Captain Dickson Quotes in 21 Jump Street (2012)
Captain Dickson Quotes:
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Captain Dickson: Hey, hey! Stop fuckin' with Korean Jesus. He ain't got time for yo problems, he's busy wit Korean shit!
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Captain Dickson: He's white, that means people actually give shit.
Schmidt: Um, I would just like to say that I would give a shit if he were black.
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[last lines]
Captain Dickson: New assignment. Since you two cowboys love to drink booze, smoke weed with kids, and fuck anything with a big ass in jeans with low self-esteem, I'm gonna send you to a place where all that shit is allowed.
Jenko: Oh, I love Disneyland!
Captain Dickson: You two sons of bitches are going to college!
Schmidt: Yes!
Jenko: No!
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Captain Dickson: [going over the rule of not having sexual relations with teachers or students; to Jenko] That's you, man. Don't do it. Keep that dirty dick inside your pants. Don't fuck no students, don't fuck no teachers...
Schmidt: Sir, I know we may look like a couple of lady-killers, but me and my partner will be super professional...
Captain Dickson: Clearly I wasn't talking to you, big-titties. You cherub-looking motherfucker. I was talking to your partner, fake-ass Handsome McGee here. When I'm talking to him, I'm talking to him. When I say "shut the fuck up," I'm talking to you.
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Captain Dickson: I know what you're thinkin': angry, black captain. Well guess what? I'm black, and I worked my ASS off to be the captain. And sometimes, I get a little angry, so suck a dick!
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Captain Dickson: The mission is this: infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier.
Jenko: We get to be brothers?
Captain Dickson: [slams desk] Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier!
Jenko: But if we find the supplier first, we don't have to worry about the dealers.
Captain Dickson: God damn.
[slams desk]
Captain Dickson: Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier!
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Captain Dickson: You are here because you some Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus lookin' motherfuckers.
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Captain Dickson: Who made this? Are you autistic?
Schmidt: It IS artistic.
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Captain Dickson: Hey! stop fucking with Korean Jesus! He ain't got time for your problems! He's busy... with Korean shit!
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Captain Dickson: Teenage the fuck up!
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Captain Dickson: They teenagers, man. They really stupid.
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Captain Dickson: Are you comfortable?
Schmidt: Yes.
Captain Dickson: Get your... motherfucking ass up when I'm talking to you! I know what ya'll thinking. Angry black Captain. It ain't nothing but a stupid stereotype. Well let me tell you something, I'm black, and I worked my ass off to become Captain, and sometimes I get angry. So suck a dick!
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Captain Dickson: Clearly, I wasn't talking to you, big titties! You cherub-lookin' mother fucker!
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Mrs. Dickson: So, how did you and Doug meet?
Maya: We met at a party and then he stalked me to my dorm room.
Captain Dickson: Stalked you? And then what happened?
Maya: Then, we hung out and watched a movie.
Maya: [pause for a second] Actually, we watched it a couple times.
Captain Dickson: This is bullshit! Waiter, can a black man get some water?
Schmidt: Someone get the fucking man some water. He's black, he's been through a lot!
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Captain Dickson: Gentlemen, you're not gonna sit here
[places pistol down on desk]
Captain Dickson: & pretend there's not a big-ass elephant in the room.
Jenko: [confused] What the fuck is going on?
Captain Dickson: [turns picture frame on desk around, revealing a photo of Maya] *This* is what the fuck is going on!
Jenko: [looks at the picture confused, looks at Schmidt, then back at the picture as he realizes] OH SHIT! Oh Shit!
[laughs hysterically at Schmidt]
Jenko: Oh shit! No! That is not happening right now!
[exits office]
Jenko: No!
[to coworkers, exchanging high fives]
Jenko: Hey ya'll he's fucking the captain's daughter! Yo! Oh my FUCK!
Captain Dickson: [as Jenko is laughing outside office, to Schmidt] Every time, he says that shit? That's another foot in your ass!
Jenko: [outside office] Schmidt! You clearly... yo, this is the best thing ever!
[laughing]
Jenko: Schmidt fucked the captain's daughter!
[sing-song]
Jenko: Schmidt fucked the captain's daughter! Schmidt fucked the captain's daughter!
Jenko: [re-enters office] Shit! Fuck!
[to Schmidt]
Jenko: You fucked Captain Dickson's daughter? Captain? What the fuck, you bragged to him to his face! To his actual face, the captain, do you understand that *this face*
[pointing to Captain Dickson's angry face]
Jenko: right here! You bragged to that face!
Jenko: [to Captain Dickson] You actually high-fived Schmidt for fucking your daughter? Holy Shit! Oh my God, this is...
Captain Dickson: [picks pistol up and places it back on the desk, with the barrel facing Jenko]
Jenko: [composing himself] It's really not that funny.
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Captain Dickson: Fuck a 21 Jump Street & *FUCK* a Korean Jesus!
Jenko: [pointing across the room to the statue of Jesus] Captain, Korean Jesus is right there!
Captain Dickson: That's Vietnamese Jesus now. See this is a Vietnamese church, you racist sacrilegious sack of shit!
[admiring Vietnamese Jesus]
Captain Dickson: Yeah, Vietnamese Jesus is just drippin' swag-goo!
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[from trailer]
Captain Dickson: We Jump Street, and we 'bout to jump in yo ass.
Jenko: Mmmm-hmmm.
Schmidt: Right in the crack.
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[last lines before end credits sequence]
Captain Dickson: Jenko, what are you doing, man?
Jenko: Fuck you, Schmidt!
Captain Dickson: Stop dicking around!
Jenko: Hey, captain!
Captain Dickson: Congratulations, you two. You managed to un-fuck a situation you originally already fucked up!
Schmidt: Thanks!
Captain Dickson: [talking to Schmidt] I wish I could have you un-fuck my daughter, but I'ma let that be the past.
Captain Dickson: [talking to Schmidt and Jenko] Now, for your next mission, you two sons of bitches going to medical school!
Jenko: What?
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Captain Dickson: [see's Schmidt dating his daughter maya] How do you know this person?
Maya: Dad, this is Doug, he's a guy I'm dating.
Captain Dickson: What the fuck?
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Schmidt: I just wanna say that it was bizarre not to share the fact that your daughter went to MC State...
Captain Dickson: I think it's bizarre that I haven't cut your motherfuckin' nuts off.
Jenko: [to Schmidt] What if, Captain gets to punch you in the face, one time? Really, really, REALLY hard?
Captain Dickson: Nah, I've got something WAY better than that.
[cut to Captain Dickson shooting a stun gun at Schmidt's testicles]
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[during end credits sequence]
Jenko: I'm really really glad you're back, Schmidt.
Schmidt: What are you talking about? What contract dispute? I have been here the whole time.
Captain Dickson: Hey, shut the fuck up! How about a flight academy?
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[during end credits sequence]
Captain Dickson: This time, foreign exchange students!
Schmidt: Awesome!
Jenko: Yes!
Captain Dickson: In Russia!
Jenko: What?
Browse more character quotes from 21 Jump Street (2012)