Capt. Malcolm Reynolds Quotes in Serenity (2005)

Hoban 'Wash' Washburn: This landing is gonna get pretty interesting.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Define "interesting".

Hoban 'Wash' Washburn: [deadpan] Oh God, oh God, we're all going to die?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: But it ain't all buttons and charts, little albatross. You know what the first rule of flying is? Well, I suppose you do, since you already know what I'm about to say.

River Tam: I do. But I like to hear you say it.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Love. You can learn all the math in the 'Verse, but you take a boat in the air that you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turning of the worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down, tells you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens. Makes her a home.

River Tam: Storm's getting worse.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: We'll pass through it soon enough.

The Operative: Do you know what your sin is Mal?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Ah Hell... I'm a fan of all seven. But right now... I'm gonna have to go with wrath.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: [RE: What they found on Miranda] This record here's about twelve years old. Parliament buried it and it stayed buried until River here dug it up. This is what they were afraid she knew. And they were right to fear. There's a universe of folk who're gonna know it, too. Someone *has to* speak for these people.

[pause]

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Y'all got on this boat for different reasons, but y'all come to the same place. So now I'm asking more of you than I have before. Maybe all. Sure as I know anything, I know this - they will try again. Maybe on another world, maybe on this very ground swept clean. A year from now, ten? They'll swing back to the belief that they can make people... better. And I do not hold to that. So no more runnin'. I aim to misbehave.

The Operative: That girl will rain destruction down on you and your ship. She is an albatross, Captain.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Way I remember it, albatross was a ship's good luck, 'til some idiot killed it.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: [to Inara] Yes, I've read a poem. Try not to faint.

Kaylee Frye: Goin' on a year now I ain't had nothin' twixt my nethers weren't run on batteries!

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Oh, God! I can't *know* that!

Jayne Cobb: I could stand to hear a little more.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: What in the hell happened back there?

Hoban 'Wash' Washburn: Start with the part where Jayne gets knocked out by a 90-pound girl 'cause... I don't think that's ever getting old.

The Operative: I'm sorry. If your quarry goes to ground, leave no ground to go to. You should have taken my offer. Or did you think none of this was your fault?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I don't murder children.

The Operative: I do. If I have to.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Why? Do you even know why they sent you?

The Operative: It's not my place to ask. I believe in something greater than myself. A better world. A world without sin.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: So me and mine gotta lay down and die... so you can live in your better world?

The Operative: I'm not going to live there. There's no place for me there... any more than there is for you. Malcolm... I'm a monster. What I do is evil. I have no illusions about it, but it must be done.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Do you want to run this ship?

Jayne Cobb: Yes!

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: [caught off guard] Well... you can't...

[Mal suspects Inara is being forced to lure them into a trap]

Kaylee Frye: But how can you be sure Inara don't just want to see you? Sometimes people have feelings. I'm referring here to people.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Y'all were watching I take it?

Kaylee Frye: Yes?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Did you see us fight?

Kaylee Frye: No.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Trap.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Doctor, I'm takin' your sister under my protection here. If anything happens to her, anything at all, I swear to you, I will get very choked up. Honestly, there could be tears.

Jayne Cobb: We're gonna explode? I don't wanna explode!

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Jayne, how many weapons you plan on bringing? You only got the two arms.

Jayne Cobb: I just get excitable as to choice- like to have my options open.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I don't plan on any shooting taking place during this job.

Jayne Cobb: Well, what you plan and what takes place ain't ever exactly been similar.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: No grenades.

[Jayne groans]

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: No grenades!

Zoë: We crashin' again?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Go talk to your husband. Is the mule prepped?

Zoë: Good to go sir. Just loading her up. Are those grenades?

Jayne Cobb: Cap'n doesn't want them.

Zoë: We're robbing the place, we're not occupying it.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I'll take the shuttle in closer. Zoe, ship is yours. Remember, if anything happens to me, or you don't hear from me within the hour... you take this ship and you come and you rescue me.

Zoë: What? And risk my ship?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I mean it. It's cold out there. I don't wanna get left.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: [on the ship's intercom] This is the captain. We have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and then - explode.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Dear Buddha, please bring me a pony and a plastic rocket...

