Capt. Howard Quotes in Bad Boys II (2003)

Capt. Howard: I've got a Police Commissioner so far up my ass, if he spits it's coming out of my mouth.

Capt. Howard: [after the morgue car chase] I can't believe you guys. Do you get up in the morning, call each other up - "Good morning, Marcus." "Good morning, Mike." "How you doin'?" "Ai'ight." "So, how are we going to fuck up the captain's life today?" "Gee, I don't know, I don't know... Ooh, look! Over there. Let's kill three fat people and leave them on the street?"

Mike Lowery: They were dead before we ran over them.

Capt. Howard: It doesn't matter if they were dead or not, goddamn it! Every time you leave a corpse on the street, I have to get these detective guys to come in and see what happened. See? They're detecting shit. Then I've gotta get these forensic coroner guys to stick 'em back in the fucking bag! Jesus Christ!

Capt. Howard: [reading the damage report from the car chase against the Haitians with Mike and Marcus present] 22 cars and a boat, totalled? How did hell you sink a boat?

Marcus Burnett: [while ingested with ecstasy, Marcus is wearing Captain Howard's robe walking downstairs talking on the phone, In Howard's home] I love it when you call me bunny lobe.

Mike Lowery: SHIT!

Marcus Burnett: Yeah girl, you should see this sexy shit I got on.

Capt. Howard: Who the hell are you talking to?

Marcus Burnett: Vargas and Rub... Reyes. They said they down for whatever.

Capt. Howard: You guys are like a couple of blood sucking ticks, draining the life's blood out of this department... Woosaa!

Marcus Burnett: Damn the woosaa captain, did you just call me a tick?

Capt. Howard: [motioning to Mike] I was referring to him.

[after Mike and Marcus's latest massive gunfight/car chase,in Captain Howard's office ]

Capt. Howard: [trying to stay calm] So, you got the drugs.

[they shake their heads]

Capt. Howard: No drugs. Oh, okay. What about the money?

[they shake theirs heads]

Capt. Howard: No money. Well then, who's this x-man?

Marcus Burnett: Captain, I was at a family barbecue...

Mike Lowery: We don't know, but we are going to find out.

Capt. Howard: [points to the TV news] Well then, all that... was for nothing?

Mike Lowery: Oh, we didn't do *all* of that.

Mike Lowery: Look, Captain, these were not normal corpses.

Capt. Howard: If I threw you out of moving truck and then ran over your head, you wouldn't be normal either!

Capt. Howard: CHRIST! Fuck!

Marcus Burnett: [soothingly] Captain! Remember your pressure points...

Mike Lowery: [while in Howard's office] We got a tip that the Zopehounders were gonna do a hit on cash or drugs from this big time X-man.

Marcus Burnett: That's what they call an ecstasy dealer on the streets.

Capt. Howard: Marcus, I know what they call them. That's why I'm Captain.

Capt. Howard: I've got so much brass up my ass that I can play the Star Spangled Banner.

Mike Lowery: [in Captain Howard's office] Captain, is it possible we can discuss potential reimbursement...

Capt. Howard: The department doesn't cover personal property, that's why we drive police cars.