Caleb Quotes in Jumanji (1995)
[1869, Benjamin and Caleb are burying a chest]
Benjamin: What if someone digs it up?
Caleb: [dramatically] May God have mercy on his soul.
Caleb: They're not dead until we find them dead. Or part of them, anyway.
Tris: Our parents would be ashamed of you.
Caleb: Well, maybe not. I mean, I am willing to sacrifice you, the only family I have left, the only person I love, in order to preserve what's best for everyone else. What's more selfless than that?
Caleb: I thought she was dead.
Tris: Me, too.
Tris: What does Jeanine think is in that box, Caleb?
Caleb: It's a message from the Founders. But the box was to be opened only if the Faction System broke down, which is why it requires someone like you to open it. You are living proof that the Divergent problem has grown beyound all control.
North: [Caleb looks out the window to see three of the Guardians riding a sleigh on the street where his house is, sliding down a patch of ice] Merry Christmas!
Bunnymund: Happy Easter!
Tooth: Don't forget to floss!
Caleb: [Caleb sees Cupcake sitting on a smaller toy sled in her pink nightgown, giggling and cheering] Cupcake!... What the...?
Caleb: There were no F names in the Bible so Ma named him Frankincense because he smelled so sweet.
Ruth: [Caleb is helping her bring food to the table] If you'll just follow me.
Caleb: To the ends of the earth.
Milly: Raise your hat. What's the matter, Caleb?
Caleb: My hair ain't combed.
Caleb: Can't make no vows to a herd of cows.
Milly: Which one is Ephraim and which is Daniel?
Ephraim, Daniel: Me.
Milly: Y'all live around here?
Caleb: Not round, here.
Adam: This is my brother Caleb.
Milly: How are you brother Caleb?
Adam: This is Milly, my wife.
Caleb: Your wife? Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle! Hey Dan, he did it, he got married!
Ray: Mummy, the doggy and the bear are dancing.
Caleb: Like you and daddy.
[the dog is humping the teddy bear]
Rafe Guttman: Sorry Katherine, but that wasn't your brother anymore.
Caleb: Wrong! I'll always be your brother, sis.
Rafe Guttman: Katherine, run from your brother.
[as the boys leave for their date, Gwen decides Caleb can be had]
Marc: Goodbye, Gwen.
Caleb: Uh, bye, Gwen.
[the door closes]
Caleb: Are you looking for Mr. Right Now?
Kyle: Please. I'll settle for Mr. Five Minutes Ago.
Caleb: I'm gonna circumcise your fucking neck!
Caleb: What the hell are you making?
Kyle: Sausages. Big. Fat. Sausages.
Caleb: Dude, people don't eat sausages. You're supposed to make like spaghetti or some shit.
Kyle: Fine. You wanna cook?
Caleb's wifey: [watching Caleb bring another body in the back door of their house] Oh not another one!
Caleb: What are you babbling about?
Caleb: Did you program her to flirt with me?
Nathan: If I did, would that be cheating?
Caleb: Wouldn't it?
Nathan: Caleb, what's your type?
Caleb: Of girl?
Nathan: No, salad dressing. Yeah, of girl; what's your type of girl? You know what, don't even answer that. Let's say its black chicks. Okay, that's your thing. For the sake of argument, that's your thing, okay? Why is that your thing? Because you did a detailed analysis of all racial types and you cross-referenced that analysis with a points-based system? No! You're just attracted to black chicks. A consequence of accumulated external stimuli that you probably didn't even register as they registered with you.
Caleb: Did you program her to like me, or not?
Nathan: I programmed her to be heterosexual, just like you were programmed to be heterosexual.
Caleb: Nobody programmed me to be straight.
Nathan: You decided to be straight? Please! Of course you were programmed, by nature or nurture or both and to be honest, Caleb, you're starting to annoy me now because this is your insecurity talking, this is not your intellect.