Inara Serra: Mal, what are you doing here?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: You invited me.

Inara Serra: I never thought for a second you'd be stupid enough to come!

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Well, that makes you a tease.

The Operative: Are you willing to die for your beliefs?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I am...

[they draw. Mal fires first, and the Operative is forced to take cover]

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: 'Course, that ain't exactly plan A.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: [the Operative has politely asked Mal to return River] You have to open with payment.

The Operative: That is a trap. I offer money, you'll play the man of honor and take umbrage; I ask you to do what is right and you'll play the brigand. I have no stomach for games.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: You think she'll hold together?

Zoë: She's torn up plenty, but she'll fly true.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Could be bumpy.

Zoë: Always is.

Hoban 'Wash' Washburn: It's okay, I'm a leaf on the wind!

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: What does that mean?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I know she meant to kill me 'fore the Doc put her to sleep, which how exactly does that work anyhow?

Dr. Simon Tam: Safeword. The people who helped me break River out - they had intel that River and the other subjects were being embedded with behavioral conditioning. They taught me a safeword, in case... something happened.

Kaylee Frye: Not sure I get it.

Dr. Simon Tam: A phrase that's encoded in her brain, that makes her fall asleep. If I speak the words, "Eta...

Jayne Cobb: Well don't say it!

Zoë: It only works on her, Jayne.

Jayne Cobb: Oh... Well, now I know that.

Inara Serra: You came to the Training House looking for a fight.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I came looking for you!

Inara Serra: The war's over, Mal.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: You tellin' me that cause you think I don't know?

Inara Serra: I've just seen so many sides of you, I wanna make sure I know who I'm dealing with.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I start fightin' a war, I guarantee you'll see somethin' new.

Zoë: So... trap?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Trap.

Zoë: We goin' in?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Ain't but a few hours out.

Hoban 'Wash' Washburn: Yeah, but... remember the part where it's a trap?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: It's of interest to me how much you seem to know about that world.

Shepherd Book: I wasn't born a shepherd, Mal.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: You have to tell me about that sometime.

Shepherd Book: [pause] No, I don't.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Bit of a rockety ride. Nothing to worry about.

Dr. Simon Tam: I'm not worried.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: [mocking Simon's seriousness] Fear's nothing to be ashamed of, Doctor.

Dr. Simon Tam: This isn't fear. This is anger.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Well, kinda hard to tell one from t'other, face like yours.

Dr. Simon Tam: Yes, well, I imagine if it were fear, my eyes would be wider.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I'll look for that next time.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Half of writing history is hiding the truth.

The Operative: I already know you will not see reason.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: The Alliance wanted to show me reason, they shouldn't have sent an assassin.

The Operative: I have a warship in deep orbit, Captain. We locked onto Serenity's pulse beacon the moment you hit atmo. I can speak a word and send a missile to that exact location inside of three minutes.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: You do that, you'd best make peace with your dear and fluffy lord.

[Mal tosses mechanism at the Operative]

The Operative: [catching the mechanism] Pulse beacon.

[Deleted scene]

The Operative: Serenity... you lost everything in that battle. Everything you had, everything you were. How did you go on?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: If you're still standing there when that engine starts, you never will figure it out.

[last lines]

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: What was that?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I look to be bored by many more sermons before you slip. Just don't move.

Shepherd Book: Can't order me around, boy. I'm not one of your crew.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Yes, you are.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: [shouting down into the vault] We're coming down to empty the vault now!

Vault Guard: [calling back up] You'll have to give me your authorization password!

[Jayne fires a burst from his automatic rifle]

Vault Guard: Uh... okay!

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I've staked my crew's life on the theory that you're a person, actual and whole, and if I'm wrong, you'd best shoot me now...

[River cocks the gun she is pointing at Mal]

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Or we could talk more.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: [greeting the twins] Fanty. Mingo.

Mingo: He's Mingo.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: He's Fanty. You're Mingo.

Mingo: How is it you always know?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Fanty's prettier.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Kaylee, what in the sphincter of hell are you playing at? We got the primary buffer panel coming right...

Kaylee Frye: Everything's shiny, Cap'n. Not to fret.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: You told me those entry couplings would hold for another week!

