Captain of the Guard Quotes in Spaceballs (1987)

Captain of the Guard: You idiots! These are not them! You've captured their stunt doubles!

Flynn Rider: Well, I've gotta say, I didn't know you had that in you back there. That was pretty impressive.

Rapunzel: [excited] I know!

[casually]

Rapunzel: I know. So, Flynn, where are you from?

Flynn Rider: Whoa, whoa. Sorry, blondie, I don't do backstory. However, I am becoming very interested in yours. Now, I know I'm not supposed to mention the hair.

Rapunzel: Nope.

Flynn Rider: Or the mother.

Rapunzel: Unh-unh.

Flynn Rider: Frankly, I'm too scared to ask about the frog.

Rapunzel: Chameleon.

Flynn Rider: Nuance. Here's my question, though. If you want to see the lanterns so badly, why haven't you gone before?

Rapunzel: Uh, heh, well...

[notices stones rumbling at her feet]

Rapunzel: Uh, Flynn?

[the guards and Maximus come charging in]

Rapunzel: Flynn?

Captain of the Guard: Rider!

Flynn Rider: Run! Run!

Captain of the Guard: [the guards have seized Flynn, and the dungeon doors all close shut one at a time] What is this?

Captain of the Guard: [the Captain pounds on a dungeon door] Open up!

Short Thug: [Shorty opens the door's window] What's the password?

Captain of the Guard: What?

Short Thug: Nope.

[Shorty closes the door's window]

Captain of the Guard: Open this door!

Short Thug: Not even close.

Captain of the Guard: You have three seconds! One... two... three...

[Hook-Hand Thug captures the guards one at a time]

Captain of the Guard: Huh?

[One of the thugs hits the Captain from behind with a frying pan, knocking him out]

Flynn Rider: Frying pans! Who knew, right?

Hubert Hawkins: [disguised as an old man] Have you seen a group in the forest?

[Jean, pretending to be a deaf mute, makes a lot of hand gestures in response]

Hubert Hawkins: She says, "No."

Captain of the Guard: What took her so long?

Hubert Hawkins: Stutters.

Captain of the Guard: [Hawkins is being tested for Knighthood] He must scale a wall in full armor.

[Hawkins is tossed over the wall]

Captain of the Guard: Candidate passes!

[later]

Captain of the Guard: He must bring down a hawk in full flight.

[a hawk with an arrow is tossed on the ground]

Captain of the Guard: Candidate passes.

Hawkins: But I didn't even shoo...

Captain of the Guard: [shouts] Candidate passes!

[later]

Captain of the Guard: He must capture a wild boar with his bare hands.

[a piglet comes out of a chute followed by sound effects of splashing in the mud]

Captain of the Guard: He passes!

Captain of the Guard: If you need anything, just shout... If you're able.

Cervantes' Manservant: What did he mean by that?

Miguel de Cervantes: He meant to frighten us. I think they intend us to stay.

Captain of the Guard: This is what we've come to regard as the common room, for those who wait.

Miguel de Cervantes: Do they wait long?

Captain of the Guard: An hour... a lifetime... who knows?

Miguel de Cervantes: Do they all await the Inquisition?

Captain of the Guard: Ah, no, señor, not all of them. Most of these are merely thieves and murderers.

Captain Of The Guard: Thou art not one of my men; yet I seem to have seen thy face before.

Tommy: Oh, polygations-orfdog-n-elly-gethanthems-unsense.

Captain Of The Guard: What sayest thou?

Tommy: I said: thyhyperbole-arlford-ron-titty-benonsense.

Captain Of The Guard: Ay?

Tommy: Er, er, look! Ther-sithy-um-besinth. Er, er. Camrens, er, bloody-confreys. Camrens. Allaputes-shushi-cuppasoon. Orla-pchinla-thn.