cross the street.

Carl Fredricksen: No.

Russell: I could help you cross your yard.

Carl Fredricksen: No.

Russell: I could help you cross your... porch?

Carl Fredricksen: No.

Russell: Well, I gotta help you cross *something*!

Construction Foreman Tom: This is serious. He's out to get your house!

Carl Fredricksen: Tell your boss he can *have* our house.

Construction Foreman Tom: Really?

Carl Fredricksen: When I'm dead!

[goes inside and slams the front door]

Construction Foreman Tom: I'll take that as a maybe!

Carl Fredricksen: [after his house hits a cliff and shatters a window] I am nobody's master, got it? I don't want you here

[points his cane at Dug]

Carl Fredricksen: and I don't want you here!

[points it at Kevin]

Carl Fredricksen: [addressing Russell] I'm stuck with you, but if you two don't clear out of here by the time I count to three...

Dug: Oh! A ball! Oh, boy! Oh, boy! A ball!

[whines]

Carl Fredricksen: Ball?

[chuckles]

Carl Fredricksen: You want it, boy?

Dug: Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Carl Fredricksen: Huh? Huh?

Dug: Yes, I do! I so ever do want the ball!

Carl Fredricksen: Go get it!

[throws the ball]

Dug: Oh, boy! Oh, boy! I will go get it and then bring it back!

[runs off]

Carl Fredricksen: Russell, give me some chocolate.

[grabs a piece of chocolate from Russell and throws it into the bushes, leaving Kevin to run off after it]

Russell: [Whining] I'm tired! My knee hurts!

Carl Fredricksen: Which knee?

Russell: ...My elbow hurts!

[Carl, with his house high in the air, hears a knock at the door and finds Russell on the front porch]

Russell: Hi, Mr. Fredricksen! It's me, Russell!

Carl Fredricksen: What are you doing out here, kid?

Russell: I found the snipe and I followed it under your porch, but this snipe had a long tail and looked more like a large mouse.

[Russell's Wilderness Explorers flag blows away in the wind]

Russell: Please let me in.

Carl Fredricksen: No.

[Carl goes inside and slams the door. Russell waits uncertainly a few moments]

Carl Fredricksen: [opens the door] Oh, all right. You can come...

[Russell races past Carl into the house]

Carl Fredricksen: ...in.

Russell: [Carl and Russell find Dug in a South American desert; Russel pets him] Hey, I like dogs!

Carl Fredricksen: [calling out] We have your dog!

Russell: [Dug walks around Russell] Whoa.

Carl Fredricksen: I wonder who he belongs to?

Russell: Sit, boy.

[Dug sits]

Russell: Hey look, he's trained! Shake.

[Dug shakes his paw]

Russell: Uh-huh. Speak.

Dug: Hi there.

Carl Fredricksen: [He and Russell make surprised exclamations] Did that dog just say "Hi there"?

Dug: Oh, yes.

Carl Fredricksen: Whaa!

Dug: My name is Dug. I have just met you, and I love you.

[he jumps up on Carl]

Carl Fredricksen: Wha...

Dug: My master made me this collar. He is a good and smart master and he made me this collar so that I may speak. Squirrel!

[looks to distance for a few seconds]

Dug: My master is good and smart.

Carl Fredricksen: It's not possible!

Dug: Oh, it is because my master is smart!

Russell: Cool! What do these do, boy?

Russell: [Russell starts to fiddle with a dial on Dug's collar, causing him to cycle through languages and different voices] Hey would you - cuerdo con tigo - I use that collar - watashi wa hanashi ma - to talk with. I would be happy if you stop.

Carl Fredricksen: Russell, don't touch that. It could be... radioactive or something.

Dug: I am a great tracker. My pack sent me on a special mission, all by myself. Have you seen a bird? I am going to find one, and I am on the scent. I am a great tracker; did I mention that?