Kaylee Frye: That was six months ago, Cap'n.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: My ship don't crash. If she crashes, you crashed her.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Just get us on the ground!

Hoban 'Wash' Washburn: That part'll happen pretty definitely.

Zoë: In the time of war, we would never have left a man behind.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Maybe that's why we lost.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: The leg is good. It'll bleed plenty and we avoid any unnecessary organs.

Vault Guard: I was thinking more of a graze.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: No. You don't want it to look like you just gave up.

Vault Guard: No. I get that!

Jayne Cobb: [as Mal's talking to the Vault Guard] MAL!

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Every heist he's gotta start yellin' my name!

Kaylee Frye: If you had a care for anybody's heart...

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: You knew he was gonna leave. We never been nothing but a way station to those two. And how the hell do you know what he feels? He's got River to worry on, but he still could've shown you. If I truly wanted someone bad enough, wouldn't be a thing in the 'verse that could stop me from going to her.

Kaylee Frye: [nods disbelievingly] Tell that to Inara!

Zoë: [the elevator opens] Sir?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: It's done.

[looks at his crew notices River's missing]

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Report. River?

[pause then the hold door opens. River's standing with weapons in hand and dead Reavers all around her]

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse... but you take a boat in the air that you don't love... she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down... tells you she's hurting before she keens. Makes her a home.

Zoë: It's a fair bet the Alliance knows about Mr. Universe. They're gonna see this coming.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: No. They're not going to see this coming.

Trade Agent: You all are Browncoats, eh? Fought for independence? Petty thieving ain't exactly soldiers' work.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: War's long done. We're all just folk now.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: They take you down, I don't expect to grieve overmuch. Like to kill you myself, I see you again.

The Operative: You won't...

[small, grim smile]

The Operative: There is nothing left to see.

The Operative: I want to resolve this like civilized men. I'm not threatening you. I'm unarmed.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Good.

[pulls gun and shoots Operative in the chest, knocking him into the wall, grabs Inara and gets ready to leave]

The Operative: [grabs Mal from behind] I am, however, wearing full body armor. I am not a moron!

Inara Serra: I'm fine! I'm... giddy.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Ya know, for a woman schooled in telling men what they want to hear, you ain't much of a liar.

Kaylee Frye: [to Simon, who wasn't on the mission that the captain and others just got back from] Are you OK?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Is *he* OK?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Ready to get off this heap, back to civilized life?

Inara Serra: I, uh... I don't know.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Good answer.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I've never credited the Alliance with an overabundance of brains and if you're the best they've got...

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: [to Inara] But you fog things up! You always have. You spin me about. I wish like hell you were elsewhere.

Inara Serra: [sighs] I was.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: You had a gorram time bomb living with us! Who we gonna find in there when she wakes up? The girl? Or the weapon?

Dr. Simon Tam: I thought she was getting better.

Jayne Cobb: And I thought they was getting off. Didn't we have an intricate plan on how they was gonna be not here any more?

Kaylee Frye: We couldn't leave them now.

Jayne Cobb: No, now that she's a killer woman, we ought to be bringing her tea and dumplings.

[preparing for heist]

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Hey, little one. Understand your part in all this?

River Tam: Do you?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: It's what I do, darlin'.

[River walks away]

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: It's what I do.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Faster! Faster! Faster would be better!

Mr. Universe: [Watching the video feed of River fighting in the Maidenhead] And, she falls asleep. Which, she would be sleepy.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Can you go back? See if anybody spoke with her before she acted up... made any kind of contact with her.

River Tam: [On video] Miranda...

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Miranda? Go back further.

Mr. Universe: [Watching Oaty Bar commercial] No...

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Uh... please?

Mr. Universe: Oh, Mal, you're very smart. Someone is talking to her.

Hoban 'Wash' Washburn: The Oaty Bar?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Subliminal. It's a subliminal message, broadwaved to trigger her.

Mr. Universe: I've been seeing this code pop up all over, the last few weeks. It's Alliance, and it's high military.

[pause]

Mr. Universe: They have gone to enormous trouble to find your little friend... and found her they have. Do you all know what it is you're carrying?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: So I'm noticing. Is there a problem we don't know of?

