Captain of Guards Quotes in Shrek (2001)


Captain of Guards Quotes:

  • Captain of Guards: [as Donkey flies through the air on pixie dust] He can talk!

    Donkey: That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying talking donkey! You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkeyfly! Ha, ha!

    [pixie dust wears off]

    Donkey: Uh-oh!

  • Pinocchio: I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy!

    [nose grows]

    Captain of Guards: Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.

  • Captain of Guards: [to Shrek, after finding him and Donkey in the woods] You there! Ogre!

    Shrek: Aye?

    Captain of Guards: [to both Shrek and Donkey] By the order of Lord Farquaad, I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated resettlement - facility.

    Shrek: Oh, really? You and what army?

    [the Captain looks behind him and notices that his soldiers have run away, leaving their spears behind. He does the same]

  • [a squad of archers aim at Shrek]

    Captain of Guards: Shall I give the order, my Lord?

    Lord Farquaad: No. I have a better idea...

  • Captain of Guards: [snaps a witch's broomstick in half] Your flying days are over!

  • Captain of Guards: What have you got?

    Old Woman: Well, I have a talking donkey.

    Captain of Guards: Really? Well, that's good for ten shillings... if you can prove it.

    Old Woman: Go ahead, little fella.

    [Donkey says nothing]

    Captain of Guards: Well?

    Old Woman: He's just a little nervous. He's really quite the chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt...

    Captain of Guards: That's it, I've heard enough. Guards?

    Old Woman: No, no! He talks. He does...

    [moves Donkey's mouth while trying to throw her voice]

    Old Woman: I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.

    Captain of Guards: Get her out of my sight!

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