Capt. Logan Quotes in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989)

Capt. Logan: I wanna speak with you, son.

[looks at Bill]

Capt. Logan: Alone, please, Bill.

[Bill goes outside]

Capt. Logan: All right, sit down! What am I gonna do with you, huh? You can't be...

Bill: [outside] Great.

Capt. Logan: You lose my keys, you fail history, you spend all your time with your loser friend planning a band that'll never happen. Now, you're not to leave this house again until tommorow morning.

[the phone rings]

Capt. Logan: Yes?

Bill: Captain Logan? This is Deputy Van Halen down at the station.

Capt. Logan: Deputy Van Halen?

[Ted sees Bill on the phone outside]

Bill: I'm new dude - sir. Look, we found your keys. If you want 'em, better come and get 'em.

[hangs up]

Capt. Logan: When I get back from the station, I want you packed and ready to go. Got it?

[Ted nods; Capt. Logan leaves]

Ted: [outside] We are in serious trouble. My dad already signed me up, my plane leaves tommorow night.

Bill: Only if we fail, dude.

[they look at the phone booth]

Bill, Ted: No way!

[Captain Logan is questioning Abraham Lincoln]

Capt. Logan: All right, what's your name?

Abraham Lincoln: Abraham Lincoln. That's L-I-N-C-O-L-N.

Capt. Logan: I know how to spell Lincoln. What's your birthday, Mr. Lincoln?

Abraham Lincoln: February 12... 1809.

Capt. Logan: You pack your bags, Ted.

Ted: What?

Capt. Logan: You're going to military school, Ted.

Ted: But, Dad...

Capt. Logan: [interrupting] No, I don't wanna hear it, Ted.

Ted: But...

Capt. Logan: Ted! You go home and pack your bags now!

Ted: What are you doin' home, Dad?

Capt. Logan: I'm looking for my keys.

Ted: Oh!

Capt. Logan: You haven't done anything with them, have ya?

Ted: No, sir.

Capt. Logan: I spoke to your principal today, Ted. He said you're failing history.

Ted: Me and Bill...

Capt. Logan: He also said that if fail history, you flunk out of school. You know what that would mean, don't ya, Ted?

Ted: That I would have to go to Oates Military Acadamy, sir.

Capt. Logan: Uh-huh. I spoke to Colonel Oates this morning. He's anxious to meet you, Ted.