Captain Abraham Smollett Quotes in Muppet Treasure Island (1996)

Captain Abraham Smollett: Bejamina, I just want you to know that I'm sorry.

Benjamina Gunn: Sorry? No, no, sorry doesn't cut it. You left me standing at the ALTAR!

Captain Abraham Smollett: I was on a ship headed for Zanzibar. I got cold feet.

Benjamina Gunn: You're a frog. You're supposed to have cold feet. My mother came all the way from France! I was wearing her white lace dress! The cake was filled with lemon CUSTARD!

Captain Abraham Smollett: [shouting flabergasted] Who hired this crew? This is undoubtedly the seediest bunch of cutthroats, villains and scoundrels I have ever seen, so who hired them?

[Everyone points at Young Squire Trelawney, who in turn points at his finger]

Captain Abraham Smollett: Your finger hired the crew?

Squire Trelawney: No, that's silly. The man who *lives* in my finger hired the crew: Mr. Bimbo.

[Holds finger to ear]

Squire Trelawney: What? Ah, yeah, he relied heavily on the advice of an excellent cook, Long John Silver.

Captain Abraham Smollett: A cook? And a guy who lives in a bear's finger?

Squire Trelawney: Exactly!

Captain Abraham Smollett: [Smollet and Mr. Erroll sigh heavily] I'm starting to worry about this voyage.

Mr. Samuel Erroll: Mm-hmm...

Mr. Samuel Erroll: That will be 40 lashes and then you walk the plank.

Captain Abraham Smollett: I didn't say that, Mr. Erroll.

Mr. Samuel Erroll: I was anticipating your whim, sir.

Captain Abraham Smollett: [Captain Smollet and Mr. Arrow are fighting the pirates, and Sweetums comes running at them with a large log] Watch out Mr. Arrow!

Captain Abraham Smollett: [Sweetums then takes all the pirates out with the large log. Smollet and Arrow look at each other for a moment] Well thank you! But, aren't you supposed to be fighting against us?

Sweetums: Are you kidding? I LOVE you guys!

Captain Abraham Smollett, Mr. Samuel Erroll: Oh.

Sweetums: Bwa ha ha...

Captain Abraham Smollett: Where to, Captain Hawkins?

Jim Hawkins: To wherever the wind may take us!

Gonzo: Off to Zanzibar to meet the Zanzibarbarians!

Rizzo: Oh, brother! Here they go again!

Mr. Samuel Erroll: Any man caught dawdling will be shot on sight.

Captain Abraham Smollett: I didn't say that.

Mr. Samuel Erroll: I was just paraphrasing.

Benjamina Gunn: Smolly, can it be you?

Captain Abraham Smollett: Benjamina.

Benjamina Gunn: Hi-yah!

[Karate chops Smollett, sends him flying into the gong]

Captain Abraham Smollett: [to the gong ringer] Old girlfriend.

Long John Silver: Touching reunion, Benjamina. This seems to be your day for renewing old... acquaintances.

Benjamina Gunn: Oh! Well... hello, Looooong John.

Captain Abraham Smollett: Oh, no! Him too?

Benjamina Gunn: Well, if you'd married me...!

Captain Abraham Smollett: Well, what does that have to do with it?

Benjamina Gunn: I'm a pig! I need commitment!

Captain Abraham Smollett: Commitment?

[They begin to bicker madly]

Benjamina Gunn: You left me standing at the altar.

Captain Abraham Smollett: I was on a ship headed for Zanzibar. I got cold feet.

Benjamina Gunn: You're a frog. You're supposed to have cold feet.