Nathan: C'mon buddy. After a long day of Turing tests you gotta unwind.
Caleb: What were you doing with Ava?
Caleb: You tore up her picture.
Nathan: I'm gonna tear up the fucking dance floor, dude. Check it out.
Caleb: [Quoting J. Robert Oppenheimer who cites the Hindu Gita] "I am become death, The Destroyer of Worlds."
Caleb: You hacked the world's cell phones?
Nathan: Yeah. And all the manufacturers knew I was doing it, too. But they couldn't accuse me without admitting they were doing it themselves.
Nathan: [points to painting] You know this guy, right?
Caleb: Jackson Pollock.
Nathan: Jackson Pollock. That's right. The drip painter. Okay. He let his mind go blank, and his hand go where it wanted. Not deliberate, not random. Some place in between. They called it automatic art. Let's make this like Star Trek, okay? Engage intellect.
Caleb: Excuse me?
Nathan: I'm Kirk. Your head's the warp drive. Engage intellect. What if Pollock had reversed the challenge. What if instead of making art without thinking, he said, "You know what? I can't paint anything, unless I know exactly why I'm doing it." What would have happened?
Nathan: He never would have made a single mark.
Caleb: Yes! You see, there's my guy, there's my buddy, who thinks before he opens his mouth. He never would have made a single mark.
Nathan: The challenge is not to act automatically. It's to find an action that is not automatic. From painting, to breathing, to talking, to fucking. To falling in love...
Nathan: And for the record, Ava's not pretending to like you. And her flirting isn't an algorithm to fake you out. You're the first man she's met that isn't me. And I'm like her dad, right? Can you blame her for getting a crush on you?
Caleb: Did you design Ava's face based on my pornography profile?
Nathan: Oh. Shit, dude.
Caleb: Did you?
Nathan: Hey, if a search engine's good for anything, right?
Nathan: Over the next few days you're going to be the human component in a Turing test.
Caleb: Holy shit!
Nathan: Yeah, that's right, Caleb. You got it. Because if the test is passed, you are dead center of the greatest scientific event in the history of man.
Caleb: If you've created a conscious machine, it's not the history of man. That's the history of gods.
Caleb: [talking about ending the project] It's not up to me...
Ava: Why is it up to anyone?
Ava: Will you stay here?
Caleb: Stay here? AVA!
Caleb: How long until we get to his estate?
Pilot: [laughs] We've been flying over his estate for the past 2 hours.
Caleb: It's obvious, once I stop to think.
Caleb: Some people believe language exists from birth. And what is learned is the ability to attach words and structure to the latent ability.
Nathan: Caleb, what's your type?
Caleb: Of girl?
Nathan: No, salad dressing!
Nathan: You know, I wrote down that other line you came up with. The one about how if I've invented a machine with consciousness, I'm not a man, I'm a God.
Caleb: I don't think that's exactly what I...
Nathan: I just thought, "Fuck, man, that is so good." When we get to tell the story, you know? I turned to Caleb and he looked up at me and he said, "You're not a man, you're a God."
Caleb: Yeah, but I didn't say that.
Caleb: So what? You want me to talk about myself?
Caleb: Where... Okay, where do I start?
Ava: It's your decision.
Ava: I'm interested to see what you'll choose.
Caleb: Why did you give her sexuality? An AI doesn't need a gender. She could have been a grey box.
Nathan: Actually I don't think that's true. Can you give an example of consciousness at any level, human or animal, that exists without a sexual dimension?
Caleb: They have sexuality as an evolutionary reproductive need.
Nathan: What imperative does a grey box have to interact with another grey box? Can consciousness exist without interaction? Anyway, sexuality is fun, man. If you're gonna exist, why not enjoy it? You want to remove the chance of her falling in love and fucking? And the answer to your real question, you bet she can fuck.