[Dug is suddenly attacked by Kevin, who shrieks in Dug's face after pinning him to the ground]

Dug: Hey, that is the bird! I have never seen one up close, but this is the bird. May I take your bird back to camp as my prisoner?

Carl Fredricksen: Yes, yes, take it! And on the way, learn how to bark like a real dog!

Dug: Oh, I can bark.

[barks]

Dug: And this is howling.

[howls]

Russell: [Kevin screeches] Can we keep him? Please, please, please?

Carl Fredricksen: No.

Russell: But it's a TALKING DOG!

Carl Fredricksen: It's just a weird trick or something. Let's get to the falls.

[Carl just saved Russell, tied to a chair, from falling to his death off Muntz' Airship, and leaves him on the porch]

Russell: But I want to help!

Carl Fredricksen: I don't want your help, I want you safe.

Russell: A wilderness explorer is a friend to all, be a plant or fish or tiny mole!

Carl Fredricksen: That doesn't even rhyme!

Russell: [offended] Yeah it does.

Russell: [off screen in the jungle] Mr. Fredricksen? Am I supposed to dig the hole before or after?

Carl Fredricksen: Nyaa! None of my concern!

Russell: [after a pause] Oh... It's before!

Carl Fredricksen: Nyaa!

[covers his ears and shakes his head]

Russell: [points to Kevin] I found the snipe!

Carl Fredricksen: [amused] Oh, did you now?

[chuckles]

Russell: Are they tall?

Carl Fredricksen: Oh, yes. They're very tall.

Russell: Do they have a lot of colors?

Carl Fredricksen: They do, indeed!

Russell: Do they like chocolate?

Carl Fredricksen: Ye... chocolate?

[he turns around and sees Kevin]

Carl Fredricksen: Gaah! What is that thing?

Carl Fredricksen: I can't tell where we are.

Russell: Oh, we're in South America, all right. It was a cinch with my Wilderness Explorer GPS.

Carl Fredricksen: GP what?

Russell: My dad gave it to me; it shows exactly where we are on the planet!

[runs to window making beeping sounds]

Russell: With this baby, we'll never be lost!

[gestures and accidentally throws the unit out the window]

Russell: Oops.

Carl Fredricksen: [after throwing both a ball and chocolate into the jungle to get rid of Dug and Kevin, Carl runs with his house for a considerable distance] There. We should've gone enough. We should be rid of them now.

[looks to his left and sees Dug]

Dug: [with the ball in his mouth] Hi, Master.

[Carl turns to his right and Kevin squawks in his ear]

Carl Fredricksen: You'd better get up, Russell. Or else, the tigers will come and eat you.

Russell: There are no Tigers in South America. Zoology.

Russell: Hey look, buildings! That building's so close, I can almost touch it!

Russell: [In Carl's thought] Wow! This is great! You should try this, Mr. Fredricksen! Look, there's a bus stop that could take me home two blocks away! Heyy, I can see your house from here!

Carl Fredricksen: [pulling on rope] Don't jerk around so much, kid -

[let's go, shocked]

Russell: AHH!

[fades away]

Carl Fredricksen: [back in reality] Well, that's not gonna work.

Dug: Oh, please, oh, please, oh, please be my prisoner!

Russell: Dug, stop bothering Kevin!

Dug: That man there says I should take the bird...

[Kevin squacks at Dug]

Dug: ... and I love that man there like he is my master.

Carl Fredricksen: I am not your master!

Dug: I am warning you once again, bird!

Russell: Hey! Quit it!

Dug: I am jumping on you now, bird!

Carl Fredricksen: Russell, at this rate we'll never get to the falls!

Dug: Here, bird!

Carl Fredricksen: [to Russell] Now, we're gonna walk to the falls quickly and quietly with no rap music or flashdancing.

Russell: Uh-huh.

Carl Fredricksen: We have three days, at best, before the helium leaks out of those balloons. And if we're not at the falls when that happens...

Russell: [behind Carl, obviously distracted, looking down] Sand.