[pause]

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: You got a sweet take kissing your foot. How about you take your 25% and we can talk about the next job?

Fanty: Well our end is forty, precious.

Jayne Cobb: My muscular buttocks it's forty.

Shepherd Book: [dying] I killed the ship that killed us. Not very Christian.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: You did what was right.

Shepherd Book: Coming from you that means - almost nothing.

[grin]

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: This is exactly what I didn't want. I wanted simple, I wanted in-and-out, I wanted easy money.

Zoë: Things always get a little more complicated, don't they, sir?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Once, just once, I want things to go according to the gorram plan!

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: This is how it is. Anybody doesn't wanna fly with me any more, this is your port of harbor. There's a lot of fine ways to die. I ain't waiting for the Alliance to choose mine.

[shoots Alliance soldier crawling from wreckage]

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I mean to confound these bungers. Take my shot at getting to Miranda. Maybe find something I can use to get clear of this. So I hear a word out of any of you that ain't helping me out or taking your leave, I will shoot you down. Get to work!

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Come a day there won't be room for naughty men like us to slip about at all. This job goes south, there well may not be another. So here is us, on the raggedy edge. Don't push me, and I won't push you. Dong le ma?

The Operative: There are a lot of innocent people being killed in the air right now.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: You have no idea how true that is.

The Operative: You're fighting a war you've already lost.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Yeah, well, I'm known for that.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: [about protective goggles] Fine, I'll wear 'em. But I'll look like an idiot.

Zoë: I should think you'd be used to that, sir.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I got no answers for you, Inara. I got no rudder. Wind blows northerly, I go north. That's who I am. Now, maybe that ain't a man to lead, but they have to follow. So you wanna tear me down... do it inside your own mind. I'm not trying to tear you down. But you fog things up. You always have. You spin me about. I wish like hell you was elsewhere.

Inara Serra: I was.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I didn't start this.

Jayne Cobb: No, that's right. Alliance starts the war, and then you volunteer. Battle of Serenity, Mal. Besides Zoe here, how many...

[Mal turns to walk away]

Jayne Cobb: Hey, I'm talking at you! How many men in your platoon came out of there alive?

Zoë: You wanna leave this room.

Jayne Cobb: Damn right, I do.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: You all wanna be looking very intently at your own belly buttons. I see a head start to rise, violence is going to ensue. Probably guessed we mean to be thieving here but what we're after is not yours. So, let's have no undue fussing.

Fanty: Do you know that girl?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I really don't.

[chased by a Reaver aircraft]

Jayne Cobb: How come they ain't blowin' us out the air?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: They wanna run us down. The up-close kill.

River Tam: They want us alive when they eat us.

The Operative: It's worse than you know.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: It usually is.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: We're going to need paint. We're going to need red paint.

Fanty: [watching River fighting in a bar] Do you know that girl?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I really don't.

Dr. Simon Tam: [referring to River] One simple job. She'll be fine.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: She is fine! Except for still being crazy! She's the picture of health.

Shepherd Book: It's not your way, Mal.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I have a way? Is that better than a plan?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Ah hell, Shepherd, I ain't looking for help from on high. That's a long wait for a train don't come.

Shepherd Book: When I talk about belief, why do you always assume I'm talking about God?

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: [after getting punched by Simon] I'm a hairsbreadth from riddlin' you with holes, Doctor!

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: It should have been me that got hit.

Shepherd Book: The thought... had crossed my mind.

Kaylee Frye: Have faith, Captain!

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Not today.

Zoë: We should hit town right during Sunday worship. Won't be any crowds.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: If Fanty and Mingo are right about the payroll, this could look to be a sunny day for us.

Inara Serra: You came to the training house looking for a fight.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I came looking for you.

Inara Serra: I just want to know who I'm dealing with. I've seen too many versions of you to be sure.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: [moves closer to Inara] I start fighting a war. I guarantee you'll see something new.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: What are you doing?

Inara Serra: I'm praying for you, Mal.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: [after landing on Miranda] Well, something sure the hell ain't right.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: [leading the Reaver fleet straight into the Alliance's, and caught in the middle, trying to get to Mr. Universe] The chicken's come home to roost.