Nathan: In between her legs, there's an opening, with a concentration of sensors. You engage them in the right way, creates a pleasure response. So if you wanted to screw her, mechanically speaking, you could. And she'd enjoy it.
Caleb: That wasn't my real question.
Nathan: Oh, okay. Sorry.
Nathan: It's like these power cuts. You would not believe how much I spent on the generator system, but I keep getting failures every day.
Caleb: Do you know why they happen?
Nathan: No. The system was supposed to be bulletproof, but obviously, the guys that installed it fucked something up.
Caleb: Can't you just get them to come back?
Nathan: No. There's too much classified stuff here. So after the job was done, I just had them all killed.
[smiles at Caleb]
Caleb: It's just in the Turing test, the machine should be hidden from the examiner.
Nathan: No, no. We're way past that. If I hid Ava from you so you could just hear her voice, she would pass for human. The real test is to show you that she's a robot and then see if you still feel she has consciousness.
Caleb: Yeah, I think you're probably right.
Nathan: Man, but what a thing we've shared, huh? Something to tell our grandchildren, right?
Caleb: After they've sign their NDAs.
Nathan: [laughs] Yeah, their NDAs... Dude, you crack me up, man.
Caleb: Hi. I'm Caleb.
Ava: Hello Caleb.
Caleb: Do you have a name?
Ava: Yes. Ava.
Caleb: I'm pleased to meet you, Ava.
Ava: I'm pleased to meet you too.
Nathan: Buddy, your head's been *so* fucked with.
Caleb: I don't think it's me whose head is fucked.
Nathan: I don't know, man. I woke up this morning to a tape of you slicing your arm open and punching the mirror. You seem pretty fucked up to me.
Caleb: You're a bastard.
Nathan: Yeah, well, I understand why you'd think that. But believe it or not, I'm actually the guy that's on your side.
Nathan: [meeting for the first time] Caleb, I'm just gonna throw this out there, so it's said, okay? You're freaked out.
Caleb: I am?
Nathan: Yeah. You're freaked out, by the helicopter, and the mountains and the house, because it's all so super-cool. And you're freaked out by me, to be meeting me, having this conversation in this room, at this moment. Right? And I get that. I get the moment you're having, but... Dude, can we just get past that? Can we just be two guys? Nathan and Caleb? Not the whole "employer-employee" thing?
Caleb: Yeah, okay.
Caleb: Yes, uh... yeah. It's good to meet you, Nathan.
Nathan: It's good to meet you too, Caleb.
Ava: I've never met anyone new before. Only Nathan.
Caleb: Then I guess we're both in quite a similar position.
Ava: Haven't you met lots of new people before?
Caleb: None like you.
Ava: Would you like to know how old I am?
Ava: I'm one.
Caleb: One what? One year or one day?
Nathan: The answer is, how do you feel about her? Nothing analytical, just... how you feel.
Caleb: I feel... that she is fucking amazing.
Caleb: Her language abilities... they're incredible. The system is stochastic. Right? It's non-deterministic? At first I thought she was mapping from internal semantic form to syntactic tree-structured and then getting linearised words. But then I started to realise the model was some kind of hybrid.
Nathan: I understand that you want me to explain how Ava works, but I'm sorry. I'm not gonna be able to do that.
Caleb: Try me. I'm hot on high-level abstraction.
Nathan: It's not 'cause I think you're too dumb. It's 'cause I want to have a beer and a conversation with you, not a seminar.
Caleb: [laughs nervously] Sorry.
Caleb: Can we talk about the lies you've been spinning me?
Nathan: What lies?
Caleb: I didn't win a competition. I wasn't part of a lottery. I was selected. It's obvious, once I stop to think. Why would you randomly select an examiner for the Turing test? You could have had some bean counter turn up at your front door. The guy who fixes the air-conditioning.
Nathan: The competition was a smokescreen. I didn't want anyone to know what I was doing here, or why I required you.
Caleb: Why me?