Carl Fredricksen: ...we're not getting to the falls.

Russell: I found sand!

Carl Fredricksen: [looks up at his house, through a window, to where a picture of old Ellie hangs on the wall] Don't you worry, Ellie. We'll get our house over there.

Russell: I've never been in a floating house before.

[Russell sees a picture of Ellie and laughs]

Russell: Goggles. Look at this stuff. Wow! You're going on a trip?

[Russell picks up a picture of Paradise Falls and reads from it]

Russell: "Paradise Falls, a land lost in time." You're going to South America, Mr. Fredricksen?

[Carl grabs the picture from Russell]

Carl Fredricksen: Don't touch that! You'll soil it.

Russell: You know, most people take a plane, but you're smart because you'll have all your TV and clocks and stuff.

Carl Fredricksen: [Having arrived above Paradise Falls in South America, miles from where they took off] Don't worry, I'll get you down, find a Bus Stop.

[cuts off the strings to some of the balloons, allowing the house to descend down]

Russell: Whoa, that's s gonna be like a billion transfers to get back to my house...

Carl Fredricksen: [to Kevin] Get off my roof!

Dug: Yeah! Get off of his...

[barks]

Carl Fredricksen: [George and A.J. walk up to Carl's door and A.J. knocks on it. Carl opens the door] Morning, gentlemen.

Nurse George: Good morning, Mr. Fredricksen. You ready to go?

Carl Fredricksen: [chuckles] Ready as I'll ever be. Would you do me a favor and take this?

[hands A.J. a suitcase]

Carl Fredricksen: I'll meet you at the van in just a minute. I, uh, wanna say one last goodbye to the old place.

Nurse George: Sure. Take all the time you need, sir.

[Carl slams his door shut]

Nurse AJ: That's typical. He's probably going to the bathroom for the 80th time.

[they start walking to their van]

Nurse George: [sees the mess of helium canisters on Carl's lawn and scoffs] You think he'd take better care of his house.

[a large shadow begins to loom up behind them. Many balloons emerge from beneath a tarp and lift Carl's house off of the ground. Both scream. Carl's house hits their van. Its alarm goes off]

Carl Fredricksen: Ah, ha ha ha! So long, boys! I'll send you a postcard from Paradise Falls!

Construction Foreman Tom: Hey! 'Morning, Mr. Fredricksen. Need any help there?

Carl Fredricksen: No. Yes. Tell your boss over there that you boys are ruining our house.

Construction Foreman Tom: Well, just to let you know, my boss would be happy to take this old place off your hands, and for double his last offer! What do you say to that?

[Carl blows Tom's hat off with his leaf blower]

Construction Foreman Tom: Uh, I take that as a no, then.

Carl Fredricksen: I believe I made my position to your boss quite clear.

Construction Foreman Tom: You poured prune juice in his gas tank.

Carl Fredricksen: [snickers] Oh, yeah, that was good.

Construction Worker Steve: [directing a large construction vehicle backing up] Okay, keep her coming. Keep coming. And stop. Stop. Stop!

[it starts to run over Carl's mailbox]

Carl Fredricksen: [watching from his doorway] Why... Hey! Hey you!

[Steve sees him and runs to the mailbox]

Carl Fredricksen: What do you... What do you think you're doing?

[he shuffles quickly to his mailbox]

Construction Worker Steve: I am so sorry, sir.

[he attempts to fix Carl's mailbox]

Carl Fredricksen: Don't touch that!

Construction Worker Steve: [they fight for control of the mailbox] No, no, no. Let me take care of that for you.

Carl Fredricksen: Get away from our mailbox!

Construction Worker Steve: Hey. Sir, I...

Carl Fredricksen: I don't want you to touch it!

[he clubs Steve on the head with his cane. Blood is drawn. Carl retreats into his house, ashamed]

[Muntz had just taken Kevin, and set Carl's House on Fire, which popped some of the balloons and left it floating only inches to the ground]

Russell: You gave away Kevin. You just... gave her away.

