Captain Phineas J. Tucker Quotes in I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (2007)

Captain Phineas J. Tucker: Gentlemen, I have a very simple policy. What you shove up your ass is your own business.

Captain Phineas J. Tucker: And most importantly, they showed us that no matter whom we choose to love, be they heterosexual, homosexual, asexual, bisexual, trisexual, quadrisexual, pansexual, transexual, omnisexual or that thing where the chick ties the belt around your neck and tinkles on a ballon, it has absolutely nothing to do with who we are as people.

Captain Phineas J. Tucker: You guys are gonna be busier than a test bench in a plunger factory!

Captain Phineas J. Tucker: [in Captain's office] And you

[looks at Chuck disgusted]

Captain Phineas J. Tucker: if my pencil sharpener had a skirt I would have to hide it!

Captain Phineas J. Tucker: Whenever, whatever. That's the code.

Captain Phineas J. Tucker: If these two men are gay then I'm a one-legged parrot. Anybody see me with a crutch and a cracker?