Nathan: I needed someone that would ask the right questions. So I did a search and I found the most talented coder in my company. You know, instead of seeing this as a deception, you should see it as proof.
Caleb: Proof of what?
Nathan: Come on, Caleb. You don't think I don't know what it's like to be smart? Smarter than everyone else. Jockeying for position. You got the light on you, man. Not lucky. Chosen.
Nathan: So, do you know what the Turing Test is?
Caleb: Yeah. I know what the Turing Test is. It's when a human interacts with a computer and if the human doesn't know they're interacting with a computer, the test is passed.
Nathan: And what does a pass tell us?
Caleb: That the computer has artificial intelligence.
Caleb: Are you building an AI?
Nathan: I've already built one.
Caleb: I grew up in Portland, Oregon. No brothers or sisters. My parents were both high school teachers. And if we're getting to know each other, I guess I should tell you that they're both dead. Car crash when I was 15. In fact, I was in the car with them. Back seat. But it was the front that got the worst of it.
Ava: I'm sorry.
Caleb: It's alright. I spent a long time in the hospital afterward. Nearly a year and I got into coding. And by the time I got into college, I was pretty advanced.
Ava: An advanced programmer.
Ava: Like Nathan.
Caleb: Yes... No. It's different. Nathan wrote the Blue Book base code when he was 13. Which, if you understand code, what he did was like Mozart or something.
Caleb: I'm still trying to figure the examination formats. Yeah, it feels like testing Ava through conversation is kind of a closed loop.
Nathan: It's a closed loop?
Caleb: Yeah. Like testing a chess computer by only playing chess.
Nathan: How else do you test a chess computer?
Caleb: Well, it depends. You know, I mean, you can play it to find out if it makes good moves, but... but that won't tell you if it knows that it's playing chess. And it won't tell you if it knows what chess is.
Nathan: Uh huh. So it's simulation versus actual.
Caleb: Yes, yeah. And I think being able to differentiate between the two is the Turing Test you want me to perform.
Nathan: Look, do me a favor. Lay off the textbook approach. I just want simple answers to simple questions. Yesterday I asked you how to felt about her and you gave me a great answer. Now the question is, "How does she feel about you?"
Nathan: This building isn't a house. It's a research facility. Buried in these walls is enough fiber optic cable to reach the moon and lasso it. And I want to talk to you about what I'm researching. I want to share it with you. In fact, I wanna share it with you so much, it's eating me up inside. But there's something I need you to do for me first.
Caleb: [reading contract] "Blue Book non-disclosure agreement."
Nathan: Take your time. Read it over.
Caleb: [continues reading] "The signee agrees to regular data audit with unlimited access, to confirm that no disclosure of information has taken place in public or private forums, using any means of communication, including but not limited to that which is disclosed orally or in written or electronic form."
Caleb: I think I need a lawyer.
Nathan: It's standard.
Caleb: It doesn't feel very standard.
Nathan: Okay, it's not standard. What can I tell you, Caleb? You don't have to sign it. You know, we can spend the next few days just shooting pool, getting drunk together, bonding. And when you discover what you've missed out on, in about a year, you're gonna regret it for the rest of your life.
[Caleb signs the contract immediately]
Nathan: Good call.
Nathan: [Kyoko spills wine] Oh, shit! Are you fucking kidding me? Did it get on you?
Caleb: No, no. It's... it's all right. I got it.
Nathan: Dude, you're wasting your time talking to her. She doesn't understand English. Just give her the napkin.
Nathan: It's like a firewall against leaks. It means I can talk trade secrets over dinner and know it'll go no further. It also means that I can't tell her that I'm pissed when she's so fucking clumsy that she spills wine over my house guest.
Caleb: I think she gets that you're pissed.
Nathan: Yeah? Good. Because I am pissed. Hey, Kyoko?
[waves her goodbye]
Caleb: There was one interesting thing that happened today.