Carl Fredricksen: This is none of my concern.

[Turns around, Furious after what happened]

Carl Fredricksen: I DIDN'T ASK FOR ANY OF THIS.

Dug: Master, it's alright.

Carl Fredricksen: I AM NOT YOUR MASTER! AND YOU DIDN'T SHOW UP, NONE OF THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED. BAD DOG! BAD DOG! Now whether you assist me or not, I am going to Paradise Falls, if it kills me.

Carl Fredricksen: [to a contractor trying to get Carl to move out] You in the suit! Yes, you! Take a bath, hippie!

Dug: I can smell you!

Carl Fredricksen: [confused] What? You can, smell us?

Dug: I can smell you!

Russell: [when Carl realizes that the "person" he's talking to is actually a rock, laughing] You were talking to a rock.

[Having had a good read of Ellie's book she made many years ago, Carl finally starts to have a Change of Heart]

Carl Fredricksen: [Walking outside] Russell?

[Still mad at Carl, Russell takes some of the Balloons from his Roof, ties them around his waste, and takes Carl's Leaf Blower]

Carl Fredricksen: Russell, what are you doing?

Russell: I'm Gonna help Kevin, even if you won't.

[Russell starts up the Leaf Blower and disappears into the Clouds]

Carl Fredricksen: Russell, No!

Carl Fredricksen: So you want to assist an old person?

Russell: Yep! Then I will be a Senior Wilderness Explorer!

Carl Fredricksen: [looks around furtively, then leans in close] Have you ever heard of a Snipe?

Russell: Snipe?

Carl Fredricksen: Bird. Beady eyes. Every night it sneaks in my yard and gobbles my poor azaleas. I'm elderly and infirm. I can't catch it. If only someone could help me...

Russell: Me! Me! I'll do it!

Carl Fredricksen: Oh, I don't know. It's awfully crafty. You'd have to clap your hands three times to lure it in.

Russell: I'll find it, Mr. Fredricksen!

Carl Fredricksen: I think its burrow is two blocks down. If you go past...

Russell: Two blocks down! Got it!

[Russell runs off down the street, calling out and clapping his hands]

Russell: Sniiiipe! Here, Snipey, Snipey...

Carl Fredricksen: [smirks] Bring it back here when you find it!

[as Carl holds onto the hose to his house, preventing it from drifting away without him and Russell in it, he urges Russell to climb up the hose and onto the porch]

Carl Fredricksen: Once you get to the Porch, find a rope, and pull me up. Got it?

[Russell strains as he tries to climb up the hose off screen, which is hard work]

Carl Fredricksen: Are you on the Porch yet?

[the scene changes to show that Russell has barely made it up an inch]

Russell: [Giving up and Exhausted] I can't do it.

Carl Fredricksen: That's it? I came all this way just to end up on the Wrong Side of this Rock Pile?

Carl Fredricksen: [Depressed] Now what am I gonna do?

Russell: I can assist you to the Falls. We could walk you house over.

Carl Fredricksen: Well, that could work.

Russell: Then when we get there, will you sign my badge?

[Carl ties ropes hanging from the house round his and Russell's waste in the Next Scene as they start to walk]

Carl Fredricksen: You've been camping before, haven't you?

Russell: Well, never outside.

Carl Fredricksen: Well, why didn't you ask your dad how to build a tent?

Russell: I don't think he wants to talk about this stuff.

Carl Fredricksen: Why don't you try him sometime? Maybe he'll surprise you.

Russell: Well, he's away a lot. I don't see him much.

Carl Fredricksen: He's got to be home sometime.

Russell: Well, I called, but... Phyllis told me I bug him too much.

Carl Fredricksen: Phyllis? You call your own mother by her first name?

Russell: Phyllis isn't my mom.

Carl Fredricksen: [sheepish] Oh.