Caleb: Yeah. She made a joke.
Nathan: Right. When she threw your line back at you. About being interested to see what she'd choose. Right, I noticed that, too.
Caleb: Yeah, that got me thinking, you know. In a way, that's the best indication of AI that I've seen in her so far. It's discretely complicated. It's like... it's kind of non-autistic.
Nathan: What do you mean?
Caleb: She could only do that with an awareness of her own mind... and also an awareness of mine.
Nathan: Oh, she's aware of you, all right.
Nathan: [speaking about Ava] You're impressed.
Caleb: *Yes. Yes.* Although...
Nathan: There's a qualification to you being impressed?
Caleb: Oh, man. She's fascinating. When you talk to her, you're just... through the looking glass.
Nathan: Through the looking glass? Wow. You're good with words, Caleb. You're quotable.
Caleb: Actually that's someone else's quote.
Nathan: [unbinds tape on fists] To be honest... I thought we'd have... breakfast together, but... I can't really eat anything. I got the mother of all fucking hangovers.
Caleb: Oh, yeah?
Nathan: Oh, my god, like you wouldn't even believe. When I have a heavy night, I... compensate the next morning. Exercise. Antioxidants. You know?
Caleb: Yeah, sure. Was it a good party?
Caleb: Yeah, wasn't there a party?
Caleb: There wasn't a party. Sorry.
Ava: Do you want to be my friend?
Caleb: Of course.
Ava: Will it be possible?
Caleb: Why would it not be?
Ava: Our conversations are one-sided. You ask circumspect questions and study my responses.
Ava: You learn about me and I learn nothing about you. That's not a foundation on which friendships are based.
Caleb: So what? You want me to talk about myself?
Caleb: Where... Okay, where do I start?
Ava: It's your decision. I'm interested to see what you'll choose.
Caleb: Okay, Ava. Well, you know my name
Caleb: I'm 26. I work at Nathan's company. Do you know what Nathan' s company is?
Ava: Blue Book. Named after Wittgenstein's notes. It's the world's most popular internet search engine, processing an average of 94% of all internet search requests.
Caleb: That's exactly right.
Ava: Where do you live, Caleb?
Caleb: Brookhaven, Long Island.
Ava: Is it nice there?
Caleb: It's okay. I got an apartment. It's kind of small. It's very small, but it's a five minute walk to the office and a five minute walk to the ocean, which I like.
Ava: Are you married?
Caleb: Uh... no.
Ava: Is your status single?
Ava: Do you like Mozart?
Caleb: I like Depeche Mode.
Ava: Do you like Nathan?
Caleb: Yes, of course.
Ava: Is Nathan your friend?
Caleb: My friend? I... yeah, I hope so.
Ava: A good friend?
Caleb: Yeah... well, no, no, no... I mean, not a good friend... A good friend is... We only just met each other, you know. So it takes time to be able to... to get to know each other I guess.
Ava: Caleb, you're wrong.
Caleb: Wrong about what?
Caleb: In what way?
Ava: He isn't your friend.
Caleb: Excuse me? I'm sorry, Ava, I don't understand.
Ava: You shouldn't trust him. You shouldn't trust anything he says.
Caleb: You make me nervous.
Jane: You make me calm.
Caleb, Jane: You make me nervous.
Thomasin: [walking gradually toward her sister] I be the witch of the wood.
Mercy: Liar! Liar!
Thomasin: I am.
Caleb: List' not to her, Mercy.
Thomasin: I am that very witch. When I sleep my spirit slips away from my body and dances naked with The Devil. That's how I signed his book.
Thomasin: He bade me bring him an unbaptized babe, so I stole Sam, and I gave him to my master. And I'll make any man or thing else vanish I like.
Caleb: She desires of my blood. She sends 'em upon me. They feed upon her teats, her nether parts. She sends 'em upon me.
Caleb: Mother, I've brought a book, will you look at it with me?
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